Heart on Fire

29 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Bible Reflections, Evangelization, Faith, Fear, Love, Prayer, Renewal, Scripture

Tags

Faith, Fear, God-moments, Grace, HolySpirit, Love, Prayer, Renewal

Ever since I became a Christian people have asked me two questions about my conversion. The first question has been along the lines of, “What was it that convinced you to give up your search for hard proof and accept on faith Christ’s saving Grace and God’s Word?”; and the second has been, “How did it feel when you discovered the Truth?”

My answer to the first question has always been easy for me to explain. Simply put, it was God bringing to fruition my deepest and longest held desires within hours after my witnessing the positive power of prayer and, because of what I had seen and heard, deciding to take a leap of faith by getting down on my knees and praying to Him for help in making those dreams come true.

But, I’ve always had difficulty answering the second question. With respect to Him answering those particular prayers, I certainly felt immense relief and tremendous joy. But, how did I feel about the fact that He answered my prayers at all? That’s a totally different feeling and the one I’ve struggled with adequately describing.

Even as late as this last Sunday, when I related my story in a witness I gave at a men’s Christ Renews His Parish retreat at our church, I still couldn’t do it justice. I know I was amazed, but amazement is a condition of the mind, and there was more to it than that. It felt more like an affair of the heart than of the mind. It was like an instantaneous falling in love and then feeling that same love being reciprocated.

Then, on Monday, in a God-moment, I found the best answer I can expect to find.

I was flying from Chicago to Houston and I couldn’t sleep because the lady behind me, bless her heart, could not keep her two year old son from screaming the entire three hours of the flight. So, I pulled out my bible and opened it to a random page. That page happened to be the start of chapter 24 of the Gospel of Luke. Starting at verse 13, Luke recalls Christ’s Appearance to the two Disciples on the road to Emmaus. After Jesus said the blessing and broke bread with the Disciples, and their eyes were suddenly opened and they realized it was Jesus with whom they had been walking and talking, He disappeared from them.

“Then, they said to each other, ‘Were not our hearts burning within us while he spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?’” – Luke 24:32 NAB

That is precisely what happened that weekend in April 2012. Through the men of that Christ Renews giving team, Jesus, by the Light of the Holy Spirit, opened the scriptures to me and set my heart aflame. That’s how it felt when I discovered the Truth – my heart was on fire. And, it still is.

After saying a little prayer of Thanksgiving for this revelation, I pondered why this happened to me. To this I came up with my own answer: my heart was open to the truth that weekend two and a half years ago. I was tired of fighting it, tired of trying to do everything on my own and getting nowhere. By deciding to go on that retreat I cracked the door open enough to let God into my life.

But, more specifically, I wondered why it doesn’t happen to more people. In thinking about my own life up to that point, I saw where there are varying degrees of unbelievers. There are those who are just outside the margin, like I was most of my life. Then there are the unbelievers who fight hard to not believe. Their doors are not just shut, they have deadbolts on them. The first might be perpetuated by a certain laziness or simple self-reliance, but I think the latter is due to fear. Fear of being wrong. Either way, I know now that folks on both those shores are missing the boat. And, in doing so, they are missing out on that wonderful feeling of burning love within their hearts.

It’s ironic, though, that all it takes to get that feeling is to give in to the One you have fought so hard against, and to open your heart a crack, just enough to let the Light shine in.

That’s our challenge as Christians in trying to bring others to Christ. How do we convince them to not be afraid, to see that there is goodness in the Alternative, and that life is so much easier and sweeter when the locks have been removed and their hearts are freely open?

“Lord Jesus, I am so grateful for Your presence in my life. Thank You for Your patience, for waiting for me to open my heart so that You could set it afire. Lord, I pray that, as Your disciple and through Your good Graces, I am able to convince those who are afraid, and those who are sitting on the fence, to open their hearts to You. Amen.”

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Keep Close to You

08 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Hope

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Faith, Fear, Hope, Love

It’s been an awkward and mopey evening. As my daughter, Grace, has been laboring to clean her room and decide what to pack and load in the car for our trip to Mississippi State University tomorrow to begin her college career, I found myself continuing to wrestle with the various emotions that have been plaguing me the last few days.

The singer, Suzy Bogguss, in one of her hits from the 90’s sang, “I’ve had 18 years to get ready for this day.” I’ve never liked that song because it has always made me cry.

This is my fourth time around and I’ve never been ready to turn loose of any one of my four daughters. You’d think that by the time I got to the fourth and last one I’d have this business down pat. Wrong.

There is one thing a little different this time than there was with her three sisters before her. It’s not concern about whether or not she knows how much I love her. I know she knows.

It’s not fear about her safety and me not being there to protect her. I have faith that the university will provide the necessary safety.

