Corn, Confession, Cathedrals and Car Trouble

07 Sunday Jul 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Churches, Confession

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Day two of my solo trip from Cincinnati, Ohio to Seattle, Washington.

There is a lot of corn along I-29 through northwest Missouri, western Iowa and southeastern South Dakota, and then along I-90 west of Sioux Falls to the Missouri River. I mean a lot! And it goes for as far as the eye can see. I think it made it to “knee high by the fourth of July”, as the saying goes, so the farmers ought to be happy.

I left my daughter’s house in Olathe, Kansas a little later than I expected but that’s okay, we had a good visit. There’s not much to look at except rolling hills and corn, corn and more corn across Iowa. I had to give the music CDs and the book on tape I brought with me a break so I turned them off and tuned into my own thoughts. I reflected back on my post from the day before, specifically my comment about being able to throw my trash in the back seat without anyone telling me not to. That reminded me of something author Matthew Kelly says in his book The Seven Pillars of Catholic Spirituality. He uses that as an analogy for our daily sins. We sin a little here and a little there, and we let them slowly build up until we have a heap of them. Kind of like the rolled up fast food bags piled up on the floor board of the back seat. It’s been a month or more since I went to reconciliation and I started thinking about how the trash in my personal back seat was starting to pile up.

I had to stop for gas in Sioux City, Iowa so I logged onto masstimes.org again to see if there were any churches in Sioux Falls, South Dakota that I might be able to find that had reconciliation scheduled for about the time I would be passing through there. The one that came closest was the Cathedral of St. Joseph, the home church of the bishop of the diocese. I checked my GPS and I could be there ten minutes early. Sounded like a plan to me.

I was glad I decided to stop because by the time I got there I was beginning to get sleepy. I entered the church and found two lines for confession, each about six or seven people long. Fortunately, there were two confessionals going at once and my line moved fairly quickly. These were old fashioned confessionals of carved, rich mahogany wood, with screens only so I couldn’t actually see the priest. I got lucky and had a very nice priest. I had nothing too serious to confess but I think the priest, after me telling him I am still new at this business, gave me three Hail Marys for either practice or just so I wouldn’t think I was wasting my time.

St. Joseph’s Cathedral is a beautiful church. I decided to stay for the Saturday afternoon mass since I didn’t know if I would be able to find a church on Sunday morning. The priest gave a very nice homily. The music was marvelous! The organist made the huge, old organ sing. After mass the thought occurred to me that it might be neat to post daily about the churches I am visiting on this cross-country trip. So, I took some pictures, inside and out.

St. Joseph’s Cathedral, Sioux Falls, SD

St. Joseph’s Cathedral Organ, Sioux Falls, SD

Back on the road heading west on I-90, I passed unknown millions of acres of more corn. My stop at church put me getting to my sister-in-law’s house south of Rapid City, South Dakota a little later than I expected. I was tooling along with the windows down, watching a thunderstorm roll in with a magnificent show of lightning, and otherwise enjoying the scenery with about 100 miles to go when the cruise control on my Subaru Outback decided to quit working. In addition to the cruise light on the dash blinking continuously, the red brake light also began blinking continuously, the check engine light came on and stayed on as did the traction control light. There was no change in power or performance so I assume it is simply a cruise control problem. Of course, it was Saturday night and I have a lot of miles to cover before any Subaru maintenance shops would be open on Monday morning. We’ll see where it takes me.

I arrived at my destination about 9:30 local time with about 760 miles under my belt for the day, 1,400 for the trip. My sister and brother-in-law fed me a wonderful dinner of grilled chicken and asparagus and we caught up with each other’s lives. They just moved into a new house in the Black Hills south of town and this was my first visit to it. Upon waking this morning I looked out the huge windows of their family room across valleys of pine trees to see Mount Rushmore. It was a beautiful view!

Tonight’s destination is a campground somewhere near Missoula, Montana. Preferably near a mountain stream where I can dream about flipping a dry fly into a riffle where an 18 inch Rainbow is waiting. Alas, with no time to fish, I can only dream about it on this trip.

Miles, God Moments and Mosaics

06 Saturday Jul 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Churches

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Cathedral Basilica, God-moments, Pope John Paul II, St Louis

Yesterday began a journey I’ve been looking forward to for several months. My oldest daughter is getting married in Seattle, Washington next weekend. My wife and I wanted to arrive in Seattle on the Monday before her wedding so we could help her with last minute details. Somebody (the general consensus is that it was me) decided we would need a vehicle while in Seattle and it would be cheaper to drive our own than it would be to fly out and back and rent a car while we are there. This plan evolved into me driving to Seattle from Ohio by myself and my wife and youngest daughter would fly out and ride back with me. So, I will spend about forty hours of driving time Friday through Monday while they spend seven hours flying on Monday. You probably think I am crazy. Quite the contrary. I have not taken a multi-day road trip by myself in over thirty years and I have been eagerly anticipating driving west. I get control of the stereo, I get to stop where I want, not stop when I don’t want to stop, eat French fries while I’m driving, and throw my trash in the back seat. For four whole days. Yes!

