Are You an Average Catholic?

20 Sunday Jul 2025

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Evangelization

Tags

Catacombs of St. Calixtus, Do Not Be Afraid, Do Not Fear, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Jubilee Year of Hope, Martyrdom, Mt 5:10-12, Pilgrimage, Rome, St. Agnes, St. Bartholomew, St. Emerenziana, St. John Lateran, St. Mary Major, St. Paul Outside the Walls, St. Peter's, St. Sebastian

For eight days from June 26th through July 3rd, I had the pleasure of being on pilgrimage to Rome, Italy along with three other parish Directors of Evangelization, and five from our Archdiocese Center for New Evangelization. This being the Jubilee Year of Hope, as well as having a new pope, made it a special trip. A particularly special occasion was being able to celebrate Mass inside St. Peter’s Cathedral Basilica on the Feast of Sts. Peter and Paul with Pope Leo XIV as celebrant.

St. Peter’s Basilica altar baldacchino, by Bernini.

This was my second pilgrimage to Rome, the first being in 2019. Of course, when you go to Rome, you have to visit the major cathedrals and basilicas in and around the Vatican. We visited St. Peter’s, St. Mary Major, St. John Lateran, and St. Paul Outside the Walls, all marvelous examples of renaissance architecture and elaborate baroque sculpture and art. It truly is beautiful beyond words! However, this year, it was astoundingly beautiful because it is a jubilee year and a boat load of money was spent cleaning and polishing everything. The skill of the artists, sculptors, and craftsmen, men like Michelangelo, Raphael, Bernini, and so many others, is purely mind blowing!

Domed apse of St. Paul Outside the Walls

It is beautiful, no doubt, but unless you make notes in a journal, It’s almost impossible to remember where a photograph was taken. And after three or four days of gawking at the grandeur, it all started to run together. I began to wonder why I was there, what was God’s plan for me? Was it just to be impressed with the beauty? No, there had to be more. The underlying purpose of our pilgrimage was to go deeper in our faith so that we would be inspired to encourage people in our parishes to better evangelize. Unfortunately, I wasn’t feeling any special inspiration. So, each day I prayed for an answer to my question, “Why am I here?”

St. Bartholomew holding a knife representing his martyrdom by being filleted alive, at St. John Lateran

One morning we visited the catacombs of St. Calixtus, where, in the 2nd through 4th centuries, nearly a half million Christians were buried, a majority of whom were martyred for opting to profess rather than deny their faith. It was their courageous faith that convinced so many Roman pagans to convert even knowing that they might be the next to be executed. As we meandered through a small portion of the 20 kilometers of underground corridors that were lined with now vacant graves stacked eight to ten high, it was easy to imagine the persecutions they endured and all the hideous and creative ways they were tortured.

On our last day in Rome we ventured into the city center and visited several minor basilicas within a couple block radius of Piazza Navona, an oval plaza that was once a center for Roman foot and chariot races, as well as for putting Christians to death. On the piazza sits the minor basilica of St. Agnes, a smaller church but still beautifully adorned with magnificent paintings and sculptures, but specifically of martyrs.

Altarpiece of St. Agnes in flames, by Ercole Ferrara, 1660.

The church is dedicated to St. Agnes, the 3rd century 12-year old virgin who refused to abandon her faith and succumb to the advances of prominent Roman men. She was martyred by beheading after attempts to burn her at the stake were unsuccessful. Also honored are St. Emerenziana, Agnes’ sister who was stoned to death for opposing the pagans who were trying to prevent Agnes’ body from being buried; St. Sebastian, a converted Roman soldier who was martyred by being shot through with arrows but not killed, and then thrown into the sewers where he died; and St. Cecilia, a young girl who was discovered to be a Christian and was beheaded.

Altarpiece of St. Sebastian, by Pietro Paolo Fields, 1719

There, before the statues and relics of St. Agnes and these other martyred saints, with tears running down my cheeks, my prayer was answered. With unbelievable awe and respect for these martyred faithful men, women, and children, the Holy Spirit convinced me that I was there to fully comprehend what it means to not be afraid to profess one’s faith, so that I could help others to not be afraid.

There, in the moment, I was struck by the relative comparison between these martyrs who risked and sacrificed their lives, and the average Catholic in our world today. How many Catholics refrain from saying grace before dinner at a restaurant because of what other people might think? Too many. How many will not say “God bless you!” to a stranger and mean it because they’re afraid of confrontation? Again, too many. How many are afraid of being questioned about their faith because they know they haven’t done what they should do to be properly catechized? Way too many. How many are willing to risk asking someone who is obviously hurting if they can pray for them? Not too many, but too few. I don’t mean to judge, but generally speaking, we are weak in our faith. So many have forgotten, if they ever actually knew, what it means to be Christian. Jesus said,

“Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you [falsely] because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven.” (Mt 5:10-12)

Those early Christians – St. Agnes, St. Cecilia, St. Sebastian, St. Emerenziana, and all the martyrs in the catacombs of St. Calixtus – died with hope, hope in the glory of heaven. They understood it so well that they embraced the prospect of being persecuted and put to death by torturing far worse than a disapproving glance from the diners at the next table over.

Sadly, I get it. Been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. But thankfully it doesn’t fit me any more because I’ve learned it’s not hard to overcome that fear. In fact, the mere chance that I might cause another to ask me about my faith far outweighs the risk. So, just start. Start small and go from there. If someone sneers at you for thanking God for the food you are about to receive, just smile at them and thank the Lord for them, too. Trust in the Lord to be with you, and pray that you might be the one to inspire someone else to turn to Jesus.

Remember His words, “Do not fear!” And resolve to ask yourself every now and then, “Am I just an average Catholic?”, for, if you are to fear anything, it is just that.

