A Taste of Spiritual Warfare

17 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Fear, Prayer, Saints, Scripture, Spirituality

Tags

Bible Reflection, Do Not Be Afraid, Fear, God, Holiness, Jesus, John the Baptist, Prayer, Spiritual Warfare, Spirituality, St. Michael the Archangel, Testifying to the Light of Christ

Stained glass of John the Baptist testifying to Christ.

It’s been over three months since I’ve posted anything on Reflections of a Lay Catholic. In a strange way, I wish I could tell you that I’ve been experiencing a dry spell, or had writer’s block, or have just been too busy to post. But, I’d be lying. The truth is I’ve written a half dozen blog-worthy reflections during this last quarter. But, I didn’t post them because I was afraid.

I first began experiencing this fear in May. I didn’t know what it was nor why I was feeling afraid. I posted a few times this summer but each posting took more courage and strength than the one before it. Finally, after my last post in September, I was able to define my fear, and, once I did, I couldn’t make myself post again.

My fear was that when others read my posts, they think that my personal reflections of how I am inspired by seeing God work in my life are attempts to brag at my growth in holiness, that I’m exhibiting a “holier-than-thou” attitude, and that I’m writing for the purpose of having my ego stroked. It wasn’t a fear that had me shaking in my shoes but it was debilitating, nonetheless. I was stymied.

I spent a lot of time rereading my reflections and thinking about how the messages in them might be perceived by my readers. Even though I could find nothing to support why I was afraid, my fear remained strong.

I cautiously ventured to ask some trusted friends if they sensed a lack of humility in my reflections. They answered just the opposite, that my posts gave credit to God working through me. I knew they wouldn’t lie to me but I still doubted them.

I questioned why God chose me to share my faith through my writing. Why didn’t he choose Joe or Steve, or any of the other men who were with me that weekend when we were renewed in Christ? I found some comfort in 1 Corinthians 12:4-6:

“There are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit; there are different forms of service but the same Lord; there are different workings but the same God who produces all of them in everyone.”

Although I believed God had chosen me to share my faith and proclaim His Word to show others how He works in my life so that they can learn to see Him working in their own, I wondered if I was abusing the gift He had given me.

I meditated on why I write and share with others and whether I was being honest with myself. I learned from this that I have two different purposes: I write for myself. But, I post for the potential benefit of others.

I write every day to get more in touch with my own spirituality and I’ve discovered it’s one of the ways I learn. I know if I don’t write it down, I will forget it before the winds of worldly busy-ness whisk it away. During my morning prayer and meditation, I reflect on the scripture and I write what I hear God saying to me. Then I write how that understanding might relate to my life that day. And, finally, I make a resolution to take what I learned and apply it in some way that will make me a better version of myself.

Occasionally, I think, I believe that my inspiration might be worth something to other people. Thus, I try to write my thoughts and insights in such a way that others might find them valuable in building a stronger relationship with Christ. Then, I post, hoping that others may find God’s grace in the little things of their own lives and that they will grow in their own holiness.

Since I retired in May, I have tried to grow in holiness by attending daily mass and by reading and meditating daily on scripture to listen to what God wants me to hear that day. My desire has been to grow holier than I was the day before, not holier than someone else. This regimen has brought immense peace into my life and a closeness to Christ.

In November, while I was meeting with a group of other men, including our Deacon, I opened up about my fear and I mentioned some of these things. After some conversation, our Deacon, who saw that it was no coincidence that my fear and my new prayer life both began in May, asked if I’d considered that perhaps Satan was messing with me since I’d been especially focused on strengthening my relationship with Jesus. I had to admit that thought had never crossed my mind.

I had heard of this phenomenon from many people but had never consciously experienced it myself. In reading the lives of the saints, I’d heard them mention this same thing. I realized I had just had my first taste of spiritual warfare.

After admitting I had not considered the devil sabotaging my spiritual life, I was even more ashamed that I had not done the one thing that would have simplified it all: pray for help and understanding about what was going on. I hadn’t turned to Christ for help; I’d tried to manage it all myself. Later that night, before bed, I did turn to Him in prayer.