Day one’s way point destination was Olathe, Kansas, home of another daughter and her husband. Six hundred and forty miles beginning at home in Ohio, across Indiana, Illinois, Missouri and ending just into Kansas. Ten hours of driving time including routine stops plus one special stop for one hour. As I was driving across Indiana I remembered visiting, as a tourist a couple years ago, the Cathedral Basilica in St. Louis, Missouri, and what a beautiful church it is. So, at a pit stop just outside Indianapolis, I logged onto masstimes.org to see if by chance they would have a mid-day mass at the cathedral. Sure enough, there was one scheduled for 12:05 p.m. I plugged the address into my GPS and, believe it or not, it said my ETA would be 12:05 p.m. Is that a God moment or what? I arrived at 12:09 p.m., but would have been on time had it not been for highway construction in Illinois.

The cathedral was just as beautiful and awesome as I remembered it. It will seat thousands of people and this day there were probably about 200 people, mostly tourists and folks who looked to be passers-through like me. I occupied a pew with a young couple and their young daughter, and another young mother with three even younger daughters. We had never met before and probably never will again but we all held hands during the Our Father. We were our own little microcosm of Christ’s body there to worship and receive Holy Communion in this magnificent church.

The St. Louis Cathedral Basilica was begun in 1907 and was completed in 1988 – eighty one years in the making. The cathedral is of Romanesque architecture on the exterior and of the Byzantine style on the interior with three huge domes, a transept and four special chapels. But what really makes the cathedral unique is its interior mosaic art, over 83,000 square feet of glass tile artwork, 41.5 million pieces of tile in all in more than 8,000 shades of color. It is stunningly beautiful. You can see some photos of the cathedral, inside and out, by visiting the Cathedral Basilica at St. Louis website http://cathedralstl.org/.

The Cathedral Basilica at St. Louis, MO (Image from DestinationNexus)

Cathedral Basilica at St. Louis (Image from wikipedia)

After mass and after exiting the church I walked through some of the adjacent garden on my way back to my car. There, I found a sculpture entitled The Angel of Harmony with the first three Beatitudes inscribed on the front of the sculpture’s base.

The Angel of Harmony Sculpture

On the right side of the base I found engraved in the granite the following quote which struck me as no mere coincidence that I would be reading it only the day after our country’s 237^th birthday:

“America will remain a beacon of freedom for the world as long as it stands by those moral truths which are at the very heart of its historical experience. And so, America, if you want peace, work for justice. If you want justice, defend life. If you want life, embrace the truth – the truth revealed by God.” — Pope John Paul II, St. Louis January 27, 1999

These are poignant words that are right on the mark and are as important today, if not more so, than they were over fourteen years ago.

I made it to my daughter’s house in Olathe, Kansas with no trouble. She had a marvelous dinner waiting for me and we had a great time visiting and talking about the upcoming wedding. All in all, it was a blessed day. Today’s destination – my sister-in-law’s house in Rapid City, South Dakota! I wonder what unexpected revelations God has in store for me today?

If you’ve ever visited and/or toured the Cathedral Basilica in St. Louis, let me know what your impression was. I would love to hear about it.

Grace and Mercy

02 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Grace and Mercy

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Forgiveness, God-moments, Grace, Mercy

Grace is what God gives us when we don’t deserve it and Mercy is when God doesn’t give us what we do deserve. – Anon

I first saw this quote about a year ago on a monitor at the YMCA where I was working out. At the time, I had just made the decision to turn to Christ and join the Church so I took the time to write it down. The saying intrigued me. There I was loping along on the treadmill and I thought, “God certainly didn’t bestow any gracefulness on me!” It was one of those moments where I realized that I didn’t know what I didn’t know, specifically the definitions of grace and mercy. Considering the new spiritual adventure I was on I thought I probably ought to get familiar with both terms. Half of the quote, the mercy part, wasn’t so hard for me to understand. But, it took me a long time to get my mind wrapped around the grace part.

Maybe it’s because I tend to be a little ornery at times, but the sarcasm in the phrase about mercy wasn’t lost on me. It is a subtle, tongue-in-cheek way of saying that God doesn’t punish us for our sins that merit punishment. It’s our deliverance from His judgment. Ever since I was a boy and I heard my grandmother say, “Lord, have mercy on you, child!”, I have fully understood the context in which she uttered that oath – she was pleading to God to grant forgiveness to me, forgiveness for things which definitely merited punishment. I’m pretty sure I owe my grandmother big-time for acting on my behalf.

But, understanding the grace part was a little more challenging. After a lot of mulling it over, I think I finally figured out why. There are many definitions for the word “grace”. In its noun form I was familiar with two meanings: “a meal time prayer”, and “ease and suppleness of movement”. More to the latter, I believe I confused the word “grace” with another similar noun, “gracefulness”, which means “the quality of being graceful”. In fact, this meaning had such appeal to me that it seemed like the perfect name for our youngest daughter, Grace. My wife, on the other hand, because she has been Catholic her entire life, probably understood from the get-go what grace really means and intended it as such.

