You Reap What You Sow

24 Monday Jul 2017

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Discernment, Faith

Tags

Faith, God, Matthew 13:24-43, Reap what you sow, Trust in God, Weeds in the wheat

Sunday morning’s Gospel, Matthew 13:24-43, was the parable about the weeds being sown with the wheat. As I made my morning prayers, I asked what message God was trying to send me. I came up with an answer in short order and then readied myself to go to mass.

Come to find out, our priest’s interpretation of that passage of scripture was no where near what I came up with. Not even on the same continent. His was philosophically much deeper and, of course, right on the money. The only thing his and mine had in common were the words reaping and sowing.

Turns out that my take is more from Galatians 6:7. Oh, well.

Since I was a child I’ve heard the adage, “You reap what you sow”. When I hear it, it’s usually with a negative connotation. Frequently, someone discovers, in hindsight, that they screwed up. They’re ruing about a choice they made sometime way back in the past that has resulted in unfortunate circumstances for them. Too often, the regret is over a relationship with another – a matter of the heart.

I usually hear, “If only….” somewhere in there.

Sometimes it’s me speaking those words.

But, my epiphany from this reflection was, “Why can’t it be the other way around?” Why can’t I, instead of regretting the seeds I’ve already sown, focus on the reaping before I sow them?

Why don’t I learn to ask, “What do I need to do now in order to reap what I desire later on?” Why don’t I have that foresight?

Then, I had an epiphany on top of my epiphany. In thinking about that last question, I realized there were too many “I’s” in there. And, that’s the problem.

What I need to do is ask God what the right thing to do is; pay attention and listen to Him; and then do it. Forget about the reaping and trust that there will be a harvest. That which I eventually reap, whether it’s what I desire or a surprise, will be His gift to me for sowing the right seeds.

“Loving and Gracious God, I give you thanks for the bountiful harvest of blessings you’ve bestowed on me. Please help me to discern your will, to sow the good seeds, in the decisions I make, and then trust in You for the harvest. Amen.”

(You Reap What You Sow was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2013-2017 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Peace Be With You

09 Sunday Oct 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Discernment, Faith, Hope, Love, Prayer, Spirituality

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

1 Thesselonians 5:18, Authentic Life, Faith, God, Holiness, Hope, Jesus, John 14:27, Legitimate Needs, Love, Matthew Kelly, Peace, Prayer, Retirement, Sign of Peace, Spirituality

At the sign of peace during Mass on a Sunday morning a few months ago I smiled and uttered, “Peace be with you!” to those around me. As they did the same to me I thought to myself, “Thank you, but, actually, I’m not at peace. It’s more like turmoil. My life is incongruent with the life I would like to be leading.” I knew I was living what Henry David Thoreau called, “a life of quiet desperation.”

I was quick to blame the stress of my job, the expanding corporate bureaucracy, and a huge increase in travel away from home, for my discontent. In my 31 years of management with my employer I had never felt such disharmony.

peace-be-with-you-hotel-room-key-cards-2

Just a few of the hotel room key cards I’ve collected over the last two years.

I knew the real rub, however, was that my job demanded so much of my time that there were huge voids in my personal life. Voids I could no longer ignore: my health was suffering; my relationships weren’t thriving; I was doing very little to stimulate myself mentally; and, because of extensive work related travel, I struggled to find time to pray as I ought, and I desperately missed the fellowship and sharing of my faith with other men in my community.

Since becoming Christian, I have believed that God has placed me here for a purpose. Thus, I found myself praying often for guidance from the Holy Spirit to learn what God’s will is for me. A semblance of an answer came to me during an Adoration hour, not while I was striving to understand the future, but as I reflected on the past. I sensed His will for me up to this point in my life had been to provide for my wife and family. I thought I had done well but I counted the cost and estimated roughly 20 percent of my working life had been spent away from home and family. In that moment I knew one of the things He wanted me to do with the rest of my life was to be the disciple, husband, father, grandfather, son, brother, and friend He designed me to be. Clearly, my new purpose would be to pour my love into those relationships and grow them to a deeper level of intimacy.

