Tag Archives: Faith

Praying for Help

10 Thursday Apr 2014

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Do you ever pray for help?

I try to, at least every morning and evening. It usually goes something like this, “Heavenly Father, please help me to be a better husband, father, son, brother, and friend today. Oh, and please help me to grow closer to you, too.”

One morning a few weeks ago it struck me that I was starting and ending each day with prayers that sounded pretty much like the ones from the day before, and the day before that. And, in spite of those prayers, I realized I was not becoming a better husband, father, son, brother or friend. At least not noticeably. In fact, it felt as though for every step forwards I was taking a step backwards. It seemed I was getting worse in those roles and, especially when I was acutely aware of my sins, I felt like I was moving away from God.

I have been trying to stay in touch with my spirituality and it bothers me when things like this happen. There is a certain amount of frustration that goes along with wondering what I’m doing wrong. There is a measure of guilt that is due to knowing I’m not quite living as Christ would have me live. I want to get it right but I often feel I am failing miserably. Thus, I pray more earnestly for His help. And the cycle continues.

Then, over the course of a few days, I made two observations which caused me to back up and reconsider my situation and my methods. The result was one more epiphany for me in this process of understanding and practicing my faith.

The first of those two came during a bible study gathering with some of my friends even though I didn’t comprehend the full meaning of it until the second instance came along. In our opening prayer for the evening my friend, Bob, asked God, “Please give us the prudence, courage and the strength to do your will….” I remember thinking how his was a little different than my normal daily prayer but I didn’t understand the significance of it until later.

The second observance came from re-reading a short passage in the Lenten “Little Black Book” from Wednesday, 19 March, in which the topic was how difficult it is to accept the Father’s will. The author asks, “Ever try to help a bird get out of your house? You’re trying to give it freedom, and it resists as though you were trying to harm it.” This is something I can relate to because I often have birds get trapped in my chimney and, even when I open the flue and the window to let them out, they don’t always go where I want them to go.

The author continued, “Sometimes it’s the same thing with me and God. I get into some problems, God tries to lead me to freedom, and I resist.”

My “Ah-ha” moment occurred when I combined these two instances. Finally, after all this time, I came to see and accept that God is always there for me and offering His help regardless if I ask Him for it or not. He has given me all the knowledge, skills and tools I need to be a better husband, father, son, brother and friend if only I will do His will. He has given me the prudence or the common sense to know what is right, and He has given me the wherewithal for when I choose to act on those right decisions.

On the other hand, I understand that God has also given me the free will to do otherwise – to turn my back to Him and act according to my own will, not His. Recently, I have felt as though I am getting pretty good at doing just this.

So, what am I trying to do differently to right my ship? Well, when I pray I am trying to be more contemplative and specific about the things for which I need His help. I try to consider what is in a right relation to His will regardless of my own desires at the moment, and I try to follow through on those thoughts. Am I always successful? No, my stubbornness and concupiscence still get in the way. But, I think I’m on the right track. And, God has given me the gift of hope that I will continue to get better. So, for now, the best way for me to exercise this gift of hope is to follow Bob’s example and pray for that which I really need: “Please, Lord, give me the prudence, courage and strength to do your will.”

Thank you, Lord, for friends like Bob.

Isaiah 40:29-31

(29) “He gives power to the faint, abundant strength to the weak. (30) Though young men faint and grow weary, and youths stagger and fall, (31) they that hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; they will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.”

Thank you, Lord, for my friend, Jerry, who forwarded this verse to me just when I needed it.

(The post Praying For Help was first published on Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Are you in the Garden or in the Desert?

21 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by in Faith, Spirituality

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Since I wrote and posted How’s Your Spirituality? last week, I have tried to pay more attention to how I feel about my relationship with Christ, and to how I have shown, through my actions, the value I place on my relationship with Him.  I have reflected and tried to assess whether each day has been lush with hope, or spiritually dry from a poor or indifferent attitude, and whether or not there was any particular aspect of my feelings or behavior that I could improve.

For the most part I had a good week.  I was happy with the way I had shown charity to others and for the way I kept my cool in some tense situations. But, I felt I could have done better by taking my prayer time more seriously and so I gave my hour of adoration on Monday a little kick in the butt to make up for it.