Eventually, after breaking down and doing one of the hardest things there is for a guy to do – to look a word up in the dictionary – I realized my ignorance when I read Webster’s primary definition as, “Unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification.” The operative words to me in that definition are “unmerited divine assistance”. In my simple mind I translate that to mean that God, through His goodness, is giving me something which I have not earned. And, if the truth be told, it’s probably in addition to the mercy He has shown me for what I really deserved. I’m sure they go hand in hand.

Now that I can no longer plead ignorant to its meaning, I have to consider it in the context of being a Christian and I have to determine how to apply it to my life. To receive grace, it seems the logical first step is to take to heart Ephesians 2:8, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God”. In my prayers I offer thanks for the mercy He has shown me and I ask for help, His grace, in strengthening both my faith in His Word and my resolve to do His Will. And, as to how I should apply it to my actions going forward, I have also read or heard, but I don’t know where, something along the lines of, “…help me to be Christ-like and let the grace of God work through me so that I may forgive those who need my forgiveness.”

There’s a little irony in all this. Now that I understand what God’s grace really is, I realize how, seventeen years ago when I least deserved it, He bestowed on me a lifetime of grace by blessing me with a beautiful and loving daughter who is the embodiment of her name. God is great! I think He also has a good sense of humor.

I have mentioned “God Moments” before, those times where God becomes present to you in some unexpected way. I think these “God Moments” are examples of His grace. If you have ever had any “Ah-Ha” moments you would like to share about receiving God’s grace, I’d love to hear about them.

The Still Small Voice of Discernment

25 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Discernment, Fear

≈ 4 Comments

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Discernment, Fear

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, Who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” – James 1:5

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew you needed to do something but you weren’t sure exactly what that something should be, and you also knew that, whichever option you chose, you would be afraid to do it?

As I’m writing this, many men and women I know who are participating in the preparation for a Christ Renews His Parish weekend are in the process this week of “discerning” what their role will be on the weekend. Having been through the process twice I know it can be quite daunting to think about speaking in front of, and witnessing to, people you don’t know on a subject that may be very personal. You have on one side a voice calling you to, “Do this, it’s the right thing to do”. And, then, you hear another voice saying, “No, don’t do that, you’re putting yourself out there and the risk of failure is too great!”

The first time I was faced with discerning what action I should take, I have to admit I had no idea what the word “discernment” meant. It was not in my vocabulary. Instead of looking it up in the dictionary to find that its definition according to Webster is, “The quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure”, I guessed it was more like playing poker – you close your eyes and try to imagine through some kind of ESP if you want to draw the next card. Go ahead and laugh, that’s the truth. It actually worked for me because it took fear out of the equation and reduced it to pure dumb luck. But, most folks aren’t quite the spiritual neophyte that I am.

So, how do you choose between discerning the right thing to do and letting fear talk you out of it?

I was reading the other day in a blog that I follow by author Allison Vesterfelt in which she discussed in her new book The Chase, the difference between fear of failure and one’s discernment that a direction is the right way to go. She writes:

“There is a distinct difference, although sometimes the line between them is thin and fuzzy. If you ignore the first [fear of failure], you’ll find [freedom]. If you ignore the second [discernment], you may get the opposite – a circumstance that crushes your spirit and steals your life.

“I definitely don’t have all the answers in this area, but there is one thing I’ve learned by making mistakes on both sides. Fears are loud, and discernment is quiet. Generally, when I’m trying to make a decision between going this way, or going that way, my fears are screaming to me, warning me about all the possible dangers ahead. My discernment, on the other hand, is whispering to me, softly: that isn’t the way.

“It seems weird that it would be this way, if you ask me. I wish my fears would be the quiet voices, and that discernment would be loud. It would make so much more sense. After all, my fears are so often lying to me, and I can trust my discernment to tell the truth. But one thing I’ve learned by listening to the quiet voice of my discernment over the loud voice of my fear is this: in order to hear, I have to get quiet, and lean in to where the voice is coming from.

“I don’t know if God intended it this way or not, but either way, I’ve found it to be really helpful. Practicing the discipline of tuning out my fears and tuning into my discernment actually brings me into intimacy with Jesus. It quiets the noise and sheds the distractions. It brings Him close to me, and me close to Him. And the closeness and intimacy we develop in that space, I’m finding, is actually the only thing I need in order to move forward in my journey.”

The quiet voice of discernment, she says? Where had I heard that before?

I was driving to Nashville, Tennessee this morning listening to one of my favorite CDs, Jason Gray’s, A Way To See In The Dark , and I noticed the lyrics of two songs had something in common. In both, the songwriter mentions a still, small voice.

In the first, Fear is Easy, Love is Hard, he writes:

“It comes down to a simple choice,

Shouting devils, or a still, small voice.

One is spreading fear and dread

Oh, but Love has always said

‘Do not be afraid.’”

In the second, Without Running Away, he writes:

“After a while in the dark, your eyes will adjust,

In the shadows you’ll find the hand you can trust,

And the still, small voice that calls like the rising sun,

‘Come, and bring your heart to every day

And run the risk of fearlessly loving

Without running away.’”