The next morning I awoke and took my place in my comfortable chair to spend my time in silence, solitude and meditation. After my regular morning prayers, I went to my phone app to read the daily scripture passages and about the saint of the day. When I clicked on the latter, some quotes by well-known saints popped up:

“When the servant of God endeavors with all his strength to possess and preserve that joyousness of spirit which proceeds from purity of heart, and which is acquired by fervent prayer, the demons may try in vain to hurt him.” – St. Francis of Assisi

“We need to be especially alert to the evil subtlety of Satan. His one desire is to keep people from having a mind and heart disposed to their Lord and God….He wants to extinguish the light of the human heart.” – St. Francis of Assisi

“Proclaim the truth and do not be silent through fear.” – St. Catherine of Sienna

“Do not be afraid. Open wide the doors for Christ.” – Pope Saint John Paul II

I kid you not! God answered my prayers that morning.

Over the last three weeks I’ve been debating how to get started again posting my reflections. I knew if I didn’t begin again, the evil one would win this round. I wasn’t sure how to resume and, to be honest, I’ve been procrastinating. Until today.

At mass this morning, I heard the lector read from Isaiah 61, “He has sent me to bring glad tidings to the poor…”, and the purpose of my reflections came to mind.

In the Psalm, I repeated, “My soul rejoices in my God” and I gave thanks for the relationship we have.

In the second reading, 1 Thes 5:18, I heard, “In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus”, and it occurred to me that I had not thanked God for this long and painful experience. I thanked Him.

In the Gospel, John 1:6-7, I heard our priest proclaim, “A man named John was sent from God. He came for testimony, to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him.” I couldn’t help but think that this was God telling me it’s time for me to get off high center. It’s time for me to resume testifying to the light of Christ. My daily resolution was to write and post this, to alert others to the devil’s designs, and to get it behind me so I can move forward.

After mass I sat down to complete my daily meditation before beginning to write. I read the day’s reflection by Fr. Francis Fernandez from In Conversation with God, Vol. 1, 114, “What is more, we should have no opportunities at all for growing in virtue if we had no obstacles to overcome.”

Ain’t that the truth!

“Thank You, Lord, for Your love. Thank You for Your gentle ways of teaching. Thank You for Your patience as I learn to love You more. Lord, help me to never stop pointing others to you and witnessing the truth of Your Word and grace. Amen.”

“St. Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.”

(A Taste of Spiritual Warfare was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)
©2013-2017 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Ephphetha – Be Open!

07 Monday Sep 2015

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Scripture

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Baptism, Ephphatha, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Isaiah 35:4-6, Mark 7:32-36

“³²And people brought to him a deaf man who had a speech impediment and begged him to lay his hand on him. ³³He took him off by himself away from the crowd. He put his finger into the man’s ears and, spitting, touched his tongue; ³⁴then he looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him, “Ephphetha!” – that is, “Be opened!”. ³⁵And immediately the man’s ears were opened, his speech impediment was removed, and he spoke plainly. ³⁶He ordered them not to tell anyone. But the more he ordered them not to, the more they proclaimed it.” – Mark 7:32-36 (NAB)

When I heard this Gospel reading yesterday morning at St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Muncie, Indiana I couldn’t help but think back to April 2013. I will never forget the day when I first heard this scripture passage – the morning of Easter Saturday. Later that night, after my baptism, first communion and confirmation, I became Catholic.

I wrote about the experience a few days later in my first ever blog post, My First Easter Vigil Mass. Thinking back to that post, my focus was on verses 35 and 36 – why did Jesus not want those whom he healed to tell anyone? But, this Sunday, my mind settled on the last two words of verse 34, “Be opened!”

Just minutes before my attention was captured by those two words, I heard the first reading from Isaiah in the Old Testament:

“⁴Say to those whose hearts are frightened: Be strong, fear not! Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you. ⁵Then will the eyes of the blind be opened, the ears of the deaf be cleared; ⁶then will the lame leap like a stag, then the tongue of the mute will sing.” – Isaiah 35:4-6 (NAB)

So, when the Deacon read, “Be opened!”, I had a slight epiphany. I knew that Jesus meant more than to cease being deaf and dumb when he cured the man. He meant exactly what the celebrant says at a child’s baptism, “The Lord Jesus made the deaf hear and the dumb speak. May he soon touch your ears to receive his word, and your mouth to proclaim his faith, to the praise and glory of God the Father.”

