A Spiritual Dichotomy

19 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Spirituality

Tags

2 Cor 6:1-10, God, Joy, Mt 5:38-42, Peace, Spirituality

I often think I have it tough. But, all it takes to jerk me back to reality is to read about the lives of the Apostles and the saints.

In today’s reading from Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians (2 Cor 6:1-10), St. Paul gives us an idea of what life was like for the Apostles. They had to endure through “afflictions, hardships, constraints, beatings, imprisonments…”, by employing the virtues of “purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, …. love and truthful speech”.

The Apostles were treated as deceivers but yet they spoke the truth; as unrecognized and yet they were acknowledged; as sorrowful yet always rejoicing; as poor yet they enriched many; and, as having nothing yet they possessed all things.”

Paul’s letter is evidence that he and the Apostles practiced what Jesus preached in today’s Gospel (Mt 5:38-42) about retaliation. They didn’t resist being persecuted. Their mercy for others let them set aside the old law of “an eye for an eye” and let them “turn the other cheek”. And, when someone needed help, they went the extra mile.

It’s evident that, from the beginning, living the life of a Christian was a spiritual dichotomy.

I may not be persecuted like the Early Christians. But, I still experience a spiritual dichotomy in my life. Since becoming Catholic, I have found an interior peace like I never knew could exist. But, because I am called to spread to others that peace and joy found only through the love of Jesus Christ, I may never be totally at peace again. At least not in this life. And, that’s okay.

“Dear God, thank you for giving us Your Son, Jesus, to lead us to You. Thank You, Jesus, for showing us the way to the Father. And, thank You, Holy Spirit, for filling me with Your love and peace, and for the fire that has burned yet healed my soul. Through Your grace, I pray I may be an instrument for enlightening others to Your love. Amen.”

(A Spiritual Dichotomy was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)
©2013-2017 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Overflowing Love

03 Monday Apr 2017

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Love, Thanksgiving

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

Children, God, Grand children, Joy, Love

This morning, as I held my newest grandson, four day old Myles, my heart was overflowing with love. I looked upon his perfect face and beheld a miracle.

I glanced away for a moment and gazed upon Myles’ mother, the first of my four daughters, and remembered having the same feeling of overwhelming love almost 33 years ago. I never knew I could love something so much.

I closed my eyes and counted my blessings: five grand-children in two and a half years. I prayed silently, “Thank you, God! Your love has bestowed so many blessings on my family!”

“Your love”, I repeated. As I looked at my grandson again with tears in my eyes I realized God was looking at me in that moment, as He does in every moment, with unfathomable and eternal love in His eyes.

“Dear loving and gracious God, thank you for your many blessings, especially the blessing of children and grand-children. I pray you will watch over them all and keep them healthy and safe. Amen.”

(Overflowing Love was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2013-2017 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Raising Our Eyes to Jesus

12 Sunday Mar 2017

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

2 Timothy 1:8-10, Discipleship, Faith, Genesis 12:1-4, God, Jesus, Matthew 17:1-9

As Catholics, we come to church because we love the Lord. We come to receive the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. We come to profess our faith in the saving Grace of Jesus and life everlasting. But, I suspect, as in any religious congregation, there are those who come for other reasons: because it’s what they’ve always done on Sunday mornings; because they feel they need to set the example for their children; or for fear of what might happen in their after-life if they don’t. And, there are many more Catholics who simply no longer attend church either because they no longer believe or have justified and allowed worldly things to keep them away.

Today is a day we have been waiting for in our parish for several months: we begin our mission for conversion and renewal (for any Protestants reading this, think, “revival”). Over the next four days, we will have a guest speaker, Deacon Ralph Poyo of New Evangelization Ministries, who will provide insights into what keeps us from becoming the disciples – followers of the Lord – that we are called to be; and how to improve our relationship with the Lord by recognizing those things that block our path. The hope of the mission is to bring all parishioners, those strong in their faith, the luke warm and the fallen away, into a closer relationship with the Lord.