Like Ms. Vesterfelt, he suggests that the devil is the source of the loud shouting behind the fear that is telling us not to do something, but it is Jesus, with His love, who is trying to catch our attention with His quiet whispers, His still, small voice, and that if we place our trust in Him, we can do the right thing even if it is that which we fear to do.

Is this how you have experienced determining what you should do?

For my friends who are discerning this week what role you are being called to play in your ministry, I pray you find it easy to lean in to the quiet, still small voice of Jesus and tune out the loud, fear inducing shouts by the devil of doubt.

God Bless you.

God Bless Planned Parenthood

17 Monday Jun 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in abortion

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

abortion, Planned Parenthood

Reposted from www.apriestlife.com

Most of my posts to date have been related to my own personal experiences. Our “About” page says one of our objectives is to, “provide Catholic-based, Christian food for thought through discussion of current events relevant to our faith”. One particular current event that gets most Catholics riled up is the subject of abortion. To say that we “hate” or “detest” anyone associated with the Pro-Choice movement may be extreme and wrong, but it appears to me through observations from social media that most of us calling ourselves Christian, Catholic or otherwise, have at least very strong negative feelings towards them. To that end, I’m sharing below some thoughts from Fr. Jeff Starkovich, a priest in Lake Charles, Louisiana, who was a classmate of my daughters and is now pastor at St. Margaret of Scotland Parish and Chaplain at St. Louis Catholic High School in Lake Charles. As you read, take a moment for some honest introspection and maybe think about:

Does this change the way I think about the issue?

Do I agree or disagree with him? Why?

And, if you feel inclined, please let the rest of us know. Perhaps your arguments, one way or the other, will help the rest of us in wrestling with this issue. Thank you and God Bless. — Jerry

God Bless Planned Parenthood

Tonight, our youth gathered with their families to contribute to one million rosaries for life. It’s powerful to see the young beseech God’s blessing to aid in the immense task of changing hearts.

As I prayed with them, my thoughts turned to a recent request from our president. On April 26th he spoke at a Planned Parenthood conference. This came as no surprise to anyone. It was his closing line, however, that caused quite a stir:

“Thank you, Planned Parenthood. God bless you.”

In beseeching God’s blessing on the largest abortion provider in the United States, no little uproar ensued from the Christian faithful. But praying with our flock tonight, my thoughts are different.

To ask for a blessing from God is to request that God pour out his goodness. Coming from the Latin root benedicere, meaning to “speak well of” or “to commend,” to seek God’s blessing is to commend one to God for the sake of sharing in His goodness. It is a request for God to pour out his grace upon another so that they may be sanctified.

This is exactly what Planned Parenthood needs.

We are seeking to change hearts. We desire that hearts may grow and be purified so that all people affected by abortion may experience real love. And in order to grow in love we must have the support of Love Itself, who we call God.

By commending Planned Parenthood to You, we ask for Your blessing. May Your grace change hearts and save lives.

Tonight, I thank You for one million rosaries for life. I thank You for the unexpected inspiration given by our President. May we always work to grow in holiness.

I agree with you, Mr. President:

God bless Planned Parenthood.

Love is a Verb

14 Friday Jun 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Love

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

C.S. Lewis, Charity, Love

John 13: 34-35 “I give you a new commandment: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

The last two weeks have been unlike any I’ve had in some time. My emotions have run the gamut from worry about some serious and scary health concerns within my family, to feeling so much love for and from God, my family, and my parish community, that I find it difficult to describe. I think my frequent and fervent prayers about the former were answered and actually begot the latter. The emotional love I am feeling is, I believe, a direct result of the acts of love shown to me from others and by my acts of love to them. It’s the act of loving that has built a bridge over that emotional gap. And it’s that bridge that has caused me to examine it and to count it as one of my blessings. Let me explain.

Many years ago I lived in England and, as a seventh grader, I studied Latin. I don’t remember ever learning the Latin word for the noun form of the word meaning “Love” but I remember, like it was yesterday, learning to conjugate the verb “To Love”: Amo, Amas, Amat, Amamus, Amatus, Amant (I love, you love, he/she loves, etc.). And, even though I memorized this, I don’t think I understood what it really meant as a verb, or an action word. Instead, I lived my life for the next fifteen years taking for granted that it was only a feeling, a noun, not something to be done.

In fact, I’m embarrassed to say that I probably had not yet made that connection when I married my wonderful wife thirty-one years ago. Love, to me, was a feeling, and any actions that could have been interpreted as love were probably more a result of trying to satisfy my own desires rather than hers. I was self-centered and immature into my early twenties. My only consolation is that most everyone my age was the same way. All these years later, when I look around our world and examine its culture, it looks much the same to me.

Why is it this way? Is it just a part of growing up? Is it our culture? Is it due to parenting in today’s society? Do some parents work so hard to build the egos of their children that they become self-centered and live in a “me” world?

With luck, young adults will have a unique defining moment that helps them to redefine what love means, that it’s an action word, a verb, and not just a feeling.