“Loving Father, thank You for the gift of faith and for the fortitude to protect and defend that gift. Nevertheless, You and I know that I need constant strengthening. May I receive that grace every time I receive You in the Holy Eucharist, remembering the sacrifice You made for me. I ask You Lord, and all the holy martyrs in heaven, to help me and all Your faithful to demonstrate our faith with courage and zeal. Amen.”

“Are You an Average Catholic?”was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2013-2025 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Curious Like Nicodemus

29 Tuesday Apr 2025

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Evangelization

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

christianity, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Friendship, Grace, Jesus, Jn 3:1-15, Nicodemus, Prayer

Jesus and Nicodemus, Crijn Hendricksz Volmarijn, c. early 1600s

The Gospels for yesterday and today (Jn 3:1-15), put us in the scene with Jesus and the renowned Pharisee, Nicodemus, who came to Jesus under the cover of darkness to ask questions about his ministry. We are led to believe that Nicodemus must have seen or heard of Jesus’ healing miracles and wanted to learn more about him. We know that Nicodemus eventually converted to be a secret follower of Jesus, so we can surmise that his curiosity was genuine and not a ploy to trap Jesus.

The fact that he came to meet Jesus at night may also give us a clue about his intentions. A nighttime rendezvous would be less conspicuous. If he was genuinely interested about Jesus, he may have feared being observed by other Pharisees that could result in his condemnation and rejection. In his position, he would have accumulated wealth that supported a luxurious lifestyle, which would have been jeopardized if his clandestine meeting had been discovered.

When I placed myself in this scene, I pondered Nicodemus’ motive and his dilemma. He had to satisfy his curiosity for truth, but the answer could result in his ruin. His fear of the environment and exterior influences would ultimately cause him to lead a secret and unfulfilled life.

There are millions of Nicodemuses in our world today – men, women, and teens, who are searching for truth, who are curious about Christianity, and who would like to know more but, because of negative social influences, balk at publicly asking questions for fear of what others will think or what they might lose. They are hiding out there in our workplaces, our schools, and our neighborhoods. We should be looking and waiting for them with intentionality, ready to answer their questions and allay their fears.

When a modern day Nicodemus does muster the courage to step out and seek answers, he may simply want to learn more about Jesus, or he’s aware that there’s possibly a different set of beliefs and a better way to live than he’s ever experienced. His curiosity may manifest itself by privately asking questions to a Christian friend or acquaintance. When he does, he is giving us an opportunity to evangelize, and we need to respond utilizing good listening skills. His questions may be phrased in ways that hide their real intent, and we may have to look behind the words. We should not make stuff up, nor answer questions with excess theology. He needs simple answers, and if we don’t know an answer, we should say so and endeavor to find the answer for him. We should try to avoid vocabulary that is foreign to non-Catholics.

Like Nicodemus, his questions may appear antagonistic but probably aren’t meant to be so. Instead, they are likely due to his personal cynicism and relativism that has developed over years. He’s not ready to reveal that he’s on any kind of spiritual quest. He is curious but cautious, and still needs to feel safe and unthreatened when asking questions. We should respond in a friendly manner to increase the trust that has allowed him to ask questions in the first place.

Our gentle evangelizing should have an eye towards bringing this person from a a place of curiosity to being open to exploring the idea that God is a personal God rather than a concept, and that we can have a relationship with Him. We can introduce him to Jesus and the story of His passion, death, and resurrection in atonement for our sins. And we should be patient and pray for him, being grateful that, while he may not yet be making a commitment to spiritual or personal change, he no longer rejects the idea.

“Heavenly Father, I thank You for the virtue of fortitude given to me with my Confirmation that has prepared me to proclaim the saving message of salvation of Your Son, Jesus. May I ever be vigilant and prepared to welcome anyone who is curious about our Christian faith. I pray that Your Spirit affords me the grace to respond to them lovingly with humility and gentleness. Amen.”

(Curious Like Nicodemuswas first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

The Lord’s Supper

18 Friday Apr 2025

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Christ's Passion, Easter, Eucharist, Evangelization, Fear, Hope, Jesus, Mass, The Last Supper, The Lord's Supper, The Resurrection, The Twelve Apostles

I attended our parish’s Mass of the Lord’s Supper tonight and, as always, it was especially beautiful and reverent. During the reading of the Gospel (Jn 13:1-15), I envisioned myself in the scene, sitting around the supper table with Jesus and the Apostles. Nobody seemed to notice a fourteenth person there. When Jesus washed the feet of his Apostles, I recalled the first time I had my feet washed by our priest as he performed the Mandatum Rite, and what a humbling experience that was for me.

Then during the Liturgy of the Eucharist, as our pastor held aloft the Body of Christ, my mind drifted. (I know that’s not supposed to happen, but it did). My thoughts turned to a disagreement my wife and I often have. We both like to read, and she frequently flips to the last chapter, spoiling the story by learning how it turns out. Me, well, you couldn’t pay me ten bucks to cheat. I delight in seeing the story unravel. I want to be surprised, and I certainly don’t want her to spoil the story for me by telling me how it ends before I’ve read the book.

And then it dawned on me that I was the only one sitting at that supper table who knew what was to come in just a few hours. I knew that Judas the Iscariot would soon leave to go bargain for his thirty pieces of silver in return for his betrayal of Jesus. I knew Jesus would soon be arrested and tried, and of the pain he would endure being tortured and crucified, and I knew our beloved teacher would die. I could see all these horrendous events.

But, I also knew the happy ending: that Jesus would be lifted up after three days, that His resurrected self would join and encourage His friends in the upper room, and that at Pentecost, He would ascend into heaven.