And, so, as I prepared for mass this morning by reviewing the scripture readings for the day, I couldn’t help but sense that they were cued up by God especially for our purpose.

In the first reading, from Genesis 12:1-4, we hear God telling Abram to “¹Go forth from the land of your kinsfolk and from your father’s house to a land that I will show you.” God goes on to tell Abram how he will be blessed, how from him a ‘great nation’ will be made, and how his name will be made great. Unspoken is the reality that this would be a tough journey through desert with uncertainty of what lies ahead. Abram didn’t say, “No, I don’t think so, Lord! That doesn’t sound like fun. What about all the things I will have to give up? What about my other commitments? No, Lord, I kind of like it right here where I am.” Instead, without blinking or thinking twice, “⁴Abram went as the Lord directed him.”

Then, in the second reading, 2 Timothy 1:8-10, we hear St. Paul reminding his beloved Timothy: “⁸Bear your share of hardship for the gospel with the strength that comes from God. ⁹He saved us and called us to a holy life, not according to our works but according to his own design and the grace bestowed on us in Christ Jesus before time began.” Here St. Paul is telling us that we are all called to live a holy life; and that it’s not always easy to follow the Lord. We have to use the strength the Lord gives us to say “no” to our will (the things that keep us away), and “yes” to His will that will bring us closer to Him.

Finally, the Gospel reading was Matthew’s account of the transfiguration of Jesus, Matthew 17:1-9. After Peter, James and John saw Moses and Elijah appear with Jesus on the mountain, “⁵a bright cloud cast a shadow over them” and, upon hearing God’s voice say, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him.”, the Apostles fell prostrate to the ground. Jesus came to them and told them to, “⁷Rise, and do not be afraid.” Then, “⁸when the disciples raised their eyes, they saw no one else but Jesus alone.” With this last line I thought how wonderful it would be if it was that easy – each time we are fearful, each time we start to let our will take control – to raise our eyes and fix them on “no one else but Jesus alone.”

Unfortunately, we tell ourselves it isn’t that easy. It’s in our fallen nature to do so. But, through the Grace of God, we have been given the gift of faith which is all that we need to give us the courage to say no to the things that keep us from Him. Sometimes we just need help being shown the way.

Deacon Poyo, I hope your talks this week enlighten and inspire me, and everyone else in our parish, to build a better relationship with Jesus, and to help our brothers and sisters do the same.

“Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Your faithful and kindle in us the fire of Your love. Send forth Your Spirit, and we shall be created and You shall renew the face of the earth. Amen.”

(Raising Our Eyes to Jesus was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Seeking Signs

14 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

2 Cor 5:7, Faith, God, Jesus, Mark 8:11-13, Prayer, Scripture, Signs

Some days I simply don’t get a chance to read the daily scripture passages until the end of the day. Yesterday, like most Mondays, was this way. I got my morning prayers in before I arrived at work, but then the routine of meetings and conference calls began and lasted the rest of the day. Finally, at about ten o’clock, after a two hour drive and getting settled in my hotel room bed, I had time to read them.

Yesterday’s Gospel was from Mark 8:11-13: “The Pharisees came forward and began to argue with Jesus, seeking from him a sign from heaven to test him. He sighed from the depth of his spirit and said, ‘Why does this generation seek a sign? Amen, I say to you, no sign will be given to this generation.’ Then he left them, got into the boat again, and went off to the other shore.”

The last thing I remember before falling asleep was thinking about how the Pharisees were hell-bent on finding some way to get rid of Jesus so He would stop rocking their boat; and about how He didn’t fall to their trickery. He simply admonished them and sailed away. Shortly after four o’clock this morning, I awoke still thinking about this story, but, from a personal perspective.

In my state of half-sleep, I remembered a few years ago, before I became Catholic, or even Christian for that matter, how I would sometimes wonder about the presence of God and Jesus. I would ask, “God, if you’re really there, give me a sign so I will know for sure.” Of course, nothing happened. What I didn’t know then was that He doesn’t want us to depend on signs. He wants us to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Cor 5:7).