Ever since that April two years ago, I have tried earnestly to be open to God’s Word and to proclaim my faith. I have made that effort not because I remembered and tried to live up to that which the celebrant prayed over me at my baptism, but because I wanted to, and because it was what I know is right.

Now, looking back, I began to wonder if I have given it my all. Have I been as open to His Word as I could be? Have I studied and tried to understand as much as I ought? Have I shied away from professing my faith to others because of the fear of not knowing enough to defend myself? Have I helped others to better understand and strengthen their faith or have I been laissez-faire in evangelizing?

The answer, of course, is, regardless of how well I’ve done, I can still do better.

When was the last time you asked yourself those questions?

“Lord God, thank You for all I’ve learned in the last two years. But, I need Your help to continue to do better. Please, help me to always be open to and understand Your Word. And, give me courage to proclaim my faith and help others live theirs. Amen.”

(Ephphatha – Be Open! was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2015 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Put Your Faith Where Your Prayer Is

10 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith, Fear, Hope, Prayer, Reconciliation, Scripture

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Faith, Fear, God-moments, Hope, Jason Gray, Mary, Prayer, Reconciliation, Rosary

Photo: Catholicexchange.com

On January 5^th I became a grandfather for the second time. My grandson, Jack, and his parents came home from the hospital on the 7^th. On the evening of the 8^th Jack stopped breathing.

My wife, Melinda, was holding him when the event occurred. Her sister, Barbara, who is an RN, and her husband, Dave, a physician, had stopped by to visit and see the new arrival as they were driving from South Dakota to St. Louis. They helped revive him. The EMTs arrived and whisked Jack to the hospital where he spent the next 17 days undergoing a plethora of tests. Jack is home now and doing well.

But, this story really isn’t about Jack. I needed to set the stage with his life-threatening event in order to relate the life-changing experience I had because of it.

In my life I have had no major tragedies, and only one significant infirmity, within my immediate family. Thus, after Melinda phoned me the next morning, I wasn’t as cool and collected as I had been trained to be in emergency situations. Panicked would be a better adjective. I prepared to go home, pack a bag, and start the ten hour drive from Ohio to Kansas City. But first, I sent an email to friends from church and to the coordinator of our parish prayer chain describing the situation and asking for prayers.

I’ve never driven so far with something so heavy weighing on my heart and mind. Before I reached Indianapolis I found myself crying, fraught with fear for Jack’s health and grief for Lisa and Joe. I felt helpless. I’m a man and an engineer. One of my jobs is to fix problems. Not knowing how to fix little Jack nor how to comfort my daughter was eating me up.

At a rest stop just past Indy I checked my phone for emails. Angie, a dear friend back home, emailed saying she believed that Jack’s guardian angel was with him the night before. Had he been lying down instead of being held, he could have stopped breathing with no one the wiser. Then, she stressed that Barb and Dave were there by no mere coincidence. She believed they were sent there by God at just the moment Jack needed them. Her message was so positive and encouraging, and she lifted my spirits.

But, by the time I reached Illinois I was again in a state of despair. Searching the console between the seats for a napkin to wipe my tears, I found, instead, one of my rosaries. I don’t know how it got there; I don’t remember putting it there. I am not accomplished at praying the Rosary but I sensed I was meant to find that rosary at that moment, and, if there was ever a time to ask Our Lady to intercede and help me in my prayers to Jesus, I felt this was it.

It was Friday and the Sorrowful Mysteries were to be prayed. I contemplated the first Mystery, The Agony of Jesus in the Garden, and read, “In praying to the Father, Jesus found strength, trust, and an angel was sent to comfort Him. So, Jesus will be your comforting angel. It’s as He said to us, ‘Why do you worry in your difficulties? Be strong in Me; look to your God in your most troubled hour, and you will be triumphant.’”

