Looking Within

15 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Blessed Sacrament, Eucharistic Adoration, Faith, Fear, Love

Tags

Adoration, Blessed Sacrament, Eucharistic Adoration, Fortitude, Justice, Looking Inside, Looking Within, Love, Prudence, Self Revelation, Silent Retreat, Temperance, Virtue

A couple weeks ago my gracious wife gave me the latest music CD from Jerry Jeff Walker. His mellow baritone voice, guitar style, and heartfelt story-songs have appealed to me since the early seventies. Taking my comment that I’d never seen Jerry Jeff in concert as a cue, she checked and found he doesn’t have a tour. But, she did find that he recently produced his first album in ten years. As I listened to It’s About Time, I thought it could be his best album ever.

One particular lyric that caught my attention was from the song, The Rain Song. He wrote:

“The hardest thing a man can do / Is look inside and see the truth / About himself”

That line grabbed me not just because of how simple yet profound it is, but because I’d been thinking much the same thing. There were some things weighing on my heart and I needed to work them out. I just wasn’t sure how to do it.

Then, last Wednesday, our parish offered a day of Adoration with Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. The 1:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. hour for that day was void of a regular adorer so I volunteered to take it. Later, as I was driving somewhere, The Rain Song came on my stereo and within moments I heard that verse. It hit me that I needed to spend my time with Jesus in reflection looking within myself. And, since I had nothing else planned for Wednesday, I decided to spend not just one hour but a half day before Jesus in a self-imposed silent retreat.

Those hours spent in prayer, meditation and reflection were some of the best I’ve ever spent. The experience was like having a second conversion. As I prayed for the Holy Spirit to enter my heart and reveal to me the “truth”, I invited Christ to help me work through my fears. I asked Him to lead me, to give me direction, and I promised to follow. I laid it all out and then I shut up and listened. He didn’t disappoint.

Over those four hours I learned a lot about myself. And, when time was up, I knew where I stood. I knew that, to get to where I wanted to be, it would require some hard work and a measure of suffering, both born of love, but the fruits would be worth it. I knew, too, that I wouldn’t have to go it alone, that Christ’s love would be there with me every step of the way.

Jesus said, “Seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you” (Mt 7:7). He convinced me last week that if I knock on His door seeking through prayer the knowledge of the Prudent thing to do, Justice in why it should be done, Temperance for knowing the right measure, and Fortitude to make it happen, He will open that door and provide the right answers. With His help it wasn’t all that hard after all.

I’m convinced, too, that the best place for this to happen is with Him in Adoration. Give it a try.

“Jesus, I love you and thank you for your most generous love. Thank you for sending your Spirit into my heart revealing to me that which I needed to hear. Thank you for the grace to come to you in prayer and for giving me the strength to do what is right and just. Amen.”

(Looking Within was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2013-2018 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Before the Cross

31 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Blessed Sacrament, Eucharistic Adoration, Love

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Adoration, Blessed Sacrament, Cross, Crucifix, Desert, Eucharistic Adoration, Good News, Jesus, Kingdom of God, Love, silence, solitude

Jesus Crucified, Le Coup de Lance – Peter Paul Rubens

It’s amazing how time and space can be transformed when you’re in the desert. One hour of silence and solitude during Eucharistic Adoration in the real presence of Jesus can transport you into the mysteries of Christ’s life.

Yesterday, as I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament during my Holy hour, I found myself not alone, but alone with Christ. It was so quiet in the chapel that I could almost hear the flicker of the flame burning in the candle to the right of the tabernacle. Yet, I was listening to the voice of Jesus.

As I knelt on the rocky ground, I could feel the gravel digging into my knee caps. Before me, Jesus was hanging from the cross, struggling for every breath. I felt helpless and ashamed of my cowardice. To rise up and object would certainly mean my death from the Roman soldier standing nearby.

Blinking away the blood and sweat in His eyes, He looked at me. Our eyes met. I uttered, “My Lord, how can this be happening? How can you endure such torture? I cannot bear it!”

He had not enough breath to speak, but in His eyes I could hear Him say, “Because of my suffering you will have eternal peace and salvation.”

“How can I ever repay You?, I pleaded, choking on my words.

Again, I read in His eyes, “I thirst for your love. Show me your love by loving others as I have loved you. Go, let that love multiply as we did with the loaves and fishes. Spread the Good News of the Kingdom of God as I have taught you.”

