Jesus, If This Is What You Want, Then I Want It Too.

Yesterday, October 29th, was the feast day of Blessed Chiara Badano, a young Italian woman who passed away in 1990 at the age of 18 from a rare and aggressive form of bone cancer. She was a typical teenager, active in sports, such as tennis and swimming, and loved hiking and dancing. And, during high school, she developed a deep life of prayer.

Her relationship with Jesus began when she was nine years old when she met Chiara Lubich, the foundress of the Focolare Movement, a worldwide Catholic-associated spiritual movement founded in 1943 during World War II to bring unity, dialogue and friendship to the troubled world. Young and cheerful Chiara Badano so impressed Chiara Lubich that she nicknamed her Chiara Luce, meaning “Clear Light” or “Bright Light”.

When Chiara Badano was seventeen, she developed a pain in her shoulder while playing tennis. Shortly afterwards it was diagnosed as bone cancer. She was told that she would only have a short time to live. According to a friend of mine who was told by Chiara’s parents (whom my friend knew), on the day Chiara was diagnosed a battle raged within her – was she going to fight against the disease that had been dealt her, or was she going to accept it and surrender to Jesus? She chose to accept her suffering and offer it up for the conversion of souls saying, “Jesus, if this is what you want, then this is what I want, too!” From that day until her death, it is said that she was constantly joyful and an inspiration to her family and friends. Near the day of her death she said, “Don’t cry for me. I am going to Jesus. At my funeral I don’t want people to cry, but rather to sing with all their voices.”

In 2019 my wife and I were on a pilgrimage to Italy with my friend mentioned above. We visited a small village in northern Italy where we had dinner with a gentleman and his family who, at the time, was the head of the young people in the Focolare Movement. We learned about the movement and its history, and we were able to witness the peace and joy that this family exhibited and their deep love for Jesus. Although we didn’t talk about Chiara Badano, as I look back I can see how she may have been attracted to that movement.

Fast forward to Wednesday, October 29, 2025, about 6:45 p.m. I was about 15 minutes away from presenting and leading a discussion about some aspect of our faith to catechumens and candidates in our OCIA class, but I needed to stop by the restroom before class began. While urinating I suddenly passed a significant quantity of blood. It was not diluted blood, rather multiple large congealed blood clots one to three inches in diameter. Something was definitely not right. I asked my assistant to take over the class for me, found my wife who was in a women’s Bible study in a room just down the hall, and we headed for the emergency room.

Upon getting situated in the emergency room, I was asked to give a urine sample. I had, of course, just emptied my bladder and had nothing to give until I drank some more water. While waiting for things to happen I remembered that I had not had time that morning for my daily mental prayer. I pulled out my phone, and called up the scripture for the day. The first reading caught my attention: “We know that all things work for good for those who love God….” (Rom 8:28). I thought, “Lord, Jesus, here I am with no where to go, in a situation I didn’t choose and can’t change, and I have no choice but to love You and trust in You that all will be well. I offer this up for a greater good. Amen.”

As I normally do after I’ve meditated on the daily scripture, I look at the saints of the day. Blessed Chiara Badano, of whom I had never heard before, popped up and caught my attention. As I read her story, especially of her struggle to accept her suffering, I felt I was in the same place she had been. I fully expected whatever was going on with me to be a serious matter and there was nothing I could do about it. After reading about her surrender, I offered the same prayer to our Lord, “Jesus, if this is what you want, then I want it, too.” Then, I ended my prayer with, “Blessed Chiara, pray for me.”

I was finally able to give the sample the doctors wanted and to my surprise it was barely pink. I was discharged and told to see my urologist the following day. The next day, the urologist also needed a sample and my offering had an almost imperceptible tinge of pink. They scheduled me for a CT scan and a cystoscopy. Neither the CT scan nor the cystoscopy showed anything of significance. The cause of the blood clots was never determined. It’s now been one year and one day and I have not had a single indication since then. Praise be to God!

Do I consider this a miracle? Yes, I do. I believe my surrender and placing all my trust in the Lord was rewarded. And, in hindsight, although you may think it unpleasantly sick of me, I wish I had had the forethought to take a photo or two of the mess I made in that restroom. Perhaps I could have used that as proof to help further Blessed Chiara Badano’s cause for sainthood.