I don’t think it was coincidence that shortly after this revelation I was reading a book by Matthew Kelly in which he wrote about becoming fully the person God created us to be and living the authentic life He created us to lead. Kelly talked about how living an authentic life helps us reach the essential purpose of our Christianity – Holiness. And, with respect to the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual “legitimate” needs God created in us he wrote, “When we hear these deepest desires calling us forth, we hear the voice of God.” I realized God was calling me to fill that void by fulfilling those needs.

But, I saw a catch. I knew I couldn’t give my all to His plan and perform my job as I should. That only left one alternative – retirement. And that was a scary thought. I’m not quite 60 years old. Retirement would mean not earning a paycheck every two weeks. It would mean purposefully living within my means and my means were nothing more than what I had saved.

I also feared falling into the trap of mistakenly fantasizing that my life would magically be better once I retire. Many retirees believe that spending a life of leisure on their boat, on the golf course, or taking exotic vacations, will bring them happiness. For some it might but, for most, pleasure seeking doesn’t bring lasting happiness. I didn’t want that to be me. I was happy to accept that my purpose would not be pleasure focused or to accumulate more stuff, but to seek God and find happiness by satisfying the essential needs He intended for me.

After more prayer and discussion with my wife, I concluded I needed to retire. I couldn’t ignore the Holy Spirit’s call to refocus my life. As for my financial wherewithal, I accepted that I would have to have faith that my needs would be met. But, just in case, and afraid of what I might discover, I finally decided to consult with a retirement planner. When his report came back I was pleasantly surprised to find that we should be able to live comfortably for the rest of our lives.

Having made up my mind, I only needed to tell my boss of my intention to retire. Because the driver for my decision to retire was stress induced unhappiness, I wasn’t sure what I would tell him, without sounding bitter and negative, if he asked why I decided to retire. As I thought about this during the drive to where we were meeting everything became perfectly clear. All the things that had kept me from being satisfied were simply steps in the process of God calling me to move on and to fulfill those God-given needs. In that instant I recalled 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NAB), “In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” The bitterness I felt evaporated. I forgave everyone whom I had previously blamed for creating the stress in my life, as well as myself for my own personal contribution. And, instead of being negative, I praised God for the suffering that pushed me to hear His call.

Last Tuesday when I told my boss of my intention I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I know the remaining days between now and the day I retire will be enjoyable and productive because I have a new purpose: to live a healthier, less stressful life; to grow emotionally by bringing more intimacy to my relationships; to help and serve others; to grow intellectually; and to grow spiritually by getting closer to Jesus, and having the time to apply the Gospels to my life every day.

I’m not sure what direction my life will go or exactly what I will do in retirement. But I’m sure it will be an adventure as God unveils new sources of happiness.

This morning at Mass during the sign of peace, when my brothers and sisters shook my hand and said, “Peace be with you!” I thought, “Thank you, by the Grace of God, it is.”

Peace be with you all.

“Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Your Holy Spirit to help me see and hear Your call. I sometimes wish, though, that You would make it just a little easier for me to do so. Amen.”

(Peace Be With You was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2016 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

You Speak To Me

18 Thursday Sep 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Discernment, Faith, Grace and Mercy, Prayer, Scripture

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Faith, God-moments, Prayer

Do you ever talk to God? Does He speak to you when you pray for understanding? He certainly did for me over the last week.

I am fortunate. I love my job….except for days like a week ago Monday when a new employee gave me his resignation. I had spent months trying to find a person with his skill set and potential. He was young and enthusiastic and I thought he would make a good employee. His reason for leaving was because he could not get along with the experienced employee under whom he had been assigned to train. In addition, he made several serious allegations about the behavior of the tenured employee, one of the hardest working and most dependable employees I have.

I spent the next two days preparing for individual meetings with them and HR. We would meet on Thursday and Friday. Much of our preparation was about disciplining the experienced employee. In business, at least in the world of corporate Human Relations, an employee who allegedly offends another employee is usually considered guilty until proven innocent. This is because, in the hierarchy of things, the offended employee’s perception matters more than the offender’s intent.

