God is a Techie….and I’m Not

31 Thursday May 2018

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Generosity, Prayer

Tags

Answered prayers, Generosity, God-moments, Prayer

Before I retired a year ago, I did much of my writing from hotel rooms. I was usually away from home one or two nights a week. It was during the two to six hour drives in the evenings from home to my destination that I often became inspired as I reflected on a particular scripture passage and how it related to my life, or an encounter with someone, or even the words to a song. Then, upon arriving at the hotel, I’d stay up late and write my thoughts down into a reflection and post them.

Circumstances have changed since I retired. I still have frequent inspirations but I’m finding it difficult to make time to write. I stay busy during the day with a plethora of activity and I prefer to spend my evenings with my wife instead of behind a computer screen. I try to make notes to myself about blog ideas but by the time I get around to writing them I’ve either lost the gist of the inspiration or it’s been so long that it’s no longer relevant.

Two Saturdays ago I was driving from Ohio to Southeast Missouri to visit family. Since Sunday was Pentecost and the end of the Easter season, I was thinking about the Gospel passages I’d read during Easter. There were three prominent and distinct messages that struck me, but, I couldn’t write them down while I was driving, and I knew I wouldn’t have time when I reached my destination, either. They were good ideas and I didn’t want to lose them! A little frustrated, I uttered, “God, why do I always have these inspirations when I’m driving and I don’t have time to write them down? Give me a break or help me figure this out, would you, please!”

I stopped briefly somewhere in Southern Indiana for a bio-break, to stretch my legs and to grab a burger for lunch. I opted to eat in rather than get it to go since it would give me time to answer some emails and texts I’d received since I left home. As I was replying to an email on my iPhone, I accidentally hit that little microphone icon next to the space bar and up popped some squiggly business at the bottom of the screen and I noticed that what I was muttering to myself was showing up as text.

It took me a second to figure out what was going on. In all my years of using my iPhone, I’d never tapped that microphone button before. Not even by accident. I didn’t know what it was for. Well, I mean, I know what a microphone is, of course, but I didn’t make the connection as to why it was there. I’m from that generation that half way wants to realize the benefit of technology but the other half, in fear, says, “Don’t touch anything if you don’t know what it does!”

Then it hit me. I could dictate messages to myself with that little bitty button! I could record my inspirations as I was driving and then all I would have to do would be to decipher them when I eventually found time to write. I thought, “Wow! This opens up a whole new world!”

And then I realized what had really happened. Just minutes before, I had asked God, albeit in frustration, to help me figure out what to do. Out of His kindness, He didn’t waste any time answering my prayer!

In the final three hours of my drive, I took advantage of that little technological marvel and, putting my inspirations into words, I dictated messages to myself. Now I just need to find the time to put them in coherent sentences and get them out to you. Stay tuned!

“Good and gracious God, you never cease to amaze me with your generosity! I thank you for the many times you’ve revealed yourself to me in seemingly insignificant ways as well as the times you’ve driven me to my knees in awe. Abba, Father, I praise, adore, and glorify you and give you thanks for all the many blessings you’ve bestowed on me and my family. Amen.”

(God is a Techie….and I’m Not was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)
©2013-2018 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Pops, MoM and Mercy

12 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Love, Mercy, Road Trips, Scripture, Thanksgiving

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

God-moments, Love, Mercy, Prayer, Prince of Peace

In yesterday’s post, A Joyful Hour, I said my wife and I are on another road trip from our home in Ohio to Kansas City and then on to Rapid City, South Dakota. We made it to our daughter’s house safely Saturday evening, enjoyed a nice home cooked dinner and some special time with our two grandsons before they had to go to bed. Our grandson Jack is 20 months old, and Eddie is two months old. I slept well that night and I looked forward to the next morning and a full day of fun with the little guys.

When my first grandchild was on her way almost two years ago, my daughters asked what I wanted to be called as a grandfather. I had thought long about this and one thing kept coming to mind. A friend from Lake Charles, Louisiana, who is a big duck hunter and retriever trainer, told me you should always name a dog with a one syllable name. That way they can remember it easier. Well, in my way of thinking this seemed like a good idea when it came to young children, too. If I went by a one syllable name it would be easier for the little ones to remember it and say it. So, I chose Pops.

When I awoke in the morning I said a quick prayer knowing that it was going to be a good day. I made it to the breakfast table, poured myself some coffee and waited for Jack to announce he was ready to get out of his crib. Before long, my son-in-law, Joe, brought him down the stairs, stood him on the floor and the best thing ever happened. Jack turned around, saw me, hollered, “Pops!”, and came running to me and gave me a hug. What a fabulous way to start my day!

We ate breakfast and then dressed to go to Mass. While at our daughter’s we usually go to the Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Olathe. But, Prince of Peace has been busting at the seams because of the growth in the south Kansas City area and the diocese has decided to build a mission church which will actually be closer to her house than Prince of Peace. The name of the new parish has not been decided yet but we were thinking on the way there that it ought to be called Mother of Mercy parish. Mother of Mercy, aka “MoM”, as opposed to “PoP” for Prince of Peace – get it?