My defining moment didn’t happen with my marriage although I felt extreme love for my wife. It wasn’t with the birth of my first child, either, although I had never felt new love like that before. No. It was the simple act of understanding the phrase, “Love is a verb”, that I read in a book by author Stephen Covey when I was trying to get control of my life during a very crazy period. Quite simply, Covey wrote that if you want to feel more love, then you have to give more love. Love is an action word. It’s something you do. What a novel idea for me at the time!

Have you ever stopped to consider the idea of love being something you do, not just something you feel?

I like to think that, since then, I’ve grown up and learned a thing or two. I wish I could somehow effectively teach teens, young adults, and others who’ve never before stopped to consider the concept, the definition of love as explained by C.S. Lewis in his book, Mere Christianity. In his chapter on the theological virtue of Charity, Lewis writes,

“Charity means ‘Love, in the Christian sense’. But love, in the Christian sense, does not mean an emotion. It is a state not of the feelings but of the will; that state of the will which we have naturally about ourselves, and must learn to have about other people. Christian Love for our neighbors is quite a different thing from liking or affection. But, liking or [having] affection for people makes it easier to be charitable towards them. Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love them.”

And, I would like to explore with those students what St. Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans,

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)

Fortunately for me, I was old enough for the meaning of ‘Love is a Verb’ to make some sense. I started practicing this new idea. Lo and behold, I noticed that my intentional efforts to do things to show my wife and children how much I loved them returned good results. I felt more love from them. But the biggest eye opener was something unexpected – the more I showed them love, the more love I felt for them. The engineer that I am recognized this as exponential growth – a powerful thing.

How do you show love? Have you received something in return which you never imagined would happen?

So, I rocked on for about twenty-five more years in this way, focusing on a loving relationship with those closest to me, my wife and four daughters, (who, I’m proud to say, are much more mature and responsible than I ever was at their age) and my extended family. And, with just a few exceptions, that was about the extent of the loving in my life. The people in that circle made up my world. Oh, I had a few people I called friends, people at work and neighbors who I liked but they were not “loving” relationships under this new definition of love.

It has only been in the last 15 months, since my first Christ Renews weekend, that I’ve been able to truly extend my circle of love beyond my family. Since then, my new extended family of my Catholic community has shown me example after example of love in action and I have been so blessed to have had opportunities to act with love for them, too. And, over the last two weeks, I have felt God’s love, and Jesus’ presence next to me, more intensely than ever before. I can’t help but believe there is a direct correlation between these feelings of love and peace, my time spent praying, and the reciprocating actions of love I have shared with family and friends.

Do you notice the noun version of “love” the more you practice the verb version of “love”? Do you have an experience to share?

Good day and God Bless.

The Parable of the Lost Son – Part Two

02 Sunday Jun 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Confession, Prayer, Reconciliation, Renewal

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

God-moments, Golden Boy, Jason Gray, Parable of the Prodigal Son, Prayer, Reconciliation, Self-mercy

My last posting was about showing mercy to yourself and it was labeled Part One because I felt what I had to say was too long for one post. My plan was to simply wait a week and post the remainder of it as Part Two. But, things changed. In the last week I have had some very thought provoking and inspiring conversation with a close friend who helped me work through some issues and, as a result of his caring and insight, I felt it necessary to revise what I had previously written. It’s a little longer than I would have liked but I hope it’s worth your time to read it.

It seems this parable of Jesus’ won’t leave me alone. I think that’s probably a sign I need it. The author of Advent’s Little Blue Book, which I referenced in Part One, decided to write in the Lenten season’s Little Black Book on March 11, 2013 more about this parable. This time he took a different approach. He wrote:

“Jesus composed the parable of the prodigal son because of complaints from the Pharisees and scribes that Jesus was welcoming sinners and eating with them. Jesus was too easy on sinners, they said. He celebrated with them. His forgiveness was instantaneous; his spirit was warmth and joy. It was okay for the Pharisees and scribes to let sinners reform….but they wanted them to crawl back. Let them learn a lesson. Let them stew for a while. It’s no time for celebration – this is serious, grim business. So Jesus put together a story in which the elder son ends up telling the father that he was too easy on the younger son.”

“To appreciate the impact of Jesus’ parable, I need to see that Jesus is arguing about me. That’s me the Pharisees and scribes are talking about – a sinner who is constantly forgiven and loved by God. Someone is complaining that I have sinned before, and that my repentance is far from perfect. Jesus knows my motives aren’t always perfect. That’s why he told the parable of the Prodigal Son. It describes my relationship with God in real life terms.”

In Part One, I asked whether you have ever done something that has left you shaking your head because, in hindsight, you realized it was either morally or ethically wrong, something that was way out of character for you but you did it anyway even though you knew it was wrong, or something that you have been trying not to do but it just happens without you thinking about it and you don’t yet know how to keep yourself from doing it? In Jason Gray’s song The Golden Boy and the Prodigal, the last verse of which I quoted in Part One, he alludes to this situation this time in the first verse of the song¹:

There are two sides to every person, like the two sides of a dime

Heads or tails it depends upon who’s watching at the time.