“Lord Jesus, thank You for hearing my prayers of surrender and answering me with mercy. I believe I was somehow meant to bump into Blessed Chiara “Luce” Badano that night, and that she was there to intercede for me. Blessed Chiara, thank you for your inspiration and your prayers! Jesus, I trust in You! Amen.”

(Jesus, If This Is What You Want, Then I Want It Too, was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

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St. Paul, the Preeminate Spiritual Director

A reflection on Philippians 1:1-11

In the first reading today from St. Paul’s letter to the Philippians, he writes, “And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ…”. St. Paul was in prison somewhere, possibly facing death, yet his concern was for those in the Christian community of Philippi who may have very well been floundering in their faith or reverting to their pagan ways. He yearned to be there to help them grow in their relationship with Jesus.

Virgil leading Dante, a detail from *Inferno* by Tommaso de Vivo, Wikimedia Commons

St. Paul considered himself the least of the Apostles, yet he was probably the most passionate and aggressive of his cohort when it came to spreading the gospel. One can tell from his exhortations that he truly wanted people to understand the kerygma and to have a relationship with our Lord. As I reflected on this passage today in my morning prayer, it occurred to me that St. Paul was the preeminent Spiritual Director of his time.

The Philippians were fortunate to have him as their mentor in faith, to help them “discern what is of value”, so that they could grow in holiness and be well prepared for heaven when their day of particular judgment came. Fast forward two thousand years and we still need someone like St. Paul to walk with us, guide us, and assist us in learning to lead lives of virtue so that we, also, may become saints one day. Each of us should seek a Spiritual Director or Spiritual Mentor. In the words of St. Augustine, “As a blind man cannot follow the good road without a leader, no one can walk without a guide.”

A Spiritual Director or Mentor will help you not only go deeper in learning your faith, but will help you “follow the good road”, that is, to live a life of virtue. One of the most difficult things a person can do is to look inside and see the truths about themselves. A spiritual guide helps us draw back the curtains that hide the faults we can’t see: our pride, greed, anger, envy, sloth, gluttony, and lust – all vices that will keep us from attaining the level of holiness required for heaven – and help us take action to replace them with corresponding virtues.

I have had a Spiritual Director for nine years and I consider him and his guidance an absolutely necessary part of my life. I, myself, am a certified Spiritual Mentor offering guidance to ten other men, and the graces I receive by helping others grow in their relationship with Jesus are immeasurable.

If you are interested in finding a Spiritual Director or Spiritual Mentor, a good place to begin is to talk to your parish pastor or deacon. Often, they may have the time and have had training to assume this role. Alternately, many diocese’s websites contain lists of local Spiritual Directors who may or may not charge a fee for their guidance. Another good option is to visit the Holy Family School of Faith’s website, http://www.schooloffaith.com/spiritual-mentorship, and request a certified mentor. Mentors trained through the School of Faith, of which I am one, do not charge a fee for their guidance.

Sadly, there are too few Spiritual Directors and Mentors to meet all the needs of the faithful. If you feel called to do something about that, you can also visit the School of Faith Website and learn how to become a Spiritual Mentor yourself. I sincerely recommend it if you want to learn your faith at a deeper level and if you feel called to help others do the same.

“Heavenly Father, years ago You put men in my life who walked with and led me closer to You. I give You thanks for placing on my heart the desire toreturn that favor by helping other men do the same. Thank You for the many graces You’ve bestowed on me, especially the gift of my Spiritual Director. I pray that, by Your grace, we may build an army of Spiritual Mentors. Amen.”

(St. Paul, the Preeminent Spiritual Director, was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Be Amazing!

A reflection on Matthew 8:5-17

I retired from my parish staff position back in April for a variety of reasons, two of which were to take care of things around our house and property that haven’t got done over the last three years, and to regain a satisfactory prayer life that suffered due to the hours I worked. Now, I’m able to spend sufficient time in prayer each morning before donning work clothes and heading outside. The long hours of daylight are allowing me to get much done, but by the time I wrap things up, it’s too late to write any reflections on what might have inspired me during my morning prayer. Such was the case yesterday. But, I feel like it is blog worthy so I’m going to post it a day late anyway.

Saturday’s Gospel was from Mt 8:5-17, the instance when the Roman centurion appealed to Jesus to cure his paralyzed and suffering servant. When Jesus responded that He would come and cure him, the centurion replied, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed.” The centurion must have witnessed some miracles performed by Jesus and knew in his heart that all Jesus needed to do was ‘say the word’ and his servant would be healed. There was no need for Jesus to go to his house. The centurion’s faith so amazed Jesus that he proclaimed, “Amen, I say to you, in no one in Israel have I found such faith!”