This was the second Sunday for the mission church to celebrate mass in their temporary location -the gymnasium of the Madison Place Elementary School. The altar was set up on the stage with row after row of folding chairs on the gym floor. Melinda, my daughter, Lisa, Jack, and I got there just in time to get seats. The engineer in me quickly counted the number of seats in each row, multiplied by the number of rows and estimated the number of people standing in the back and I came up with roughly 550 in attendance. Not bad at all for the second week of a mission parish!

Until the parish officially gets its name it will be called the New Johnson County Catholic Church. But, I like MoM better so that’s what I’m going to call it for now.

The priest at MoM was a jovial and, I suspect, a very likeable young man. I thought he will probably be a good priest to draw the young families in the area into his flock. I was particularly impressed with his homily about the Gospel reading for the day, Luke 15:1-32, which includes the parable of the Prodigal Son. Although I’ve read this passage many times and heard several homilies about the Prodigal Son, today was the first time I ever fully understood why the brother was so upset about the attention the father was lavishing on the returned son.

I knew that the Prodigal Son, upon demanding his inheritance from his father, was basically wishing his father dead. The father, out of his love, gave his son what he desired. But, it never occurred to me that the robe, ring, sandals and fatted calf which the father gave to the returning son came from what was left after he had been given his half, in other words, the half that was designated for the other son. Seeing the situation from that perspective I thought how I might be a little upset, too, if I was the brother. The priest explained that the father in the parable, when asking his son to celebrate and rejoice the return of his brother with him was actually asking him to forgive and be merciful. I always thought the brother was just a selfish jerk.

Then, having broached the subject of mercy, the priest reminded us that it is the Jubilee Year of Mercy and what is expected of us during this time. But, what it did instead was play to my guilty conscience and reminded me that I wrote a blog post way back in March of this year about The Jubilee Year of Mercy and I promised that I would write more and elaborate on mercy, how we can be merciful and how God is merciful to us. Here it is the middle of September and I still haven’t followed through on that promise. I still have time I thought, and late is better than never.

The rest of the day was spent playing with Jack and holding and getting burped on by Eddie. We went to the Deanna Rose Farmstead in Overland Park where Jack got to see pigs, cows, horses, ducks and, his favorite, chickens. Back at home, Lisa prepared a superb dinner; we Face-timed with our daughter Mary and her two month old son, Patrick, and our daughter, Sara, and her daughter, Elsa; and we wrapped up the day with a board game which I lost. All in all, it turned out just as I thought it would when I rolled out of bed in the morning – perfect.

On Monday we plan to drive for about 12 hours to Rapid City, South Dakota to spend a week with more family. I’m looking forward to the drive, the time spent with Melinda, and the opportunity to contemplate how I can improve my relationship with Jesus. Pops is not looking forward to leaving Jack and Eddie behind but I know I will see them on the return trip in two weeks when we come back for Eddie’s baptism. All in all, I know it will be another good day.

“Dear God, I give you thanks for all your many blessings: for family, and especially for children and grandchildren; and for the opportunity to see more of this magnificent country we call ours, a country in which we can still worship you freely like I did this morning. Lord Jesus, I pray that tomorrow as I meet people on this road trip I will see You in them and that they may see You in me. Holy Spirit, I pray that You will guide me and steer me away from any temptations that might come my way. Amen.”

(Pops, MoM and Mercy was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2016 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Indirect Grace

12 Tuesday Jul 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Christian Community, Faith, Fear, Grace, Love, Prayer, Thanksgiving

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Tags

Christian Community, Faith, God-moments, Grace, Love, Prayer, Rosary

It’s been a good day here in Eastern Kentucky. We worked hard repairing the bathroom floor, tub, and toilet for a gentleman. During the work and at breaks we learned his story. And we came together as a team, teaching and learning woodworking and plumbing skills and getting to know each other.

I have to admit that my mind often wandered as I worked today. I don’t think it kept me from working safely but, unfortunately, I did make a couple saw cuts in error. No, my mind wasn’t always on my work; rather, it drifted to those two new, less than a week old, grandsons whom I have yet to see. So, this post isn’t about our mission work – more will come on that later. This post is kind of a Paul Harvey “Rest of the Story” kind of story about a lesson I learned.

On Sunday I posted in Miracles that my daughter, Lisa, gave birth to her second son on Thursday of last week, two weeks early. On Wednesday morning she went in for an ultrasound and the doctor, after seeing something that didn’t look quite right, recommended inducing labor and delivering the baby as soon as possible. The situation was not life threatening to either mother or baby but it was best to introduce baby Edward to the harsh reality of life outside the womb. I claim I didn’t get the message that it wasn’t a serious issue. My wife says otherwise. But, let’s not go there.