These situations require time and immense concentration. As such, it stole personal time away from my daily scripture reading and reflecting. Thus, when Wednesday night arrived, I desperately looked forward to the bi-weekly get-together of my men’s faith sharing group. The topic for the night was the Gospel from the previous Sunday, Matthew 18:15-20:

“(15) If your brother sins go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. (16) If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’”

I thought this passage fit my issue at hand and reaffirmed my decision to approach the accused employee and discuss his many ‘sins’. I planned to gather a couple witnesses who could corroborate the allegations, too.

Later that night I read the first reading from that same Sunday’s liturgy, Ezekiel 33:7-9:

“(8) When I say to the wicked, ‘You wicked, you must die,’ and you do not speak up to warn the wicked about their ways, they shall die in their sins, but I will hold you responsible for their blood. (9) If, however, you warn the wicked to turn from their ways, but they do not, then they shall die in their sins, but you shall save your life.”

I read this several times to let it sink in. I had an inkling God was trying to tell me that, as a leader, I have a little skin in the game. Before I convict an employee, I first need to give him a chance to defend himself, and coach and counsel him so that he can consider changing his behavior.

Continuing to catch up on other missed scripture readings from the week, I read Tuesday’s passage from 1 Corinthians 6:1-11:

“(2) Do you not know that the holy ones will judge the world? If the world is to be judged by you, are you unqualified for the lowest law courts?

This was getting interesting. I was, indeed, expected to wear the judge’s robe in this ‘case’. Was I judging fairly and acting as a judge should act? Or, was my mind already made up?

Thursday morning I awoke early and read the Gospel for the day from Luke 6:27-38:

“(31) Do to others as you would have them do to you. (35) … love your enemies and do good to them…. (36) Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. (37) Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.”

For sure, God was speaking to me through this passage. Could I be open-minded and not convict until I had the facts? Shouldn’t I be hoping I would not find evidence of wrong-doing? Was I in a state of mind to be merciful? Would I be willing to give the employee a second chance if he was remorseful?

After reading the daily Bible scriptures, I normally read from my devotional of writings by St. Augustine. On this Thursday morning the passage was from his Letter 22, 5:

“Be assured that abuses are not done away with by harsh or severe or autocratic measures, but by teaching rather than by commanding, by persuasion rather than by threats. This is the way to deal with the people in general, reserving severity for the sins of the few.”

Okay, this was getting uncanny! God was driving his point home! He was reminding me to be kind and respectful to the experienced employee, instead of accusing and confrontational, and to paint a clear picture of my expectations for his behavior around other people.

That day the HR rep arrived and we interviewed the resigning employee. His allegations were serious. We corroborated parts of his story with others. We planned our strategy for the next day’s discussion with the ‘offender’.

On Friday morning I again woke early and read the daily Gospel from Luke 6:39-42:

“(41) Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own? (42)….You hypocrite! Remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter in your brother’s eye.’”

Wow, this week was all about judgment! Smiling, I looked upward and said, “Okay, God, I get it. Thank you! For three days You have taken my hand and shown me the way.” I thought who among us hasn’t, at some time, behaved unprofessionally and been just a little ashamed? Don’t we appreciate a friendly warning, some sound advice and a second chance? And, could it be that I helped cause the employee’s behavior by overlooking a tell-tale sign or by overworking him?

We met with the employee on Friday. He was surprised about the allegations. He agreed his actions were, at times, less than professional, and explained that it was never his intent to offend anyone. There seemed to be some truth to each story. I let him know I would consider his responses and I would follow up with him in a few days. I also knew I would probably let this consume me and otherwise ruin my weekend.

On Friday afternoon I went to my regular Adoration hour where I frequently pray for God to help me understand what He has in store for me. Occasionally, I pick up on little things but too often I’m blind to them. Not this week. No, this week He left no doubt by telling me not to be too critical in my judgment, to be fair and respectful in my approach, and to be temperate with any discipline I may hand out. I thanked Him and prayed for the Grace to handle this according to His will.