The second Mystery, The Scourging of Jesus at the Pillar, reminded me to bear my pain for the love of our Lord. The third Mystery, The Crowning with Thorns, suggested, “He seems to say to us, ‘Why do you despair when you suffer? Is that the way you love me? Meditate about my passions.’ Let us ask for the gift of patience in our suffering.”

In the fourth Mystery, The Carrying of the Cross, I contemplated how Jesus accepted His suffering out of His love for us. I thought about how His Mother, Mary, must have felt as they met on the road to Calvary. “Oh, how Her Heart must have ached.” I felt we had something in common.

And, finally, as I prayed the fifth Mystery, The Crucifixion and Death of Jesus, I was reminded of Jesus’ words to his disciple just before He died, “Behold your Mother”, and how He wishes that we depend on Her Immaculate Heart for a refuge.

Over the next couple hours I thought much about these messages. I didn’t know how to “give it up”, so I prayed fervently for the Lord to help me help Jack and his parents.

West of St. Louis I took my rosary in hand and prayed again. This time I asked the Lord to take away my pain and suffering or, at least, let me bear it so that Jack and his parents would not have to.

I arrived at the hospital in time to see Jack for a few minutes before visiting hours were over. Seeing him connected to all those wires and tubes was difficult. But, seeing the fear in Lisa’s and Joe’s eyes was even more so.

That night, before bed, I prayed for God to help them and to help me know what to do.

On Saturday morning I saw an article on social media about self-pity and how we need to look to God instead of to ourselves. This drifted in and out of my conscious thoughts the rest of the morning.

Also that morning, I discovered a headlight out on my car. I didn’t need that, but I knew it would need repairing before heading home the next day. I spent a few precious minutes with Jack back at the hospital before I left for the dealership. Standing there, unable to hold him, I still felt helpless. I knew Lisa felt the same way.

On my way to the dealership, I recalled Angie’s note, the messages I received from praying the Rosary, the message about self-pity, and my despair of not knowing what to do. Then, with the images of Jack wired to the monitors, and the concern on my daughter’s face, my emotions reached a climax. I’m not sure how to explain what happened next. I think I realized it was all beyond me, that only God could help. I think, in my heart, I finally gave it up to Him. I say “I think” because, in the nanosecond in which I made that leap of faith, I went from bewilderment to immediate, unprecedented, and intense joy. I instantly began praying, “Thank you, Jesus, thank you!” In that moment when I had unconsciously placed my trust in Him, He told me Jack was going to be okay. I also knew that my faith had finally become more than words.

Over the next couple hours, He reinforced my faith with more God-moments. Afraid I was likely to have a wreck, I got control of my emotions. I turned on the stereo and the first song I heard was one from Jason Gray, A Way to See in the Dark¹:

“Here I am begging for certainty again / But simple trust is what You’re asking me to give…

“The question mark hung at the end of every fear / Is answered by the promise that You are with me here / And that’s all I’ve got when the lights go out and I lose my way / So, I’ll close my eyes, I won’t be afraid, I won’t be afraid.

“And, I’ll reach for your hand in the night / When the shadows swallow the light / ‘Cause I’m giving up, giving in / Once again a childlike faith is my only way to see in the dark….”

I have listened to this song hundreds of times but this was the first time I actually heard its message. It was like Jesus telling me, “Son, how many times do I have to tell you to trust in Me?”

At the moment I pulled into the dealership I received a text from Eric, a friend back home, saying he was praying for Jack and the rest of us. This text was special because Eric is the one person I know who routinely says, “Let go and let God.” It was as if he intuitively knew I had just done so for the first time in my life.

Preparing for a long wait, I grabbed my rosary and a devotional from my back pack. Since it was Saturday, the Joyful Mysteries were the prayers of the day (Coincidence? I don’t think so!). My take-away message from this Rosary was, “In the difficulties of life, the only safety is finding Jesus and never again leaving his great love.”

I had not taken time that morning to read Saturday’s scriptures. The first reading for January 10^th included 1 John 5:14-15, and said, “Beloved: We have this confidence in him that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in regard to whatever we ask, we know that what we have asked him for is ours.” God was telling me again, “Trust me!”