But I couldn’t tell any of this to the other twelve reclining at table there with me. And I wondered if, through some twist of time and it was even possible for me to tell them, would they be like me and not care to know how it all plays out, or would they be like my wife and want to know what the future held in store?

I’ve been mulling this conundrum for the last couple hours. I’ve decided this is one case in which I’m glad I know the story has a happy ending. It gives me hope, takes away my fears, and makes me want to give a spoiler alert to the whole world!

How about you? Won’t you join me?

“My dear Jesus, You know and I know what You’re about to experience. At every Mass, I am filled with both tears of joy and sadness as I reflect on Your Passion. I know You gave it all for me…sinful me. I am so deeply grateful for Your love. Thank you! Amen.”

(The Lord’s Supper, was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Fear and Faith

01 Saturday Feb 2025

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Calming the Storm, Faith, Fear, God-moments, Heb 11:1-2, Jesus, Jesus I trust in You, Mk 4:35-41, Prayer, Trust

Calming the Storm, Simon de Vlieger, 1637, (Wikimedia Commons/Art Collection of Univ. of Gottingen)

It’s been almost thirteen years since my conversion experience that brought me to Christianity, that instant when I knew for certain there is a God, that Jesus is real, and the Holy Spirit filled me with more love than I’d ever known. And, last month was the tenth anniversary of what I consider to be my second conversion experience, the event when I learned to trust in God’s mercy and providence, and which I recorded in Put Your Faith Where Your Prayer Is.

My daughter had just given birth to my first grandson, Jack. He appeared to be a healthy newborn but the day after he came home from the hospital we thought we’d lost him. My wife was holding him and he quit breathing. I truly believe his guardian angel was watching over him because, just hours before, my wife’s sister, a nurse, and her husband, a doctor, stopped by to visit as they were traveling across the country. They had the knowledge and expertise to revive Jack until the EMTs arrived. Jack spent the next two weeks in the NICU experiencing multiple epileptic seizures per day.

To say the least, I was consumed with fear for Jack and for the emotional health of my daughter and son-in-law. Upon learning the news, I began praying continuously, including praying many Rosaries, imploring our Blessed Mother to intercede and make Jack well. In the midst of my fear, there came a moment when I finally knew there was nothing I could personally do to help heal Jack, and that it was all in God’s hands. I uttered the words, “Jesus, I trust in You!”, and I immediately broke into uncontrolled sobbing, crying tears of joy because in that instant I knew in my heart that Jack would be made well. Two weeks later he came home from the hospital and for ten years did not have another seizure. That is until this last Wednesday.

Wednesday evening, Jack was at basketball practice and went into convulsions. Again, his guardian angel was watching over him because the father of a team mate, an emergency pediatric doctor, was present and he took control until the EMTs arrived. Once again, I fell into a state of fear for Jack and for my daughter, and began praying unceasingly.

Mid-day Thursday, with Jack still on my heart, I needed to prepare for a men’s group meeting that night. Our group reflects on and discusses the following Sunday’s Gospel, so I opened my Bible to the passage upon which our group leader instructed us to meditate. However, through some error, the passage was not tomorrow’s Gospel reading, but, instead, today’s, Mark 4:35-41, the account of Jesus calming the storm at sea and alleviating the terrifying fear of his disciples. As I read it and came to verse 40, I knew the error was no coincidence: “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?”. I heard Jesus say to me, “Son, have you forgotten I was there for Jack, his parents, and you ten years ago? With faith you gave it up and trusted in Me then, trust again in Me now.” Once again, my eyes sprung a serious leak and I knew I had nothing to worry about, that Jack was in good hands.

Today’s first reading is from Hebrews 11:1-2. The author reminds us that, “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen.” Through faith, I realized for a wonderful ten years that for which I hoped. And through that experience, I received evidence that Jesus’ saving grace will make all things well again.

“Dear God, I wish Your method of grabbing my attention and drawing me closer to You through faith wasn’t quite so extreme! But, Your ways are not my ways. Once again, I thank You for this experience, for reminding me of Your love, and reinforcing my faith and trust in Your Son, Jesus. I may think He’s asleep in my boat in the middle of the storms in my life, but He is always with me. Help me to recognize that moments like this are opportunities for faith to be the ballast in my boat when the storms of life rage. I know You will make all things well, even better than they were. I thank You in advance. Amen.”

(Fear and Faith, was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Are You In or Out?

16 Thursday May 2024

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Evangelization, Faith

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Bible, Catholic, christianity, Discipleship, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Jesus, Jn 16:33, Jn 17:11-19, Trust

It’s Wednesday, May 15th, but I know this won’t get posted until tomorrow. I’m writing this right after my morning meditation on today’s Gospel, John 17:11-19. After Jesus informed his disciples that he is going away (Jn 16) and they will have to take over from Him, He warns them of the trouble they will encounter from the world, but to have courage because He has conquered the world. Now (Jn 17), He prays to God before them to consecrate them to the truth, sends them forth into the world to continue His mission, and prays, “for those who will believe in me through their word”.

As I put myself in that scene as one of the disciples, I feel anxious. I am alarmed and sad that my Messiah, the One I love, is leaving me, and I am fearful because I now have a tremendous responsibility to carry on His mission even though I am hopelessly inadequate. At the same time, I think about all the good He has brought to the world – the miracles, the lessons about right living, the healing, the interior peace – lessons that simply cannot be set aside and forgotten. I have a decision to make: do I just remember Jesus as a friend, teacher, and miracle worker, or do I continue His work, sharing this beautiful life, and help others come to know Him?