Wednesday afternoon I left on an overnight trip to southern Indiana for business, about a four hour drive. I had a lot of time to worry about Lisa and the baby and all that could go wrong. Memories from a year and a half ago came streaming back to me of how her first son, Jack, had complications after birth and we thought we might lose him. I remembered how I prayed to Jesus with everything I had for Jack’s health. And, I remembered how, after a series of God-moments (see Put Your Faith Where Your Prayer Is) including praying the rosary and asking for the Blessed Virgin Mary’s intercession to Jesus, I was suddenly overcome with joy like I had never known, joy that instantaneously brought me a peace that broke me down to crying tears of Thanksgiving. I felt Jesus assure me that Jack would be just fine.

I wanted that same feeling last Wednesday. I wanted it so bad that I prayed continuously as I drove. I prayed two rosaries and I prayed, “Jesus, I trust in You” until my throat was dry. But, the more I prayed, the more I became discouraged. Nothing was happening. It wasn’t working. I felt ashamed of my inadequate faith.

Desperately wondering what to do next I decided I needed prayer support, someone who would and could pray for us. I remembered that day 18 months ago as I was driving from Cincinnati to Kansas City to see Lisa and young Jack. I remembered receiving a phone call on that drive from a good friend, a mother with four children of her own, and one of the best prayer warriors I know. I remembered how her words brought me such comfort which, I believe, eventually brought me to placing my full trust in Jesus.

I called her and I reached her on the second try. I explained my predicament and my worries. I confessed that even though I was repeating, “Jesus, I trust in You” over and over, I really wasn’t feeling very trustful. Once again her words helped calm me as she reminded me to simply trust in His will; that my daughter and baby are in His loving hands; to accept His Grace; and that He will not give us anything we can’t handle. She said she would pray for me, Lisa and her baby.

A few miles further down the road I received a message from my friend that she, her husband (also a very close friend) and their four children had just prayed, as a family, a decade of a rosary for us. She told me that she found her prayer very peaceful, that she had a calming peace thinking of me driving and praying the rosary. She reminded me again to lean on and have faith in the Blessed Virgin’s intercessory prayers to Jesus, and that she knew Mother Mary was holding Lisa’s hand. When I arrived at my hotel, I messaged her back thanking her and her family for all their prayers. While I had not yet had that moment of divine revelation that everything was going to be okay, I at least felt better. I was mentally exhausted and, going to bed, I immediately fell asleep.

That was the best night’s sleep I’d had in quite some time. When I awoke on Thursday morning I did something I’d never done before. I don’t know where it came from but I uttered, “God is with me. How can it be anything but a beautiful day?” As I was clearing the fog from my mind I realized I knew Lisa and baby would be just fine.

A short while later I talked to my wife. It was at this time I heard her explain that the complications with Lisa’s pregnancy were nothing to get excited or worried about.

Then, I had another revelation. I realized that my fear had been keeping me from accepting God’s Grace. I thought, “He’s probably been intent on getting His Grace to me one way or the other. If I wasn’t going to accept it directly, He would have to get it to me indirectly. So, He brought my friend to mind knowing I would trust her, that through her she would help me hear Him.”

Now it all became clear: It wasn’t Lisa or her baby who needed help. It was me.

That’s God working through the power of Christian Community.

“Lord Jesus, thank You for Your love and for continuing to shower me with Your Grace. Thank you for blessing me with friends who love me and care for my spiritual welfare and pray for me to grow closer to You. Help me to get past my fear so that I may fully trust in You. Amen.”

(Indirect Grace was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Miracles

10 Sunday Jul 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in abortion, Grace, Love, Prayer, Thanksgiving, Uncategorized

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

abortion, Childbirth, God-moments, Grace, HolySpirit, Love, Miracles, Prayer, Rosary

In yesterday’s post Without Cost You Have Received; Without Cost You Are To Give I mentioned it feels like I’ve been drinking from the fire hose of Grace this week. It has been a spectacular week for me and it seems I see God working in my life about every time I turn around.

The week started off especially nice as it was a four day weekend for me. I took Friday off and then Monday was Independence Day holiday. I had a stress-free four days away from work during which time I worked like a dog around the house and got several projects started or completed which I had put off for too long.

Monday began as any typical holiday but by mid-day it unfolded into a beautiful blessing for my family. It wasn’t the red white and blue patriotism, or mouth-watering barbeque or the thrill of the fireworks. Nope. It was the call at mid-day from our daughter, Mary, in Louisiana saying she was in labor with her first child and that he would probably be a Fourth of July Firecracker baby. This would be my third grandchild and my second grandson. Being a father of four daughters, I kind of like this grandson business!

My projects took a back seat to the rest of the afternoon spent mostly in prayer including a rosary. I prayed for a safe delivery, that God would guide the hands of the physicians, and that baby and mother would both be healthy considering he would be entering this world two weeks early. God delivered and by early evening I was looking at texted pictures of our beautiful new grandson, Patrick, and huge smiles from Mary and my son-in-law, Michael. Patrick was perfect. Two thoughts crossed my mind: that he was made in the likeness of God Himself; and that the birth of a human child is surely one of God’s greatest achievements, his most beautiful miracle.