Then Tuesday rolled around.  It started off on a good note but turned into a hectic morning at the office.  There was a particular issue that arose, one of those situations where you can choose to do nothing and let the pieces fall where they may, or you can step in and fix it as quickly as possible to stem the bleeding, so to speak.  I chose to do the latter.  Wrong decision.

Actually, it felt like the right decision for about four hours.  Then it turned sour and it became obvious that it had been the wrong one.  Big time wrong.  It wasn’t like a mortal sin, rather, it was just a major bone-head moment that included poor judgment that resulted in a serious leadership faux-pas that would impact things outside of my realm of responsibility. By the end of the day I was bewildered.  I was absolutely convinced when I made the decision that it was the right one and, so, it was disturbing when it finally sunk in how wrong I was.  I went home that evening and barely talked to my family.  I hardly slept that night.  I profusely apologized to my boss the next morning and sincerely hoped that what may have been the worst mistake I had ever made in my career wouldn’t be my last one.

While I was licking my wounds and pondering what went wrong and why, I thought about turning to God and praying for understanding and that things could be made right.  But, I just didn’t feel like doing it.  I didn’t have the right words or thoughts in me.  And, because I didn’t feel I could do the exact thing I knew I ought to do – turn to Him – I felt even more frustrated.  I suddenly felt like I had been transported to Yuma, Arizona in the middle of the summer – kind of a spiritually bone-dry desert with no hope of survival.

Then, God-moment number one appeared.

On Wednesday morning, after I had diligently worked all morning to round up the cats and stuff them back in the bag, I took a moment during my lunch break to go to a blog site I visit from time to time by Father Robert Barron, founder of the global ministry, Word on Fire, and the Rector/President of Mundelein Seminary.  The subject of his blog post for the day, believe it or not, was “How should we address spiritually dry periods?”

He quoted Sir Winston Churchill when he was asked by someone, “What do you do when you’re going through Hell?” to which Churchill responded by saying, “You keep going!”  You get through it, and get it behind you.

Fr. Barron went on to say that when God draws us in, he allows us to feel uplifted, excited and enthusiastic about the experience.  But then, God will often withdraw that feeling from us to show us that we’re not supposed to fall in love with the experience, we’re meant to fall in love with Him.

According to Fr. Barron, God puts us in a desert that can feel like a time of pure desolation.  So, what do you do?  You hang in there, you keep going, you don’t give up, you get through it.  You keep your eyes focused on God, not on your good feelings or your bad feelings.

He used the analogy of a marriage.  After the wedding day, the euphoria goes away.  You’re not supposed to fall in love with your feelings, you’re supposed to fall in love with each other, through good times and bad, for better or for worse, and so on.  “It’s the same way with religion, you’re either in the garden or you’re in the desert.  But, that’s life.  You keep your eyes focused on God.”

This was a whole new perspective worth considering.  I had to ask myself if, in the newness of my faith, I have been in love with the feeling and with the activity of being Christian?  I truly love being Catholic, but am I truly loving, and keeping my eyes focused on, God?

Enter God-moment number two.

After leaving Fr. Barron’s blog site, I continued to surf around on-line.  I came across a passage from the book That Tremendous Love by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen.  To be honest, I didn’t, and still don’t, know much about Archbishop Sheen but I have often seen references to him and to profound things he’s said.  I thought I would finally actually read something attributed to him so I read the passage:

“At the beginning one loves God for only his gifts or for the emotions He sends us. He treats us then, ‘like a young woman who is being courted.’ If gifts are no longer given in abundance after true marriage has occurred it is not because the husband’s love is less, but because it is greater. For now he gives himself. It is not the husband’s gifts that his wife loves nor his compliments, nor even the thrill of pleasure she gets from his company. She loves him. The moment the Lover is loved for Himself, then the nature of the gifts ceases to matter. If God withdraws all sensible gifts it is only because He wants the union between the soul and Himself to be more personal and less dependent on His generosity.”

Now, what do you think the chances were that I would, in the state of mind that I was in at the moment, find not one but two articles, in two totally separate locations on the internet, directly related to my acute spiritual condition of the day?  Slim to none is my first guess.  No, I believe God intended for me to find those.  He intended for me to ponder our relationship and for me to ask if I was in love with him or if I was in love with the feeling of being new in Him.  He was telling me I need to focus on Him even when I feel small and incapable of doing so.  He was telling me to not give up when the going gets tough and the environment gets dry, but to keep on going and to turn to Him for help.  He was telling me it’s nicer in the garden than it is in the desert.