I realize that it’s really a no-brainer. Up until now, I’ve just been tagging along on His robe-tail, letting Him do all the work. Now He’s asking me, and trusting in me, to step up and take command. He’s even asked God directly to help me…and I have no reason to believe His prayer won’t be answered no matter how afraid I am. I have never felt more loved than when I’ve been with Him. He has asked me to love others as He has loved me. How can I do otherwise?

My decision: I’m in. I know it won’t be easy but I trust that He will be with me. I’ll make mistakes. I’ll fall occasionally. He told me the world will work against me. I’ll accept that, but I’ll find ways to deal with it and evangelize nevertheless.

What’s your decision? Are you in or out?

“Lord Jesus, thank You for inviting me to a deep relationship with You, and Your trust in me to lead others to You. Thank You for the gifts You give when I receive You in Communion, the gifts of love for others, and of courage and strength to overcome my fear of evangelizing as I bring that love to them. Amen.

(Are You In or Out? was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2013-2024 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Overcoming the Fear of Evangelizing

11 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Evangelization, Fear, Friendship

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Evangelizing, Fear, Friendship, Love

apostles-creed31 I mentioned the other day in my post, God is a Techie….and I’m Not, that I had been inspired during the Easter season to write but had trouble making the time to do so. This reflection, the product of weeks of pondering, is one of those. Better late than never.

The Gospel on Pentecost Sunday summed up the Easter season quite well with Jesus’ words, “Peace be with you , as the Father has sent Me, so I send you” (Jn 20:21 NAB). The Gospel readings throughout Easter gave us the opportunity to really get to know Jesus and understand what He expects from us – to go forth spreading the Word by loving one another as He has loved us.

And, throughout Easter, we read from the Acts of the Apostles about how the Apostles did exactly that, proclaiming Jesus as Lord, and spreading the Word of God and His love to anyone, Jews and Gentiles alike, who would listen.

Then, today, on the Feast of St. Barnabas, we hear similar words when Jesus commissions the Twelve, “As you go, make this proclamation: ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’” (Mt 10:7 NAB)

I don’t know about you but I can’t read the Acts of the Apostles without feeling the deep faith they professed. As I read and followed the footsteps of St. Paul, I felt the passion and enthusiasm he had for Christ. I was amazed at the courage he exhibited to bring the faith and the love of God to others in the face of persecution.

I wondered if I could have carried out Christ’s command and truly lived that apostolate? But, more importantly, I wonder if I’m fulfilling my duty (and, it is a duty) as a Christian to personally live it today?

As Catholics, we like to recite a quote, often, but probably erroneously, attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, “Preach the Gospel at all times, and, if necessary, use words.” The message is that we should be like St. Francis who lived the Gospel and that our faith should be obvious in our actions. That’s all true, but unfortunately, it gives us the false impression that we don’t need to actually talk to anyone, to verbally make the Good News known.

But, consider if the Apostles had only demonstrated their faith through their actions without verbally preaching the Gospel? Where would the Church be today? I doubt there would be a Church.

No, as brothers and sisters in Christ, it is our duty to not only live the Gospel, but also preach the Gospel with words. So then, why does it seem to have been so easy for the Apostles to convert hundreds to The Way every day, and why is it so hard for me?

First, I think they were so abundantly graced with the virtues of Love and Fortitude that fear of rejection didn’t even phase them. Their love for, and dedication to, the Lord enabled them to foster supernatural courage. They were on a mission, and fear, if they had any, wasn’t going to stop them.

I know fear is a factor in my personal apostolate. I don’t necessarily fear rejection, rather, I fear damaging relationships with loved ones. I wince at the dichotomy in that statement. If I loved them as Christ would have me love them, I wouldn’t flinch at doing whatever I could to bring them to fully realize His love for them.

This reminds me of a story which, I think, is attributed to the Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen. He spoke of two men, business partners and friends, one Christian and the other atheist. The atheist was on his death bed when his friend asked him if he’d like to be baptized before he passed away. The dying atheist replied, “No. If you care for and love me that much, why did you wait until now to invite me to know your Christ?”

Perhaps my fear is based more on misunderstanding than anything else. If a person to whom I am trying to evangelize has no concept of the eternal love Christ has for us, then they aren’t able to understand my love for them. And, if they don’t understand me, they’ll reject me.

It’s ironic that the person being evangelized may also feel misunderstood and rejected. If, in our attempt to evangelize, we try to impose our beliefs on them without taking the time or effort to meet them where they are and to understand their paradigm, we will most certainly alienate them.

Thus, rather than stand on the street corner and obnoxiously preach through a loud speaker, or go door to door beating people over the head with our faith, how do we reach out to others? I believe the secret is patiently and gently getting to know the other person so that they can hear and feel the love of Christ that is flowing through us, and see our joy of living a Christ life.

But, in today’s culture of electronic communications, it is getting more difficult to build personal relationships and get to know other people. Try as we might, face to face communication is uncomfortably difficult for many people, especially for our younger generation. How do we, then, crack the ice? I think the answer is to care about the other person with a desire to enter into empathetic conversation with the intention of getting to know and understand them. An attempt to understand breeds acceptance. With acceptance comes openness. And with openness comes an attitude of sharing, of giving and receiving.

Why do I believe this? I have seen it practiced by friends who live it intrinsically and who have brought more people closer to Christ than anyone else in our immediate faith community. I know this because they did it to me. It was their friendship, the intentional relationships they built with me when I was an unbeliever, that brought me to know Jesus Christ.

Well, now that I’ve talked my way through this, I need to go back to the idea of fear and ask myself, “Where is the source of fear in taking the simple approach of making and being a friend?”

None that I can see.

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about any fears you have or have had with respect to evangelizing. I hope my talking myself through this helps you, too. God bless you!