I remembered that weekend in April 2012 when I finally accepted God as real and Jesus as my Savior. I told my friend that I didn’t know if I believed or not because I didn’t know how to have faith. He told me to forget being so analytical and logical and just accept it. He said faith is a gift God is trying to give me through the Holy Spirit, that it was free for the taking and all I had to do was accept it. Later that night in the church, I prayed my first real heart-felt prayer, a prayer embedded with real hope. I believe I accepted, in that moment, His gift of faith because I immediately felt a sense of peace; and, not only were my prayers answered, but I began to see signs of His presence everywhere I looked.

Then, I began to think about times recently when my spiritual life has been a bit dry, when I didn’t feel I could see or feel His presence no matter what I did. I remember praying, “Come on, God, I know you’re there. Help me out here; I need to feel you with me right now.” And, then, of course, I ended up disappointed. I realized God’s not to blame; it’s me and my lack of faith.

Why does faith slip away from me? Why do I not have any trouble trusting my family and close friends but forget about God? Perhaps it’s because I’m still learning to walk by faith and not by sight. I can see and hear those people close to me; I have hard evidence that they come through for me; and they are connected to the worldly things which, unfortunately, occupy most of my time. The shame is that I know God works in my life, too; I’ve experienced it so many times. His generous blessings are tangible examples of His endless love. But, I am often blinded by the urgent, less important aspects of life and forget that He is there to lead me through those times. I am humbled that I am not nearly as faithful as I would like to believe.

Do you get preoccupied and fail to recognize the Lord’s presence in your life? How do you get your faith back on track?

“O, loving and gracious Lord, grant me the Grace to strengthen my faith in You. Help me to never forget that You are only ever one prayer of affirmation away, one whispered, ‘Jesus, I trust in You.’ And, help me, please, to always thirst for You as You do for me. Amen.”

(Seeking Signs was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Finding Rest in the Desert

04 Saturday Feb 2017

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Renewal

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Adoration, Christ Renews His Parish, Cursillo, Desert, Faith, Friendship, God, Gospel of Mark, Hope, Jesus, Love, Mark 6:31, Mass, Peace, Prayer, silence, solitude, Thanksgiving, Ultreya

“[Jesus] said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.’” – Mark 6:31 NAB

In today’s Gospel, Jesus instructs His apostles to take a break from their travels and their mission of preaching repentance and healing of unclean spirits. Two by two, they have been separated and away from Jesus for quite some time. They are tired and dirty. They have healed many but have been rejected by many, also. They’re ready for some downtime and time to re-energize.

As I heard the lector read this verse from the Gospel of Mark this morning at mass, I reflected on my own experience and realized that Jesus, as always, hit the nail on the head. For me, it has always been when I have retreated to a “deserted” place for rest and reflection that I have, afterwards, found myself refreshed and renewed in my faith and closer to Jesus.

My first experience was five years ago when I attended a Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) retreat weekend at our parish church. My decision to go on the retreat was based not on getting closer to Jesus or to increase my faith, for I wasn’t Catholic nor remotely religious, but to hide from the daily struggles of work, and trying, unsuccessfully for the most part, to bring some balance to my life. I also hoped to meet some men and make some new friends. I did meet many men and made many new friends – not just acquaintances but lifelong brothers. And, more importantly, I found God and the love of Christ. My life was transformed and it hasn’t been the same since. I became Catholic one year later.

Following that CRHP experience, I met regularly with some of those new friends on a regular basis in a quiet room at our church or at each other’s homes. They were special times, ones which would have required a natural disaster to keep me away. We talked about how we had seen God working in our lives, and we opened up and shared the difficulties we were trying to overcome. We chose scripture passages to read and discuss. We learned from each other and we encouraged each other and we formed brotherly bonds.

With pressures from work seeming to increase, I wanted more of this type of respite. I began attending Bible studies and other opportunities to learn and deepen my faith, including weekly Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Along with spending time with my wife, these encounters were the things which brought me peace.