On Saturday morning I read from another devotional, Jesus Calling. I had not read from it all week and missed its inspiration. After the “God-moments” of the last few days, I wasn’t surprised when I read the following passage for that day:

“Come to Me and rest. Give your mind a break from its habitual judging. You form judgments about this situation, that situation, this person, that person, yourself… as if judging were your main function in life….When you become preoccupied with passing judgment, you usurp My role.”

If this wasn’t the exclamation point at the end of His lesson for me, I don’t know what could be. I knew I could trust Him and I knew He will grace me with the wherewithal to do the right thing. All I have to do is listen and follow His lead.

“Dear God, thank You for being here, for speaking to me and counseling me when I need You most. Thank You for drawing me to You and helping me understand Your word. Thank You for Your persistence – You knew I needed it to convince me to trust in You. Lord, I pray that I will honor You by exhibiting the Grace You have bestowed upon me. Amen.”

(The post You Speak To Me was first published in Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Opening the Door between Heaven and Earth

25 Friday Jul 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Charity, Discernment, Love, Prayer

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

C.S. Lewis, Charity, Discernment, Jason Gray, Love, Prayer

I have spent most of the last six days decompressing from one of the most emotionally rewarding experiences of my life, and processing it so I can put it down on paper and relate it to you. Last Wednesday through Saturday I participated in our church’s bi-annual high school youth group Appalachian mission trip where we worked with Hand In Hand Ministries in Auxier, Kentucky.

During those four days I witnessed immense love and compassion for our fellow human beings. It wasn’t just one-way from our group to those whom we went to help. No, it also came from them to us, between the individuals within our own group, and between our group and other groups who were also there to volunteer. Having never been on a mission trip before, I will say my expectation was more along the lines of us giving “alms” to those in need with the exception that we would be giving of our talent and not just our treasure. How wrong I was! The kids and the Hand In Hand staff showed me that the love in true Christian charity, like C.S. Lewis describes in Mere Christianity, is more than just alms and more than an emotion. It is a demonstration of love for another, “A state not of the feelings but of the will.”

I am grateful to God for the experience. And I feel fortunate because the trip almost didn’t happen.

Two weeks before the group planned to depart, Mike, the group leader and parish Religious Director, experienced a personal injury that prevented him from going. As such, the entire trip was in jeopardy unless someone could be found to take his place. Since my daughter, Grace, was going, I was asked if I would go in Mike’s place. After praying about it, I agreed to go. I was excited about volunteering and participating in a new experience, about helping others, and working with our youth to provide them with a valuable life experience.

That optimism came to a screeching halt the next morning when Mike advised that two of the other adult chaperones, a married couple, had let him know they could not go. With only two chaperones left, Kelsea and I, the trip was once again in jeopardy. I saw two options: find two more people, a man and a woman, or cancel the trip. As I spoke to others about our seeming misfortune I heard warnings from them such as: “Well, there’s your sign!”, “You’re not meant to go on this trip”, and, “The good Lord’s sending you a message to not go”. As I listened to them, I began to believe they just might be right.

The next day I had an opportunity to spend an hour in prayer at Adoration. I prayed for help in discerning what to do – scuttle our plans or try to find two other chaperones to join us. As I prayed I became convinced that the setbacks were simply Satan throwing up obstacles testing our resolve to do God’s work. Deciding to move forward, I asked a friend to help me find two more people who were both qualified and willing to go. Fortunately, within a couple days we found two such people, Clay, a good friend of mine, and Becky, a veteran of several similar mission trips.

We met at the church for mass on Wednesday morning. The four of us sat with our five charges: Grace, Kathryn, Seth, Hannah and Tayla, and we received a blessing from our priest. The normal gospel reading for the day was replaced by the Judgment of the Nations passage from Matthew 25: 31-46 (NAB):

“(35) For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, (36) naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me….(40) And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’”

The deacon’s homily referred to Mother Theresa’s work with the poorest of the poor in Calcutta and was a fitting inspiration for us.