The pain from the gravel beneath my knees grew worse and I blinked. I lost His gaze and He was gone.

I found myself back in the Adoration Chapel kneeling on the soft cushion of the prie-dieu with the monstrance before me. My hour was almost over. The pain in my knees was just the arthritis from growing older.

(Before the Cross was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Do You Not Yet Have Faith?

28 Sunday Jan 2018

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Blessed Sacrament, Confession, Eucharistic Adoration, Faith, Fear, Prayer, Reconciliation

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Desert, Faith, I Trust In You, Jesus, Mark 1:21-28, Mark 4:40, Prayer, Reconciliation, Reflection, Spiritual Warfare

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– St. Augustine

God continues to work in my life! And, after reading today’s Gospel, Mark 1:21-28, about Jesus casting out the unclean spirit from the man in the synagogue; and yesterday’s Gospel, Mark 4:35-41, about the Apostles’ lack of faith while in their boat during the storm, I feel compelled to tell you how He recently touched me and helped my faith grow deeper.

My wife and I had a wonderful but busy Christmas season. We traveled to Europe to visit our daughter who was studying abroad, and we toured parts of Belgium, France and Germany.

We returned home on the 31st and caught up on a few necessary items before driving to Kansas City on Friday the 5th for our grandson Jack’s third birthday. Then, on Monday, I went on to my second in-residence week of training (also in Kansas City) to become a spiritual mentor.

To say that I had been looking forward to this week would be an understatement. I was dying to get there and experience another week of God’s peace and the joy that radiates from the Sisters of the Apostles of the Interior Life (AVI).

Don’t get me wrong, I truly loved spending quality time with my wife and daughter over the holiday, but with all the traveling and site-seeing I let my daily routine of meditative prayer slide. And, I dearly missed it. I was so looking forward to getting back on track, to the spiritual formation and the times of silence and solitude in the coming week.

When I checked in I immediately felt a sense of belonging. The Sisters of the AVI and alumni mentors were there to meet me and the other students with whom I had become friends during our first session last May. We soon went to mass, had dinner, and had our first classroom session.

By bedtime I was ready to pack my bags, get in my truck and go home.

In a matter of a few hours everything about me transformed from being on fire to being consumed with doubt in my ability to ever succeed as a mentor, and a total sense of unworthiness to be there amid so many holy people. I hurt.

I laid in bed begging Jesus for direction on what I needed to do to shake the fear. I was confused and worried. I knew I needed to trust in Him but I just couldn’t make myself let go.

I awoke the next morning in worse condition than when I fell asleep. I prayed but still didn’t know what to do. I began my daily meditation by reading the scripture for the day. The Gospel for that morning, January 9th, was Mark 1:21-28 (the same passage as today). When I read about Jesus casting out the demon from the man, I was reminded of the spiritual warfare I had last year that made me fearful of posting on my blog. It was deja vu all over again! I thought, “Okay, been there and done that”, so I changed my prayer from, “Jesus, help me figure this out!”, to, “Jesus, I trust in You!” I prayed for the grace to truly turn it over to Him.

But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t happening.

The order of the day began with morning prayer followed by meditation, an opportunity for reconciliation, an hour of Eucharistic Adoration, and a half day of silent retreat dubbed “the Desert”. Fr. Allessandro led the meditation in his soft, kind, Italian accented voice. Between his accent, my hearing aids and the acoustics in the chapel, I barely understood a word he said. But, somewhere in the middle of his talk I heard, “In the desert, you can’t hide from your fear.”

I knew God was talking to me and I was meant to hear those words even if I understood nothing else. I knew something was going to happen while “in the Desert”, but I didn’t know what.

Feeling ashamed of my failure to put all my faith in Jesus, I felt compelled to go to reconciliation as soon as the meditation was over. I confessed to Fr. Steve that my prayer life had been naught over the prior three weeks and I desperately wanted to get it back. I explained my feeling of unworthiness to be there and confessed that I simply couldn’t find a way to turn it over and totally trust in Jesus. Kindly, he told me there isn’t a day goes by during which he doesn’t feel unworthy to be a priest but he knows God called him to be one. And, he told me he knows God called me to be there and to be in the program. Christ, working through Fr. Steve’s hands, forgave me for my unbelief.