In wanting to learn more about my faith, I jumped at the invitation to attend a Cursillo weekend where I could again spend a restful few days in reflection and fellowship with other men. Like CRHP, it was a life changing experience. As a follow-up to Cursillo, monthly Ultreya meetings and weekly discussions of our prayer life, what we are doing to grow our faith, and what we are doing to bring others to Christ, keep me grounded and help direct my attention away from worldly strife.

Through these experiences, I have learned to take advantage of other opportunities for silence, solitude and time for prayer when I am away from my home field and friends. At those times, my “desert” becomes a rolling mountain stream, a peaceful perch overlooking a valley, holding a sleeping grandchild in my arms, or just about any place where I can marvel at His many miracles.

One of my favorite places to rest and listen to God – Rock Creek, west of Red Lodge, Montana.

I have probably read that verse from Mark several times but it never hit home until today. Before mass was over I took time to say a prayer of Thanksgiving for giving me the desire to want to find my own isolated “desert”, and to take time for rest and recharging by the best power source there is, Jesus Christ.

Where is your “desert”? Where do you go to find peace and quiet? Do you make the time to go? Do you go there with the intention of spending time with Jesus and letting him recharge you? You should! Go! Look for the opportunities. Attend a retreat such as Christ Renews His Parish or Cursillo. Schedule time to meet with faithful men and women from whom you can grow your faith and who will lift you up with encouragement. If this is new to you, signing up for a Bible study at your church is a good place to start. The important thing is to seek Him. Seek Him in a place that offers a measure of solitude and silence where you can listen to God, perhaps through others, and speak to Him in prayer. You will find Him and you’ll be glad you did.

“O, loving and gracious God, I give You thanks for arranging our first meeting where I learned of and felt Your immense love for me. Thank You for rewarding me with Your peace each and every time I have come back to You. Your love increases my faith, and my faith brings me hope for a life of eternity with You. Amen.”

(Finding Rest in the Desert was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

The Big Stuff

06 Sunday Nov 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Big Stuff, Body of Christ, Eucarist, Faith, Friendship, God, Grace, Jesus, Love, Marriage, Mass, Thanksgiving

I don’t know if it’s just the time of year, or the change in the weather, or some straggling ragweed still in the air, but I felt puny all last week. I decided to take Friday off and I made a 9:15 a.m. appointment to see my doctor. On Thursday night before bed I told my wife that I was looking forward to sleeping in an extra hour or two. Then she asked me if I would like to go to 7:30 a.m. mass with her, something I never get to do because of my work hours. I replied I would be glad to, but then thought to myself I need to change that “hour or two” of extra sleep to just one hour.

Melinda woke before me on Friday morning and was already down stairs when I rolled out of bed. We met up after I showered and dressed and, unlike every normal work day, I had a chance to give her a big hug and good morning kiss. I growled, “I love you”, in my broken voice that was about two octaves lower than normal. Melinda replied, “You don’t sound too good!”, to which I said, “I feel great, I got an extra hour of sleep and I’m getting to hug you this morning. My day is starting off fabulously!” She responded, “Boy, it just takes little stuff to get you feeling good.” I didn’t tell her but I thought, “No, darling, this isn’t little stuff. This is big stuff. This is why I decided I’m going to retire. These little moments of intimacy are the big reward. They’re what makes life worth living.”

We went to mass and got there a couple minutes late. I seldom get to go to weekday masses and always get a little confused with the slightly abbreviated version as compared to the usual Sunday mass. In one way I miss the hymns (the people around me probably didn’t miss my singing!) but then without them it gets me to the Celebration of the Eucharist that much quicker. Receiving Holy Communion is always the high point of my day. As I accepted the Blessed Sacrament I marveled at how that one little round disk, which just a few moments earlier was simply a wafer of bread, can, with its transformation, transform one’s whole life. And, then, with a glance towards the crucifix which hung above the altar, I thought, “That’s not just a little round wafer of bread, no, that’s BIG stuff! Bigger than BIG! It is truly the body of Christ!” Upon kneeling back at my pew I gave thanks to Jesus for the unity with Him, for His nourishing my spirit, for His forgiveness of my sins and for the grace to avoid sinning, and for giving me the grace to listen to the Holy Spirit and let it fill my heart with love. Yeah, that’s real big stuff. It’s what makes life worth living.