The centurion’s reply to Jesus should sound familiar to us. At every Mass during the Liturgy of the Eucharist we nearly mimic his words when we respond to the priest’s invitation to Communion: “Lord, I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.” As I read those words I had to ask myself, “Does my faith amaze Jesus?”, and, perhaps more importantly, “If not, what can I do so that it will amaze Him?”

First of all, do I say the centurion’s words with faith, trusting that my prayer will be answered? Sometimes, but sometimes I just rotely repeat them while my mind wanders. And what does it mean for my soul to be healed? Well, I think it means many things, two of which are to be healed from doubt and other mental intrusions, like anxiety and busyness, that sneak in and supplant strong faith, and to be healed from succumbing to the variety of bad habits and temptations for venial sins and the occasional mortal sin. I know I can’t overcome these hurdles by myself, but do I truly believe that I can with Jesus’ help?

Spending quality time with Jesus in daily meditation will surely make my faith stronger. Conversing with Him, letting him know what’s going on in my life, my struggles and my joys, and listening to His response and direction will help me uncover my vices and replace them with virtues.

How much time do I spend being thankful for all the blessings He bestows on me. Although I give thanks every day, it’s probably not enough. Jesus asks us to pick up our crosses and follow him. How often do I complain about my predicaments and undesired situations? Too often. And do I thank Him even for the things I didn’t choose, don’t like, and can’t change, knowing that He’s allowing them to make me more dependent on Him? Not nearly enough.

Do I stop to reflect on the many graces I’ve received through the Sacraments? Through Baptism, Christ infused the grace of charity into my soul. How often do I utilize that grace and pay it forward by practicing the corporal and spiritual works of mercy? I can do better. I know that the Sacrament of Holy Communion gives me the strength to live a morally right and just life, but do I call that to mind at the moment of decision before committing an improper action or failing to do a proper one? Again, I can do better. Have I let fear override the grace I received from my Confirmation that gives me the fortitude to proclaim the gospel to others and evangelize? (Ah, finally one with which I think I do well!) Do I walk out of the confessional after receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation feeling renewed because I’ve been absolved from my sins and given the grace to resist repeating them again? (Yes!, another one with which I can happily say, “I’m all in!”) Do I believe that I’ve been given all the graces necessary in the Sacrament of Matrimony to love unselfishly for the greater good and joy of my spouse? I believe it but, unfortunately, I sometimes forget it.

It’s obvious that, although I’d like to be, I’m not an amazing person. I have work to do.

How about you? Does your faith amaze our Lord? If not, what can you do to be more amazing?

(“Dear Lord, thank you for the time I spend with you in prayer. I am grateful for this exercise of growing in self-knowledge, the starting place for growing in holiness. Please help me turn to You more often and to say with faith as great as that of the centurion, ‘…only say the Word and my soul shall be healed.’ Amen.”)

(Be Amazing! was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Is Your Heart Filled with Joy?

I hope you’re enjoying and having a safe Memorial Day holiday weekend! I’m visiting my mother in my small home town in Missouri and, although it’s Sunday and Memorial Day is officially not until tomorrow, I visited my father’s gravesite at the Missouri Veteran’s Cemetery this afternoon.

Today is Pentecost Sunday, marking the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles 50 days after Christ’s resurrection. My wife and I attended Mass this morning at Sacred Heart Catholic Church with about 50 other faithful (there simply aren’t many Catholics in southeast Missouri). This small parish doesn’t have the numbers to have an actual choir but they do have two women with beautiful, harmonizing voices who led the congregation in singing the hymns a cappella. We actually sounded fairly good.

The Communion hymn sung this morning was I Received the Living God, and my attention was captured by the opening refrain:

“I received the living God, and my heart is filled with joy, I received the living God, and my heart is filled with joy.”

I looked up from the hymnal and gazed at the faces of those who had just received Communion and were walking back to their pews. I didn’t see a lot of joy on their faces. But, I didn’t expect to. Even in my home parish I seldom see any inkling of joy on the faces of those who have just received Communion. Instead, I see something akin to solemn sadness – heads down, sad eyes, no smiles, slow-walking – like their best friend just died. I’ve always thought there was something wrong with that picture.