Though I hate to say it mine is no exception,

One part is the Prodigal, the other part deception.

I love those first two lines. That’s me. For example, if you asked a family member, a friend or two, and a couple co-workers what type of person I am, I’m sure you would get several different opinions. Another example would be that I can keep a promise to someone else but often fail to keep promises to myself. Generally, I’d say the person most people see in me is the Golden Boy, or the deception, and the person I see when I look in the mirror is the Prodigal. And that’s what bothers me.

Let me give you an example. I’ve been trying to lose a little weight. Well, a lot of weight actually but a little is a starting point. I’ve told the people at my main office in Ohio of my intentions, I guess you could say they are pseudo accountability partners for me, and when I eat lunch there I’m usually pretty good about what I eat. But, when I’m away from that office I find it easy to slip-slide and pig out without anyone the wiser. A couple weeks before my baptism into the Church I was at our office in Indiana and I gave a presentation to a group of employees. It was a stressful presentation and it ran up to lunch time. They ordered pizza in for lunch and I ate most of a large pizza on my own before I hit the road. As I was on my way out of town I passed a Dairy Queen and had an immediate urge for a Blizzard. The marquee said the special was mint brownie chip. A small wasn’t good enough so I got a medium sized one, instead. It was darn good, too. Then, about ten miles down the road it hit me what I had just done! It was like I was on auto pilot or something. The stress from the meeting drove the cravings and they drove the overindulgence. Not until I relaxed was I cognizant of what had just taken place. I found a section of road with a wide shoulder, I pulled over and I commenced giving myself a mental beating that was sure to have made the devil proud. I had been praying every day for help and strength to get past the temptations and I promised myself and God that I would do better. Up until this point I had been doing pretty well. But this day I fell, and fell hard. I sat there in my car, consumed with remorse, praying for forgiveness, and I promised again that I would do better. I was making myself “crawl back” just like the Pharisees would have me do. And, unlike I suggested in Part One, I obviously had forgotten everything I had learned about showing mercy to myself.

In my pre-Catholic life things would happen every now and then that I would call coincidence. But, in my new life I find myself looking for those instances and, because of that, they seem to happen much more frequently and with such clarity that I no longer believe them to be coincidences. I believe they happen on purpose and I call them God-moments: those times when God shows Himself in some unexpected way. What would happen next was just one of those moments.

I collected myself and I put the car in drive, waited for the traffic to clear and I pulled back on the road. I turned the car stereo on. Now, I hadn’t listened to the stereo since sometime the previous day and wasn’t even sure what was in the CD player. But, the very first words to come out of the speakers were these²:

Too long have I lived in the shadows of shame

Believing that there was no way I could change

But the one who is making everything new

Doesn’t see me the way that I do

I am not who I was, I am being remade

I am new

I am chosen and holy and I’m dearly loved

I am new

Forgiven beloved, hidden in Christ

Made in the image of the Giver of Life

Righteous and holy, reborn and remade

Accepted and worthy, this is my new name

“The one who is making everything new doesn’t see me the way that I do…”. Now, if that isn’t God talking to me with the very words I needed to hear at the very moment when I needed Him the most, I don’t know what is. God wasn’t making me crawl back and he didn’t give me more time than I needed to stew on it, either. Just like Jesus said. And I didn’t waste any time in finding a place to pull back over and bow my head in prayer to offer my thanks to God for his love.

So, fast forward to this week and I was telling my friend about the stress I’ve been under lately, how I’ve not been living up to the promises I had made to myself, how I’m kicking myself over it, and about the dry spell in God-moments I’d been having. I told him I wasn’t sure what it would feel like to be in such good grace that I would feel an overpowering contentment from God’s love. My friend told me, “God loves you man. God loves the good and bad about you. No one is perfect. God knows that, we are not perfect. We all fall short and all sin…over and over again. But, God is there always to guide us. Look to God to help you, to change you, to better you as a person. God loves you as you are, no matter what. He knows you better than anyone and knows your sins. The instant you confess your sins they are forgiven. From there, let it go. Let God help you work on yourself to be a better you.” It was like my friend had just read that passage in the Little Black Book from March 11, and was paraphrasing it back to me.

So, I took a moment to pray for God to help me feel His love. And it was then that I remembered that instance in the car when those song lyrics played and reassured me of His love. I had forgotten that moment, that feeling. My friend’s caring and faithful counsel brought it back to me. It also reminded me of the need to show mercy to myself. Plus, I hadn’t had a good God-moment in weeks and here I was getting a load of them dumped on me all at once. Again, just what I needed to get me out of my funk. I thank God for His love and the love of good friends.

Good night and God bless.

The Parable of the Lost Son – Part One

25 Saturday May 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Prayer, Scripture

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Tags

Parable of the Prodigal Son, Self-forgiveness, Self-mercy

Well, it’s been awhile since my last post, one month ago today actually. Business has picked up as well as being busy trying to stay caught up with Mother Nature. Spring is my least favorite season mainly because it’s like a sneaky old cat that’s lurking out there waiting to pounce on you. You know it’s going to happen but you’re not quite sure when, and when she does, you’re never quite ready for it. I have a large yard with many trees and flower beds and trying to squeeze in a little gardening when I get home from work between the rains in the evening is a real crap shoot sometimes. I’m struggling to keep up!