Tuesday was spent floating in air, my heart about to pop the buttons off my shirt! I don’t know how many times I stopped during the day to pray, to give thanks to God for so many prayers answered and to pray more for continued good health for mother and baby.

On Wednesday morning I found myself back walking on the ground but still so grateful for God’s blessing. I got a few things accomplished at my office before noon when I received another special phone call. My daughter, Lisa, who lives in Kansas, was heading to the hospital to deliver her second child and second son, also two weeks early.

It was like déjà vu. Stop what I’m doing and start praying. Instead of going to lunch I stopped by church and prayed a rosary in Adoration in the Blessed Sacrament chapel. I had to drive four hours on business that evening so I had plenty of time to pray in the car and I managed two more rosaries.

Lisa’s delivery didn’t go as quickly as Mary’s and it wasn’t until Thursday afternoon that our third grandson, Edward, was born into the world. He and his mother were both healthy and he, like his cousin, Patrick, and his Creator, was also perfect. Another beautiful miracle!

It doesn’t get much better than this.

Heavenly Father, I give You thanks with all my heart for Your many blessings, especially for the children You bestowed on my wife and I, and now for the blessing of them having and loving children of their own. Lord Jesus, I give You thanks for being with them through their pregnancies and for holding their hands during childbirth. Holy Spirit, thank You for helping me to see God’s glory in the miracles He creates. I praise You, Holy Trinity, for filling my heart with love for You and my family. I earnestly pray for all the unborn children whose lives were ended through abortion, may they be joyfully playing in heaven; and, I pray for the parents of those children who failed to accept the miracle of Your love, may they find a way to penitently turn to You. Amen.

(Miracles was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Without Cost You Have Received; Without Cost You Are To Give

08 Friday Jul 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Evangelization, Faith, Grace, Scripture

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Faith, God-moments, Gospel of Matthew, Grace, Jesus sends the Apostles, Mt 10:1-15, Without Cost You Are To Give, Without Cost You Have Received

Jesus sends the Apostles c.1300 Duccio Di Buoninsegna

Jesus Sends the Apostles – Duccio di Buoninsegna, c.1300

¹Jesus summoned His twelve disciples….and said: ⁷“As you go, make this proclamation: ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ ⁸Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, drive out demons. Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give….¹¹Whatever town or village you enter, look for a worthy person in it, and stay there until you leave. ¹²As you enter a house, wish it peace. ¹³If the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it; if not, let your peace return to you.” (Mt 10:1, 7-13, NAB)

It’s been two and a half months since I’ve posted. I’d like to say my busy-ness has been a factor but, honestly, I haven’t felt inspired. I had three posts in four days back in April and then….nothing, not an idea, not a sign, nada. Looking back, I’m sure God spread many gems of Grace in my path but in my blindness all I saw was a gravel pit.

Fast forward to this week and suddenly I feel as though I’m drinking from a fire hose. It’s like a divine thirst quenching and God will only close the valve when He knows I am sated. Everywhere I look I see with acute clarity God working in my life: events, conversations, images, ideas, scripture, people I’ve met. I sense God telling me, “Son, I’m giving you a plethora of inspiration, now do something with it!”

But, where do I begin? I was pondering this question yesterday afternoon when I finally had a chance to read the last two day’s scripture passages. As I read the Gospel, Mt 10:1-15, it became clear where to start: heed Christ’s command to “Go”. Go and spread the Word. Jesus summoned me three years ago in my Confirmation and asked me then to share my faith with others, a directive I gladly accepted. And I have let Him down over the last 10 weeks.

I know that without cost, without asking, I have received God’s freely given Grace. My so-called “inspiration” is actually His gift to me. His expectation is for me to pass the gift along to others without cost.

Within the boundaries of my world, the sphere of influence in which I live, my opportunities to evangelize are few. This blog has been my way of spreading the Word. I know though, for the most part, that my reflections are mere preaching to the choir, that the audience I reach is already strongly Catholic.

My hope has always been that, through His Grace, my repackaging of His gift to me may reach a few who need just that little extra something to help them turn back to Him, a cure for their sickness so to speak; and occasionally reach one or two who will have a conversion experience, a driving out of demons if you will, because of a God-moment I’ve shared.

I admit I have, at times, allowed myself to become discouraged when it comes to posting and occasionally I have not posted because of it. I get few comments or feedback on my posts to tell me whether I’m connecting with my readers. I suspect that’s an indication of the quality of my content or of my writing style. But, I do the best I know how and I remind myself that I’m not in it for my ego. Thus, as I contemplated the Gospel passages above, I realized that I’m called to offer this gift with a wish of peace regardless if many choose to accept it or pass it along further. One or two is enough. And, if it’s not accepted, I need to move to the next house, or post, and let my peace return to me.