“Lord Jesus, as I try to bring others closer to You, help me to remember to open my heart and let You work through me, Your instrument; and that You are in the lead and I’m following You. Lord, You have given me the grace to overcome my fear of evangelizing to others. Now, I pray that You give me the virtues of perseverance to not give up, and patience to not try to evangelize the world all at once. Amen.”

(Overcoming the Fear of Evangelizing was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2013-2018 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

A Taste of Spiritual Warfare

17 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Fear, Prayer, Saints, Scripture, Spirituality

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

Bible Reflection, Do Not Be Afraid, Fear, God, Holiness, Jesus, John the Baptist, Prayer, Spiritual Warfare, Spirituality, St. Michael the Archangel, Testifying to the Light of Christ

Stained glass of John the Baptist testifying to Christ.

It’s been over three months since I’ve posted anything on Reflections of a Lay Catholic. In a strange way, I wish I could tell you that I’ve been experiencing a dry spell, or had writer’s block, or have just been too busy to post. But, I’d be lying. The truth is I’ve written a half dozen blog-worthy reflections during this last quarter. But, I didn’t post them because I was afraid.

I first began experiencing this fear in May. I didn’t know what it was nor why I was feeling afraid. I posted a few times this summer but each posting took more courage and strength than the one before it. Finally, after my last post in September, I was able to define my fear, and, once I did, I couldn’t make myself post again.

My fear was that when others read my posts, they think that my personal reflections of how I am inspired by seeing God work in my life are attempts to brag at my growth in holiness, that I’m exhibiting a “holier-than-thou” attitude, and that I’m writing for the purpose of having my ego stroked. It wasn’t a fear that had me shaking in my shoes but it was debilitating, nonetheless. I was stymied.

I spent a lot of time rereading my reflections and thinking about how the messages in them might be perceived by my readers. Even though I could find nothing to support why I was afraid, my fear remained strong.

I cautiously ventured to ask some trusted friends if they sensed a lack of humility in my reflections. They answered just the opposite, that my posts gave credit to God working through me. I knew they wouldn’t lie to me but I still doubted them.

I questioned why God chose me to share my faith through my writing. Why didn’t he choose Joe or Steve, or any of the other men who were with me that weekend when we were renewed in Christ? I found some comfort in 1 Corinthians 12:4-6:

“There are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit; there are different forms of service but the same Lord; there are different workings but the same God who produces all of them in everyone.”

Although I believed God had chosen me to share my faith and proclaim His Word to show others how He works in my life so that they can learn to see Him working in their own, I wondered if I was abusing the gift He had given me.

I meditated on why I write and share with others and whether I was being honest with myself. I learned from this that I have two different purposes: I write for myself. But, I post for the potential benefit of others.

I write every day to get more in touch with my own spirituality and I’ve discovered it’s one of the ways I learn. I know if I don’t write it down, I will forget it before the winds of worldly busy-ness whisk it away. During my morning prayer and meditation, I reflect on the scripture and I write what I hear God saying to me. Then I write how that understanding might relate to my life that day. And, finally, I make a resolution to take what I learned and apply it in some way that will make me a better version of myself.

Occasionally, I think, I believe that my inspiration might be worth something to other people. Thus, I try to write my thoughts and insights in such a way that others might find them valuable in building a stronger relationship with Christ. Then, I post, hoping that others may find God’s grace in the little things of their own lives and that they will grow in their own holiness.

Since I retired in May, I have tried to grow in holiness by attending daily mass and by reading and meditating daily on scripture to listen to what God wants me to hear that day. My desire has been to grow holier than I was the day before, not holier than someone else. This regimen has brought immense peace into my life and a closeness to Christ.

In November, while I was meeting with a group of other men, including our Deacon, I opened up about my fear and I mentioned some of these things. After some conversation, our Deacon, who saw that it was no coincidence that my fear and my new prayer life both began in May, asked if I’d considered that perhaps Satan was messing with me since I’d been especially focused on strengthening my relationship with Jesus. I had to admit that thought had never crossed my mind.

I had heard of this phenomenon from many people but had never consciously experienced it myself. In reading the lives of the saints, I’d heard them mention this same thing. I realized I had just had my first taste of spiritual warfare.

After admitting I had not considered the devil sabotaging my spiritual life, I was even more ashamed that I had not done the one thing that would have simplified it all: pray for help and understanding about what was going on. I hadn’t turned to Christ for help; I’d tried to manage it all myself. Later that night, before bed, I did turn to Him in prayer.

The next morning I awoke and took my place in my comfortable chair to spend my time in silence, solitude and meditation. After my regular morning prayers, I went to my phone app to read the daily scripture passages and about the saint of the day. When I clicked on the latter, some quotes by well-known saints popped up:

“When the servant of God endeavors with all his strength to possess and preserve that joyousness of spirit which proceeds from purity of heart, and which is acquired by fervent prayer, the demons may try in vain to hurt him.” – St. Francis of Assisi

“We need to be especially alert to the evil subtlety of Satan. His one desire is to keep people from having a mind and heart disposed to their Lord and God….He wants to extinguish the light of the human heart.” – St. Francis of Assisi

“Proclaim the truth and do not be silent through fear.” – St. Catherine of Sienna

“Do not be afraid. Open wide the doors for Christ.” – Pope Saint John Paul II

I kid you not! God answered my prayers that morning.

Over the last three weeks I’ve been debating how to get started again posting my reflections. I knew if I didn’t begin again, the evil one would win this round. I wasn’t sure how to resume and, to be honest, I’ve been procrastinating. Until today.

At mass this morning, I heard the lector read from Isaiah 61, “He has sent me to bring glad tidings to the poor…”, and the purpose of my reflections came to mind.