Later that afternoon, I had the opportunity to join a friend to talk about our faith. We meet weekly to share with each other how our prayer life has been going over the last week, what we’ve been doing to study and grow our faith, and what actions we have taken to spread the word of God or bring Christ to others. We’ve found that this weekly exercise helps us hold each other accountable so that we don’t get lazy in our faith. It only takes an hour. To some it may seem like small talk, but to me it’s that man to man time when we can be honest with each other and we know that we can trust the other to help keep us on the right path. More big stuff. And, more of what makes life worth living.

I love the big stuff. How about you? What’s your big stuff?

“Heavenly Father, thank you for opening my eyes to the big stuff in life and helping me decide to turn away from the things that have kept me from the big stuff. As I move into retirement I pray that I can always keep the big stuff the big stuff. But, Lord, I know I will lose focus from time to time and I pray you will gently bring me back. Amen.”

(The Big Stuff was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic.)

©2016 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

In Which Season Is Your Marriage?

02 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Marriage

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Four Seasons of Marriage, God, Grace, Love, Marriage, Romance, vocation, Worldwide Marriage Encounter, WWME

On October 25^th, my wife and I took time to spend the day together at a Worldwide Marriage Encounter event. The event, affectionately dubbed the Day of Romance, was attended by nearly 40 couples who were consciously trying to turn their good marriages into great marriages.

The program for the day was inspired by the book The Four Seasons of Marriage by Gary Chapman. The four seasons depict the different stages through which married couples either thrive or suffer, and the transition periods between them. The program was presented by four volunteer couples who gave witnesses of periods in their marriages when they were in one of these seasons.

Fall

The first season presented was “Fall”, a cooling period that may follow a time that was filled with much fun and intense closeness but which is beginning to wane. Couples may experience uncertainty about where their marriage is heading and they hope the relationship will get better on its own. But, if they choose to make no extra effort to improve intimacy and understanding, the relationship can often slide into “Winter”.

Winter

The “Winter” season is often a “Fall” that didn’t get turned around. Instead, it gets colder and causes severe lack of intimacy and feelings of aloneness between the couple. The previous uncertainty becomes reality. Lack of communication and understanding of each other’s feelings compounds the situation. If enough love and effort isn’t devoted to the relationship during this season, the marriage will suffer.

Neither “Fall” nor “Winter” is where we want to be. But, if we find ourselves there, we can rejuvenate our marriage through intentional effort allowing us to emerge with our relationship stronger than it was before.

Spring

“Spring” is that season when the relationship is blooming, the uncertainty is diminishing and there is hope in the air. As partners, intimacy is growing; doubt is being replaced with optimism and trust; and bitterness with love and gratitude. This change in attitude allows husband and wife to begin enjoying each other again.

Summer

“Summer” is the season we strive for. It’s when we are at our closest. We have fun, we enjoy being with each other, our positive attitudes are shining, and love is vibrantly alive. It’s during this summertime of our marriage when other couples take notice and want some of what we have.

As the Day of Romance came to a close I noticed the many smiles, hugs, and hand-holding. There was a lot of summertime in that room. The attitudes were contagious and I thought how great it would be if that essence could be bottled and gifted to couples who struggle.

Since that day, I have pondered what it is that makes these marriages so good? I’ve decided that good marriages happen independently of the age of the couple or how many anniversaries they’ve had. I believe the secret is in each husband and wife opening their hearts to God’s Word. They accept that their marriage is a God-given vocation and their love drives them to live up to God’s expectations. As such, it appears they are taking the hard road, diligently working to make the most of their marriage. They intentionally find uncommon ways, perhaps romantically but not necessarily so, to express their love verbally and in their actions. They are giving their all to their relationship and they are receiving their spouse’s all.