In going back to the question of, “where do I begin?” I hope to share with you several new reflections over the next few days. I hope they will cause you to reflect a moment on your own. I hope you will share them with me and others. And, I hope they bring you His peace.

God bless you all.

(Without Cost You Have Received; Without Cost You Are To Give was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

A Love That’s True

24 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Love

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Faith, God-moments, Gospel of John, Grace, Hope, John 13:34, Love, St. Martin de Porres Lake Charles

Today’s post is something new for Reflections of a Lay Catholic! I’m entering into uncharted territory, laying myself bare before you. I am posting an original poem I wrote yesterday. Well, actually, it’s more like song lyrics but I can’t tell you the tune, of course. I was on an airplane between Chicago and Houston and I kind of had a tune running through my head. Then, the first line of the chorus popped into my mind and I thought, “Hey, let’s see where this goes.” So, without further ado, let’s see where this goes:

A Love That’s True

I don’t deserve the blessings in my life,

But through His love God graced me with my wife.

Our love was meant to never be apart,

He gave us kids to love with all our hearts.

A love that’s true, a love that’s real,

The kind of love you live for every day,

A love that’s new, a love you feel,

The kind of love you hope for when you pray.

I got good friends I like to be around.

They lift me up whenever I am down.

In hope and faith we meet each week to share,

And through their love I know how much they care.

A love that’s true, a love that’s real,

The kind of love you live for every day,

A love that’s new, a love you feel,

The kind of love you hope for when you pray.

I don’t watch the news or HBO., instead

I got a book I like to read each night ‘fore bed,

‘Bout a man Who died for me that I might live,

All He asked me is to love and to forgive

With a love that’s true, a love that’s real,

The kind of love I live for every day,

A love that’s new, a love I feel,

The kind of love I hope for when I pray.

Oh, His love is true, His love is real,

His love is what we live for every day,

His love is new, His love we feel,

His love is what He gives us when we pray.

This morning at St. Martin de Porres Catholic Church in Lake Charles, Louisiana, I heard Monsignor Jace Eskind read the Gospel, John 13:34:

“I give you a new commandment, says the Lord: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.”

Yesterday when I wrote my song lyrics, I didn’t know this would be the subject of today’s Gospel. I love little “God moments” like this!

“Lord Jesus, thank You for being our example of the Father’s love. I pray that You help us to always reach out to others, to love them for who they are and where they are at that moment of their lives, and to be fully present in our love for them. Amen.”

(A Love That’s True was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reproducing, reposting and/or sharing of A Love That’s True is not permitted without express written consent of its author, Jerry Robinson.)

©2016 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is not permitted without express written consent of the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

God, I Can’t Hear You

21 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Christ the Shepherd, Christian Community, Eucharistic Adoration, God-moments, Gospel of John, I am the Gate, Mark 9:7, Matthew 26:40, Prayer

Christ the Shepherd

The Gospel reading for Monday, the 18^th was John 10:1-10. When I read it Monday morning it struck an uncomfortable chord. I zeroed in on verses 3, 4, 7 and 9:

¹“Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever does not enter a sheepfold through the gate but climbs over elsewhere is a thief and a robber. ²But whoever enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. ³The gatekeeper opens it for him, and the sheep hear his voice, as he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴When he has driven out all his own, he walks ahead of them, and the sheep follow him, because they recognize his voice.”….⁷So Jesus said again, “Amen, amen, I say to you, I am the gate for the sheep….⁹I am the gate. Whoever enters through me will be saved and will come in and go out and find pasture.”

It seemed I had been too long without hearing His voice call my name. I wasn’t even sure in which direction to look for the “Gate”.

Since Monday afternoon, I’ve spent about eleven hours on the road behind the wheel. It was welcome time to contemplate His message and why I was feeling lost.

I asked myself why I haven’t felt close to Jesus these past few weeks. Why has He been absent when I especially needed Him? Why have I not heard His voice? My engineer’s analytical mind started trouble-shooting. First, I know I’ve been running hard the last month, burning the candle at both ends you might say. I don’t think its coincidence that my spiritual dry spell corresponds with my busy-ness.

I recalled my baptism and being told, “Ephphatha, be open and hear the Word of God!” I know that God commanded, “This is my beloved Son. Listen to Him.” (Mark 9:7) He wouldn’t have issued that command if He didn’t give us the ability to hear Jesus. So, why am I not hearing him?

I reasoned that, not only does God want us to listen to His beloved Son, He wants us to have a relationship with Him. Good relationships require good communication. Then it hit me, “Effective communication has to be two-way: I not only have to listen but I have to speak to Him!” I realized therein lay the problem: I hadn’t been speaking to Him through my prayers. I remembered how, when I did pray, it seemed difficult, as if the words wouldn’t come. I couldn’t seem to focus and offer up my desires and gratitude into intelligible thoughts and words. And, I knew why. I had put my daily grind ahead of Christ. With my inconsistent and ineffective prayers, He had been supplanted by my negativity, stress and worry over worldly things. By putting Him second, I wasn’t going to be passing through the Gate even if I could find it.