The Gospel for that day, included John 3:30: “He must increase; I must decrease.” It was a reminder to look constantly to Jesus instead of inwardly with self-pity like I had the last day and a half.

From my devotional for January 10th I read: “Practice trusting Me during quiet days, when nothing much seems to be happening. Then when storms come, your trust balance will be sufficient to see you through. Store up for yourself treasure in heaven, through placing your trust in Me. This practice will keep you in My Peace.”²

I thought, “Okay, Lord, I get it now. In one hour, You have, in several ways, affirmed there is no such thing as despair if I will only put my faith and hope in You.”

Finally, I read the daily reflection from Presentation Ministries. It referenced 1 John 5:16 saying, “Many have not had Christmas because they have not repented of sin in their lives. Through the Lord’s forgiveness, they will be given Christmas just before the season ends. On this second to last day of the Christmas season, go to Confession. For so many, Confession is the key to Christmas.”

At 2:10 p.m. my car was repaired. I wanted to get back to the hospital to see more of Jack, but, I now felt pulled to go to Reconciliation. I found the Queen of the Holy Rosary Church was on my route back to the hospital and they had Confession at 2:30 p.m. I arrived there at 2:27 p.m. After relating my story to the priest and confessing my sin of not trusting God, he assigned me a penance to say a prayer of Thanksgiving.

When I returned to the hospital and saw the little man again I knew in my heart he was going to be okay. I didn’t know when but I knew, in God’s time, he would be. I felt the positive power of hundreds of prayers being said for him. I was at peace.

It is in these God-moments, when the Lord reveals Himself to me, that I feel closest to Him. I now know what Eric means by, “Let go and let God.” I know what trusting in Him means. And, I now know how to put my faith where my prayer is.

(Put Your Faith Where Your Prayer Is was first published in Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

¹ A Way To See In the Dark, ©2011 Centricity Music Publishing, (ASCAP)/Nothing is Wasted Music (ASCAP)/Simply Complex Songs (SESAC)/Countermechanical Music (SESAC)/Centric Songs (SESAC), words and music by Jason Gray, Doug McKelvey, and Seth Mosley.

Heart on Fire

29 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Love, Prayer, Renewal, Scripture

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Faith, Fear, God-moments, Grace, HolySpirit, Love, Prayer, Renewal

Ever since I became a Christian people have asked me two questions about my conversion. The first question has been along the lines of, “What was it that convinced you to give up your search for hard proof and accept on faith Christ’s saving Grace and God’s Word?”; and the second has been, “How did it feel when you discovered the Truth?”

My answer to the first question has always been easy for me to explain. Simply put, it was God bringing to fruition my deepest and longest held desires within hours after my witnessing the positive power of prayer and, because of what I had seen and heard, deciding to take a leap of faith by getting down on my knees and praying to Him for help in making those dreams come true.

But, I’ve always had difficulty answering the second question. With respect to Him answering those particular prayers, I certainly felt immense relief and tremendous joy. But, how did I feel about the fact that He answered my prayers at all? That’s a totally different feeling and the one I’ve struggled with adequately describing.

Even as late as this last Sunday, when I related my story in a witness I gave at a men’s Christ Renews His Parish retreat at our church, I still couldn’t do it justice. I know I was amazed, but amazement is a condition of the mind, and there was more to it than that. It felt more like an affair of the heart than of the mind. It was like an instantaneous falling in love and then feeling that same love being reciprocated.

Then, on Monday, in a God-moment, I found the best answer I can expect to find.

I was flying from Chicago to Houston and I couldn’t sleep because the lady behind me, bless her heart, could not keep her two year old son from screaming the entire three hours of the flight. So, I pulled out my bible and opened it to a random page. That page happened to be the start of chapter 24 of the Gospel of Luke. Starting at verse 13, Luke recalls Christ’s Appearance to the two Disciples on the road to Emmaus. After Jesus said the blessing and broke bread with the Disciples, and their eyes were suddenly opened and they realized it was Jesus with whom they had been walking and talking, He disappeared from them.