In contrast, they are doing the opposite of many married couples who don’t see their relationship as a God-given vocation. Through laziness and wrong expectations, sadly, these couples don’t put their hearts into helping each other thrive. It appears they are taking the easy way out by minimizing marriage and doing as little as they can to get by instead of maximizing it. They are selfishly concerned about their own happiness instead of focusing on that of their spouse.

The truth is, ironically, that those who do accept marriage as a God-given vocation actually have the easy road, and the others have the hard road. For it is God’s grace bestowed on the former, that enables them to easily do the hard work for the benefit of their partners. Those who do the least possible have a perpetual struggle to keep their marriages afloat because they lack the buoyancy of God’s grace.

I realized that bottling the positive attitudes of successful couples, even if it was possible, would be doing no favors for those who take their marriage for granted. There simply is no substitute for the love, hard work and dedication, which, by its own virtue, receives the supernatural assistance of God’s grace to lift each other up by placing the other’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs ahead of one’s own.

(In Which Season Is Your Marriage? was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Peace Be With You

09 Sunday Oct 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Discernment, Faith, Hope, Love, Prayer, Spirituality

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

1 Thesselonians 5:18, Authentic Life, Faith, God, Holiness, Hope, Jesus, John 14:27, Legitimate Needs, Love, Matthew Kelly, Peace, Prayer, Retirement, Sign of Peace, Spirituality

At the sign of peace during Mass on a Sunday morning a few months ago I smiled and uttered, “Peace be with you!” to those around me. As they did the same to me I thought to myself, “Thank you, but, actually, I’m not at peace. It’s more like turmoil. My life is incongruent with the life I would like to be leading.” I knew I was living what Henry David Thoreau called, “a life of quiet desperation.”

I was quick to blame the stress of my job, the expanding corporate bureaucracy, and a huge increase in travel away from home, for my discontent. In my 31 years of management with my employer I had never felt such disharmony.

peace-be-with-you-hotel-room-key-cards-2

Just a few of the hotel room key cards I’ve collected over the last two years.

I knew the real rub, however, was that my job demanded so much of my time that there were huge voids in my personal life. Voids I could no longer ignore: my health was suffering; my relationships weren’t thriving; I was doing very little to stimulate myself mentally; and, because of extensive work related travel, I struggled to find time to pray as I ought, and I desperately missed the fellowship and sharing of my faith with other men in my community.

Since becoming Christian, I have believed that God has placed me here for a purpose. Thus, I found myself praying often for guidance from the Holy Spirit to learn what God’s will is for me. A semblance of an answer came to me during an Adoration hour, not while I was striving to understand the future, but as I reflected on the past. I sensed His will for me up to this point in my life had been to provide for my wife and family. I thought I had done well but I counted the cost and estimated roughly 20 percent of my working life had been spent away from home and family. In that moment I knew one of the things He wanted me to do with the rest of my life was to be the disciple, husband, father, grandfather, son, brother, and friend He designed me to be. Clearly, my new purpose would be to pour my love into those relationships and grow them to a deeper level of intimacy.

I don’t think it was coincidence that shortly after this revelation I was reading a book by Matthew Kelly in which he wrote about becoming fully the person God created us to be and living the authentic life He created us to lead. Kelly talked about how living an authentic life helps us reach the essential purpose of our Christianity – Holiness. And, with respect to the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual “legitimate” needs God created in us he wrote, “When we hear these deepest desires calling us forth, we hear the voice of God.” I realized God was calling me to fill that void by fulfilling those needs.

But, I saw a catch. I knew I couldn’t give my all to His plan and perform my job as I should. That only left one alternative – retirement. And that was a scary thought. I’m not quite 60 years old. Retirement would mean not earning a paycheck every two weeks. It would mean purposefully living within my means and my means were nothing more than what I had saved.

I also feared falling into the trap of mistakenly fantasizing that my life would magically be better once I retire. Many retirees believe that spending a life of leisure on their boat, on the golf course, or taking exotic vacations, will bring them happiness. For some it might but, for most, pleasure seeking doesn’t bring lasting happiness. I didn’t want that to be me. I was happy to accept that my purpose would not be pleasure focused or to accumulate more stuff, but to seek God and find happiness by satisfying the essential needs He intended for me.