I left the confessional and said my one Our Father for my penance. I knelt on the tile floor before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and I started to say, “Jesus, I trust in You.” But, before I uttered the first syllable, I felt an overwhelming rush of consuming love wash over me. If I hadn’t already been on both knees, I would have collapsed to them. In that instant of giving my heart and fear to Him, I felt and heard Him say, “Don’t be afraid, I’ve got this! You’re my beloved.” I broke into tears.

From that moment, the rest of the week was perfect! I couldn’t have asked for more.

Later that day, I recalled the one other time I felt touched by Jesus in this same way (see Put Your Faith Where Your Prayer Is ). It was when I was praying for my four day old grandson Jack’s life as he lay in the NICU at Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City. I had finally realized there was nothing I could do to help him when, in that moment of giving it up I began to say, “Jesus, I trust in You”, He hit me with the same overwhelming feeling of love and I heard Him tell me, “Don’t be afraid, Jack’s going to be okay.”

Thinking about Jack now as a healthy and normal little boy, I realized it was exactly three years to the day since that first event. Coincidence? I don’t think so. No, I think it was Jesus reminding me and asking me, “Do you not yet have faith?” (Mark 4:40)

I know I’ve shared many stories over the last five years about how God has worked in my life. But, folks, He is with us and is just waiting for us to open our minds to the truth, our hearts to His love, and our eyes to see the tangible signs of his presence in everything around us. I’m nobody special. You can find Him in your life, too.

God bless you!

“Lord Jesus, thank You for Your infinite love, Your forgiveness, and Your patience. Thank You for leading me to the Father. Holy Spirit, thank You for opening my heart and mind to the Word of God, and for opening my eyes to see His presence in the ordinary things of my life. Amen.”

(Do You Not Yet Have Faith? was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Crossing Over to a New Life

29 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Eucharistic Adoration, Renewal, Scripture

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Easter, Mark 16:7, Matthew 28:10, Matthew 28:20, Resurrection, Retirement

Yesterday was the day. I turned in my cell phone, computer and keys and I retired. Officially retired. Or, as some say, I started my permanent vacation. Although I’ve actually been on vacation and have not worked for six weeks, Monday will be the first day I haven’t been on my employer’s payroll in almost 36 years. I didn’t look back as I drove out the gate. Instead, I was looking forward to my next stop which was to church for my regularly scheduled hour of Eucharistic Adoration.

As I knelt in prayer giving God thanks for the moment and for a long and prosperous career, I willingly laid to rest a life which I no longer enjoyed. I put to stern the stress of my professional responsibilities that had grown to more than I was willing to let my health absorb. I moved the memories of years of travel and separation from my family to my rearview mirror. As I waved goodbye to a life with which I could no longer identify, I programed my GPS with an address of a new life in which I will have time to devote to better health and building more intimate relationships with not just my family and friends, but with Jesus.

Pulling myself away from those thoughts and back to the purpose at hand, of contemplating the life of Christ, I remembered that since it is the Easter Season my intention for the hour was to meditate on Christ’s resurrection by going back and reading those accounts from the Gospels.

I started with Mark chapter 16 and I pondered the fear and wonder the women experienced when they found Jesus’ body missing but found a ‘young man’ instead who told them to not be amazed. I thought about the confusion and excitement they probably experienced when they were told to, “Go and tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him, as he told you.’” (Mk 16:7) I wondered what I would have thought had I been in their shoes.

I moved to Matthew chapter 28 and read in verse 10 that Jesus, upon meeting the women on their way back to tell the disciples that Jesus’ tomb was empty, told them, “Do not be afraid. Go tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me.” Then, I read in verse 20, after the disciples went to Galilee and met with Jesus, that He told them, “Behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.”

I couldn’t imagine what might have been going through the minds of the Eleven. How could they process that Jesus had died but was living right before their eyes? I don’t know how they could fully understand but their strong faith at least allowed them to accept it and believe it. We have proof in the Acts of the Apostles that they did eventually connect the dots and make sense of everything that happened.

Thinking some more about Jesus meeting the Apostles in Galilee, I realized He had planned all along to meet with them upon His resurrection. In fact, it was absolutely essential that He meet them so that they would believe and continue to follow Him and carry out His will of spreading the Good News. The only way He could do that was by defeating death and crossing over into a new life in which He could, indeed, be with them always until the end of the age.

