Beginning Again

19 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith, Prayer, Renewal

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“Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” – Romans 8:26

Photo credit: U Turn for Christ

As I sit down to write I know it has been a while since my last post – a full six weeks. It feels good to be back and even better to have the craziness of the last month and a half behind me.

As much as I like to write there are many other priorities in my life, whether I like it or not, that are either more important or more urgent than sharing my thoughts with you. On the up-side, over this six week period I have attended my daughter’s high school graduation, prepared for and hosted a graduation party, had the pleasure of family from out of town stay with us for several days, and hosted a party for some dear friends who are relocating out of state. On the down-side, I’ve fought the Ohio spring weather in trying to complete the spring clean-up of my property, and made many more business trips out of town than I normally do.

About a week and a half ago, after most of these things were behind me and the pressure was off, I “woke up” one morning on my way to the office and realized I had not prayed or had my daily conversations with Jesus in too many days. Then, I looked back and I realized those days had grown into weeks.

I spent the rest of the drive to work contemplating what had happened. I realized I had simply been caught up in the urgencies of so many things pulling me in different directions that I had let Him fall off my radar screen. Once I got past the sense of shame I felt a little bit of consolation in that I still had faithfully attended mass every Sunday (even though it was at four different churches), and spent an hour with the Lord during Adoration every Friday evening. As I parked my car I thought, “I’ll take some time later this morning and pray”.

Later that morning didn’t happen. I didn’t think again about praying until the next morning as I began my drive into work. Again, I decided I had let too many other things get in the way of my daily prayer. But, this particular morning, after deciding I needed to spend some time in prayer, I thought, “Where do I start? How do I come back?” And, then, before I answered those questions for myself, I was parking my car again.

Another 24 hours passed and I resumed the conversation with myself the next morning. But, the only answer I came up with was, “I don’t know where to start”. Frustrated, I vowed to think about it later, and I opted to listen to some music the rest of the way in to work.

I had the new CD from Jason Gray, Love Will Have The Final Word, in the stereo so I turned it on. One song was just ending and the next song, Begin Again¹, began playing. About two-thirds of the way into the song the following lines caught my attention:

“It’s never too late for a new start / If you give God the pieces of your broken heart / When you come to the end, you can begin again.”

“Begin Again”. That was the answer. With those words, I knew it didn’t matter where I started or how I began “coming back”, just that I do start and I do come back. God doesn’t care how I do it, just that I do it!

Shortly thereafter I pulled into my parking lot and went to my office. Being a half hour early to work, I had time to pray, to “Begin Again”. I just started praying like I was having a conversation with an old friend I hadn’t seen in, well, six weeks or so. It felt good. It felt welcoming. I felt His Grace come over me and I thanked Him for taking me back. And, before I said, “Amen”, I thanked Him again for coming to my rescue in the way I’ve come to expect – through some mysterious and unexpected sign such as a timely song lyric or other phenomenon which most people would call coincidence. I know otherwise.

Later that morning as I was basking in the comfort of His love I wondered about all the people who drift away from God. How many of them start the same way I did, slowly, surely, and freely letting the busy-ness of life get in the way of maintaining their relationship with Him? How many drift too far away before realizing it, convince themselves they are too far out to sea to turn back, or forget their faith is their life raft that will keep them afloat? Too many, I’m afraid, forget the first step to beginning again is to whisper His name.

“Dear God, I thank you for Your gift of faith, for a heart to love You and a mind to know You, and for the courage and will to come back to You when I have drifted away from You. Lord, hear my prayer for everyone who finds themselves alone, that they may accept Your gift of faith, hear Your voice or see Your signs that are calling them home to You. Let me be a disciple who leads the way. Amen”

(The post, Beginning Again, was first published in Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

The Bread of Life

15 Thursday May 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Eucharistic Adoration, Prayer

≈ 1 Comment

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Eucharistic Adoration, God-moments, Gospel of John, Grace, HolySpirit, Prayer

There is truly something special about a holy hour of Adoration! There are simply too many of my prayers answered and mysteries explained to me for the Holy Spirit not to be working during that precious hour of genuflection when it’s just me and Jesus. I’ve written about many instances where I have been graced with understanding during that weekly event, and I now have one more “God moment” to add to the list.

In my last post, Never Stop Learning, I recounted how I would pray for God to fill my heart with the Holy Spirit when I started to feel a little empty and I needed to be jazzed up. Then, through a serendipitous reading of Romans 5:5 during my holy hour of Adoration, I came to understand that the gift of God’s love had already been poured into my heart through the Holy Spirit at my baptism and that His love for me is constant and never-ending.

Also, through that discovery, I began to make sense of why I sometimes feel exhilarated in my spiritual life and why sometimes I feel less so. But, even though I know I can’t sustain the spiritual rush that goes along with “being in love with the ‘feeling’”, I still pondered how to find a more consistent, day-in/day-out feeling of “being in love with Jesus”. I needed to figure out how to level the bumps in the road.

So, last Friday afternoon during my holy hour, I prayed for understanding of how to maintain that closeness with Him from one day to the next. Then, as I often do to round out the hour after my prayers, I opened the bible to read. That afternoon I chose to read the daily scripture instead of randomly picking a passage from the bible. The gospel for the day was John 6 : 55-58. I read it and, just like the week before when I read Romans 5 : 5, I had to immediately re-read it because I couldn’t believe what I had just read:

“(55)For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. (56)Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. (57)Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. (58)This is the bread that came down from heaven. Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died, whoever eats this bread will live forever.”

“Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him.” There it was – the answer for which I had prayed just two minutes before. My mind jumped back a year to the night I became Catholic and I remembered my baptism, my first Communion and Confirmation. I remembered how the best part was feeling the presence of Christ upon receiving His precious body and blood during first Communion. And, I knew that all I needed to do to level those bumps in the road was to be renewed in Him each week through taking of the Eucharist, and to remember that He is in me and I in him – that His love is constant and never ending.

I get it. And, I won’t forget it. This week, as I’ve approached those bumps in the road, I have had to stop several times, whisper His name, and remember that He is in me. Each time I have been graced with instant peace.

My next holy hour of Adoration is tomorrow afternoon. I can’t wait to discover what new insights I will receive through listening to His comforting words. If you haven’t experienced this grace that comes from spending an hour in His presence, I encourage you to give it a try.