“Then, they said to each other, ‘Were not our hearts burning within us while he spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?’” – Luke 24:32 NAB

That is precisely what happened that weekend in April 2012. Through the men of that Christ Renews giving team, Jesus, by the Light of the Holy Spirit, opened the scriptures to me and set my heart aflame. That’s how it felt when I discovered the Truth – my heart was on fire. And, it still is.

After saying a little prayer of Thanksgiving for this revelation, I pondered why this happened to me. To this I came up with my own answer: my heart was open to the truth that weekend two and a half years ago. I was tired of fighting it, tired of trying to do everything on my own and getting nowhere. By deciding to go on that retreat I cracked the door open enough to let God into my life.

But, more specifically, I wondered why it doesn’t happen to more people. In thinking about my own life up to that point, I saw where there are varying degrees of unbelievers. There are those who are just outside the margin, like I was most of my life. Then there are the unbelievers who fight hard to not believe. Their doors are not just shut, they have deadbolts on them. The first might be perpetuated by a certain laziness or simple self-reliance, but I think the latter is due to fear. Fear of being wrong. Either way, I know now that folks on both those shores are missing the boat. And, in doing so, they are missing out on that wonderful feeling of burning love within their hearts.

It’s ironic, though, that all it takes to get that feeling is to give in to the One you have fought so hard against, and to open your heart a crack, just enough to let the Light shine in.

That’s our challenge as Christians in trying to bring others to Christ. How do we convince them to not be afraid, to see that there is goodness in the Alternative, and that life is so much easier and sweeter when the locks have been removed and their hearts are freely open?

“Lord Jesus, I am so grateful for Your presence in my life. Thank You for Your patience, for waiting for me to open my heart so that You could set it afire. Lord, I pray that, as Your disciple and through Your good Graces, I am able to convince those who are afraid, and those who are sitting on the fence, to open their hearts to You. Amen.”

©2014 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Keep Close to You

08 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Hope

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Faith, Fear, Hope, Love

It’s been an awkward and mopey evening. As my daughter, Grace, has been laboring to clean her room and decide what to pack and load in the car for our trip to Mississippi State University tomorrow to begin her college career, I found myself continuing to wrestle with the various emotions that have been plaguing me the last few days.

The singer, Suzy Bogguss, in one of her hits from the 90’s sang, “I’ve had 18 years to get ready for this day.” I’ve never liked that song because it has always made me cry.

This is my fourth time around and I’ve never been ready to turn loose of any one of my four daughters. You’d think that by the time I got to the fourth and last one I’d have this business down pat. Wrong.

There is one thing a little different this time than there was with her three sisters before her. It’s not concern about whether or not she knows how much I love her. I know she knows.

It’s not fear about her safety and me not being there to protect her. I have faith that the university will provide the necessary safety.

It’s not doubts about whether or not I’ve done all I can do to prepare her for her new independence. She’s the most independent of all my daughters.

No, the thing that’s different this time around has nothing to do with Grace at all. It’s me. I’m Catholic, which is something I was not when my other three daughters went off to college. Her spiritual health has become very important to me.

And, so, with Grace, I’ve found myself worrying if she will stick with her faith or fall to the temptations of secularism? Will she slowly drift away from God and lose touch with Jesus or will she continue to receive the Holy Eucharist weekly? Will she turn to Him in times of need instead of turning to the negative influences so prevalent in college? Will she put her faith into action or will she let it get soft and unrecognizable?

This evening, as she’s been sorting through stacks of clothes and years of mementos trying to decide what to take, I’ve been fumbling with how to start a conversation, without appearing overbearing and pushy, from which I can gauge her intentions. So, on my umpteenth time to try and break through my anxiety, I found myself staring down at a pile of items she was choosing to leave behind. In that pile were two plastic, yellow Rosaries. My heart sank a little.

Trying to be nonchalant I asked, “Are you leaving these Rosaries here?” to which she responded affirmatively. My heart sank a little further.

Then, she followed up with, “I have like six Rosaries and I’m just taking the better and nicer ones with me.”