After mass, the kids hugged parents and we loaded up into two cars and set off on our four hour drive to Auxier. Along the way we stopped for lunch and took a goofy group picture, and detoured to Natural Bridge State Park for a hike up to its unique rock formation. Both were opportunities to have some fun and begin bonding as a group.

We arrived at the Hand In Hand Ministries Auxier Center on time and were greeted by their friendly staff: Gail, Kevin, and Andrew, and by three summer interns: Aniela, Freddie and Jeremy. We learned we would be sharing our volunteering experience with a dozen or so other adults and youths from the Louisville area and as far away as Arkansas. Gail explained to us the Center’s mission, and introduced us to the projects on which we would work over the next three days. She gave us some background on the people we would be helping. As Gail described the hardships faced by their clients, I began to see the wheels turning in the minds of our kids. They were trying to discern which cause they felt most passionate about and how they could help improve the lives of these people they had never met. Our group split between two projects and we were joined on them by some of the other volunteers.

The whole crew at Hand In Hand Auxier Center

Thursday morning found some of the kids being rousted from bed earlier than they had risen all summer, and we mustered for breakfast, packed lunches, said prayers, and loaded trucks with the tools and supplies we would need for the day. As we loaded up to drive to the clients’ homes, I could see the excitement in the kids’ eyes.

I joined Clay, Kelsea, Tayla, Seth, and others at a home where we would be removing walls and ceilings in a house and reinforcing deteriorated rafters for eventual roof replacement. Becky went with Grace, Kathryn and Hannah, and five others to a house to repair a porch and build a wheelchair ramp to the house. The third home, which we would not go to until Saturday, needed new exterior doors installed as the existing ones would not close. This old house, we learned, had, in the last couple weeks, just received its first electricity and water.

I don’t think anything could have prepared our kids for what they would find as they walked into each of these homes. The obvious poverty and poor living conditions were undeniably foreign to anything they had ever experienced. And, I was almost there with them. We had the opportunity to talk face-to-face with the home owners and learned they wanted nothing more than to have safe and healthy homes for their families. In those first few minutes after arriving, I began to sense a transformation taking place within all of us.

In observing the kids, and looking inward myself, I was reminded of the lyrics from a Jason Gray song, With Every Act Of Love¹, wherein he sings of a man who can’t be bothered by a woman’s “heart-cry” written on a cardboard sign she is holding:

“….But when she looks him in the eye / His heart is broken open wide / And he feels the hand of God reach out through him / As heaven touches earth // Oh, we bring the Kingdom come / Oh, with every act of love / Jesus, help us carry You / Alive in us Your light shines through.”

There’s no doubt our hearts were broken open wide during those first few moments. And, over the course of the next two and a half days, I saw and felt the hand of God reach out through me and the other volunteers, bringing heaven to earth, and His Kingdom come with every act of love.

I saw high-schoolers who probably haven’t cleaned their rooms in months jump in and move the homeowner’s personal belongings out of the house so that demolition could begin and do it with care and respect. These same kids, who more than likely complain about washing dishes or mowing the yard, donned Tyvek suits, dust masks, and safety glasses, grabbed crow bars and commenced busting out ceiling drywall with enthusiasm.

Suited up for demolition work

I saw compassion by volunteers who took the time to visit with and get to know the homeowners, and who honored the homeowner’s desire to participate in the renovation of their own residence.

Kids took pride in their work, from cutting a straight line in drywall to hammering tacks perfectly straight and spaced to fasten anti-slip treads on a wheelchair ramp.

There were some kids who were less outgoing than others but were invited into the extra-curricular activities in the evenings by the other kids. It was like there was some unwritten and unspoken morality which everyone knew and honored by ensuring nobody was left out.

I saw kids with more skill and experience watching out for those with less ability and helping them to learn and perform. Never did I see anyone suggest that “this is my job and that is yours”. I witnessed volunteers relieving sweaty and dirty workers so they could grab a bottle of water and cool off without the work stopping. I saw eager teamwork in action by people who had only known each other for a few hours.

Learning to use a circular saw

I saw kids cleaning up their messes, shoveling sheetrock and sweeping up dust before they left at night because it was the right thing to do.