I’ve found that while my mind and actions are bent towards taking advantage of every break in the weather to take care of things around the house and at work, I’ve let my spiritual life get the short end of the stick. I haven’t prayed quite as much as I ought to, I’ve been less optimistic than usual, I’m not quite as “at peace” with everything, and I seem to notice the negative things that happen instead of the good God moments which I know are there but I’m too wrapped up in other stuff to notice them for what they are. I’ve also noticed when I get this way I have a tendency to do things sometimes which aren’t quite up to my moral or ethical standards, things that leave me shaking my head after I’ve done them because they are out of character for me, and things that I’ve been trying not to do but they just happen and I don’t yet know how to keep myself from doing them. It drives me crazy. I like to think of myself as a good boy who does the right things. Does this ever happen to you? I was ruing about this to a friend the other day and he said, “Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’re not perfect, you’re a Christian.”

I didn’t pay much attention to these kinds of frustrations before I became Catholic. They happened and I didn’t think much of them. It was part of life. But, I now recognize them as being counter to the way God would prefer me to lead my life. And, I feel a little guilty about it. Not long ago a good friend of mine in Louisiana, who also converted to Catholicism, asked whether or not I had started feeling guilty yet. I had to ask what she meant. With tongue-in-cheek humor she explained that since I now have a more intimate understanding of right and wrong principles and behavior, and since I am more in-tune with myself as a sinner and not quite as perfect as I thought I was, I should begin feeling guilty about my behavior – not because it has become worse than it was but because my reality around that behavior has changed. I’ve thought a lot about what she said and I think she’s almost right. I think the word “guilty” needs to be changed to something like “enlightened awareness”. “Guilty” has a negative connotation to it whereas “enlightened awareness” is a touch rosier and optimistic. Like most people, I respond more favorably to positive stimuli than I do to the negative brand. And if, as Christians, we constantly want to move closer to Christ by trying to become better people, then we can use all the positive affirmation we can get. But, regardless if it’s guilt or enlightened awareness, I nevertheless kick myself when I fail to live up to my expectations.

I was pondering this the other evening while I was watching my grass grow after an afternoon rain and I became acutely aware of my recent sins and out of character transgressions in their various states of ugliness. I realized that the more I get into my faith the more of them I see. Not big things, thank goodness, but lots of little things. I’m sure they have always been there, and, if the truth be told, probably a lot worse than they are now. Sometimes they pop up one at a time but occasionally they seem to come in droves. I am starting to get used to it but for a while there I was in panic mode. I can see how, if not looked at in the right light, I could easily feel guilty about them.

One thing that has helped me get through these bouts of self-inflicted mental beatings has been an understanding of Jesus’ Parable of the Lost Son (Luke 15:11-32). I had read this scripture passage a couple times but I never really read it until January during Advent. On January 10, 2013 the author of the Little Blue Book referenced this passage when he wrote about how Jesus came for everyone, all sinners, the rebellious and the spendthrifts, and even the “losers, nerds, and ….people with bad attitudes”. As I recall those words I find I fall frequently into at least the last category. The author finished by saying, “But, Jesus came for me. My job is to believe it.” Well, as someone whose faith is still in its infancy, and who is still getting used to praying for the Lord’s mercy and forgiveness for his sins, that caught my attention.

At the same time I was trying to comprehend all this back in January, I was also listening to a song on a new CD I had purchased. The song is The Golden Boy and the Prodigal by Jason Gray (if you haven’t figured it out yet, I really like this guy’s music!) The premise of the song is that there is a little of the Golden Boy who can do no wrong, as well as a little Prodigal Son who can do no right, in each of us, and our human nature tends to cause us to be proud of the former and ashamed of the latter. The last verse of his song goes:

So take a good look in the mirror, can you tell me who you see?

The one who Jesus died for or the one you’d rather be?

Can you find it in your heart to show mercy to the one,

The Father loved so much that he gave His only Son?

When I looked at the reflection from the Little Blue Book together with these powerful lyrics, I understood that no matter how down on myself I get, God is still there for me. I understood it’s simply not good enough to pray for the Lord’s mercy and forgiveness; I need to also have faith that He will answer my prayers. And, then, when I do believe, when I’ve shown true remorse and at the same time shown true gratitude for His divine mercy, I need to heed Jason Gray’s advice for complete healing and forgive and show mercy to myself, as well. For me, that might be easier said than done. If you have any hints on how to do this effectively, please let me know.

Good night and God bless.