After more prayer and discussion with my wife, I concluded I needed to retire. I couldn’t ignore the Holy Spirit’s call to refocus my life. As for my financial wherewithal, I accepted that I would have to have faith that my needs would be met. But, just in case, and afraid of what I might discover, I finally decided to consult with a retirement planner. When his report came back I was pleasantly surprised to find that we should be able to live comfortably for the rest of our lives.

Having made up my mind, I only needed to tell my boss of my intention to retire. Because the driver for my decision to retire was stress induced unhappiness, I wasn’t sure what I would tell him, without sounding bitter and negative, if he asked why I decided to retire. As I thought about this during the drive to where we were meeting everything became perfectly clear. All the things that had kept me from being satisfied were simply steps in the process of God calling me to move on and to fulfill those God-given needs. In that instant I recalled 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NAB), “In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” The bitterness I felt evaporated. I forgave everyone whom I had previously blamed for creating the stress in my life, as well as myself for my own personal contribution. And, instead of being negative, I praised God for the suffering that pushed me to hear His call.

Last Tuesday when I told my boss of my intention I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I know the remaining days between now and the day I retire will be enjoyable and productive because I have a new purpose: to live a healthier, less stressful life; to grow emotionally by bringing more intimacy to my relationships; to help and serve others; to grow intellectually; and to grow spiritually by getting closer to Jesus, and having the time to apply the Gospels to my life every day.

I’m not sure what direction my life will go or exactly what I will do in retirement. But I’m sure it will be an adventure as God unveils new sources of happiness.

This morning at Mass during the sign of peace, when my brothers and sisters shook my hand and said, “Peace be with you!” I thought, “Thank you, by the Grace of God, it is.”

Peace be with you all.

“Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Your Holy Spirit to help me see and hear Your call. I sometimes wish, though, that You would make it just a little easier for me to do so. Amen.”

(Peace Be With You was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

A Beautiful Re-Union

03 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Love, Marriage, Renewal

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Christ, God, Love, Marriage, Marriage Encounter

When I posted I Am New Parts 1 and 2, I had no idea that God would re-create me again through a life changing event the very next weekend. But He did, and, once again, I feel obliged to tell you about it in the chance it might bring you closer to God.

In I Am New – Part 1: A Product of Secularity, I shared with you my semi-agnostic life style of the last three decades. I explained how I tried to be a good husband and father by attempting to lead a Christian-like life, but in the absence of Christ. After my conversion last year, I became more aware of a disconnect in our marriage. Because Christ had always been very much a part of Melinda’s life, but was a new phenomenon in mine, I realized that He had been our marriage’s missing common denominator.

Although I believed our marriage was still a loving relationship, I noticed it had moved toward the all-too-familiar rut of complacency; of taking each other for granted; and letting things other than each other become the “first things”. I felt I needed to try and make it better.

I have a framed collector’s print hanging in my office. We bought it with saved nickels, dimes and quarters not long after we were married. When it was new, it was vibrant with color. I was looking at it a while back and I noticed how it had, over time, faded towards becoming monochromatic. It didn’t happen all at once; rather, it lost its sharpness one day at a time. This struck me as an analogy for our marriage. Had I taken the time to recognize its beauty on a daily basis, I might have given it more TLC and taken action to keep it from fading.

Since I became active in our church I have made many new friends and I have observed several married couples who exemplify strong relationships. They exude a closeness and connectedness with each other, and they appear to have the type of relationship one would want to emulate. As Melinda and I got to know these couples better we came to realize that many of them have something in common: they are “Encountered Couples” – they have attended Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend retreats.

Without much discussion or input from Melinda, I decided to sign us up for a weekend in hopes that our slightly faded but otherwise solid marriage might become even stronger.