Then I remembered that Jesus didn’t just die for the Apostles, He died for you and me and all of humanity to save us from ourselves. It isn’t just the Apostles with whom He will be until the end of the age. It’s us, too. He crossed over into a new life so that He could have an intimate relationship with me.

I’m feeling pretty good right now about the reasons behind my decision to retire!

“Oh, loving and gracious God, as I move into this new life I give you thanks for the many blessings you have bestowed upon me, even the ones with which I struggled. You knew best. Lord Jesus, in my relationships with others, please help me to see You in them and let them see You in me. Holy Spirit, I pray for Your guidance on this exciting journey. Amen.”

(Crossing Over to a New Life was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)
©2013-2017 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

What Do You See?

25 Friday Sep 2015

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Eucharistic Adoration, Faith, Love, Prayer

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Blessed Sacrament, Discipleship, Eucharistic Adoration, Faith, Prayer

It’s four o’clock on Friday afternoon as I take my place on the prie-dieu, kneeling in front of the Tabernacle in the Blessed Sacrament Chapel for my hour of Adoration. Today the Blessed Sacrament is exposed and Jesus is at home in the monstrance. It’s just me and Jesus here together. It doesn’t get much better than this.

I say my prayers, giving thanks for His Grace and Mercy. I ask Him to forgive me for my sins and I ask for His blessings on my family. I give Him thanks for this opportunity to be here with Him.

I pray that during the next hour, in the quiet solitude of this beautiful church, He makes Himself present to me. I look up at Him and I know He’s looking down at me, and my deepest desire is to feel His presence.

As always, I tell myself to clear my mind so I can hear Him if He speaks to me. I try this almost every week and I know how difficult it is to lasso the stray thoughts and images and corral them into an out of the way corner. I am seldom successful.

I tell myself, “Relax, take a deep breath, and picture Jesus looking back at you.” It strikes me that I’m thinking/talking to myself in the second person. I realize this conversation is anything but clearing my mind.

I try again. After a few moments of nothingness….“Ugh, I forgot to get back with the Boss about those plans for next week. He’s not gonna be happy!” I catch myself before I go too far down this rabbit trail and I try to get back on track.

Again, I utter, “Breathe, clear your mind. Look up at Jesus and feel Him looking down at you.” After another few moments of nothingness….

“Jesus, what do you see? What do you see when you look down at me? Besides a middle-aged, over-weight man with a growing bald spot on the top of his head, what do You see, Lord? What do You see in my heart?

“Am I the disciple You would have me be? Do I do all that I can to bring others to You? Am I quick to be charitable? I try, Lord, but am I doing enough? Do my actions speak for themselves? Is my faith strong enough for me to be believable to others? Lord, I know I have made little effort lately to grow my faith, please help me.

“What do You see, Lord? Am I the husband I should be to my wife? You know how much I love her, but do I make her feel as loved as she deserves to feel? Do I sacrifice and die to myself daily like I should for her? I know the answer. Please help me be a better husband.

“What do You see in me as a parent? When You look into my daughters’ hearts do You see love that is borne from my love for them? Does my love reach across the miles to them? Have I been, and do I continue to be, a good role model for them? Perhaps so – they have chosen fine men to be their husbands – but, please, show me how to continue. And, please let them know I will always love them.

“As I grow older, and as my parents grow older, do You see me being the son I should be? Do I reach out to them often and comfort them? Have I shown gratitude for all they have done for me? Help me be a better son, Lord.

“As a sibling, what do You see? The years and the miles have made it easy to gradually slip away from my brother, sisters, and in-laws. Do they know how much I still love and care about them? Have I made the effort to let them know? Please help me find a way to do better at staying in touch.

“Lord, You have blessed me with some truly wonderful friends who care not just about me as a person but as a spiritual being. Have I let them know how much their love for You means to me? Do they know their love and guidance has brought me closer to You? What do You see, Lord? Am I there for them when they need help? Do I reciprocate and help them get closer to You?”

I come back to the moment and it dawns on me that I haven’t yet cleared my mind. I’m not listening. I’m in a monologue with Jesus and I’m not giving Him a chance to respond. Again, in the second person, I rebuke myself, “How can you expect Jesus to reveal Himself to you when you’re doing all the talking?”