Lord Jesus, Your presence, through receiving Your precious body and blood in the Eucharist, nourishes and sustains me daily and brings me everlasting life. May I always allow you to satisfy my spiritual appetite. You are the Bread of Life.

Amen

(The post The Bread of Life first appeared in Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Praying for Help

10 Thursday Apr 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith, Prayer

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Faith, God-moments, Prayer

Do you ever pray for help?

I try to, at least every morning and evening. It usually goes something like this, “Heavenly Father, please help me to be a better husband, father, son, brother, and friend today. Oh, and please help me to grow closer to you, too.”

One morning a few weeks ago it struck me that I was starting and ending each day with prayers that sounded pretty much like the ones from the day before, and the day before that. And, in spite of those prayers, I realized I was not becoming a better husband, father, son, brother or friend. At least not noticeably. In fact, it felt as though for every step forwards I was taking a step backwards. It seemed I was getting worse in those roles and, especially when I was acutely aware of my sins, I felt like I was moving away from God.

I have been trying to stay in touch with my spirituality and it bothers me when things like this happen. There is a certain amount of frustration that goes along with wondering what I’m doing wrong. There is a measure of guilt that is due to knowing I’m not quite living as Christ would have me live. I want to get it right but I often feel I am failing miserably. Thus, I pray more earnestly for His help. And the cycle continues.

Then, over the course of a few days, I made two observations which caused me to back up and reconsider my situation and my methods. The result was one more epiphany for me in this process of understanding and practicing my faith.

The first of those two came during a bible study gathering with some of my friends even though I didn’t comprehend the full meaning of it until the second instance came along. In our opening prayer for the evening my friend, Bob, asked God, “Please give us the prudence, courage and the strength to do your will….” I remember thinking how his was a little different than my normal daily prayer but I didn’t understand the significance of it until later.

The second observance came from re-reading a short passage in the Lenten “Little Black Book” from Wednesday, 19 March, in which the topic was how difficult it is to accept the Father’s will. The author asks, “Ever try to help a bird get out of your house? You’re trying to give it freedom, and it resists as though you were trying to harm it.” This is something I can relate to because I often have birds get trapped in my chimney and, even when I open the flue and the window to let them out, they don’t always go where I want them to go.

The author continued, “Sometimes it’s the same thing with me and God. I get into some problems, God tries to lead me to freedom, and I resist.”

My “Ah-ha” moment occurred when I combined these two instances. Finally, after all this time, I came to see and accept that God is always there for me and offering His help regardless if I ask Him for it or not. He has given me all the knowledge, skills and tools I need to be a better husband, father, son, brother and friend if only I will do His will. He has given me the prudence or the common sense to know what is right, and He has given me the wherewithal for when I choose to act on those right decisions.

On the other hand, I understand that God has also given me the free will to do otherwise – to turn my back to Him and act according to my own will, not His. Recently, I have felt as though I am getting pretty good at doing just this.

So, what am I trying to do differently to right my ship? Well, when I pray I am trying to be more contemplative and specific about the things for which I need His help. I try to consider what is in a right relation to His will regardless of my own desires at the moment, and I try to follow through on those thoughts. Am I always successful? No, my stubbornness and concupiscence still get in the way. But, I think I’m on the right track. And, God has given me the gift of hope that I will continue to get better. So, for now, the best way for me to exercise this gift of hope is to follow Bob’s example and pray for that which I really need: “Please, Lord, give me the prudence, courage and strength to do your will.”

Thank you, Lord, for friends like Bob.

Isaiah 40:29-31

(29) “He gives power to the faint, abundant strength to the weak. (30) Though young men faint and grow weary, and youths stagger and fall, (31) they that hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; they will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.”

Thank you, Lord, for my friend, Jerry, who forwarded this verse to me just when I needed it.

(The post Praying For Help was first published on Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Are you in the Garden or in the Desert?

21 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Faith, Spirituality

≈ 1 Comment

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Faith, God-moments, Prayer, Spirituality

Since I wrote and posted How’s Your Spirituality? last week, I have tried to pay more attention to how I feel about my relationship with Christ, and to how I have shown, through my actions, the value I place on my relationship with Him. I have reflected and tried to assess whether each day has been lush with hope, or spiritually dry from a poor or indifferent attitude, and whether or not there was any particular aspect of my feelings or behavior that I could improve.

For the most part I had a good week. I was happy with the way I had shown charity to others and for the way I kept my cool in some tense situations. But, I felt I could have done better by taking my prayer time more seriously and so I gave my hour of adoration on Monday a little kick in the butt to make up for it.

Then Tuesday rolled around. It started off on a good note but turned into a hectic morning at the office. There was a particular issue that arose, one of those situations where you can choose to do nothing and let the pieces fall where they may, or you can step in and fix it as quickly as possible to stem the bleeding, so to speak. I chose to do the latter. Wrong decision.

Actually, it felt like the right decision for about four hours. Then it turned sour and it became obvious that it had been the wrong one. Big time wrong. It wasn’t like a mortal sin, rather, it was just a major bone-head moment that included poor judgment that resulted in a serious leadership faux-pas that would impact things outside of my realm of responsibility. By the end of the day I was bewildered. I was absolutely convinced when I made the decision that it was the right one and, so, it was disturbing when it finally sunk in how wrong I was. I went home that evening and barely talked to my family. I hardly slept that night. I profusely apologized to my boss the next morning and sincerely hoped that what may have been the worst mistake I had ever made in my career wouldn’t be my last one.

While I was licking my wounds and pondering what went wrong and why, I thought about turning to God and praying for understanding and that things could be made right. But, I just didn’t feel like doing it. I didn’t have the right words or thoughts in me. And, because I didn’t feel I could do the exact thing I knew I ought to do – turn to Him – I felt even more frustrated. I suddenly felt like I had been transported to Yuma, Arizona in the middle of the summer – kind of a spiritually bone-dry desert with no hope of survival.

Then, God-moment number one appeared.

On Wednesday morning, after I had diligently worked all morning to round up the cats and stuff them back in the bag, I took a moment during my lunch break to go to a blog site I visit from time to time by Father Robert Barron, founder of the global ministry, Word on Fire, and the Rector/President of Mundelein Seminary. The subject of his blog post for the day, believe it or not, was “How should we address spiritually dry periods?”

He quoted Sir Winston Churchill when he was asked by someone, “What do you do when you’re going through Hell?” to which Churchill responded by saying, “You keep going!” You get through it, and get it behind you.