In the Psalm, I repeated, “My soul rejoices in my God” and I gave thanks for the relationship we have.

In the second reading, 1 Thes 5:18, I heard, “In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus”, and it occurred to me that I had not thanked God for this long and painful experience. I thanked Him.

In the Gospel, John 1:6-7, I heard our priest proclaim, “A man named John was sent from God. He came for testimony, to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him.” I couldn’t help but think that this was God telling me it’s time for me to get off high center. It’s time for me to resume testifying to the light of Christ. My daily resolution was to write and post this, to alert others to the devil’s designs, and to get it behind me so I can move forward.

After mass I sat down to complete my daily meditation before beginning to write. I read the day’s reflection by Fr. Francis Fernandez from In Conversation with God, Vol. 1, 114, “What is more, we should have no opportunities at all for growing in virtue if we had no obstacles to overcome.”

Ain’t that the truth!

“Thank You, Lord, for Your love. Thank You for Your gentle ways of teaching. Thank You for Your patience as I learn to love You more. Lord, help me to never stop pointing others to you and witnessing the truth of Your Word and grace. Amen.”

“St. Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.”

(A Taste of Spiritual Warfare was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)
©2013-2017 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Ephphetha – Be Open!

07 Monday Sep 2015

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Scripture

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Tags

Baptism, Ephphatha, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Isaiah 35:4-6, Mark 7:32-36

“³²And people brought to him a deaf man who had a speech impediment and begged him to lay his hand on him. ³³He took him off by himself away from the crowd. He put his finger into the man’s ears and, spitting, touched his tongue; ³⁴then he looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him, “Ephphetha!” – that is, “Be opened!”. ³⁵And immediately the man’s ears were opened, his speech impediment was removed, and he spoke plainly. ³⁶He ordered them not to tell anyone. But the more he ordered them not to, the more they proclaimed it.” – Mark 7:32-36 (NAB)

When I heard this Gospel reading yesterday morning at St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Muncie, Indiana I couldn’t help but think back to April 2013. I will never forget the day when I first heard this scripture passage – the morning of Easter Saturday. Later that night, after my baptism, first communion and confirmation, I became Catholic.

I wrote about the experience a few days later in my first ever blog post, My First Easter Vigil Mass. Thinking back to that post, my focus was on verses 35 and 36 – why did Jesus not want those whom he healed to tell anyone? But, this Sunday, my mind settled on the last two words of verse 34, “Be opened!”

Just minutes before my attention was captured by those two words, I heard the first reading from Isaiah in the Old Testament:

“⁴Say to those whose hearts are frightened: Be strong, fear not! Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you. ⁵Then will the eyes of the blind be opened, the ears of the deaf be cleared; ⁶then will the lame leap like a stag, then the tongue of the mute will sing.” – Isaiah 35:4-6 (NAB)

So, when the Deacon read, “Be opened!”, I had a slight epiphany. I knew that Jesus meant more than to cease being deaf and dumb when he cured the man. He meant exactly what the celebrant says at a child’s baptism, “The Lord Jesus made the deaf hear and the dumb speak. May he soon touch your ears to receive his word, and your mouth to proclaim his faith, to the praise and glory of God the Father.”

Ever since that April two years ago, I have tried earnestly to be open to God’s Word and to proclaim my faith. I have made that effort not because I remembered and tried to live up to that which the celebrant prayed over me at my baptism, but because I wanted to, and because it was what I know is right.

Now, looking back, I began to wonder if I have given it my all. Have I been as open to His Word as I could be? Have I studied and tried to understand as much as I ought? Have I shied away from professing my faith to others because of the fear of not knowing enough to defend myself? Have I helped others to better understand and strengthen their faith or have I been laissez-faire in evangelizing?

The answer, of course, is, regardless of how well I’ve done, I can still do better.

When was the last time you asked yourself those questions?

“Lord God, thank You for all I’ve learned in the last two years. But, I need Your help to continue to do better. Please, help me to always be open to and understand Your Word. And, give me courage to proclaim my faith and help others live theirs. Amen.”

(Ephphatha – Be Open! was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2015 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Put Your Faith Where Your Prayer Is

10 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith, Fear, Hope, Prayer, Reconciliation, Scripture

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Faith, Fear, God-moments, Hope, Jason Gray, Mary, Prayer, Reconciliation, Rosary

Photo: Catholicexchange.com

On January 5^th I became a grandfather for the second time. My grandson, Jack, and his parents came home from the hospital on the 7^th. On the evening of the 8^th Jack stopped breathing.

My wife, Melinda, was holding him when the event occurred. Her sister, Barbara, who is an RN, and her husband, Dave, a physician, had stopped by to visit and see the new arrival as they were driving from South Dakota to St. Louis. They helped revive him. The EMTs arrived and whisked Jack to the hospital where he spent the next 17 days undergoing a plethora of tests. Jack is home now and doing well.

But, this story really isn’t about Jack. I needed to set the stage with his life-threatening event in order to relate the life-changing experience I had because of it.

In my life I have had no major tragedies, and only one significant infirmity, within my immediate family. Thus, after Melinda phoned me the next morning, I wasn’t as cool and collected as I had been trained to be in emergency situations. Panicked would be a better adjective. I prepared to go home, pack a bag, and start the ten hour drive from Ohio to Kansas City. But first, I sent an email to friends from church and to the coordinator of our parish prayer chain describing the situation and asking for prayers.

I’ve never driven so far with something so heavy weighing on my heart and mind. Before I reached Indianapolis I found myself crying, fraught with fear for Jack’s health and grief for Lisa and Joe. I felt helpless. I’m a man and an engineer. One of my jobs is to fix problems. Not knowing how to fix little Jack nor how to comfort my daughter was eating me up.