For sure, there must be reverence when receiving the Eucharist, but I’ve never thought this was a time for sadness. This ought to be the highlight of one’s day! Yes, Jesus died a terrible death on a cross, an event that should never be forgotten or minimized, but he did it out of true love for each of us, a love that should be received with gratitude. His sacrifice saved us from eternal death and, instead, gives us hope for eternal salvation. He knew we would need His grace to combat the evil one so He gifts Himself to us supernaturally in the Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist, an amazing gift that should arouse us and fill our hearts with joy.

In my home church, we have a figure of the risen Jesus on a cross above the entrance doors to the sanctuary. Jesus has his arms extended forwards in a gesture suggesting His immense love for us. When I receive Communion there, I look up with reverence to Jesus on the Crucifix hanging above the altar and I say “Thank You! for Your sacrifice”. Then, as I’m returning to my pew, it feels natural to look upon the cross with Jesus’ arms outstretched and say another reverent “Thank You for Your love and for the gift of Yourself in the Sacrament I just received!” There is always a smile on my face that reflects the gratitude and joy in my heart for having just received the living God.

When you receive the living God, will you let your heart be filled with joy?

“Lord Jesus, thank You for the sacrifice You made of Yourself for my sins, and thank You for giving Yourself to me in the Eucharist for the grace I need to be the disciple, husband, father, son, brother, and friend that You would have me be. Just knowing how much I am loved by You when I receive Your Precious Body and Blood fills my heart with joy! Thank You! Amen.”

(Is Your Heart Filled with Joy? was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Mystogogy – It’s Not Just for Neophytes

At the Great Easter Vigil, we welcomed home, through Baptism and Full Communion, forty-four men, women and children, a record number, into our faith and into our parish family. Easter marked the culmination of twenty-eight weeks of OCIA formation for these new Catholics. Their initiation into the Church was not a graduation, but a commencement, a new beginning. Now, during the seven weeks between Easter and Pentecost, the neophytes (the moniker given to those coming into the Church during their first year) continue their spiritual growth in the period of “Mystogogy”. It is a special period when the neophytes begin living and experiencing the Sacraments, and dive deeper into living their faith instead of just learning “about” their faith. It can be a precarious, “make-it-or-break-it” period, marked by joyful continuing transformation, or being left to flounder in confusion.

Icon of the Holy Trinity, Andrej Rublev, circa 1411,

What is often overlooked is that Eastertide isn’t just a time for transformation for neophytes. No matter how long we’ve been Catholic, nor how devout we are, each of us is still on our individual, spiritual, lifelong journey of ongoing conversion of growing closer to, and following in the ways of, our Lord. Mystogogy is not just for neophytes, it is for each of us.

How Will You Live Eastertide, this period of celebration between Easter Sunday and Pentecost Sunday?What will you do over the next six weeks? My hope is that you will give thanks for the blessings God has bestowed upon you, especially the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ; take time to pray and grow closer to Jesus; and that you will intentionally seek ways to live the Christ life through charity and love of your neighbor. I’d like to suggest a desperately needed and mutually beneficial way to love your neighbor and live that Christ life -accompany a neophyte!

Across our great country, the Church has experienced a record number of initiations this year. Your parish probably had a few, as well. If so, the neophytes need you! They need to be shown how to live their faith interiorly through prayer and fervent participation in the Sacraments, especially Mass and Reconciliation. They need to see how their faith can be lived exteriorly by serving within and outside of our Catholic community. They need friendship, people who will nurture them and show them the way. They need reinforcement that they made the right choice. They need personal invitations to become engaged in the life of the parish, not just given an overall directive from their catechists to “get involved”. Without your accompaniment, these neophytes are left to believe that they just “graduated” and may get confused about what exactly they should do next. Rather, they’ve just begun a new journey into a much more beautiful and joyful life. Won’t you seek them out and help them find that joy and beauty they need to help sustain their new-found faith through your friendship?

“My loving and all generous Lord, thank You for sending the Holy Spirit into our community and inspiring so many to desire to become brothers and sisters in Communion with You! Thank You for allowing me to be a part of their transformation as an OCIA catechist. Now, Lord, please place it on the hearts of their new communities to accompany them, and to help them continue to find and experience Your love in all aspects of their lives. Amen.”

(Mystogogy – It’s Not Just for Neophytes was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)