Fr. Barron went on to say that when God draws us in, he allows us to feel uplifted, excited and enthusiastic about the experience. But then, God will often withdraw that feeling from us to show us that we’re not supposed to fall in love with the experience, we’re meant to fall in love with Him.

According to Fr. Barron, God puts us in a desert that can feel like a time of pure desolation. So, what do you do? You hang in there, you keep going, you don’t give up, you get through it. You keep your eyes focused on God, not on your good feelings or your bad feelings.

He used the analogy of a marriage. After the wedding day, the euphoria goes away. You’re not supposed to fall in love with your feelings, you’re supposed to fall in love with each other, through good times and bad, for better or for worse, and so on. “It’s the same way with religion, you’re either in the garden or you’re in the desert. But, that’s life. You keep your eyes focused on God.”

This was a whole new perspective worth considering. I had to ask myself if, in the newness of my faith, I have been in love with the feeling and with the activity of being Christian? I truly love being Catholic, but am I truly loving, and keeping my eyes focused on, God?

Enter God-moment number two.

After leaving Fr. Barron’s blog site, I continued to surf around on-line. I came across a passage from the book That Tremendous Love by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. To be honest, I didn’t, and still don’t, know much about Archbishop Sheen but I have often seen references to him and to profound things he’s said. I thought I would finally actually read something attributed to him so I read the passage:

“At the beginning one loves God for only his gifts or for the emotions He sends us. He treats us then, ‘like a young woman who is being courted.’ If gifts are no longer given in abundance after true marriage has occurred it is not because the husband’s love is less, but because it is greater. For now he gives himself. It is not the husband’s gifts that his wife loves nor his compliments, nor even the thrill of pleasure she gets from his company. She loves him. The moment the Lover is loved for Himself, then the nature of the gifts ceases to matter. If God withdraws all sensible gifts it is only because He wants the union between the soul and Himself to be more personal and less dependent on His generosity.”

Now, what do you think the chances were that I would, in the state of mind that I was in at the moment, find not one but two articles, in two totally separate locations on the internet, directly related to my acute spiritual condition of the day? Slim to none is my first guess. No, I believe God intended for me to find those. He intended for me to ponder our relationship and for me to ask if I was in love with him or if I was in love with the feeling of being new in Him. He was telling me I need to focus on Him even when I feel small and incapable of doing so. He was telling me to not give up when the going gets tough and the environment gets dry, but to keep on going and to turn to Him for help. He was telling me it’s nicer in the garden than it is in the desert.

Where are you, in the Garden or in the Desert?

“O my God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me … Therefore, I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost I will not fear, for You are always with me, O my dear God.” – Thomas Merton

(The post, “Are You in the Garden or in the Desert?” first appeared in Reflections of a Lay Catholic.)

On Second Thought, I Did Have a God-Moment

14 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Faith, Love, Marriage, Prayer

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

God-moments, Love, Prayer

It’s been over a month since I sat down to write. December found Melinda and I a little busy with preparing for Christmas and for my daughter Mary’s wedding the Saturday after Christmas, and driving to and from Lake Charles, Louisiana for both.

In spite of all that activity, I tried to stay focused on the “Reason for the Season”. These were my first Advent and Christmas seasons as a Catholic and I wanted to make sure I experienced the difference between the two.

Although I didn’t miss a Mass or Holy day of obligation during the almost two weeks we were down South, there was so much activity that my daily prayer routine was seriously interrupted. By the time we returned home I desperately needed to get back into my faith.

Back at home, I made it to the New Year’s Eve vigil Mass but by the time Epiphany Sunday rolled around I came down with a case of bronchitis and was struck with fits of such violent coughing that I decided to stay home and not ruin other folks’ worship that morning. It was a little disappointing to me because it was the first Mass I had missed since becoming Catholic last Easter and only the second time since my decision to convert in April 2012.

But, by the next Wednesday I was feeling well enough to get with the men’s bible study group I meet with every two weeks. After the scripture discussion we went around the room and, as always, volunteered our “God-moments” – those times when God shows up in your life and graces you unexpectedly. I told the guys that over the two weeks I was gone I really hadn’t noticed any God-moments – none had jumped out at me. Then, as the others related their God-moments, I began to think back and I realized, again, that I didn’t see them because I wasn’t looking for them. In fact, I wasn’t just not looking for them, I had instead been so occupied with other things that I had literally closed my mind and heart to them. And, as I relived our trip, I came to see how there were many God moments that passed undetected right under my nose:

Jesus was with us in our car that first day of driving as we struggled through eight hours of torrential rain and storms between Ohio and Southeast Missouri where we spent Saturday night at my folks.

Attending the only Sunday Mass at Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Dexter, Missouri would have put us in Lake Charles very late that night. So, we skipped it and hoped to find someplace else along the way. Looking ahead, I estimated we could be near Hammond, Louisiana around 5:00 p.m., so I checked masstimes.org to see if there were any Sunday evening masses in that neighborhood. I don’t think it was dumb luck that there happened to be a Mass at the Holy Ghost Catholic Church in Hammond at 5:00 p.m. I plugged the address into my GPS and nine hours later we arrived at 4:50 p.m.

God was speaking to me through Fr. Robert Merced, pastor at Holy Ghost Church, when he elaborated on the Gospel reading, Matthew 1:18 – 24, for this 4^th Sunday of Advent. In it, Matthew describes, “…how the birth of Jesus came about.” I had already spent much time marveling at the caliber of man Joseph must have been to forgive his betrothed and marry her instead of “divorcing her quietly” or, worse, having her stoned. But Fr. Merced opened my eyes to the fact that Mary’s faith was equally strong. As a young woman, she knew that to be unmarried and be with child was an offense against the Jewish laws punishable by stoning until death. Yet, through her faith, she still said, “Yes”.

On our first morning in town we met a friend for breakfast at a local café. We briefly chatted over coffee about children, but then our friend moved right into a heartfelt discussion about preparing our hearts for Christmas and not getting caught up in the busyness and commercialization of the season. With only two days to go until Christmas, and a wedding looming just three days later, she somehow knew what we needed to curb our mounting anxiety.