At a rest stop just past Indy I checked my phone for emails. Angie, a dear friend back home, emailed saying she believed that Jack’s guardian angel was with him the night before. Had he been lying down instead of being held, he could have stopped breathing with no one the wiser. Then, she stressed that Barb and Dave were there by no mere coincidence. She believed they were sent there by God at just the moment Jack needed them. Her message was so positive and encouraging, and she lifted my spirits.

But, by the time I reached Illinois I was again in a state of despair. Searching the console between the seats for a napkin to wipe my tears, I found, instead, one of my rosaries. I don’t know how it got there; I don’t remember putting it there. I am not accomplished at praying the Rosary but I sensed I was meant to find that rosary at that moment, and, if there was ever a time to ask Our Lady to intercede and help me in my prayers to Jesus, I felt this was it.

It was Friday and the Sorrowful Mysteries were to be prayed. I contemplated the first Mystery, The Agony of Jesus in the Garden, and read, “In praying to the Father, Jesus found strength, trust, and an angel was sent to comfort Him. So, Jesus will be your comforting angel. It’s as He said to us, ‘Why do you worry in your difficulties? Be strong in Me; look to your God in your most troubled hour, and you will be triumphant.’”

The second Mystery, The Scourging of Jesus at the Pillar, reminded me to bear my pain for the love of our Lord. The third Mystery, The Crowning with Thorns, suggested, “He seems to say to us, ‘Why do you despair when you suffer? Is that the way you love me? Meditate about my passions.’ Let us ask for the gift of patience in our suffering.”

In the fourth Mystery, The Carrying of the Cross, I contemplated how Jesus accepted His suffering out of His love for us. I thought about how His Mother, Mary, must have felt as they met on the road to Calvary. “Oh, how Her Heart must have ached.” I felt we had something in common.

And, finally, as I prayed the fifth Mystery, The Crucifixion and Death of Jesus, I was reminded of Jesus’ words to his disciple just before He died, “Behold your Mother”, and how He wishes that we depend on Her Immaculate Heart for a refuge.

Over the next couple hours I thought much about these messages. I didn’t know how to “give it up”, so I prayed fervently for the Lord to help me help Jack and his parents.

West of St. Louis I took my rosary in hand and prayed again. This time I asked the Lord to take away my pain and suffering or, at least, let me bear it so that Jack and his parents would not have to.

I arrived at the hospital in time to see Jack for a few minutes before visiting hours were over. Seeing him connected to all those wires and tubes was difficult. But, seeing the fear in Lisa’s and Joe’s eyes was even more so.

That night, before bed, I prayed for God to help them and to help me know what to do.

On Saturday morning I saw an article on social media about self-pity and how we need to look to God instead of to ourselves. This drifted in and out of my conscious thoughts the rest of the morning.

Also that morning, I discovered a headlight out on my car. I didn’t need that, but I knew it would need repairing before heading home the next day. I spent a few precious minutes with Jack back at the hospital before I left for the dealership. Standing there, unable to hold him, I still felt helpless. I knew Lisa felt the same way.

On my way to the dealership, I recalled Angie’s note, the messages I received from praying the Rosary, the message about self-pity, and my despair of not knowing what to do. Then, with the images of Jack wired to the monitors, and the concern on my daughter’s face, my emotions reached a climax. I’m not sure how to explain what happened next. I think I realized it was all beyond me, that only God could help. I think, in my heart, I finally gave it up to Him. I say “I think” because, in the nanosecond in which I made that leap of faith, I went from bewilderment to immediate, unprecedented, and intense joy. I instantly began praying, “Thank you, Jesus, thank you!” In that moment when I had unconsciously placed my trust in Him, He told me Jack was going to be okay. I also knew that my faith had finally become more than words.

Over the next couple hours, He reinforced my faith with more God-moments. Afraid I was likely to have a wreck, I got control of my emotions. I turned on the stereo and the first song I heard was one from Jason Gray, A Way to See in the Dark¹:

“Here I am begging for certainty again / But simple trust is what You’re asking me to give…

“The question mark hung at the end of every fear / Is answered by the promise that You are with me here / And that’s all I’ve got when the lights go out and I lose my way / So, I’ll close my eyes, I won’t be afraid, I won’t be afraid.

“And, I’ll reach for your hand in the night / When the shadows swallow the light / ‘Cause I’m giving up, giving in / Once again a childlike faith is my only way to see in the dark….”

I have listened to this song hundreds of times but this was the first time I actually heard its message. It was like Jesus telling me, “Son, how many times do I have to tell you to trust in Me?”

At the moment I pulled into the dealership I received a text from Eric, a friend back home, saying he was praying for Jack and the rest of us. This text was special because Eric is the one person I know who routinely says, “Let go and let God.” It was as if he intuitively knew I had just done so for the first time in my life.

Preparing for a long wait, I grabbed my rosary and a devotional from my back pack. Since it was Saturday, the Joyful Mysteries were the prayers of the day (Coincidence? I don’t think so!). My take-away message from this Rosary was, “In the difficulties of life, the only safety is finding Jesus and never again leaving his great love.”

I had not taken time that morning to read Saturday’s scriptures. The first reading for January 10^th included 1 John 5:14-15, and said, “Beloved: We have this confidence in him that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in regard to whatever we ask, we know that what we have asked him for is ours.” God was telling me again, “Trust me!”

The Gospel for that day, included John 3:30: “He must increase; I must decrease.” It was a reminder to look constantly to Jesus instead of inwardly with self-pity like I had the last day and a half.