Irony is always a bitter pill to swallow but doing so usually cures what ails me. Had I simply trusted in Him to help me, I either wouldn’t have felt the way I’ve been feeling, or at least I’d have been able to bear my cross a little easier.

Accepting that I needed to rejuvenate my daily piety, I still thought about how it is often difficult for me to hear His voice even when my prayer life is hitting on all cylinders. Sometimes I think I hear God, but I’m not sure if it is His voice, my own, that of other people, or even the devil.

Putting myself in a quiet place sometimes helps, especially at Eucharistic Adoration. I realized this was more of the problem: because of my traveling, I missed my last two hours of Adoration. But, even then, I recalled my last two trips to the Adoration chapel and how, when I finally cleared my head of the voices, I simply fell asleep. (I know, “He said to Peter, ‘So you could not keep watch with me for one hour?’” [Matthew 26:40]). Ouch!

I also know that I don’t just hear God in the silence of Adoration. He talks to me through Sacred Scripture. Maybe if I’d be more consistent with my daily reading I could hear Him.

I recalled, too, that He often talks to me through other holy people, especially those from within our parish community. And, then, another probable cause for my situation came to me: although I haven’t missed Sunday mass in years, I have only been to mass at my parish church once in the last five weeks. The other four Sundays have found me out of town where I’ve attended mass at other churches.

In addition to missing my parish family, my travels have caused me to miss meeting with my friends for our regular faith sharing, something which I look forward to. Meeting with them to talk about how God is working in our lives, what we are doing to stay close to Him, what we are doing to learn more about and grow our faith, and what we’re doing to bring Christ to others, has become an important part of my life. I know He talks to me through these men and women during our get-togethers. And I miss it.

I thought, “I don’t just miss meeting with them, I miss them.” The image of the flock of sheep popped into my mind. I know from herding sheep on a farm in England when I was a kid that they feel safe in numbers. But, they can be really stupid, too. When one wanders away and loses sight of the rest of the flock it is truly lost. I think that has been me. I wandered off over the hill out of sight and out of ear shot.

In that analogy I saw the truth in the parable: a flock of sheep is like our Christian Community. Not only do we need one-on-one communication with God, we need each other, we need to stick together, and we need to hear His voice together.

Then, somewhere between Paducah, Kentucky and Nashville, Tennessee on I-24, I had an epiphany. With all these hours of driving in silence without distractions, had I created the environment I finally needed to hear Him call my name? I wondered if I was actually smart enough to have reasoned all this myself or if all my thoughts were not God talking to me instead? The more I think about it, I can’t take the credit.

“Dear God, thank You for these hours we have spent together, for the gift of reason and for the gift of perseverance to find my way back to You. Lord, help me to never lose sight of the Gate and help me to always lead others through the Gate as well. I pray that no matter how far I wander and how unworthy I may feel, I may always recognize Your voice and never again say, ‘God, I can’t hear You.’ Amen.”

(God, I Can’t Hear You was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

“Psst, Hey You, Don’t Forget How Much I Love You!”

12 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith, Grace, Love

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Faith, God-moments, Love

About a year ago I posted Put Your Faith Where Your Prayer Is. In that post I related the events around the birth of my grandson, John Charles (Jack), on 5 January; and how three days later he stopped breathing and wound up back in the hospital for several weeks. But, the story wasn’t so much about Jack as it was about the life-changing experience I had because of it. It told of the series of signs (God-moments) that brought me, through fear and desperation, to “give it up to God”, and to proclaim and pray, “Jesus, I trust in You” with every ounce of faith within me; and how He revealed to me that Jack would be fine.

In March I posted Laetare (Joyful) Sunday in which I reflected on and compared my love for my family with the Lord’s love for me. Through the scripture readings for that day, and with help from the priest’s homily, this still relatively new Catholic finally understood just how much God loves us. But, that Sunday, 15 March, was more than just an enlightening experience for me, and it was more than a “Joyful Sunday” for my family – it was the day Jack was baptized.

Fast forward through 2015. After a few weeks in the hospital, Jack came home on medication. By the end of spring he was weaned from his medication and hasn’t had a symptom in the last nine months. He’s grown into a healthy, happy and normal little boy.

This past weekend we converged on Kansas City to celebrate Jack’s first birthday. It was a beautiful party with many family and friends attending. Jack thoroughly enjoyed the attention and the birthday gifts.

As the little man crawled to me, pulled himself to standing in front of my lap, and, with a smile from ear to ear, offered his new toy to me, I couldn’t help but utter a silent prayer of Thanksgiving to the One Who was ultimately responsible.

As we usually do when we visit them, we go to Mass at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Olathe, Kansas. As Mass began I realized that this Sunday happened to be the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord. It made me think back to last March and Laetare Sunday when this same priest, Fr. John Charles Reynolds, celebrated Jack’s Sacrament of Baptism. When I realized the two shared the same first and middle names I looked up to the crucifix hanging above the altar and I smiled a knowing smile.

