Heart on Fire

29 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Love, Prayer, Renewal, Scripture

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Faith, Fear, God-moments, Grace, HolySpirit, Love, Prayer, Renewal

Ever since I became a Christian people have asked me two questions about my conversion. The first question has been along the lines of, “What was it that convinced you to give up your search for hard proof and accept on faith Christ’s saving Grace and God’s Word?”; and the second has been, “How did it feel when you discovered the Truth?”

My answer to the first question has always been easy for me to explain. Simply put, it was God bringing to fruition my deepest and longest held desires within hours after my witnessing the positive power of prayer and, because of what I had seen and heard, deciding to take a leap of faith by getting down on my knees and praying to Him for help in making those dreams come true.

But, I’ve always had difficulty answering the second question. With respect to Him answering those particular prayers, I certainly felt immense relief and tremendous joy. But, how did I feel about the fact that He answered my prayers at all? That’s a totally different feeling and the one I’ve struggled with adequately describing.

Even as late as this last Sunday, when I related my story in a witness I gave at a men’s Christ Renews His Parish retreat at our church, I still couldn’t do it justice. I know I was amazed, but amazement is a condition of the mind, and there was more to it than that. It felt more like an affair of the heart than of the mind. It was like an instantaneous falling in love and then feeling that same love being reciprocated.

Then, on Monday, in a God-moment, I found the best answer I can expect to find.

I was flying from Chicago to Houston and I couldn’t sleep because the lady behind me, bless her heart, could not keep her two year old son from screaming the entire three hours of the flight. So, I pulled out my bible and opened it to a random page. That page happened to be the start of chapter 24 of the Gospel of Luke. Starting at verse 13, Luke recalls Christ’s Appearance to the two Disciples on the road to Emmaus. After Jesus said the blessing and broke bread with the Disciples, and their eyes were suddenly opened and they realized it was Jesus with whom they had been walking and talking, He disappeared from them.

“Then, they said to each other, ‘Were not our hearts burning within us while he spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?’” – Luke 24:32 NAB

That is precisely what happened that weekend in April 2012. Through the men of that Christ Renews giving team, Jesus, by the Light of the Holy Spirit, opened the scriptures to me and set my heart aflame. That’s how it felt when I discovered the Truth – my heart was on fire. And, it still is.

After saying a little prayer of Thanksgiving for this revelation, I pondered why this happened to me. To this I came up with my own answer: my heart was open to the truth that weekend two and a half years ago. I was tired of fighting it, tired of trying to do everything on my own and getting nowhere. By deciding to go on that retreat I cracked the door open enough to let God into my life.

But, more specifically, I wondered why it doesn’t happen to more people. In thinking about my own life up to that point, I saw where there are varying degrees of unbelievers. There are those who are just outside the margin, like I was most of my life. Then there are the unbelievers who fight hard to not believe. Their doors are not just shut, they have deadbolts on them. The first might be perpetuated by a certain laziness or simple self-reliance, but I think the latter is due to fear. Fear of being wrong. Either way, I know now that folks on both those shores are missing the boat. And, in doing so, they are missing out on that wonderful feeling of burning love within their hearts.

It’s ironic, though, that all it takes to get that feeling is to give in to the One you have fought so hard against, and to open your heart a crack, just enough to let the Light shine in.

That’s our challenge as Christians in trying to bring others to Christ. How do we convince them to not be afraid, to see that there is goodness in the Alternative, and that life is so much easier and sweeter when the locks have been removed and their hearts are freely open?

“Lord Jesus, I am so grateful for Your presence in my life. Thank You for Your patience, for waiting for me to open my heart so that You could set it afire. Lord, I pray that, as Your disciple and through Your good Graces, I am able to convince those who are afraid, and those who are sitting on the fence, to open their hearts to You. Amen.”

©2014 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Connecting the Dots between Our Blessings and God’s Love

22 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Love, Prayer

≈ 2 Comments

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Love, Prayer

Photo credit: Pinterest

I want you to stop what you’re doing. I want you to spend a few moments thinking about the five to ten people you love the most. Visualize your love and really open up your heart and feel your love for them. Imagine how sometimes your love for them is so great it hurts. How sometimes it brings you to tears because you’re afraid they don’t fully understand how deeply you love them. How sometimes it drives you crazy wishing you could show them your love in ways they can better understand.

I’m no social scientist but I’d say that 99 percent of us experience very similar feelings of intense love for at least a few people in our lives.