It’s not doubts about whether or not I’ve done all I can do to prepare her for her new independence. She’s the most independent of all my daughters.

No, the thing that’s different this time around has nothing to do with Grace at all. It’s me. I’m Catholic, which is something I was not when my other three daughters went off to college. Her spiritual health has become very important to me.

And, so, with Grace, I’ve found myself worrying if she will stick with her faith or fall to the temptations of secularism? Will she slowly drift away from God and lose touch with Jesus or will she continue to receive the Holy Eucharist weekly? Will she turn to Him in times of need instead of turning to the negative influences so prevalent in college? Will she put her faith into action or will she let it get soft and unrecognizable?

This evening, as she’s been sorting through stacks of clothes and years of mementos trying to decide what to take, I’ve been fumbling with how to start a conversation, without appearing overbearing and pushy, from which I can gauge her intentions. So, on my umpteenth time to try and break through my anxiety, I found myself staring down at a pile of items she was choosing to leave behind. In that pile were two plastic, yellow Rosaries. My heart sank a little.

Trying to be nonchalant I asked, “Are you leaving these Rosaries here?” to which she responded affirmatively. My heart sank a little further.

Then, she followed up with, “I have like six Rosaries and I’m just taking the better and nicer ones with me.”

“Lord, I can hear you chuckling now over the fun you had with me – teaching me softly to trust in you, to admit that I’ve done about all I can do as a father, and accept that Grace will soon be fully in your care. But, Lord, I still pray that, with her new-found freedom, she will exercise her free will in such a way that she will Keep Close to You.”

(The post Keep Close to You was first published on Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

The Still Small Voice of Discernment

25 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Discernment, Fear

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Discernment, Fear

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, Who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” – James 1:5

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew you needed to do something but you weren’t sure exactly what that something should be, and you also knew that, whichever option you chose, you would be afraid to do it?

As I’m writing this, many men and women I know who are participating in the preparation for a Christ Renews His Parish weekend are in the process this week of “discerning” what their role will be on the weekend. Having been through the process twice I know it can be quite daunting to think about speaking in front of, and witnessing to, people you don’t know on a subject that may be very personal. You have on one side a voice calling you to, “Do this, it’s the right thing to do”. And, then, you hear another voice saying, “No, don’t do that, you’re putting yourself out there and the risk of failure is too great!”

The first time I was faced with discerning what action I should take, I have to admit I had no idea what the word “discernment” meant. It was not in my vocabulary. Instead of looking it up in the dictionary to find that its definition according to Webster is, “The quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure”, I guessed it was more like playing poker – you close your eyes and try to imagine through some kind of ESP if you want to draw the next card. Go ahead and laugh, that’s the truth. It actually worked for me because it took fear out of the equation and reduced it to pure dumb luck. But, most folks aren’t quite the spiritual neophyte that I am.

So, how do you choose between discerning the right thing to do and letting fear talk you out of it?

I was reading the other day in a blog that I follow by author Allison Vesterfelt in which she discussed in her new book The Chase, the difference between fear of failure and one’s discernment that a direction is the right way to go. She writes:

“There is a distinct difference, although sometimes the line between them is thin and fuzzy. If you ignore the first [fear of failure], you’ll find [freedom]. If you ignore the second [discernment], you may get the opposite – a circumstance that crushes your spirit and steals your life.

“I definitely don’t have all the answers in this area, but there is one thing I’ve learned by making mistakes on both sides. Fears are loud, and discernment is quiet. Generally, when I’m trying to make a decision between going this way, or going that way, my fears are screaming to me, warning me about all the possible dangers ahead. My discernment, on the other hand, is whispering to me, softly: that isn’t the way.

“It seems weird that it would be this way, if you ask me. I wish my fears would be the quiet voices, and that discernment would be loud. It would make so much more sense. After all, my fears are so often lying to me, and I can trust my discernment to tell the truth. But one thing I’ve learned by listening to the quiet voice of my discernment over the loud voice of my fear is this: in order to hear, I have to get quiet, and lean in to where the voice is coming from.

“I don’t know if God intended it this way or not, but either way, I’ve found it to be really helpful. Practicing the discipline of tuning out my fears and tuning into my discernment actually brings me into intimacy with Jesus. It quiets the noise and sheds the distractions. It brings Him close to me, and me close to Him. And the closeness and intimacy we develop in that space, I’m finding, is actually the only thing I need in order to move forward in my journey.”

The quiet voice of discernment, she says? Where had I heard that before?

I was driving to Nashville, Tennessee this morning listening to one of my favorite CDs, Jason Gray’s, A Way To See In The Dark , and I noticed the lyrics of two songs had something in common. In both, the songwriter mentions a still, small voice.