The next morning, Christmas Eve, found me, my soon to be son-in-law, Michael, his father, and a fishing guide skimming across the marsh hoping to slay some redfish. It turned out to be one of the best fishing trips I had ever been on. We limited out on reds, and caught several speckled trout and flounder as well. I won’t be so bold as to say that Jesus helped us catch fish like he helped Peter, but His love was there in an unexpected way through the opportunity for Michael and I to get to know each other much better. I caught a bunch of keepers that day but I also confirmed I was catching a keeper son-in-law.

We wrapped up Christmas Eve by enjoying a traditional Christmas Eve dinner with our close friends who were graciously putting us up in their home for the week, and then attending the Christmas Vigil Mass at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Lake Charles. It was a beautiful Mass and celebration of the birth of our Lord, in a beautiful church, with an angelic A cappella choir.

Christmas day was a relaxing one with the morning spent in the company of Mary and Michael, Michael’s parents and the three of us opening gifts and having fun, followed by a wonderful dinner in the afternoon with more relatives, and with plenty of time to contemplate why we were celebrating in the first place.

On Thursday, we were blessed with the safe arrival of our other two daughters and their husbands, my parents, my brother and sister and their families for another round of gift giving and a delicious fish fry from the fruits of our catch two days earlier. We gave sincere thanks for everyone’s safe travel and “…these Thy gifts…which we… received, from Thy bounty”.

When Friday rolled around the wedding preparation activities picked up speed. Since Mary is my third daughter to get married, I knew what I needed to do: stay out of the way, do what I was told and be an efficient gopher. I know some dads who have found the role of being the Father of the Bride daunting. I have found it to be immensely pleasurable. It gives me a chance to see the joy and hope in my daughters’ eyes and in their smiles, and one last chance to get comfortable with the idea that life is turning out like God intended – that they found someone to love and spend the rest of their lives with. Did I get sentimental? Yes, but my happiness for her far outweighed any last moment feelings of selfishness.

Friday also saw dozens of other relatives arrive safely into town from around the country. When we finally assembled that evening for the rehearsal dinner, Mary and Michael had about sixty relatives surrounding them. God was there in the hearts of everyone as there were many reunions that night. And He was there in the smile on the face of my 15 month old, first and only, great-niece when I met her for the first time.

Saturday, the day of Mary’s “big event” arrived and it seemed to fly by without a hitch. We arrived at the church at the appointed time, and before I knew it I was walking down the aisle, arm and arm with Mary looking as beautiful as I’d ever seen her. My only thought as they opened the doors for us to process in was a prayer of thanks to God for blessing me with such a wonderful loving daughter and the opportunity to be her father and make this walk down the aisle with her arm in mine.

God was there with us as we reached the altar and I turned to Mary, hugged and kissed her, and told her I love her, and she replied with, “I love you, too, Dad”. And, He was there with us when I turned to hug Michael and asked him to please take care of her, and he replied with a sincere, “Yes sir, it will be my pleasure.” Lots of dreams came true in that moment, and not just for the bride and groom.

Unexpectedly, the priest revealed to us that that particular weekend was the celebration of the Feast of the Holy Family, a fitting time to become united in the first step to starting a new family. It also struck me that both the bride and groom have good role models in their parents and grandparents. Both sets of parents have been married for a total of about 65 years, and for Mary, at least, her grandparents for 110 years.

Following the wedding ceremony, everyone reconvened at the reception venue where the first order of business was the traditional first dance by the bride and groom. God was here, too. As they began to dance to the song, I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz, I looked up onto the DJ’s stage to see my youngest daughter, Grace, with microphone in hand and performing the song live, unassisted by any lyrics on a karaoke machine, singing her heart out in front of about 350 people. I knew she had a pretty voice but I didn’t know how beautiful it really is because I had never heard her sing like this before. This was her debut and she looked and sounded like an experienced professional. I had earlier fought back tears when I entrusted Mary to Michael, but I couldn’t hold them back listening to Grace sing. It was a beautiful moment.

I was able to curb the tears before honoring the next place on Mary’s dance card – the father/daughter dance. For years Mary told me she wanted us to dance to Paul Simon’s Fathers and Daughters, and we did. I think the only thing that kept me from losing it was that my happiness for her overcame my own sentimentality. Still, we both knew, “As long as one and one are two, there could never be a father who loved his daughter more than I love you”. That kind of love can only be a gift from God.

So, to my bible study buddies, “Sorry, guys, I lied. On second thought, I did have a God-moment….or two…or fifteen”.

Because He Can

18 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Churches, Faith

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Tags

Charity, God-moments, Grace

Over the last couple months I have shared with you some occasions where I have sensed God coming into my life unexpectedly. I call them “God Moments”. I mentioned last week in reply to one of the comments to my post The Cradle of Faith in Ohio that I seem to recognize these God Moments when they occur because I’ve come to expect them and I’m on the lookout for them. It’s kind of like:

Matthew 7:7 – “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Some folks may call them mere coincidences or concurrences. I won’t deny coincidences may happen but, the more of these unexplained situations I observe, I believe there is more to them than their being random occurrences of chance. Sometimes they may have elements of Divine Providence that are intended to guide us, and sometimes they are simply gentle reminders that He is here. Sometimes they are profound experiences that hit you up-side the head, and sometimes they are subtle inspirations that leave you wondering if He is having a nice belly laugh at our expense. I think I got a dose of all of these this last weekend.

You tell me.

My wife and I drove our youngest daughter from our home in Ohio to Knoxville, Tennessee on Saturday morning for a campus visit and open house at the University of Tennessee. She’s a senior and trying to decide what field of study to pursue and at which university she would prefer to continue her education. After a four hour drive and four hours of walking the UT campus we hopped back in the car and headed southwest towards Starkville, Mississippi for a tour at Mississippi State University on Monday. In setting up this trip I knew it would be a long day on Saturday and considered where to spend Saturday night. Finally, checking distances and reasonable times of arrival, I settled on something in Birmingham, Alabama. I prefer to stay at hotels in one particular family of hotels and so, when I got on-line to check for accommodations, I found over a dozen possibilities in the Birmingham area. As an afterthought, it occurred to me that the parents of my future son-in-law (fiancé of my second oldest daughter), whose parents we had not yet met, lived on the south side of Birmingham. So, I selected a hotel near the interstate just south of downtown in hopes that we could perhaps meet up with them (which we actually had the pleasure of doing). We wanted to attend Mass on Sunday morning, 15 September, so I logged onto masstimes.org to find a church near us. There were a half dozen or so not too far away but we chose Our Lady of Sorrows in Homewood, Alabama, that had an 8:30 a.m. Mass which would be convenient to our schedule. It was close to Samford University where we thought we might mosey around after Mass and still give us time to meet up with my future son-in-law’s parents.