Now, turn your hat around. Take several moments and make a mental list of the people who you believe love you: spouse, children, parents, sibling, best friend – whoever. If you believe that we are, indeed, similar in the way we feel love for those closest to us, then imagine those people feeling the same way about you as you do for them. Don’t venture into thinking about how well they show their feelings of love, just that they have them. Regardless of how they demonstrate their love for you, can you empathize with them? You know how they feel because you feel that way yourself, don’t you?

Next, mentally select one or two of those people who you say loves you the most. Think back over the last week or so and remember a kindness that person did for you. Maybe your husband cooked you dinner because you’d had a rough day. Maybe your wife brought you a cold iced tea or beer while you were working up a sweat doing yard work. Maybe your son or daughter colored you a picture because of the way you inspire them.

Was the instance that came to mind one for which you offered sincere gratitude? Or, was it one where, perhaps, you failed to express adequate appreciation? Did you stop and consciously think, “He/she did that for me because he/she loves me?” I’m betting there’s a good chance you didn’t recognize it for the act of love that it was. You took it, and the other person’s love, for granted.

These thoughts came to my mind this afternoon when I stopped into a special place and prayed. I worked in Somerset, Ohio today and afterwards I visited St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, the “Cradle of Faith” and oldest Catholic Church in Ohio, to spend a few minutes with the Lord. Once again, I was the only person in the church and the perfect silence inside was ideal for some one-on-one time with Him.

As always, I began my prayer with thanksgiving. I had much for which to be grateful.

First and foremost I gave Him thanks for blessing me with a beautiful and healthy granddaughter, my first grandchild. Elsa Augusta was born to my oldest daughter, Sara, and her husband, Andy, in Seattle, Washington on the 13^th. I had been praying for nine months for Sara and Elsa’s safe delivery and good health, and God answered my prayers.

I gave thanks for the wonderful weekend I had just experienced with my wife, Melinda, as we tent camped in a state park in Kentucky, our first camping trip ever without children along.

I gave thanks for the good health of another pregnant daughter and her unborn son; for the safety of another daughter and her husband in their hazardous environment occupations; and for the continued well-being of my youngest daughter in her first semester of college. I am a fortunate husband and father and I wanted to make sure He knew I appreciated all my blessings.

Finally, I thanked God for His constant and eternal love.

And then it hit me. There was a difference in today’s prayer as compared to my prayers in the past.

Up until today, my praying had become rote. I had always given thanks because that’s the first thing you’re supposed to do when you pray. Although my prayers are always sincere – as they certainly were today – I know sometimes I simply rattle off ‘thank yous’ like I’m checking them off my list.

I always give thanks for His love not because I constantly feel it (I know I probably should feel it, but, honestly, I admit I often don’t), but because I have faith and believe Jesus Christ when He tells me God’s love is constant and eternal.

There, on my knees in St. Joseph’s, it dawned on me that this may have been the first time I genuinely connected the dots.

You see, normally, I give thanks for the blessings He gives me, and I give thanks for His love, but I seem to have failed in connecting the dots and realizing that those blessings are a direct result of His love. I hadn’t made the conscious connection that, “I have been blessed because He loves me.” I know now I have often taken His love for granted.

I couldn’t help but think about how I feel when my love is not fully appreciated and I wondered how God feels after I’ve done the same to Him. And, I couldn’t help but think that, perhaps, a good way to thank God for His love and blessings is to express it sincerely to the one who is acting on His behalf, the messenger who delivered it.

Maybe it took the miracle of a new granddaughter, the intimacy of a weekend away with my wife, and the knowledge that all was well with the other primary loves in my life for me to see how all of those blessings are, indeed, a result of His complete love for me.

How are you doing at connecting the dots?

“Heavenly Father, thank You for all Your many blessings and for allowing me to experience the beauty of Your love. Please know that I love You with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind. Amen.”

A New Catholic Prays the Holy Rosary

09 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Prayer

≈ 4 Comments

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Eucharistic Adoration, God-moments, Prayer, Rosary

One of the most confounding things about being a new Catholic has been learning how to pray the Rosary. I’ve been to family Rosary gatherings, special Rosary services, and attempted several times to pray it on my own. But, it never quite clicked for me.

In my first attempt, I pulled out my Knights of Columbus “How To Pray The Rosary” wallet card and followed the instructions. I navigated my way around the Rosary without any problems but I had trouble with contemplating each of the mysteries. The instructions said to announce the mystery and then contemplate on it while saying the decade of Hail Marys. So, using the Sorrowful Mysteries as an example, I announced, “The Agony in the Garden”, and then tried to think on that as I was saying my first decade of Hail Marys.

