Confession, Gethsemane, and the Cross

09 Sunday Jan 2022

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Redemptive Suffering

Tags

Confession, Garden of Gethsemane, Grace, Reconciliation, Redemptive Suffering, The Cross

Today was a good day to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. There was nothing on my agenda that needed my time, nor was there any voice in the back of my head giving me false justification for why I shouldn’t go. It had been about a month since my last visit to the confessional, plenty of time to rack up a few venial sins for which I wasn’t very proud.

“Father, let’s start with the vice of Sloth. Maybe it’s the weather, or maybe just coming down from the Holiday, but it’s been hard to get off my rear end and do anything worthwhile. I have a long list of stuff, some of it pretty important, but procrastination has set in and it’s only the feel-good stuff that’s getting done.

“Let’s move on to Gluttony. Maybe it’s a side-effect of the Sloth, but I’m overdoing it in the Comfort department. Instead of two cookies, four or five is better. An intended fifteen minute power nap turns into an hour. You know what I mean? I can’t say my lifestyle has earned much sanctification lately, Father.

“And last, and probably the most important, has been my Pride and my lack of faith. Oh, my prayer life has been great, but my trust in Him has been lacking. There’s a couple people whom I love very much who are hurting and struggling emotionally right now. I’m a guy, I want to fix them, but I know there’s not much I can do to help but love them the best I can, and I know I should trust God to answer my prayers to bring them peace, but He’s not working fast enough for me.”

After a few words of consolation, affirmation, and my act of contrition, Father gave me my absolution and my penance to spend some time in church in prayer for those about whom I am concerned. I thought, “If you say so, Father, but I’ve already been doing a lot of that at home.”

Finding a pew on Mary’s side, I looked up to the altar, above the altar, actually, and the first thing I saw was a stained glass window of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. It’s a beautiful window and every time I look at it I can’t help but think of the emotional anguish Jesus was experiencing at that moment. He knew what was in store when He said, “Not my will, Father, but let Your will be done.” Uniting His will with the Father’s, He put His trust in God that all would be well, and then got up and got on with the business at hand.

Jesus Praying in the Garden of Gethsemane (Not as beautiful as the one in our church but the best I could do)

My eyes dropped down a notch to that which was between the window and the altar – the Crucifix, that wooden cross upon which Jesus was nailed, and which culminated in the salvation of the world. Looking up at Him, I knew He knew what I was going through.

It dawned on me that the Agony in the Garden was Jesus’ passive suffering and sacrifice. It was what was handed to him as a loving human being. But, His crucifixion was His active suffering and sacrifice, that which He chose to do for the sake of the world, including you and me.

Most protestants don’t believe in In Persona Christi, that Christ works mercifully through the priest to absolve sins and bring us closer to Him. I thought how wrong they are because there seemed to be a heap of Grace, Mercy, and Divine Providence staring me right in the face. Jesus was making it clear that my own emotional turmoil was my passive suffering, it goes with being alive and is a grace that comes from my ability to love. I needed to offer it to Him with love and trust.

And, He was leaving no doubt that I needed to actively choose a sacrifice on behalf of the ones for whom my heart pours out. God doesn’t ask for the impossible. He asks for the possible but at the same time makes you stretch, makes you get over your inertia and get out of your comfort zones so that He can draw you closer to Him. For me, that means pushing myself to grow in the virtues of Temperance and Diligence to offset my tendencies towards Gluttony and Sloth. For the ones I love, that’s a sacrifice I can make.

In Persona Christi. Through the priest, the Holy Spirit could have given me the usual Our Father and three Hail Mary’s as a penance. Today, he didn’t. He just wanted me to sit before Him and pray, to open my heart to His Spirit and His Will, and let Him penetrate me with His Grace, and convince me that He’s got this.

“Loving and gracious God, thank You for Your bountiful grace and mercy. Thank You for putting in me a heart that is so full of love that it hurts. Thank You for bolstering my faith each and every time I let my pride put more trust in me than I do in You. Amen.”

(Confession, Gethsemane, and the Cross was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2013-2022 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

Service, Sacrifice, and Suffering

27 Thursday May 2021

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Redemptive Suffering, Sacrifice, Service

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Mark 10:32-45, Mark 10:45, Redemptive Suffering, Sacrifice, Service, Suffering

Yesterday’s Gospel was from Mark 10:32-45. The verse that caught my attention was, “For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (Mk 10:45)

I think this verse grabbed my attention because I had just posted on Tuesday, An Opportunity for Redemptive Suffering, relating how I have found joy in and have been thankful for the pain I’ve endured from my injured back by offering up that pain for the sake of others. But, this morning I went in for an epidural – basically a shot of steroids between my L4 and L5 vertebrae – and have not had any pain today, been walking upright and for longer distances. Upon returning home from the hospital I asked myself, “What am I going to offer up in place of my aching back?” I certainly don’t want any more back pain, or broken bones, or cuts and bruises. I prefer having no pain whatsoever!