I should have been paying attention during the Liturgy of the Eucharist but my mind drifted back to last winter and I further realized the day’s date was the one year anniversary of me consciously placing my total trust in Jesus – not just to heal my grandson – but in all things.

Momentarily oblivious to the ritual happening at the altar, and with leaking eyes, I offered thanks once again for all of life’s blessings, especially for the way He reveals Himself to me: by reminding me of the conversation we had precisely one year ago; by recalling to my mind Jack’s baptism through the celebration of His Own baptism; and even in the small, seemingly coincidental, sign of Jack and the priest sharing the same name. It was as though I could hear God’s whispered laugh and reminder, “Psst, hey you, don’t forget how much I love you!”

“Heavenly Father, thank You for the many ways You make Yourself present to me and thank You for giving me the insight to recognize them for what they are. I pray I always find a way to feel You working in my life. Amen.”

(The post, “Psst, Hey You, Don’t Forget How Much I Love You!”, was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Receiving God’s Love

03 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Faith, Hope, Prayer, Thanksgiving, Uncategorized

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Tags

Faith, God-moments, Hope, Prayer

P.Veronese, Gottvater - P.Veronese / God the Father -

-God the Father, Paolo Veronese

Prior to last week’s post, Happy Thanksgiving!, I had gone two months without writing, the longest break I’ve ever taken between posts. I thought that perhaps I was simply stumped on how to express myself through my words. Then I realized I had no words to express. No, the problem was not articulation; the problem was a lack of inspiration. On several occasions I tried to force myself to write – fingers anxiously poised on the keyboard, gently tapping the keys – but nothing flowed to them from my brain. No ideas. Nada.

A couple weeks ago I realized this lack of inspiration coincided with something else that had me concerned – a noticeable dryness in my faith, a feeling of alone-ness. I could not recollect having had a “God-moment” (an instance when I particularly feel God working in my life) since the one I wrote about two months ago. I thought I must be doing something wrong. So, in addition to more fervent prayer, I prayed for inspiration. But, nothing appeared to change.

One of the good things about being Christian is the gift of Hope given to us by Jesus Christ. We keep Hope alive in our hearts for that long-term promise of everlasting life. And, in the short-term, it helps keep wind in our sails when we might otherwise feel adrift at sea. It helps us to not give up.

On the night of Thursday, 19 November, I had plans to attend my bi-weekly men’s faith sharing group meeting. Actually, it was one of two meetings planned for that night, the other being an Ultreya meeting, and I had to choose between one or the other. I chose the men’s group because it seems I have become the de facto leader of that group. However, after my friend, at whose house we were to meet, called and said he could not host, I cancelled the meeting.

This, of course, then freed me to go to the monthly Ultreya meeting at which I would share with other Cursillo alumni my steps to keep piety in my daily life, what I have been studying to learn more about my faith, and what actions I’ve taken to bring others to Christ. I considered not going because I would have to fess up that, excepting my daily prayer and a little effort at studying, I hadn’t done much of anything with respect to action. But, that underlying feeling of Hope told me I should go, that I shouldn’t give up.

Our meetings begin with a meditation and a personal reflection. We then break into small groups of three or four for sharing. I found myself in a group with a dear friend who, along with her husband, has become more or less a spiritual mentor for me.

During our conversation, my friend asked me how God had been working in my life recently. I know I gave her a sheepish look and replied that I was in a dry spell. I said that although my study had eased somewhat and my prayer life was good, my actions were not what they ought to be and it had me bothered. I confessed I had been feeling discouraged and as though I wasn’t being the disciple that I should be. My friend told me to not worry but just remember that God loves me. I thanked her.

A couple hours later as I was getting ready to retire for the night, I prayed telling God that I know He loves me but I’d especially like for Him to help me feel His loving presence. I reiterated that prayer when I woke on Friday morning.

I have developed the habit of taking time in the mornings (well, most mornings) to read the daily scripture and to read the reflections in two daily devotionals: St. Augustine – Day by Day, and Jesus Calling – Enjoying Peace in His Presence¹. On this Friday, the 20^th (actually, my first time to read from them in a few days), I read the following from Jesus Calling:

“I am pleased with you, My child. Allow yourself to become fully aware of My pleasure shining upon you. You don’t have to perform well in order to receive My Love. In fact, a performance focus will pull you away from Me, toward some sort of Pharisaism. This can be a subtle form of idolatry: worshiping your own good works. It can also be a source of deep discouragement when your works don’t measure up to your expectations. (Underlined for emphasis).

Shift your focus from your performance to My radiant Presence. The Light of My Love shines on you continually, regardless of your feelings or behavior. Your responsibility is to be receptive to this unconditional Love. Thankfulness and trust are your primary receptors. Thank Me for everything; trust in Me at all times. These simple disciplines will keep you open to My loving Presence.” [Compiled from Ephesians 2:8-9 & 3:16-19; Psalm 62:8]

I read those two paragraphs two or three times. I read the chapters and verses from which they were gleaned. They were meant for me! I bowed my head and I prayed giving thanks to Him for making easy something which, in my disparagement, I had made so difficult. My focus was inward and on me rather than on Him. I simply needed to take time to bask in His Love, and accept that He is always there.