Then, I think, “Wait, maybe He just did.”

I love my hour of Adoration with Him!

Lord Jesus, every week when I pray to You before Mass, I ask for insight and Your assistance in helping me become a better disciple, husband, father, son, brother and friend. I pray I never stop asking. Amen.

(What Do You See? was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2015 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

The Bad and Good of Sinning on Monday

24 Wednesday Jun 2015

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Confession, Eucharistic Adoration, Reconciliation

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Tags

Confession, Eucharistic Adoration, God-moments, Mercy, Reconciliation, St. Augustine

The Return of the Prodigal Son – Bartolome’ Murillo, 1670

I’m a sinner. We all are in our own way and to our own degree. It’s our nature. It’s called concupiscence.

It seems no matter how hard I try I can’t not sin. Oh, I can go for three or four straight weeks and only commit a few minor venial sins (or so I think), but inevitably, through my own conscious free will, I cave in to temptation or an old habit that hasn’t yet been completely unlearned; or I act rashly in a disrespectful or uncharitable manner which I immediately regret. It tears me up – mostly because I know what I did was wrong and, also, partly because it injures the pride I’ve built up for having worked hard to improve and sin less as time has passed.

When I do this I know that waiting until Sunday morning mass and asking for forgiveness during the Penitential Act just isn’t going to cut it. No, there’s only one thing I can do to get right with God – make a trip to Reconciliation on Saturday afternoon and humbly lay it on the line to Him. The guilt and shame weighs heavily enough on my conscience that I know it’s pointless for me to try to talk my way out of it.

It seems to me that my most serious falls from grace occur early in the week, on Monday or Tuesday. When that happens I have the rest of the week until Saturday to contemplate and painfully stew on the thing(s) I wish I hadn’t done. Why can’t I commit all my more serious sins on Friday night or Saturday morning?

Sometimes during those several days between sin and forgiveness I find myself creating elaborate excuses for why I did the misdeed. But, eventually, I always get to, and spend sufficient time at, the appropriate level of contriteness needed for my confession. This, I think, is one of the beautiful things about the Catholic Church. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is such a great gift. Confessing my transgressions to God while I’m physically looking into the eyes of a real person, forces me to be honest with myself, the priest, and especially with Him. If I couldn’t do that I’m sure I would fall victim to my own inventions, justifying that the onus for my actions belongs elsewhere instead of solely with me.

When I do visit the priest and confess my sins to God with a truly contrite heart, and promise to not sin in that way again, I am often surprised at the lenient penance given to me. I usually feel as though I deserve less mercy and I’m always grateful for the mercy I do receive. But, then, sometimes I believe that those few days during which I agonized over my sin until I could get to confession may have served as partial penance. At least I hope so.

Last week as I waited for Saturday to roll around, I made my usual Holy Hour of Adoration on Friday afternoon. The convenience of this dawned on me: it is the perfect, last chance opportunity to thoroughly examine my conscience, shed the excuses and take full ownership for my actions. After all, it would be just a little difficult, if not foolish, to not get it right while I’m kneeling in front of the Tabernacle looking up at Jesus, and Him looking down upon me.

During that quiet hour last Friday I took time to read from my daily St. Augustine devotional. I was a couple weeks behind so I picked up where I left off with the passage from June 4th entitled, “Pride Can Destroy”. St. Augustine wrote:

“Paradoxically, it is good, in a way, for those who observe continence and are proud of it to fall, so that they may be humbled in that very thing on which they pride themselves. What benefit is continence for us if pride holds sway over our lives?”

What can I say? I can’t make this stuff up. He knows what I need to hear! This was just another one of those God-moments I’ve come to expect while I’m at Adoration. I looked at the Tabernacle and thought what a great and merciful Lord we have. All He wants us to do when we are tempted to sin is to look to Him and ask for His help. So simple, but our human nature makes it so difficult to accept His will. And I thought, if this is the way He reveals the truth to me, then, if I’m going to sin, maybe it’s not such a bad thing after all to do so early in the week!

I continued to read my devotional. Each daily passage is followed by a prayer from St. Augustine. The prayer for June 5^th read:

“Lord, You truly gave me free will, but without You my effort is worthless. You give help since You are the One Who created, and You do not abandon Your creation.”

Amen.