Even in the midst of living conditions to which most people would turn up their noses, our kids were always positive and encouraging, always trying to build up instead of belittling. They made me proud to be associated with them.

We went to the Thursday evening Front Porch Pickin’ at the US23 Music Highway Museum to listen and dance to some of the best Bluegrass music to be found. While there, I saw kids honor the dance requests of the elderly locals who come to this event every Thursday night to clog and two-step the night away and have fun, kids from the different volunteer groups ask each other to dance, and I saw the experienced college-student interns request the pleasure of a dance from the wallflowers in the group to ensure that nobody was left out. Even I danced!

Clogging and two-stepping at Front Porch Pickin’

I saw pure love in action when a young woman donated her personal spending money to purchase an electric table lamp and present it in person to the couple who had just had electricity installed in their house.

I saw “kids” from 14 to 74, most of whom were strangers when we arrived on Wednesday, engage in work and play like they were life-long family. By the time the week was over, “family” was the best way to describe us.

I saw humility that would make Jesus proud when we went around the room on Saturday morning reflecting on the highs and lows of the week. I witnessed strong men break down and cry and younger kids comfortably and perfectly articulate their emotions in front of a large group.

And, I heard our kids discussing and dreaming about returning next year and possibly being summer interns themselves.

By mid-day Saturday, when it was time to leave, nobody wanted to go. But, after tearful hugs and long goodbyes, we packed up and headed home. I know many lasting friendships were made during those four days, and each of us left transformed, fulfilled, and richer than when we arrived.

Final goodbyes

On the way home I reflected on how we almost cancelled the trip and how our group of nine almost missed these life changing experiences. I couldn’t help but think that in spite of Satan’s attempt to thwart our desire to do as Jesus would have us do, we won this game. Walking Hand In Hand with God, we shut out the Devil nine to nothing.

As I was writing this I was listening to the song, With Every Act Of Love, again. Between the second verse and the refrain there is a bridge that sums up the main take-away for me from this trip. It goes:

“God put a million, million doors in this world for His love to walk through / One of those doors is you.”

I hope this experience helped all of us see ourselves as beautifully painted and architecturally perfect portals through which the hand of God can bring heaven to earth.

(Note: Out of respect for Hand In Hand’s clients at whose homes we worked, I chose not to include any photographs of the worksites.)

(The post, Opening the Door between Heaven and Earth, was first published in Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Why Do Catholics Give Things Up For Lent?

14 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Churches, Discernment, Lent, Renewal

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Discernment, Lent, Prayer, Renewal

It’s been almost a year since I officially became Catholic, and two extraordinary, life changing years since that amazing weekend when I made up my mind to join the Church.

Last week during Ash Wednesday mass it occurred to me that that particular mass was the beginning of my first real Lent. Last year I was wrapped up in the details of the Sacraments of Initiation and, I think, much of Lent got lost in the shuffle in preparing for baptism, confirmation and first communion. And, while I was kneeling there in church I remembered that, besides fasting and abstinence on the prescribed days, I was expected to sacrifice something, or “give something up” for the next seven weeks. Having not spent much time planning for the season I wasn’t sure what that something would be, and I vowed to sleep on it overnight with the hope that maybe something would pop into my mind.

The next day found a co-worker and me driving to southern Indiana on business. The conversation turned to Friday night’s fish fry at my church and my co-worker asked me, “Why do Catholics give things up for Lent?” I replied that it represented Jesus’ sacrifice during His forty days in the desert. But, then, it struck me that I really didn’t answer his question. There had to be an answer much deeper than that and so, after humming and hawing a bit, I embarrassingly admitted to him that I really didn’t know.

This was, to say the least, bothersome for me. I ought to have known and been able to give an adequate explanation straight off the cuff. I did remember from last year that the season of Lent for me as a catechumenate was focused on preparing for my renewal through baptism. Beyond that my knowledge was on shaky ground. I knew it would drive me crazy if I didn’t settle this and get it straight in my mind so I could rapid-fire it back to the next person who might ask me. I needed to get to the bottom of it.