It was still early so I sat down for my morning prayer and meditation. When I read this verse from Mark, I thought of Jesus giving His life as a ransom to save souls. I reflected that redemptive suffering like I’d mentioned on Tuesday is uniting our suffering with that of Christ on the cross also for the salvation of souls and for the remission of suffering of others. In other words, our suffering, if offered up with love and trust, is also a ransoming of others. But, what will I do if I have no suffering due to pain.

That brought me to the part about serving rather than being served, and I reflected on how I serve others. I volunteer in various ways which is a form of service. However, I don’t always look forward to some of those volunteer activities. That brought me to the idea of sacrifice. Our service ought to be such that it is independent of whether we like it or not. If we like it, great. But, if we don’t like it, we should still serve and give it our best effort and we can look at it as a sacrifice. Even better, if we have a significant dislike for it, it can, indeed, be a suffering.

It occurred to me that the services I perform as a volunteer are not as numerous or significant as I might tell myself. They probably amount to three or four hours a week. What about the rest of the week? Well, I help people occasionally when they need help. Then I realized that these kinds of service are reactionary, they are meeting the opportunity when it comes up. They are chance opportunities that land in my lap from time to time.

If I really wanted to serve others in a Christ-like way, I would do so with intention. I would plan it into my day. My morning prayer would include, “Lord, help me to see during this moment who I can be of service to today.” In this way, I wouldn’t be waiting for an opportunity to present itself, I’d create the opportunity and then go out and make it happen.

I am retired and don’t have a paying job any longer. But, I thought about all those days when I went to the office, to the same old grind, and how different they would have been if I’d made it my objective to serve someone, to do something good unexpectedly, because they deserved it for no reason other than they have dignity as a person, a child of God. What difference that would have made in finding joy each and every day!

Thinking more about sacrifice, I came to the realization, for the umpteenth time, that I stink at sacrificing. I know my faults, I am a creature of comfort. If it doesn’t feel good I usually don’t want to do it. Fasting and abstinence are, in their own way, painful, and, I guess, they’re supposed to be. Going on a diet, laying off of ice cream, and strenuous exercise are not magnets that draw me in. My intellect tells me they may be the right things to do, but my feelings direct my will to dismiss them as being too difficult and uncomfortable. I’m fooling myself and missing out on an opportunity to grow in holiness by practicing the virtues of Prudence and Temperance. And, even if I can muster up the virtue of Fortitude, and prudently do the right thing in the right measure and for the right reasons, it could still be a form of unpleasant and painful suffering for me.

Continuing this thought process (you’re getting a glimpse of how my brain works), I’ve just spent three weeks suffering very unpleasantly and, through prayer, found intense joy and happiness in knowing that I’ve joined my suffering to Christ’s passion and helped others. I realized then that this act of Love and Charity is also a virtue which, when I look at it truthfully, overrides the feeling that keeps me from doing the difficult and uncomfortable. So, why shouldn’t I adopt this same attitude, or better yet, modify my “feelings” regarding every form of suffering, whether it be service, sacrifice, or the pain of enduring those things I don’t like, do not choose, cannot change, and don’t understand, and offer it up in union with Christ’s sacrifice in the Mass for the salvation of souls?

I can’t think of one good reason. How about you?

(Lord Jesus, thank You for the time we spend together talking. Thank You for showing me the Way and for sending the Holy Spirit into my heart and helping me see the truth the way You see it and not as the world would have me see it. Mother Mary, I pray for the grace to fully utilize my intellect to direct my will, and to live virtuously instead of by my feelings. Amen.)

(Service, Sacrifice, and Suffering was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2013-2021 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.

An Opportunity for Redemptive Suffering

25 Tuesday May 2021

Posted by Jerry Robinson in Redemptive Suffering

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Mt 26:39, Offer it Up, Pain, Prayer intentions, Redemptive Suffering

Icon of the Crucifixion

On Sunday evening my wife and I gathered together socially with some friends. One of them said to me, “I haven’t seen any new blog posts from you in a while. We’ve missed that!” I responded that our kitchen remodeling project and a new part-time job had combined to capture much of my attention. But, for the last two weeks, my main distraction has been living with the pain of a bulging disk in my lower back. I have had several inspirations but between the pain and the delirium from a lack of sleep, it’s been difficult to assemble a blog-worthy, sensible and continuous train of thought.

Several of our friends there that night are active in the Life in the Spirit charismatic movement and they gathered together around me, laid hands on me and prayed over me for healing of my back. There was no instant miracle and, unlike the cripples that Jesus healed, I didn’t automatically jump up and begin dancing. But, I did feel a relaxing sensation in my back, perhaps a tiny bit of relief.