(The Bad and Good of Sinning on Monday was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Time to Think

24 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Advent, Christmas, Eucharistic Adoration, Faith

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Advent, Christmas, Eucharistic Adoration, Faith, HolySpirit, John the Baptist, Zechariah and Elizabeth

Birth of John the Baptist

In the Gospel of Luke 1:15-16, the angel Gabriel announces to Zechariah that he and his wife, Elizabeth, will have a son who will “be great in the sight of the Lord….He will be filled with the holy Spirit even from his mother’s womb, and he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God.” But, because of their age, Zechariah doubts this message from God and the angel strikes him dumb until the day his son is born. (Luke 1:20).

Yesterday’s gospel reading (Luke 1:57-66) recounts how, shortly after the boy is born and the house is filled with guests, Zechariah “asked for a tablet and wrote ’John is his name’, and all were amazed. Immediately his mouth was opened, his tongue freed, and he spoke blessing God.” (Luke 1:63-64).

Then, in today’s gospel reading, The Canticle of Zechariah, (Luke 1:67-79), Zechariah prophesies that a mighty Savior has been born, and that his own son, John, will be, “called the prophet of the Most High”, and will, “go before the Lord to prepare His way” (Luke 1:76).

I can’t help but believe, that during those nine months when Elizabeth carried John, Zechariah kicked himself a few times for his lack of faith. Not being able to talk must have been a burden. But, it gave him a lot of time to think about the angel’s message. And, most importantly, it created the perfect opportunity for Zechariah to listen to the voice of God, uninterrupted by his own speaking, which ultimately allowed him to utter his prophesy.

I don’t think I want to be struck dumb like Zechariah, but I know it would do me good to spend a little more quiet time with the Lord, to turn off my own voice and begin listening to Him to understand His message for me. Because I am traveling, I will miss my normal hour of Eucharistic Adoration this week. I need to build a substitute into my schedule.

Heavenly Father, on this eve of the birth of Your Son, help me to stop and spend at least a few minutes recounting the preparations I’ve made during Advent so that tomorrow will find me rejoicing like the shepherds coming down from the hills into Bethlehem. Amen.

©2014 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

You Keep My Attention

02 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Christian Persecution, Eucharistic Adoration, Faith, Prayer

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Christian Persecution, Eucharistic Adoration, Faith, God-moments, Prayer

I came to see You today. As I knelt in front of You during my weekly holy hour of Adoration I looked up to You in the monstrance atop the tabernacle and I felt You descend and put Your arm around me. You knew my heart was heavy.

You asked me what was weighing me down. My answer to You surprised even me. It wasn’t a request to have You take care of and hold close to You my two daughters and the grandbabies they are carrying in their wombs. I didn’t ask You to heal another loved one who is experiencing some unexplained health problems. Nor did I ask You to watch after my youngest daughter as she prepares to leave home and go to college later this week. No, those prayers came later.

I didn’t know why but I felt compelled to pray for and ask for Your blessings on the thousands of Christians about whom I have read are being persecuted in Syria, Iraq and elsewhere in the Middle East because they believe in You.

You prophesied, “If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first….If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you….And they will do all these things to you on account of my name, because they do not know the one who sent me.” (John 15: 18, 20-21, NAB)

Lord Jesus, I pray for Your blessings on those men, women and children who are being “persecuted for righteousness sake” and that You open up “the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 5:10) to them as they profess their faith in You even under the threat of death. Please protect them, Lord, and give them the strength and courage to do Your will.

I confess to You I didn’t want to, but I did summon up the will to pray for the enemy, ISIS, as You commanded, “But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44, NAB). That’s a tough one. I don’t feel loving towards them for even a second but I do wish them love and peace in their hearts. I think that’s what You mean.

Tonight at home, I read something in a Catholic publication and I suddenly understood why You made this prayer first and foremost in my heart and on my mind. Today, 1 August 2014, was declared by the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter to be a worldwide day of Adoration and prayer for the persecuted Christians of Syria, Iraq and the Middle East. I didn’t know this when I was with You.

Lord, You play these tricks on me quite frequently. I’m so glad You do. You keep me guessing, and I know God-Moments like these are how

You keep my attention.