We received a friendly welcome as we entered Our Lady of Sorrows and were pleased to see the congregation nearly filling the church. Some of the tunes were different from those to which we were accustomed, and the homily was a little long, but I’ve come to expect those small differences from church to church. Mass ended and we departed the church and as we walked out the front door my wife looked up at a younger man, about six feet six and in his early forties and said, “Are you Matthew Montegut?”, to which the tall, younger man replied, “Yes, I am, and you are Melinda Robinson!” I finally recognized him as an older version of the skinny kid I used to see playing basketball in the driveway next door to my in-law’s house in Houston, Texas when I was dating my wife over thirty years ago. Our paths had probably not crossed in over twenty-five years and here we were together at the same place and same time. This was the church he and his family regularly attended. Coincidence? Maybe. But when you consider all the possibilities, the what-ifs and choices of options randomly selected throughout the process of deciding to be at that place at that exact time, the odds are astronomical. Especially if they are combined with all the possibilities from which Matthew may have had to choose to be there at the same time. I don’t think it was coincidence. I think it was more of a case where God, with a sense of humor, needed a good chuckle and answered my question of, “Why did this happen?” with a response of, “Because I can.”

Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church, Homewood, AL
– Photo courtesy of Google Images

Let’s rewind a couple days. On Friday I received an email from a friend telling me the next meeting of the committee for a particular ministry in which I am interested at church would be next Tuesday. I had missed the last few meetings and I really wanted to attend this one because I feel called to this particular ministry. The problem this time was that I already had plans to attend parent night at my daughter’s high school. I have always tried to do whatever I could to be there for my children and attend functions to support them, and this would be my last opportunity to do so. Many times throughout the day Saturday, from Ohio to Knoxville to Birmingham, I found myself pondering what I ought to do: attend the committee meeting or attend the parent meeting at school. I wanted to do both but obviously I couldn’t. When I knelt at the beginning of Mass at Our Lady of Sorrows, I said a typical prayer that would make author Matthew Kelly proud, “Lord, help me to see in this Mass the one thing that will make me a better version of myself.” I previously mentioned the long homily. The reason it was long was because it was that time of year for this parish to appeal to its congregation to support Catholic charities through giving of their Time, Talent and Treasure. Now, had this been like any other Sunday, the homily would have been related to the readings, in this case about Jesus welcoming sinners. But, no, it was spot on the very thing about which I had been worrying, whether or not to give of my time. And, during the homily it was revealed to me that, since my daughter is a senior, she probably doesn’t care one whit if I attend parent night at school or not, but that my time may be of more significant value if I attend the committee meeting and participate in the ministry. Coincidence? I don’t think so. No, I think this was Divine Providence, God’s hand gently guiding me in the direction I need to go. (By the way, I attended the meeting last night and I’m glad I did. And, when I told my daughter I was not going to attend the event at school she said, “That’s just fine with me, Dad!”)

Stained Glass Window at Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church
– Photo courtesy of Google Images

One last thing-

When I was at Our Lady of Sorrows I totally forgot to snap a picture of the church. I was too stunned after meeting up with Matthew Montegut. So, yesterday as I was forming this post in my mind I went on-line to Google Images to see if there might be a photo or two of the church. But, I goofed with my first try and instead of searching Google Images I just searched on Google. The first thing to pop up was a Wikipedia entry for Our Lady of Sorrows. This wasn’t what I was looking for but it caught my interest and I opened the site and read a bit. I read and pretty soon I had a grin from ear to ear. I learned that in 1913 Pope Pius X declared the Liturgical Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows to be, henceforth and forever more, on the fifteenth day of September of each year, the very day I happened to attend Our Lady of Sorrows church in Homewood, Alabama. Coincidence? Again, I don’t think so. I think God, with his arm around my shoulder, was lovingly telling me, “I Do because I Can. Have faith in Me.”

What do you think?

I can’t make this stuff up, folks.

A friend and follower commented in Bolo Ties, Rosaries and Rainbows , “My blessed mother, God rest her soul, always said that you get special blessings when you visit a church for the first time.” After visiting Our Lady of Sorrows, I’m thinking my friend’s mother knew what she was talking about.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and any special “God Moments” you might want to share.

Good night and God Bless.

Bolo Ties, Rosaries and Rainbows

08 Monday Jul 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Churches

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

God-moments, Rosary

Day three of my solo trip from Cincinnati, Ohio to Seattle, Washington.

After a marvelous hot, home-cooked breakfast by my sister-in-law this morning, and a nice visit with everyone, I set out again on my way westward. As I was driving out of town I passed the Cathedral of the Diocese of Rapid City and thought I should, to hold true to the last two days, pop in for Sunday mass. But, mass was already three quarters completed and the next one wasn’t for another hour and a half. So, I looked up other churches in town and found one who’s mass was starting in fifteen minutes and I had just enough time to get to St. Therese the Little Flower church. I was greeted at the front door by a nice man wearing a white shirt with a blue bolo tie. The clasp on the tie was engraved with a Knights of Columbus emblem. The church was small, about the same size as the old church in my home parish. There were twenty pews on both Mary’s and Joseph’s side and they were all packed! I estimated about 350 people in attendance. As I looked around I noticed something different – all the ushers were wearing the same white shirts with the same bolo ties, all with the K of C emblem. Interesting. As the mass began I noticed something else different, something different than, I think, any other church to which I’ve ever been – the entire congregation sang the hymns and spoke during the responsorial parts. They didn’t mumble and they didn’t sing in low voices. No, they blurted it out like they meant it! I was awestruck. These folks had some spirit, now, I’m telling you! Then, as luck would have it, there was an infant boy being baptized. I watched as the entire congregation craned their necks to be a witness to this sacrament. When we got to the offering of peace to our neighbors, I wasn’t sure it was ever going to end. Folks were walking across the aisle to people on the other side, down the aisle several pews to shake hands with people they knew. It was amazing that everyone found their seats again. By this time I was wearing a huge smile. It was a sight to behold! And then, to top things off, for Holy Communion, the Eucharistic ministers assembled in front of the altar and, you guessed it, they were all wearing white shirts with K of C blue bolo ties. As intrigued as I was about it all, I was surprised, though, that there were no women involved. I should have asked someone why. I would have liked to hang around and talk to some of the parishioners and find out more about what I witnessed but I was afraid it would be hours before I got back on the road. One thing in particular came to mind: the two prior days I attended huge, impressive and immaculately built cathedrals. The congregations, however, had the typical life in them to which I have become accustomed, neither dull nor exuberant. St. Therese the Little Flower was an unimpressive building, certainly nowhere close to a real cathedral. But, to the men, women and children attending you could tell they considered it their cathedral.