“Lord, I can hear you chuckling now over the fun you had with me – teaching me softly to trust in you, to admit that I’ve done about all I can do as a father, and accept that Grace will soon be fully in your care. But, Lord, I still pray that, with her new-found freedom, she will exercise her free will in such a way that she will Keep Close to You.”

(The post Keep Close to You was first published on Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

The Still Small Voice of Discernment

25 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Discernment, Fear

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Discernment, Fear

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, Who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” – James 1:5

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew you needed to do something but you weren’t sure exactly what that something should be, and you also knew that, whichever option you chose, you would be afraid to do it?

As I’m writing this, many men and women I know who are participating in the preparation for a Christ Renews His Parish weekend are in the process this week of “discerning” what their role will be on the weekend. Having been through the process twice I know it can be quite daunting to think about speaking in front of, and witnessing to, people you don’t know on a subject that may be very personal. You have on one side a voice calling you to, “Do this, it’s the right thing to do”. And, then, you hear another voice saying, “No, don’t do that, you’re putting yourself out there and the risk of failure is too great!”

The first time I was faced with discerning what action I should take, I have to admit I had no idea what the word “discernment” meant. It was not in my vocabulary. Instead of looking it up in the dictionary to find that its definition according to Webster is, “The quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure”, I guessed it was more like playing poker – you close your eyes and try to imagine through some kind of ESP if you want to draw the next card. Go ahead and laugh, that’s the truth. It actually worked for me because it took fear out of the equation and reduced it to pure dumb luck. But, most folks aren’t quite the spiritual neophyte that I am.

So, how do you choose between discerning the right thing to do and letting fear talk you out of it?

I was reading the other day in a blog that I follow by author Allison Vesterfelt in which she discussed in her new book The Chase, the difference between fear of failure and one’s discernment that a direction is the right way to go. She writes:

“There is a distinct difference, although sometimes the line between them is thin and fuzzy. If you ignore the first [fear of failure], you’ll find [freedom]. If you ignore the second [discernment], you may get the opposite – a circumstance that crushes your spirit and steals your life.

“I definitely don’t have all the answers in this area, but there is one thing I’ve learned by making mistakes on both sides. Fears are loud, and discernment is quiet. Generally, when I’m trying to make a decision between going this way, or going that way, my fears are screaming to me, warning me about all the possible dangers ahead. My discernment, on the other hand, is whispering to me, softly: that isn’t the way.

“It seems weird that it would be this way, if you ask me. I wish my fears would be the quiet voices, and that discernment would be loud. It would make so much more sense. After all, my fears are so often lying to me, and I can trust my discernment to tell the truth. But one thing I’ve learned by listening to the quiet voice of my discernment over the loud voice of my fear is this: in order to hear, I have to get quiet, and lean in to where the voice is coming from.

“I don’t know if God intended it this way or not, but either way, I’ve found it to be really helpful. Practicing the discipline of tuning out my fears and tuning into my discernment actually brings me into intimacy with Jesus. It quiets the noise and sheds the distractions. It brings Him close to me, and me close to Him. And the closeness and intimacy we develop in that space, I’m finding, is actually the only thing I need in order to move forward in my journey.”

The quiet voice of discernment, she says? Where had I heard that before?

I was driving to Nashville, Tennessee this morning listening to one of my favorite CDs, Jason Gray’s, A Way To See In The Dark , and I noticed the lyrics of two songs had something in common. In both, the songwriter mentions a still, small voice.

In the first, Fear is Easy, Love is Hard, he writes:

“It comes down to a simple choice,

Shouting devils, or a still, small voice.

One is spreading fear and dread

Oh, but Love has always said

‘Do not be afraid.’”

In the second, Without Running Away, he writes:

“After a while in the dark, your eyes will adjust,

In the shadows you’ll find the hand you can trust,

And the still, small voice that calls like the rising sun,

‘Come, and bring your heart to every day

And run the risk of fearlessly loving

Without running away.’”

Like Ms. Vesterfelt, he suggests that the devil is the source of the loud shouting behind the fear that is telling us not to do something, but it is Jesus, with His love, who is trying to catch our attention with His quiet whispers, His still, small voice, and that if we place our trust in Him, we can do the right thing even if it is that which we fear to do.