Those five words, “The Agony in the Garden”, didn’t tell me much. There wasn’t enough there to contemplate. What was I supposed to think about? I did manage an image of Jesus wrestling with what he knew He would have to do, but, I couldn’t sustain that vision when I was trying to deliver ten marginally memorized Hail Marys.

For my next effort I went to a Sunday Family Rosary with friends. I followed in sync with everyone but, once again, I got lost when they got to the announcement of the Mystery. This group used the St. John Vianney Vocation Society publication as a guideline. Thus, when they announced, “The first Sorrowful Mystery – The Agony in the Garden”, they also said, “Jesus asked His Apostles to pray so that they ‘might not enter into temptation.’ Our Lord knew they needed to pray in order to endure what would soon happen.”

I thought, “Wow, there’s more to it than simply saying, ‘The Agony in the Garden’”? In addition to envisioning Jesus in agony over his fate, here was something else to be contemplated: praying for the strength to resist temptation. I asked a friend about this and he told me, “Not everyone prays the Rosary exactly the same way.” The heck you say!

About a month ago a friend gave me another Rosary guideline, this one published by the Marian Fathers. It suggested that the first Sorrowful Mystery should be announced as, “In His anguish He prayed with all the greater intensity, and His sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground. Then He rose from prayer and came to His disciples, only to find them asleep, exhausted with grief.” (Luke 22:44-45)

As I read this I was able to conjure up a better vision of how Jesus must have felt that night in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Also, about a month ago, one of our priests, Fr. Rob, handed out CDs he had recorded of himself praying the Rosary. The way he announced each Mystery made it more personal for me. For example, with the first Sorrowful Mystery he said, “As we recall The Agony of Jesus in the Garden, let us ask the Lord to feel the weight of our own sins, that we can truly repent from the evil that is in them”. I could do that.

About that same time my wife told me of another resource that helped her to better understand each of the mysteries. The web site, The Rosary Center , illuminates each Hail Mary of each decade of each Mystery in such a way that I can’t help but understand them. It also summarizes each Mystery with a “Spiritual Fruit”, which, for The Agony in the Garden is, “God’s Will be Done”.

In the end, I’ve learned there are many different ways to pray the Rosary, each different but each correct. And, I’ve concluded two things: first, that most cradle Catholics probably learned one way to pray the Rosary and have probably always prayed it that way; and second, that I would teach myself to pray the Rosary by utilizing the expanded reflections on each Hail Mary as presented by the Rosary Center. Then, once I internalize the meaning behind each Mystery, I will be able to recite one of the “shortcuts” as found in the other guidelines but still know the true meaning of that Mystery.

Do you have any special thoughts you can share about how you pray the Rosary?

This week I had an opportunity to give it another try. My experience convinced me to write about it.

Many of my posts are born from “God-Moments” when the Lord reveals Himself to me through subtle indicators that He is present. Such was the case Tuesday.

I was working at our office in Somerset, Ohio. As I was leaving it began to storm. Rather than drive in a downpour, I chose to stop at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, just three quarters of a mile from my office, for an hour of Adoration. St. Joseph’s is the oldest Catholic Church in Ohio (see my post from September 2013 The Cradle of Faith in Ohio) and is a beautiful church. I grabbed my Rosary from my car’s console, and I ran up the steps to the church. I was the only one there. I knelt in the front pew, said prayers for Thanksgiving and assistance, and then began to pray the Rosary with determination. Since it was Tuesday I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries and I was able to contemplate each of them in a way I had never before been able to do. With each Hail Mary I felt as though I was there, two thousand years ago, witnessing each event. In perhaps a small way, I had a sense of what Jesus was feeling. But, I also felt a connection with Mary and how she must have felt as a parent watching her Son being crucified. I cried.

When I finished I sat there a while longer in the total silence and solitude of the church. I realized I had not yet read the daily scripture so I pulled out my phone and called up my Laudate app. As I read, a smile came on my face and I nodded gratefully towards the ceiling. I discovered that it was the Memorial of Our Lady of the Rosary that day. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Lord, I’ve come to expect these visits from You. I look for You to show Yourself and You have never failed or disappointed me. I certainly don’t feel I deserve them but, nonetheless, I thank You for all the Graces You give me. Amen.

©2014 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.