Not wanting to admit my ignorance any more than I had to, I chose not to ask anyone for their opinion until I had done some research on my own. I Googled the subject and found several sites whose authors tried to give explanations but, with vocabularies much more advanced than mine, I didn’t understand what they were trying to tell me. I needed it to be dumbed down a little. I also noticed that different articles seemed to emphasize different reasons for observing Lent. I was getting more confused by the moment. Confused but also more determined.

Finally, on Monday I broke down and confided in some friends about my dilemma. One was as confounded as I was and couldn’t explain it any better than I did. A couple more offered their opinions in words I could understand. Their explanations sounded good but they still didn’t quite agree with each other.

That night found me away from home in a hotel room and in the usual uncomfortable hotel room bed. So, I had a few hours of tossing and turning in bed to toss and turn this idea of Lent around in my head. Getting nowhere, I rolled out of bed in desperation and knelt on the floor on one of the extra pillows and prayed to God for some relief – either let me sleep or let me figure out this Lent business in terms that make sense to me.

God didn’t disappoint me. And, it wasn’t sleep that I was afforded. It seemed that once I began praying for understanding I started seeing the big picture more clearly. It wasn’t long before the bits and pieces from all my sources started fitting together and making sense in a way that I knew I could defend:

God doesn’t need us to give up anything for Him. But, He does want us to become closer to Jesus by emulating Him.
Lent is a period of renewal, of dying to ourselves so that we may rise again, like Jesus died and rose from the dead.
Lent is a time to shed destructive tendencies and commit to new, positive lives.
Like Jesus sacrificed in the desert, we, too, should sacrifice through fasting as a form of self-discipline.
Through this self-discipline, we become stronger and more successful at denying Satan’s daily temptations.
That same self-discipline helps us become closer to Jesus by improving our prayer time.
By focusing on our spiritual lives during Lent, we have the opportunity to reflect and seek reconciliation and do penance as a form of sacrifice in reaching that state of renewal.
And, Lent is a period of increased charity (alms in the form of giving to those less fortunate), and becoming Christ-like by focusing on loving our neighbors and less on ourselves.

The experts may tell me there is more to it than this but, you know what, these are good enough answers for me, ones I think I can remember.

Satisfied, I climbed back in bed and the rest of my prayer was answered. I fell asleep.

On Tuesday, while at my office near Somerset, Ohio, I was still pondering Lent. I felt I had answered the “Why” question but I realized the “What” and “How” questions as they applied to my life were still unanswered.

Last September I posted The Cradle of Faith In Ohio and I mentioned the oldest Catholic church in Ohio is only a about a half mile as the crow flies from my Somerset office. I have stopped in to St. Joseph’s a couple times and prayed in the quiet solitude of that beautiful church. And, so, I decided I would stop again and pray for discernment of what I could do to make the most impact in my life and on the lives of others this Lent. Unfortunately, St. Joseph’s was locked up and I was bummed to think I would have to stew on this during the two hour ride home. I left St. Joseph’s via a different route than normal that took me through the half of the village of Somerset in which I had never been. To my surprise and delight I discovered another Catholic church, Holy Trinity, a beautiful church built in the mid-1800’s. And, it was open!

Holy Trinity Church, Someset, Ohio

I walked in and took a pew about half way down on Mary’s side. I sat alone in the perfect silence of this old and beautiful church, contemplating Lent, and praying about what I should do.

Holy Trinity Church, Somerset, Ohio

Fifty minutes later I had my answers and my Lenten commitment was solidified. I could now get on with life and experience Lent the way it should be experienced.

Oh, I didn’t tell you what I decided to do, did I? Well, I’m going to follow the words of Jesus as recounted in Matthew 6:1-4 and 6:16-18 and “not blow the trumpet before me” and keep my plans for fasting and almsgiving a “secret”. Sorry folks.

Have a blessed and meaningful Lenten season!

(The post Why Do Catholics Give Things Up for Lent? first appeared in Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

The Still Small Voice of Discernment

25 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Discernment, Fear

≈ 4 Comments

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Discernment, Fear

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, Who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” – James 1:5

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew you needed to do something but you weren’t sure exactly what that something should be, and you also knew that, whichever option you chose, you would be afraid to do it?