(The post You Keep My Attention was first published in Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

The Bread of Life

15 Thursday May 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Eucharistic Adoration, Prayer

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Eucharistic Adoration, God-moments, Gospel of John, Grace, HolySpirit, Prayer

There is truly something special about a holy hour of Adoration! There are simply too many of my prayers answered and mysteries explained to me for the Holy Spirit not to be working during that precious hour of genuflection when it’s just me and Jesus. I’ve written about many instances where I have been graced with understanding during that weekly event, and I now have one more “God moment” to add to the list.

In my last post, Never Stop Learning, I recounted how I would pray for God to fill my heart with the Holy Spirit when I started to feel a little empty and I needed to be jazzed up. Then, through a serendipitous reading of Romans 5:5 during my holy hour of Adoration, I came to understand that the gift of God’s love had already been poured into my heart through the Holy Spirit at my baptism and that His love for me is constant and never-ending.

Also, through that discovery, I began to make sense of why I sometimes feel exhilarated in my spiritual life and why sometimes I feel less so. But, even though I know I can’t sustain the spiritual rush that goes along with “being in love with the ‘feeling’”, I still pondered how to find a more consistent, day-in/day-out feeling of “being in love with Jesus”. I needed to figure out how to level the bumps in the road.

So, last Friday afternoon during my holy hour, I prayed for understanding of how to maintain that closeness with Him from one day to the next. Then, as I often do to round out the hour after my prayers, I opened the bible to read. That afternoon I chose to read the daily scripture instead of randomly picking a passage from the bible. The gospel for the day was John 6 : 55-58. I read it and, just like the week before when I read Romans 5 : 5, I had to immediately re-read it because I couldn’t believe what I had just read:

“(55)For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. (56)Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. (57)Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. (58)This is the bread that came down from heaven. Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died, whoever eats this bread will live forever.”

“Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him.” There it was – the answer for which I had prayed just two minutes before. My mind jumped back a year to the night I became Catholic and I remembered my baptism, my first Communion and Confirmation. I remembered how the best part was feeling the presence of Christ upon receiving His precious body and blood during first Communion. And, I knew that all I needed to do to level those bumps in the road was to be renewed in Him each week through taking of the Eucharist, and to remember that He is in me and I in him – that His love is constant and never ending.

I get it. And, I won’t forget it. This week, as I’ve approached those bumps in the road, I have had to stop several times, whisper His name, and remember that He is in me. Each time I have been graced with instant peace.

My next holy hour of Adoration is tomorrow afternoon. I can’t wait to discover what new insights I will receive through listening to His comforting words. If you haven’t experienced this grace that comes from spending an hour in His presence, I encourage you to give it a try.

Lord Jesus, Your presence, through receiving Your precious body and blood in the Eucharist, nourishes and sustains me daily and brings me everlasting life. May I always allow you to satisfy my spiritual appetite. You are the Bread of Life.

Amen

(The post The Bread of Life first appeared in Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Eucharistic Adoration: One Hour of Peace, Hope and Love

09 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Eucharistic Adoration, Prayer

≈ 2 Comments

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Eucharistic Adoration, Grace, Love, Prayer

It’s been a while since I posted anything about prayer and I think it’s about time to bring the subject up again. I’ve been praying a lot lately for guidance and strength to get me through some difficult tasks, and for the health and well being of some people I know. Tonight, I’m particularly looking forward to 6:00 p.m. tomorrow when I go to church for my hour of Eucharistic Adoration, that special one hour of the week when it’s just me and Jesus.

I tend to do my best praying when I’m in church and the best time to do that, I’ve found, is during that one hour a week I set aside to pray in front of the tabernacle during Eucharistic Adoration. I look forward to the quiet time and the feeling that I am in His presence.

I mentioned in an older post that I was still getting used to praying. I still am today. I tend to ramble. I need to be more succinct so I can fit it all in when I only have a short amount of time. I have found, though, that my time in prayer is tremendously more satisfying with less pressure on myself to get it all just right when I schedule a full hour in Eucharistic Adoration once a week and take my time.

As a Catholic I believe the bread and wine, the consecrated Hosts, are actually the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ – combined, they are the real presence of Christ. The basis for this belief is found in Matthew 26:26-28:

“While they were eating, Jesus took bread, said the blessing, broke it, and giving it to his disciples said, ‘Take and eat; this is my body.’ Then he took a cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, ‘Drink from it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which will be shed on behalf of many for the forgiveness of sins.’”