Then, yesterday morning I was able to stand up a little straighter and walk a little farther than I have been able for over two weeks. And, last evening as I was getting ready for bed, I noticed that, although sudden movement still caused some pain, it was the first night since I injured my back that the continuous pain seemed to have subsided. This morning it seems I’m walking a little taller even than yesterday. I don’t know exactly what brought about the relief but I want to believe it was the efficaciousness of the prayers from those friends and many others around the country.

But, enough about my back, except to say that the lessening of pain has brought enough clarity to my thoughts that I feel able to jot down one of those inspirations.

I’m sure many of you reading have experienced back issues and the pain associated with it. I never have. In fact, I’ve experienced very little physical pain in the course of my life, nor can I say I’ve had any significant emotional pain save for some of life’s inconveniences. So, when this came about, you could say my situation was one of groaning and writhing in unaccustomed misery.

A morning or two into this I prayed my normal morning offering: “Heavenly Father, thank You for this day, thank You for the many ways You show Your love for me. Lord Jesus, this morning I offer up my prayer, work, joy and suffering, in union with Your sacrifice of the Mass, for the conversion and salvation of souls, and for reparation of sins committed against You. Amen.”

It struck me that the suffering I was offering up that day was unlike any I had previously offered up. I wasn’t frustrated over petty inconveniences, dislikes, or things I didn’t understand. It was bigger stuff that couldn’t be ignored simply by turning my thoughts to more favorable circumstances. No, my back was giving me a constant reminder that life wasn’t as it should be.

It occurred to me then that I have often suggested to men whom I mentor spiritually, without having a complete understanding of the physical or emotional pain they might happen to be in, that they should offer up those things they do not choose, do not like, and cannot change with a morning prayer similar to that which I repeat every morning. And, although it is one of those situations where “I didn’t know what I didn’t know”, I suddenly felt somewhat hypocritical by having asked of others that which I was now finding so difficult.

I decided then and there that I needed to practice what I preach. So, I continued my prayer by specifically mentioning the pain in my back and asked Jesus to not let me waste the opportunity to offer my suffering in union with His for the relief of the suffering of others. I prayed for my 89 years young dad who had just a couple weeks earlier broken his hip and was recovering, for the peaceful repose of the souls of several members of our parish who had recently passed away, for the conversion of mine and other’s children and their return to the faith, for friends who are struggling through difficult marriages and divorce, and a plethora of others who are hurting in one way or another.

I felt an acute awareness that these prayers were more effective than my normal petitions on behalf of others. They were specific and heart felt, but more importantly I felt I was making an investment in their healing by offering a sincere desire that my suffering take away that which they were experiencing. I felt an intense trust in the salvific love and power of Jesus that would bring others into a closer and loving relationship with Him. It was a totally new and unbelievable experience! I felt peace. I felt loved because I was loving. I was happy to suffer. I was grateful for my faith which emphasizes the value of participating in the suffering of our Lord Jesus on His cross for the redemption of others. And, somehow, I wasn’t surprised when I actually thanked God for the pain in my back. Nevertheless, I ended my prayer of thanksgiving by adding words that He’d heard before, “Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.” (Mt 26:39)

Since that morning two weeks ago, I’ve had more people to include in my petitions: the deaths of friends’ parents, an aunt who suffered a stroke, a friend who is in the hospital with a serious condition, for the success of the current class of men and women who are being formed in Spiritual Mentorship, and many others. I’ve come to realize that I shouldn’t limit my petitions to only those people I know about, but to everyone who is suffering or far from God and, thus, I’ve now begun asking our Blessed Mother Mary to use my aching back as She sees fit. With each successive day’s offering, I’ve continued to find more and more peace and comfort in my affliction. Although the pain is still present, I am grateful for the transformation from what was selfish misery to grace-filled purposeful acceptance and desire to not waste the opportunity to participate with Jesus in His mission of redemption.

So, thank you, my friend, for asking what has inspired me since I’ve been laying low and moving slow over the last couple of weeks. Thank you, everyone, for your prayers for healing – I have felt every one of them.

“Heavenly Father, thank You for this experience! Thank You for the extra time You’ve given me to spend in silence and solitude with You these last two weeks. It’s been an unplanned silent retreat…well, at least from my end. Thank You for showing me how and allowing me to help You draw others closer to You through my suffering. I know and trust that someone, somewhere, is reaping the benefit. And, Father, rain down special blessings on that someone out there who offered up their suffering for me. Amen.”

Postscript: On May 21st, after participating for several days with Jesus in His mission to save souls, I read Offer It Up, that day’s Rosary meditation from John Leyendecker and the Holy Family School of Faith explaining the Church’s teaching about redemptive suffering. Check it out!

(An Opportunity for Redemptive Suffering was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)