St. Therese the Little Flower Parish Church, Rapid City, SD

Is mass sometimes dull for you or is it an exuberant experience? Is there anything you can do as an individual that can improve your experience?

Somebody asked why I’m visiting a new church every day and why I’m posting about it. Good question. There may be many of you wondering the same thing but you’re afraid to ask. Without an answer from me, you’re free to come up with your own reasons however wrong they may be. I do have a few reasons. First, I find it’s easier for me to pray in church than anywhere else. And why all the praying, you ask? Because I know some people for whom I need to pray, with one person in particular being very special to me. Second, I’m posting about the various churches because I find them interesting and I’m trying to hold true to the intent of this blog – to provide food for thought to other Catholics. I travel a lot, I have my whole life. But I know other people who have never been a hundred miles away from the town in which they were born and have never attended a church other than the one in which they were baptized. Although a Catholic mass is about the same everywhere you go, there are some slight differences in the way the mass is performed, and certainly differences between the church’s community, as I described above. Third, I think this blogging business is kind of my way of evangelizing – maybe a way of showing others there is some pretty cool stuff in this life called Christianity, especially as a Catholic. And, last but not least, because I can. I’m on vacation alone with no one to tell me what to do, where to be or how fast to go.

Talk about evangelizing – I stopped in a McDonalds in Spearfish, South Dakota to use their wifi to post yesterday’s blog. The place was crowded with teens. Their shirts said they were a youth group from a Catholic parish somewhere in Colorado. They had been on a mission trip to an Indian reservation in northwestern South Dakota. As they were preparing to leave and get back on the bus, they all stood holding hands in one big circle around the interior of the restaurant and sang a hymn. It was an awesome experience! Even the bikers headed either to or from Sturgis were impressed.

How do you evangelize?

When you head west out of Rapid City you travel several miles through the beautiful Black Hills of both South Dakota and Wyoming. When you come out of the Black Hills approaching Gillette, Wyoming, there’s nothing but grassy rolling hills without a tree to be seen. There really aren’t any surprises around each bend in the road or over the next hill, the vista is about the same until you get to Buffalo at the foot of the Big Horn mountains. Oh, that stretch of road is beautiful in its own way but it is a little boring. I took advantage of my ennui on this stretch of road and decided to do something useful – pray the Rosary. I had been to one family Rosary once before but this was the first time to try it on my own. I took out my Rosary and retrieved the instruction book I brought with me and began to read what came first. Fortunately, there aren’t many cars on the road in this part of the country and I was able to do what I needed to do without much peril to me or anyone else. As I prayed and reflected on each of the Glorious Mysteries I felt at peace. I wouldn’t have done this on the road back home but out here where there is less traffic and the beauty of God’s Green Earth is so evident, it was a special event.

A few miles later after I made the turn at Buffalo, Wyoming and headed for Billings, Montana, I saw a huge thunderstorm brewing in the direction I was heading. It had the massive ‘anvil’ of one that could produce some large hail and high winds. It looked like I might miss the worst of it but the road was climbing in elevation up into the storm cloud. I started catching the fringe of the storm with a LOT of wind and rain but, fortunately, no hail. The road actually went up into this dark black cloud! As I was passing through it it was like night and visibility couldn’t have been more than a hundred yards. But, it only lasted about a mile until the road began a descent and we came out of the cloud. It was a pretty cool experience. I’ve flown through clouds on planes and helicopters but can’t say I’ve ever driven through one quite like that before.

A beautiful consequence of this storm was that it produced a magnificent double rainbow just a couple miles down the road. I’ve seen some nice rainbows before, and several double rainbows, but none quite like this, especially with the backdrop of this one. I felt sorry for those who might look at it as only a rainbow and not the God moment that it is to me.

Rainbow spanning the Wyoming-Montana State Line

I wrapped up the day’s drive of 580 miles (1,980 todate) by stopping and setting up camp at the Headwaters of the Missouri State park. I built a campfire and ate a snack and thought about what a perfect day it was as the western sky got dark and the stars came out in full force.

I’d love to hear from you about your God moments.

Today’s destination: my daughter’s house in Seattle, Washington.

God bless you all.

Miles, God Moments and Mosaics

06 Saturday Jul 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Churches

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Cathedral Basilica, God-moments, Pope John Paul II, St Louis

Yesterday began a journey I’ve been looking forward to for several months. My oldest daughter is getting married in Seattle, Washington next weekend. My wife and I wanted to arrive in Seattle on the Monday before her wedding so we could help her with last minute details. Somebody (the general consensus is that it was me) decided we would need a vehicle while in Seattle and it would be cheaper to drive our own than it would be to fly out and back and rent a car while we are there. This plan evolved into me driving to Seattle from Ohio by myself and my wife and youngest daughter would fly out and ride back with me. So, I will spend about forty hours of driving time Friday through Monday while they spend seven hours flying on Monday. You probably think I am crazy. Quite the contrary. I have not taken a multi-day road trip by myself in over thirty years and I have been eagerly anticipating driving west. I get control of the stereo, I get to stop where I want, not stop when I don’t want to stop, eat French fries while I’m driving, and throw my trash in the back seat. For four whole days. Yes!

Day one’s way point destination was Olathe, Kansas, home of another daughter and her husband. Six hundred and forty miles beginning at home in Ohio, across Indiana, Illinois, Missouri and ending just into Kansas. Ten hours of driving time including routine stops plus one special stop for one hour. As I was driving across Indiana I remembered visiting, as a tourist a couple years ago, the Cathedral Basilica in St. Louis, Missouri, and what a beautiful church it is. So, at a pit stop just outside Indianapolis, I logged onto masstimes.org to see if by chance they would have a mid-day mass at the cathedral. Sure enough, there was one scheduled for 12:05 p.m. I plugged the address into my GPS and, believe it or not, it said my ETA would be 12:05 p.m. Is that a God moment or what? I arrived at 12:09 p.m., but would have been on time had it not been for highway construction in Illinois.