We arrived at the retreat center on Friday evening, along with another dozen or so couples, and, similar to our Christ Renews His Parish receiving weekends, we didn’t know what to expect. So, we went in with the attitude of leaving our hearts and minds open to whatever the Holy Spirit might provide for us over the next forty-five hours. We were met by three couples and, to my surprise, a priest, who would all be presenters and facilitators for the weekend.

We turned our cell phones off and tried to forget about issues at home. The purpose of the weekend was to strengthen our relationship by focusing on each other.

Through the course of the weekend the facilitators shared times in their married lives when they struggled. They modeled techniques for effective communication and opened our eyes to how we as individuals have unique personality types and how we each require slightly different styles of communication.

During the talks and exercises I realized how our normal daily communicating primarily consisted of chit-chat, and facts and information about children, work, bills, and stuff – all kinds of stuff – much of which was of little significance. I saw that we seldom talked about ideas and thoughts, about our dreams for the future, and our feelings.

We both discovered we had some sensitive items we didn’t like to discuss – little things that upset us, and personal things we didn’t want to share because of fear of disapproval, embarrassment, or fear of hurting the other. In talking through some of these issues we discovered we were wrong, that we were actually very understanding and supportive of each other. Because of this, we saw new possibilities for improved communicating in our relationship.

I read a quote from author Matthew Kelly’s book, The Seven Levels of Intimacy, in which he writes, “Love is a choice. When we choose to love, our spirit expands. When we choose not to love, our spirit shrivels”. I thought I knew how to love. But, after some serious dialoguing and attentive listening, I made the unfortunate discovery that I perhaps had the verb form of the word “love” mixed up with the noun form of the word. Even though I feel tremendous love for Melinda I saw where my actions have not always been representative of that feeling. I felt sorrow because I may have caused Melinda’s spirit to ‘shrivel’ by my actions, or lack thereof. And, I was embarrassed because I had written and posted just last June an article entitled Love Is A Verb in which I claimed to have, in the last year and a half, learned the difference between the two. I needed to think again.

I mentioned there was a priest among the presenters. He discussed his “marriage” to the Church, the Catholic community that is the Body of Christ. It was interesting to hear him reveal his struggle to feel oneness with the community; of how he finds it difficult to prioritize his time with the Lord, and his time as His representative to his parishioners; and how hard it is to be totally charitable without feeling the need for a little bit of selfishness. It was, in a way, comforting to know that even he has struggled with the same types of issues as us married folk.

I think his main purpose for being there, though, was to remind us that our marriage is not a contract, but a covenant, an unbreakable promise made to God and each other, of unity, intimacy and responsibility (including forgiveness). He reminded us that marriage is a Sacrament, an outward sign of God’s love for us, and, having entered that covenant, it is our duty to love contagiously; to be life-giving; to lift up our marriage as an example of His love for all to see; and to use that love as a tool for healing within our union when it is necessary. He helped us see that marriage is like a three legged stool: the pair of us making up two legs and God making up the third leg. Without all three the stool fails to function properly.

By the end of the weekend both Melinda and I accepted shared responsibility for allowing our marriage to lose some of its luster over the course of thirty-one years. We agreed we needed, and wanted, to: be more open with our feelings; get better at listening; have more trust in each other and be more trustworthy; and be a true “married couple” instead of sometimes being a couple of “married singles”.

We want to take our marriage from good to great.

It’s been a little over two weeks since our retreat. Melinda and I agree it was the best weekend we’ve ever had together as a couple. Since the weekend, we have been rediscovering each other and restoring our relationship – that piece of art made and sanctified by God, but which we allowed to fade over time. It’s been a joyful and beautiful re-union.

If you have not been on an Encounter weekend and you think you might like to learn more, please don’t hesitate to ask. If you feel your marriage isn’t quite what it used to be, my guess is that, with a little help from WWME to get you pointed in the right direction, you can also rekindle the fire, the spirit, and the love which the two of you once felt for each other but may have since faded. You deserve to give yourselves the gift of a Marriage Encounter weekend.

On the other hand, many of you reading this may have already been on an Encounter weekend. If so, and you care to share an experience, please comment. I would love to hear your stories.

God Bless you all