The Anti-Beatitudes

25 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections

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Beatitude, Matthew 5:3

Last Monday my wife and I took our high school daughter to St. Louis, Missouri, for a campus tour of St. Louis University, a Jesuit university. The day began with all prospective students and parents meeting for an introduction in the student center. Before the presentation began I noticed several paintings on the walls depicting various people in abstract form. I was curious about them so, at a break, I looked at them more closely. There were eight paintings in all and I found them all to be very interesting. As I reached the end of the row there was a framed explanation of their subject matter and a blurb about the artist (unfortunately I do not remember the artist’s name)(* – See 4/28/13 note in comment below). Each painting was of someone representing an “Anti-Beatitude”, or in other words, the opposite of one of the Beatitudes.

I was intrigued by this because I have used a similar type of thought process to demonstrate the ridiculousness of various ideas to my children and to employees. When teaching my children about principles and virtues I would often explain the goodness of a principle by examining the opposite of that principle. For example, I would show them how honesty is a good principle because the opposite of honesty – lying, deceit, and thievery – is a bad thing. Even crooks who may regularly practice these anti-principles know they are bad things because of their reactions when they are on the wrong end of them. Likewise, I would use this method of looking at the opposite of that which is accepted ethical business practice to show employees the absurdity of unethical behavior. But, I had never before seen this idea put into visual form.

I wondered, “What would ‘Anti-Beatitudes’ look like in written form?” I thought this might be a good tool for teaching children about the real Beatitudes. So, with a thesaurus in hand and using a little imagination, it wasn’t too hard to come up with something to show how ludicrous these appear compared to our Christian morals. For comparison’s sake, I have listed below the actual Beatitudes first to help illustrate the preposterousness of their conjured-up opposites that follow:

The Beatitudes (Matthew 5 : 3-11)

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when men insult you, and persecute you, and, speaking falsely, say all manner of evil against you for my sake.

The Anti-Beatitudes

Blessed are the proud and self-sufficient who believe they are the center of the earth, for theirs are the kingdoms of the world.
Blessed are the content and those who fail to see the suffering of others, for they shall know not of their ignorance.
Blessed are the arrogant, and the harsh in attitude, for they shall control the happiness of the less fortunate.
Blessed are they who gather expensive things undeservedly and flaunt them in the face of others, for they shall be filled with feelings of superiority.
Blessed are the bullies, the unforgiving, and those who force grievance, for they shall cause destruction and keep score.
Blessed are the perverted, the adulterers, and the lustful, for they shall be esteemed by Satan for growing his kingdom.
Blessed are the warmongers, the agitators and the vengeful, for they shall be the children of Satan.
Blessed are they who do evil but fail to get caught, for they shall be considered heroes.
Blessed are the liars, the gossipers, and those who make fun of others to cause them harm and embarrassment, for they shall have confidence and be placed ahead of others.

I was certainly not prepared for my fright when I noticed upon completion of this list how I, and just about everyone else I know, at one point or another in our lives, fit perfectly into most of these descriptions. Some of the trickery I’ve used on others to make a point backfired on me and hit me squarely in the side of the head. To put it bluntly, it was a shameful and embarrassing, but honest, realization. I think I will keep this list handy and, from this point forward, pull it out and dust it off from time to time and use it like a litmus paper to check my self-acidity, and as a tool to prepare for reconciliation. I’m feeling fortunate that my sins were forgiven through my recent baptism or else I would probably be packing supper and a midnight snack for both Father and me when I make my first real trip to the confessional!

(The post The Anti-Beatitudes first appeared on Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

The Breath of God

20 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Prayer

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Breath of God, Gospel of John, HolySpirit, Ruah

A while back a friend and I were lamenting about how hard it is when you pray to concentrate on clearing your mind of all the thoughts that are itching to be silently said and, instead, listening to the voice of God. And then, even when you’ve figured out how to turn off your internal voice, it’s difficult to maintain that concentration with the often disturbing ambient noise around you. My friend said he sometimes puts his hands over his ears to muffle the sounds and it helps him concentrate on the sound of his breathing.

“Whoa, wait a minute”, I thought, “The sound of his breathing?” There were bells going off here! At some point in the past year during my crash course in Catholicism and the formation of my faith, I had heard or read something that had to do with the voice of God or the name of God, and some connection with breathing or the wind blowing….or something along those lines. I racked my brain to remember what it was. I searched on-line to no avail and had about convinced myself I had dreamed it all when, with a smidgen of help from our good Deacon, I had a breakthrough. What I had been trying to think of was the Hebrew word “Ruah” which is translated into English as “The Breath (or Whisper) of God”. But, in Hebrew “The Breath of God” is synonymous with “The Holy Spirit”. In other words, the Jews considered the Holy Spirit to be the Breath of God.

Then, at Easter, I was thumbing through the Gospel of John and I stumbled upon John 20:22, “And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit”.

I am an engineer and, as such, I tend to be a linear thinker. It wasn’t hard for me to connect the dots in this thought process. Considering the fact that, as Catholics, we believe the Holy Trinity lives within us, the connection I was trying to make, and which I quite triumphantly suggested to my friend, was that while he is listening and concentrating on his own breathing as a focusing technique so as to better hear what the Holy Spirit is saying to him, maybe, just maybe, they are one and the same thing in that ultimate moment when true reverence is reached, and, perhaps, through that calmness, a translation occurs.

Think about it. I, for one, am going to give it a try.