The cathedral was just as beautiful and awesome as I remembered it. It will seat thousands of people and this day there were probably about 200 people, mostly tourists and folks who looked to be passers-through like me. I occupied a pew with a young couple and their young daughter, and another young mother with three even younger daughters. We had never met before and probably never will again but we all held hands during the Our Father. We were our own little microcosm of Christ’s body there to worship and receive Holy Communion in this magnificent church.

The St. Louis Cathedral Basilica was begun in 1907 and was completed in 1988 – eighty one years in the making. The cathedral is of Romanesque architecture on the exterior and of the Byzantine style on the interior with three huge domes, a transept and four special chapels. But what really makes the cathedral unique is its interior mosaic art, over 83,000 square feet of glass tile artwork, 41.5 million pieces of tile in all in more than 8,000 shades of color. It is stunningly beautiful. You can see some photos of the cathedral, inside and out, by visiting the Cathedral Basilica at St. Louis website http://cathedralstl.org/.

The Cathedral Basilica at St. Louis, MO (Image from DestinationNexus)

Cathedral Basilica at St. Louis (Image from wikipedia)

After mass and after exiting the church I walked through some of the adjacent garden on my way back to my car. There, I found a sculpture entitled The Angel of Harmony with the first three Beatitudes inscribed on the front of the sculpture’s base.

The Angel of Harmony Sculpture

On the right side of the base I found engraved in the granite the following quote which struck me as no mere coincidence that I would be reading it only the day after our country’s 237^th birthday:

“America will remain a beacon of freedom for the world as long as it stands by those moral truths which are at the very heart of its historical experience. And so, America, if you want peace, work for justice. If you want justice, defend life. If you want life, embrace the truth – the truth revealed by God.” — Pope John Paul II, St. Louis January 27, 1999

These are poignant words that are right on the mark and are as important today, if not more so, than they were over fourteen years ago.

I made it to my daughter’s house in Olathe, Kansas with no trouble. She had a marvelous dinner waiting for me and we had a great time visiting and talking about the upcoming wedding. All in all, it was a blessed day. Today’s destination – my sister-in-law’s house in Rapid City, South Dakota! I wonder what unexpected revelations God has in store for me today?

If you’ve ever visited and/or toured the Cathedral Basilica in St. Louis, let me know what your impression was. I would love to hear about it.

Grace and Mercy

02 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Grace and Mercy

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Tags

Forgiveness, God-moments, Grace, Mercy

Grace is what God gives us when we don’t deserve it and Mercy is when God doesn’t give us what we do deserve. – Anon

I first saw this quote about a year ago on a monitor at the YMCA where I was working out. At the time, I had just made the decision to turn to Christ and join the Church so I took the time to write it down. The saying intrigued me. There I was loping along on the treadmill and I thought, “God certainly didn’t bestow any gracefulness on me!” It was one of those moments where I realized that I didn’t know what I didn’t know, specifically the definitions of grace and mercy. Considering the new spiritual adventure I was on I thought I probably ought to get familiar with both terms. Half of the quote, the mercy part, wasn’t so hard for me to understand. But, it took me a long time to get my mind wrapped around the grace part.

Maybe it’s because I tend to be a little ornery at times, but the sarcasm in the phrase about mercy wasn’t lost on me. It is a subtle, tongue-in-cheek way of saying that God doesn’t punish us for our sins that merit punishment. It’s our deliverance from His judgment. Ever since I was a boy and I heard my grandmother say, “Lord, have mercy on you, child!”, I have fully understood the context in which she uttered that oath – she was pleading to God to grant forgiveness to me, forgiveness for things which definitely merited punishment. I’m pretty sure I owe my grandmother big-time for acting on my behalf.

But, understanding the grace part was a little more challenging. After a lot of mulling it over, I think I finally figured out why. There are many definitions for the word “grace”. In its noun form I was familiar with two meanings: “a meal time prayer”, and “ease and suppleness of movement”. More to the latter, I believe I confused the word “grace” with another similar noun, “gracefulness”, which means “the quality of being graceful”. In fact, this meaning had such appeal to me that it seemed like the perfect name for our youngest daughter, Grace. My wife, on the other hand, because she has been Catholic her entire life, probably understood from the get-go what grace really means and intended it as such.

Eventually, after breaking down and doing one of the hardest things there is for a guy to do – to look a word up in the dictionary – I realized my ignorance when I read Webster’s primary definition as, “Unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification.” The operative words to me in that definition are “unmerited divine assistance”. In my simple mind I translate that to mean that God, through His goodness, is giving me something which I have not earned. And, if the truth be told, it’s probably in addition to the mercy He has shown me for what I really deserved. I’m sure they go hand in hand.

Now that I can no longer plead ignorant to its meaning, I have to consider it in the context of being a Christian and I have to determine how to apply it to my life. To receive grace, it seems the logical first step is to take to heart Ephesians 2:8, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God”. In my prayers I offer thanks for the mercy He has shown me and I ask for help, His grace, in strengthening both my faith in His Word and my resolve to do His Will. And, as to how I should apply it to my actions going forward, I have also read or heard, but I don’t know where, something along the lines of, “…help me to be Christ-like and let the grace of God work through me so that I may forgive those who need my forgiveness.”

There’s a little irony in all this. Now that I understand what God’s grace really is, I realize how, seventeen years ago when I least deserved it, He bestowed on me a lifetime of grace by blessing me with a beautiful and loving daughter who is the embodiment of her name. God is great! I think He also has a good sense of humor.

I have mentioned “God Moments” before, those times where God becomes present to you in some unexpected way. I think these “God Moments” are examples of His grace. If you have ever had any “Ah-Ha” moments you would like to share about receiving God’s grace, I’d love to hear about them.

The Parable of the Lost Son – Part Two

02 Sunday Jun 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Confession, Prayer, Reconciliation, Renewal

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

God-moments, Golden Boy, Jason Gray, Parable of the Prodigal Son, Prayer, Reconciliation, Self-mercy

My last posting was about showing mercy to yourself and it was labeled Part One because I felt what I had to say was too long for one post. My plan was to simply wait a week and post the remainder of it as Part Two. But, things changed. In the last week I have had some very thought provoking and inspiring conversation with a close friend who helped me work through some issues and, as a result of his caring and insight, I felt it necessary to revise what I had previously written. It’s a little longer than I would have liked but I hope it’s worth your time to read it.