Is this how you have experienced determining what you should do?

For my friends who are discerning this week what role you are being called to play in your ministry, I pray you find it easy to lean in to the quiet, still small voice of Jesus and tune out the loud, fear inducing shouts by the devil of doubt.

God Bless you.

Fear is Easy, Love is Hard (1) / Nothing is Wasted (2)

16 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Prayer

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Boston Marathon, Fear, Jason Gray, Love

“Turn on the T.V. for the evening news / They got plenty of fear and nothing to do / Another somebody’s gone too far / Makes you want to put up your guard / Fear is easy, love is hard”.

These song lyrics by Christian singer/songwriter Jason Gray came over my car stereo this evening as I was in the middle of a two-hour drive on a business trip. The sadness in them could not have been more appropriate or timely. Like most every other American on this fifteenth day of April, 2013 my mind was on the senseless terroristic acts of violence that unfolded today in Boston, Massachusetts during the Boston Marathon. I intentionally chose not to listen to any more news reports – I had heard enough and nothing they said could change what had happened. My thoughts vacillated between anger at whoever was responsible for the death and destruction, and heartfelt sympathy for all the human beings who were tragically affected. It was painful to think in the present.

It was no less painful when flashback images and emotions from September 11^th, 2001 coursed through my heart and mind’s eye. But, one of the advantages of my age is in understanding that history tends to repeat itself and, thus, if you pay attention and learn as you go, you are better prepared for when evil will again, inevitably, raise its ugly head. I no longer believe in coincidence, so when the next song on the CD, Nothing is Wasted, came up I smiled for the first time in a couple hours:

“The hurt that broke your heart / And left you trembling in the dark / Feeling lost and alone / Will tell you hope’s a lie / But what if every tear you cry / Will seed the ground where joy will grow / And Nothing is Wasted / It’s from the deepest wounds / That beauty finds a place to bloom / And you will see before the end / That every broken piece is / Gathered in the heart of Jesus / And what’s lost will be found again / And Nothing is Wasted….”

There’s no doubt we Americans have been down this road before. To forget or not use what we learned almost twelve years ago would indeed be a waste. So, my thoughts turned to the future and I wondered, “What are we going to do about this?” I’ve learned there are many things about which I can do absolutely nothing. How to tackle the issue of terrorism is one of those things. Our government is supposed to do that for us. A terrorist’s most lethal weapon is their hatred for what is good and just, and the primary goal of terrorism is to spread fear and that same hatred. Their bombs are simply a means to that end. Let the government figure out how to stop them from using their physical weapons.

But, as citizens, and Christians, we have learned we can do something. We have to take the hard road, the difficult task of ensuring our spirit is not broken. We have to stand up to the cowardice of terrorism with the courage to continue what is right and just in accordance with our faith. We can be there for each other. We can love each other. We can support and encourage each other. We can pray for those who have suffered and who are suffering. (Psalm 147:3 “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds”) We can pray for those who are fearful and help them overcome their fear by finding love in the only one Who has enough love for all of us (Isaiah 41:13 “For I am the Lord your God who grasps your right hand; It is I who say to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you’”). And, by doing so, we can send a clear message that, even though we may have been set back a step or two, we won’t be knocked out by the one-two punch of fear and hatred. We’re not going to take the low, easy road, we’re going to take the hard, high road. We did it almost twelve years ago and we can do it again. And, finally, we can do what is feared most by our enemy, “Pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:28).

“When fear is easy and love is hard / It’s hard to bring your heart to a world that can break it / To offer love to those you’re afraid will forsake it / But a well defended heart is always looking for a fight / In a lonely war against an endless night / But love can bring a light / …It comes down to a simple choice / Shouting devils or a still small voice / One is spreading fear and dread / Oh, but love has always said / Do not be afraid / Fear is easy and love is hard.”

Thank you, Jason Gray, for your beautiful insight! I hope you don’t mind me borrowing some of it.

Peace be with you all, and with your spirit.