For me, tomorrow is not just any night of Eucharistic Adoration. It’s Adoration with the Blessed Sacrament exposed, which, in my opinion, is the most profound and satisfying way to pray. Exposition is when the Blessed Sacrament is removed from the tabernacle and exposed for Adoration in a monstrance, a sculpture with a glass enclosure that reveals the Host.

Pope Francis 1 with a monstrance

When I pray during Adoration, whether it is when the Host is exposed or not (reposed), I genuflect for most of that hour. What is significant about an hour, you ask? Well, that comes from when Jesus, after agonizing in the Garden of Gethsemane, finds his disciples asleep. Upon waking them, He asks Peter, “So you could not keep watch with me for one hour?” – Matthew 26:40.

The glory of Eucharistic Adoration is best described in the words of Blessed Pope John Paul II, “The Eucharist is a priceless treasure: by not only celebrating it (at Mass) but also by praying before it outside of Mass we are enabled to make contact with the very wellspring of grace…We must understand that in order ‘to do’, we must first learn ‘to be’, that is to say, in the sweet company of Jesus in adoration.”

When I am in adoration I always feel a sense of calmness, of comfort, and my thoughts come to me more clearly. I find when I am laying it all on the line to Jesus, or just having a casual one-sided conversation with Him, my thoughts flow much easier than at any other time of prayer. Sometimes I catch myself doing all the “talking” and I have to quiet myself down and simply try to soak up the joy of being in His presence. In author Kathleen Carroll’s words, “The best kind of friend is the one with whom you can spend time without having to say anything. You can just share the moment and enjoy each other’s company, knowing your relationship is deeper than the spoken word. That kind of silent communication is what takes place between you and Jesus when you participate in Eucharistic Adoration.”

The first couple times I spent an hour in adoration I knelt the whole time and actually spent the entire hour having a one-sided conversation with Jesus. I would run out of things to say so I would repeat myself which made me feel a little stupid. But, the more I went, the more I observed that other adorers would spend about half their time kneeling in prayer and the other half sitting and contemplating. I asked and learned that it was okay to do that. I also learned that it is okay to spend time simply gazing at the Host and soaking up being in the presence of Jesus. It is okay to sit and consider the life of Christ and what he might say to you in light of your circumstances in life. And, it is okay to just sit and listen – listen for that still small voice, that bit of clarity that will give you the direction for which you’ve been searching. It’s okay to bring your bible and read passages from it, or your prayer book from which you might recite some prayers special to the moment. It’s okay to write in your journal about how it feels, what is on your mind, and to record the specific things for which you are praying. And, I have found the more I spend that one hour a week in the presence of Jesus I tend to agree more and more with Mother Teresa’s sentiments, “The time you spend with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the best time you will spend on earth. Each moment that you spend with Jesus will deepen your union with Him and make your soul everlastingly more glorious and beautiful in Heaven, and will help bring about everlasting peace on earth.”

Most adults I know are married, have a significant other, and/or have children. Imagine the sadness we would have if we couldn’t spend at least one hour a week with them, the ones we love more than any others on earth. Then, imagine the ridiculousness of accepting that it would be okay to not schedule at least one hour a week to devote to the one’s you love the most. Now convey that thought over to our relationship with Christ. Can we not spend one hour per week getting to know Him better and letting Him help us get to know ourselves better? By doing so, will we not be able to love our families and friends here on earth more fully?

If you have not had or taken the opportunity to pray during Eucharistic Adoration, I hope you give it a try. Many parishes have Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration with continuous exposure of the Blessed Sacrament, and some, like ours, offer exposure one day per week with each week having a different day. I’m sure you will find your hour well spent and that it will be a special time filled with the Lord’s peace, hope and love. For those of you reading this who do participate in weekly Adoration, I pray that you will encourage others who don’t by inviting them to join you to see what they are missing. As Fr. Sean Davidson, of the Missionaries of the Most Holy Eucharist, who visited our parish to help us get Perpetual Adoration up and running, said, “The adoration of Jesus in the Eucharist also leads to greater reverence at Mass, a deeper desire for personal holiness, and a stronger sense of union with the parish and the whole Church.”

Good night, God Bless, and may you find His Grace through your hour of Eucharistic Adoration.

(Eucharistic Adoration: One Hour of Peace, Hope and Love, was first published on Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Portions of this post were excerpted from Finding Grace Through Eucharistic Adoration)