It seems this parable of Jesus’ won’t leave me alone. I think that’s probably a sign I need it. The author of Advent’s Little Blue Book, which I referenced in Part One, decided to write in the Lenten season’s Little Black Book on March 11, 2013 more about this parable. This time he took a different approach. He wrote:

“Jesus composed the parable of the prodigal son because of complaints from the Pharisees and scribes that Jesus was welcoming sinners and eating with them. Jesus was too easy on sinners, they said. He celebrated with them. His forgiveness was instantaneous; his spirit was warmth and joy. It was okay for the Pharisees and scribes to let sinners reform….but they wanted them to crawl back. Let them learn a lesson. Let them stew for a while. It’s no time for celebration – this is serious, grim business. So Jesus put together a story in which the elder son ends up telling the father that he was too easy on the younger son.”

“To appreciate the impact of Jesus’ parable, I need to see that Jesus is arguing about me. That’s me the Pharisees and scribes are talking about – a sinner who is constantly forgiven and loved by God. Someone is complaining that I have sinned before, and that my repentance is far from perfect. Jesus knows my motives aren’t always perfect. That’s why he told the parable of the Prodigal Son. It describes my relationship with God in real life terms.”

In Part One, I asked whether you have ever done something that has left you shaking your head because, in hindsight, you realized it was either morally or ethically wrong, something that was way out of character for you but you did it anyway even though you knew it was wrong, or something that you have been trying not to do but it just happens without you thinking about it and you don’t yet know how to keep yourself from doing it? In Jason Gray’s song The Golden Boy and the Prodigal, the last verse of which I quoted in Part One, he alludes to this situation this time in the first verse of the song¹:

There are two sides to every person, like the two sides of a dime

Heads or tails it depends upon who’s watching at the time.

Though I hate to say it mine is no exception,

One part is the Prodigal, the other part deception.

I love those first two lines. That’s me. For example, if you asked a family member, a friend or two, and a couple co-workers what type of person I am, I’m sure you would get several different opinions. Another example would be that I can keep a promise to someone else but often fail to keep promises to myself. Generally, I’d say the person most people see in me is the Golden Boy, or the deception, and the person I see when I look in the mirror is the Prodigal. And that’s what bothers me.

Let me give you an example. I’ve been trying to lose a little weight. Well, a lot of weight actually but a little is a starting point. I’ve told the people at my main office in Ohio of my intentions, I guess you could say they are pseudo accountability partners for me, and when I eat lunch there I’m usually pretty good about what I eat. But, when I’m away from that office I find it easy to slip-slide and pig out without anyone the wiser. A couple weeks before my baptism into the Church I was at our office in Indiana and I gave a presentation to a group of employees. It was a stressful presentation and it ran up to lunch time. They ordered pizza in for lunch and I ate most of a large pizza on my own before I hit the road. As I was on my way out of town I passed a Dairy Queen and had an immediate urge for a Blizzard. The marquee said the special was mint brownie chip. A small wasn’t good enough so I got a medium sized one, instead. It was darn good, too. Then, about ten miles down the road it hit me what I had just done! It was like I was on auto pilot or something. The stress from the meeting drove the cravings and they drove the overindulgence. Not until I relaxed was I cognizant of what had just taken place. I found a section of road with a wide shoulder, I pulled over and I commenced giving myself a mental beating that was sure to have made the devil proud. I had been praying every day for help and strength to get past the temptations and I promised myself and God that I would do better. Up until this point I had been doing pretty well. But this day I fell, and fell hard. I sat there in my car, consumed with remorse, praying for forgiveness, and I promised again that I would do better. I was making myself “crawl back” just like the Pharisees would have me do. And, unlike I suggested in Part One, I obviously had forgotten everything I had learned about showing mercy to myself.

In my pre-Catholic life things would happen every now and then that I would call coincidence. But, in my new life I find myself looking for those instances and, because of that, they seem to happen much more frequently and with such clarity that I no longer believe them to be coincidences. I believe they happen on purpose and I call them God-moments: those times when God shows Himself in some unexpected way. What would happen next was just one of those moments.

I collected myself and I put the car in drive, waited for the traffic to clear and I pulled back on the road. I turned the car stereo on. Now, I hadn’t listened to the stereo since sometime the previous day and wasn’t even sure what was in the CD player. But, the very first words to come out of the speakers were these²:

Too long have I lived in the shadows of shame

Believing that there was no way I could change

But the one who is making everything new

Doesn’t see me the way that I do

I am not who I was, I am being remade

I am new

I am chosen and holy and I’m dearly loved

I am new

Forgiven beloved, hidden in Christ

Made in the image of the Giver of Life

Righteous and holy, reborn and remade

Accepted and worthy, this is my new name

“The one who is making everything new doesn’t see me the way that I do…”. Now, if that isn’t God talking to me with the very words I needed to hear at the very moment when I needed Him the most, I don’t know what is. God wasn’t making me crawl back and he didn’t give me more time than I needed to stew on it, either. Just like Jesus said. And I didn’t waste any time in finding a place to pull back over and bow my head in prayer to offer my thanks to God for his love.

So, fast forward to this week and I was telling my friend about the stress I’ve been under lately, how I’ve not been living up to the promises I had made to myself, how I’m kicking myself over it, and about the dry spell in God-moments I’d been having. I told him I wasn’t sure what it would feel like to be in such good grace that I would feel an overpowering contentment from God’s love. My friend told me, “God loves you man. God loves the good and bad about you. No one is perfect. God knows that, we are not perfect. We all fall short and all sin…over and over again. But, God is there always to guide us. Look to God to help you, to change you, to better you as a person. God loves you as you are, no matter what. He knows you better than anyone and knows your sins. The instant you confess your sins they are forgiven. From there, let it go. Let God help you work on yourself to be a better you.” It was like my friend had just read that passage in the Little Black Book from March 11, and was paraphrasing it back to me.

So, I took a moment to pray for God to help me feel His love. And it was then that I remembered that instance in the car when those song lyrics played and reassured me of His love. I had forgotten that moment, that feeling. My friend’s caring and faithful counsel brought it back to me. It also reminded me of the need to show mercy to myself. Plus, I hadn’t had a good God-moment in weeks and here I was getting a load of them dumped on me all at once. Again, just what I needed to get me out of my funk. I thank God for His love and the love of good friends.

Good night and God bless.