As I’m writing this, many men and women I know who are participating in the preparation for a Christ Renews His Parish weekend are in the process this week of “discerning” what their role will be on the weekend. Having been through the process twice I know it can be quite daunting to think about speaking in front of, and witnessing to, people you don’t know on a subject that may be very personal. You have on one side a voice calling you to, “Do this, it’s the right thing to do”. And, then, you hear another voice saying, “No, don’t do that, you’re putting yourself out there and the risk of failure is too great!”

The first time I was faced with discerning what action I should take, I have to admit I had no idea what the word “discernment” meant. It was not in my vocabulary. Instead of looking it up in the dictionary to find that its definition according to Webster is, “The quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure”, I guessed it was more like playing poker – you close your eyes and try to imagine through some kind of ESP if you want to draw the next card. Go ahead and laugh, that’s the truth. It actually worked for me because it took fear out of the equation and reduced it to pure dumb luck. But, most folks aren’t quite the spiritual neophyte that I am.

So, how do you choose between discerning the right thing to do and letting fear talk you out of it?

I was reading the other day in a blog that I follow by author Allison Vesterfelt in which she discussed in her new book The Chase, the difference between fear of failure and one’s discernment that a direction is the right way to go. She writes:

“There is a distinct difference, although sometimes the line between them is thin and fuzzy. If you ignore the first [fear of failure], you’ll find [freedom]. If you ignore the second [discernment], you may get the opposite – a circumstance that crushes your spirit and steals your life.

“I definitely don’t have all the answers in this area, but there is one thing I’ve learned by making mistakes on both sides. Fears are loud, and discernment is quiet. Generally, when I’m trying to make a decision between going this way, or going that way, my fears are screaming to me, warning me about all the possible dangers ahead. My discernment, on the other hand, is whispering to me, softly: that isn’t the way.

“It seems weird that it would be this way, if you ask me. I wish my fears would be the quiet voices, and that discernment would be loud. It would make so much more sense. After all, my fears are so often lying to me, and I can trust my discernment to tell the truth. But one thing I’ve learned by listening to the quiet voice of my discernment over the loud voice of my fear is this: in order to hear, I have to get quiet, and lean in to where the voice is coming from.

“I don’t know if God intended it this way or not, but either way, I’ve found it to be really helpful. Practicing the discipline of tuning out my fears and tuning into my discernment actually brings me into intimacy with Jesus. It quiets the noise and sheds the distractions. It brings Him close to me, and me close to Him. And the closeness and intimacy we develop in that space, I’m finding, is actually the only thing I need in order to move forward in my journey.”

The quiet voice of discernment, she says? Where had I heard that before?

I was driving to Nashville, Tennessee this morning listening to one of my favorite CDs, Jason Gray’s, A Way To See In The Dark , and I noticed the lyrics of two songs had something in common. In both, the songwriter mentions a still, small voice.

In the first, Fear is Easy, Love is Hard, he writes:

“It comes down to a simple choice,

Shouting devils, or a still, small voice.

One is spreading fear and dread

Oh, but Love has always said

‘Do not be afraid.’”

In the second, Without Running Away, he writes:

“After a while in the dark, your eyes will adjust,

In the shadows you’ll find the hand you can trust,

And the still, small voice that calls like the rising sun,

‘Come, and bring your heart to every day

And run the risk of fearlessly loving

Without running away.’”

Like Ms. Vesterfelt, he suggests that the devil is the source of the loud shouting behind the fear that is telling us not to do something, but it is Jesus, with His love, who is trying to catch our attention with His quiet whispers, His still, small voice, and that if we place our trust in Him, we can do the right thing even if it is that which we fear to do.

Is this how you have experienced determining what you should do?

For my friends who are discerning this week what role you are being called to play in your ministry, I pray you find it easy to lean in to the quiet, still small voice of Jesus and tune out the loud, fear inducing shouts by the devil of doubt.

God Bless you.