From my devotional for January 10th I read: “Practice trusting Me during quiet days, when nothing much seems to be happening. Then when storms come, your trust balance will be sufficient to see you through. Store up for yourself treasure in heaven, through placing your trust in Me. This practice will keep you in My Peace.”²

I thought, “Okay, Lord, I get it now. In one hour, You have, in several ways, affirmed there is no such thing as despair if I will only put my faith and hope in You.”

Finally, I read the daily reflection from Presentation Ministries. It referenced 1 John 5:16 saying, “Many have not had Christmas because they have not repented of sin in their lives. Through the Lord’s forgiveness, they will be given Christmas just before the season ends. On this second to last day of the Christmas season, go to Confession. For so many, Confession is the key to Christmas.”

At 2:10 p.m. my car was repaired. I wanted to get back to the hospital to see more of Jack, but, I now felt pulled to go to Reconciliation. I found the Queen of the Holy Rosary Church was on my route back to the hospital and they had Confession at 2:30 p.m. I arrived there at 2:27 p.m. After relating my story to the priest and confessing my sin of not trusting God, he assigned me a penance to say a prayer of Thanksgiving.

When I returned to the hospital and saw the little man again I knew in my heart he was going to be okay. I didn’t know when but I knew, in God’s time, he would be. I felt the positive power of hundreds of prayers being said for him. I was at peace.

It is in these God-moments, when the Lord reveals Himself to me, that I feel closest to Him. I now know what Eric means by, “Let go and let God.” I know what trusting in Him means. And, I now know how to put my faith where my prayer is.

(Put Your Faith Where Your Prayer Is was first published in Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

¹ A Way To See In the Dark, ©2011 Centricity Music Publishing, (ASCAP)/Nothing is Wasted Music (ASCAP)/Simply Complex Songs (SESAC)/Countermechanical Music (SESAC)/Centric Songs (SESAC), words and music by Jason Gray, Doug McKelvey, and Seth Mosley.

Heart on Fire

29 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Love, Prayer, Renewal, Scripture

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Faith, Fear, God-moments, Grace, HolySpirit, Love, Prayer, Renewal

Ever since I became a Christian people have asked me two questions about my conversion. The first question has been along the lines of, “What was it that convinced you to give up your search for hard proof and accept on faith Christ’s saving Grace and God’s Word?”; and the second has been, “How did it feel when you discovered the Truth?”

My answer to the first question has always been easy for me to explain. Simply put, it was God bringing to fruition my deepest and longest held desires within hours after my witnessing the positive power of prayer and, because of what I had seen and heard, deciding to take a leap of faith by getting down on my knees and praying to Him for help in making those dreams come true.

But, I’ve always had difficulty answering the second question. With respect to Him answering those particular prayers, I certainly felt immense relief and tremendous joy. But, how did I feel about the fact that He answered my prayers at all? That’s a totally different feeling and the one I’ve struggled with adequately describing.

Even as late as this last Sunday, when I related my story in a witness I gave at a men’s Christ Renews His Parish retreat at our church, I still couldn’t do it justice. I know I was amazed, but amazement is a condition of the mind, and there was more to it than that. It felt more like an affair of the heart than of the mind. It was like an instantaneous falling in love and then feeling that same love being reciprocated.

Then, on Monday, in a God-moment, I found the best answer I can expect to find.

I was flying from Chicago to Houston and I couldn’t sleep because the lady behind me, bless her heart, could not keep her two year old son from screaming the entire three hours of the flight. So, I pulled out my bible and opened it to a random page. That page happened to be the start of chapter 24 of the Gospel of Luke. Starting at verse 13, Luke recalls Christ’s Appearance to the two Disciples on the road to Emmaus. After Jesus said the blessing and broke bread with the Disciples, and their eyes were suddenly opened and they realized it was Jesus with whom they had been walking and talking, He disappeared from them.

“Then, they said to each other, ‘Were not our hearts burning within us while he spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?’” – Luke 24:32 NAB

That is precisely what happened that weekend in April 2012. Through the men of that Christ Renews giving team, Jesus, by the Light of the Holy Spirit, opened the scriptures to me and set my heart aflame. That’s how it felt when I discovered the Truth – my heart was on fire. And, it still is.

After saying a little prayer of Thanksgiving for this revelation, I pondered why this happened to me. To this I came up with my own answer: my heart was open to the truth that weekend two and a half years ago. I was tired of fighting it, tired of trying to do everything on my own and getting nowhere. By deciding to go on that retreat I cracked the door open enough to let God into my life.

But, more specifically, I wondered why it doesn’t happen to more people. In thinking about my own life up to that point, I saw where there are varying degrees of unbelievers. There are those who are just outside the margin, like I was most of my life. Then there are the unbelievers who fight hard to not believe. Their doors are not just shut, they have deadbolts on them. The first might be perpetuated by a certain laziness or simple self-reliance, but I think the latter is due to fear. Fear of being wrong. Either way, I know now that folks on both those shores are missing the boat. And, in doing so, they are missing out on that wonderful feeling of burning love within their hearts.

It’s ironic, though, that all it takes to get that feeling is to give in to the One you have fought so hard against, and to open your heart a crack, just enough to let the Light shine in.

That’s our challenge as Christians in trying to bring others to Christ. How do we convince them to not be afraid, to see that there is goodness in the Alternative, and that life is so much easier and sweeter when the locks have been removed and their hearts are freely open?

“Lord Jesus, I am so grateful for Your presence in my life. Thank You for Your patience, for waiting for me to open my heart so that You could set it afire. Lord, I pray that, as Your disciple and through Your good Graces, I am able to convince those who are afraid, and those who are sitting on the fence, to open their hearts to You. Amen.”

©2014 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.