I had to wonder if my friend knew what I would find in Jesus Calling on Friday, 20 November. But, I knew she didn’t. What she knew, however, was that Jesus is there when you need Him and call upon Him. And, in her kind words of, “Remember, God loves you”, she gave my faith a shot in the arm that I needed to bring me back. And, when I came back, God didn’t disappoint.

“Dear Loving God, thank You for drawing me back to You and helping me to rediscover Your loving Presence. Thank You for instilling in me Your Hope and not letting me give up. And, thank You for placing loving friends in my life who, through their strong faith, encourage me to live mine. Amen.”

(The post, Receiving God’s Love, was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

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The Bad and Good of Sinning on Monday

24 Wednesday Jun 2015

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Confession, Eucharistic Adoration, Reconciliation

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Confession, Eucharistic Adoration, God-moments, Mercy, Reconciliation, St. Augustine

The Return of the Prodigal Son – Bartolome’ Murillo, 1670

I’m a sinner. We all are in our own way and to our own degree. It’s our nature. It’s called concupiscence.

It seems no matter how hard I try I can’t not sin. Oh, I can go for three or four straight weeks and only commit a few minor venial sins (or so I think), but inevitably, through my own conscious free will, I cave in to temptation or an old habit that hasn’t yet been completely unlearned; or I act rashly in a disrespectful or uncharitable manner which I immediately regret. It tears me up – mostly because I know what I did was wrong and, also, partly because it injures the pride I’ve built up for having worked hard to improve and sin less as time has passed.

When I do this I know that waiting until Sunday morning mass and asking for forgiveness during the Penitential Act just isn’t going to cut it. No, there’s only one thing I can do to get right with God – make a trip to Reconciliation on Saturday afternoon and humbly lay it on the line to Him. The guilt and shame weighs heavily enough on my conscience that I know it’s pointless for me to try to talk my way out of it.

It seems to me that my most serious falls from grace occur early in the week, on Monday or Tuesday. When that happens I have the rest of the week until Saturday to contemplate and painfully stew on the thing(s) I wish I hadn’t done. Why can’t I commit all my more serious sins on Friday night or Saturday morning?

Sometimes during those several days between sin and forgiveness I find myself creating elaborate excuses for why I did the misdeed. But, eventually, I always get to, and spend sufficient time at, the appropriate level of contriteness needed for my confession. This, I think, is one of the beautiful things about the Catholic Church. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is such a great gift. Confessing my transgressions to God while I’m physically looking into the eyes of a real person, forces me to be honest with myself, the priest, and especially with Him. If I couldn’t do that I’m sure I would fall victim to my own inventions, justifying that the onus for my actions belongs elsewhere instead of solely with me.

When I do visit the priest and confess my sins to God with a truly contrite heart, and promise to not sin in that way again, I am often surprised at the lenient penance given to me. I usually feel as though I deserve less mercy and I’m always grateful for the mercy I do receive. But, then, sometimes I believe that those few days during which I agonized over my sin until I could get to confession may have served as partial penance. At least I hope so.

Last week as I waited for Saturday to roll around, I made my usual Holy Hour of Adoration on Friday afternoon. The convenience of this dawned on me: it is the perfect, last chance opportunity to thoroughly examine my conscience, shed the excuses and take full ownership for my actions. After all, it would be just a little difficult, if not foolish, to not get it right while I’m kneeling in front of the Tabernacle looking up at Jesus, and Him looking down upon me.

During that quiet hour last Friday I took time to read from my daily St. Augustine devotional. I was a couple weeks behind so I picked up where I left off with the passage from June 4th entitled, “Pride Can Destroy”. St. Augustine wrote:

“Paradoxically, it is good, in a way, for those who observe continence and are proud of it to fall, so that they may be humbled in that very thing on which they pride themselves. What benefit is continence for us if pride holds sway over our lives?”

What can I say? I can’t make this stuff up. He knows what I need to hear! This was just another one of those God-moments I’ve come to expect while I’m at Adoration. I looked at the Tabernacle and thought what a great and merciful Lord we have. All He wants us to do when we are tempted to sin is to look to Him and ask for His help. So simple, but our human nature makes it so difficult to accept His will. And I thought, if this is the way He reveals the truth to me, then, if I’m going to sin, maybe it’s not such a bad thing after all to do so early in the week!

I continued to read my devotional. Each daily passage is followed by a prayer from St. Augustine. The prayer for June 5^th read:

“Lord, You truly gave me free will, but without You my effort is worthless. You give help since You are the One Who created, and You do not abandon Your creation.”

Amen.

(The Bad and Good of Sinning on Monday was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)