In the first, Fear is Easy, Love is Hard, he writes:

“It comes down to a simple choice,

Shouting devils, or a still, small voice.

One is spreading fear and dread

Oh, but Love has always said

‘Do not be afraid.’”

In the second, Without Running Away, he writes:

“After a while in the dark, your eyes will adjust,

In the shadows you’ll find the hand you can trust,

And the still, small voice that calls like the rising sun,

‘Come, and bring your heart to every day

And run the risk of fearlessly loving

Without running away.’”

Like Ms. Vesterfelt, he suggests that the devil is the source of the loud shouting behind the fear that is telling us not to do something, but it is Jesus, with His love, who is trying to catch our attention with His quiet whispers, His still, small voice, and that if we place our trust in Him, we can do the right thing even if it is that which we fear to do.

Is this how you have experienced determining what you should do?

For my friends who are discerning this week what role you are being called to play in your ministry, I pray you find it easy to lean in to the quiet, still small voice of Jesus and tune out the loud, fear inducing shouts by the devil of doubt.

God Bless you.

Fear is Easy, Love is Hard (1) / Nothing is Wasted (2)

16 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Prayer

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Boston Marathon, Fear, Jason Gray, Love

“Turn on the T.V. for the evening news / They got plenty of fear and nothing to do / Another somebody’s gone too far / Makes you want to put up your guard / Fear is easy, love is hard”.

These song lyrics by Christian singer/songwriter Jason Gray came over my car stereo this evening as I was in the middle of a two-hour drive on a business trip. The sadness in them could not have been more appropriate or timely. Like most every other American on this fifteenth day of April, 2013 my mind was on the senseless terroristic acts of violence that unfolded today in Boston, Massachusetts during the Boston Marathon. I intentionally chose not to listen to any more news reports – I had heard enough and nothing they said could change what had happened. My thoughts vacillated between anger at whoever was responsible for the death and destruction, and heartfelt sympathy for all the human beings who were tragically affected. It was painful to think in the present.

It was no less painful when flashback images and emotions from September 11^th, 2001 coursed through my heart and mind’s eye. But, one of the advantages of my age is in understanding that history tends to repeat itself and, thus, if you pay attention and learn as you go, you are better prepared for when evil will again, inevitably, raise its ugly head. I no longer believe in coincidence, so when the next song on the CD, Nothing is Wasted, came up I smiled for the first time in a couple hours:

“The hurt that broke your heart / And left you trembling in the dark / Feeling lost and alone / Will tell you hope’s a lie / But what if every tear you cry / Will seed the ground where joy will grow / And Nothing is Wasted / It’s from the deepest wounds / That beauty finds a place to bloom / And you will see before the end / That every broken piece is / Gathered in the heart of Jesus / And what’s lost will be found again / And Nothing is Wasted….”

There’s no doubt we Americans have been down this road before. To forget or not use what we learned almost twelve years ago would indeed be a waste. So, my thoughts turned to the future and I wondered, “What are we going to do about this?” I’ve learned there are many things about which I can do absolutely nothing. How to tackle the issue of terrorism is one of those things. Our government is supposed to do that for us. A terrorist’s most lethal weapon is their hatred for what is good and just, and the primary goal of terrorism is to spread fear and that same hatred. Their bombs are simply a means to that end. Let the government figure out how to stop them from using their physical weapons.

But, as citizens, and Christians, we have learned we can do something. We have to take the hard road, the difficult task of ensuring our spirit is not broken. We have to stand up to the cowardice of terrorism with the courage to continue what is right and just in accordance with our faith. We can be there for each other. We can love each other. We can support and encourage each other. We can pray for those who have suffered and who are suffering. (Psalm 147:3 “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds”) We can pray for those who are fearful and help them overcome their fear by finding love in the only one Who has enough love for all of us (Isaiah 41:13 “For I am the Lord your God who grasps your right hand; It is I who say to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you’”). And, by doing so, we can send a clear message that, even though we may have been set back a step or two, we won’t be knocked out by the one-two punch of fear and hatred. We’re not going to take the low, easy road, we’re going to take the hard, high road. We did it almost twelve years ago and we can do it again. And, finally, we can do what is feared most by our enemy, “Pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:28).

“When fear is easy and love is hard / It’s hard to bring your heart to a world that can break it / To offer love to those you’re afraid will forsake it / But a well defended heart is always looking for a fight / In a lonely war against an endless night / But love can bring a light / …It comes down to a simple choice / Shouting devils or a still small voice / One is spreading fear and dread / Oh, but love has always said / Do not be afraid / Fear is easy and love is hard.”

Thank you, Jason Gray, for your beautiful insight! I hope you don’t mind me borrowing some of it.

Peace be with you all, and with your spirit.