Where are you, in the Garden or in the Desert?

“O my God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me … Therefore, I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost I will not fear, for You are always with me, O my dear God.” – Thomas Merton

(The post, “Are You in the Garden or in the Desert?” first appeared in Reflections of a Lay Catholic.)

How’s Your Spirituality?

13 Thursday Feb 2014

Posted by in Faith, Love, Prayer, Scripture

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Every six weeks or so when I see my friend, Tim, I get asked the question, “Hey, Jer, how’s your spirituality?”  The neat thing is he’s not just making small talk, he’s sincerely interested in knowing how I’m doing spiritually and is willing to jump in and give me a boost if I need it. 

The first time he asked me I was taken by surprise and didn’t know what to say, so I gave him an automatic, “Great, everything’s wonderful!” response.  The next time I was a little better prepared and, fortunately for me, I was being truthful when I said, “Man, it couldn’t be better.”  The third time he asked, I hesitated because, although I wanted to tell him everything was fantastic, I would have been lying.  Instead, I gave him a tentative look and said, “Well, actually, I’ve been going through a little dry spell lately.”  And then, true to form, he helped me talk through it and helped me get back on track.

Tim’s concern for not necessarily just my physical well being but, instead, for my spiritual health, is a good example of the type of friend I’ve made since becoming a Christian.  I have been blessed with many friends just like him. 

At some point a couple months ago I started thinking seriously about his question. “Why should I wait for him to ask me?  Why not ask myself from time to time?  And, if I take time for reflection and do a self-evaluation, how do I describe and qualify my spiritual life?  What makes it great as opposed to being only mediocre or not good at all?”

First, I thought I needed to define Spirituality.  So, I Googled the word hoping to find a dictionary but the first hit that came up was a link to the Student Wellness Center at Ohio State University (go figure?).  Their definition of Spirituality started out like this, “Spirituality is not religion and is not even necessarily affiliated with religion.”  I thought, “Hmm, the heck you say!”  Obviously, this was not going to get me close to the spirit (pun intended) of what Tim was asking.  Finally, in checking Webster’s dictionary, I found a suitable definition – “Spirituality:  The sensitivity or attachment to religious values”.  I thought, “Now, I can work with that!”.

The word “Sensitivity” lends itself towards how I feel about my religious values.  Generally, from one day to the next, I feel grateful, excited and full of hope about my faith in God, my acceptance of Jesus Christ as my Savior, and my desire to live life as He wants me to live – full of charity for, and service to, others.  It feels good to acknowledge and accept His love, and to recognize and proclaim my love in return. 

But, I have so-so days at times, too.  These are when I feel overwhelmed trying to understand everything; feeling confounded that I can’t get the pieces to fit together, which causes me to doubt; and days when life simply gets in the way and keeps me from those precious prayer moments.

Then, there are the bad days:  the days when I let my concupiscence get the upper hand; days when I let stress and aggravation cause me to feel less charitable than I ought to be and I don’t realize it until it is too late

The second part of the definition is, “Attachment to religious values”.  Unlike the feelings related to sensitivity, “Attachment” conjures up the idea of putting that acceptance into action.  Again, there seem to be different levels of qualification to this aspect.

The best days seem to include some element of showing kindness to others – there’s not much that feels better than that. I admit I feel pleased with myself when I go out of my way to help others.  Same thing for sacrificing for others – there’s just something special about it.  And then there’s prayer.  The act of telling and showing Him my love, and accepting His love, definitely produces a spiritual high.  I’ve noticed, too, the wonderful feeling, the positive self-affirmation, when I do something that appears to influence and lead others toward Christ.  I feel like I’ve earned my pay for the day.

In business it’s often said, “Some days they pay me too much and others they don’t pay me nearly enough.”  The same goes with spirituality, I think.  There are days I just don’t earn the right to feel very spiritual.  Days when I don’t act with love to others.  Times when I take out frustrations either intentionally or unintentionally on others.  And, worst of all, when I sin and I know I’m sinning but I do it anyway.  I’m thankful this doesn’t happen often but when it does it feels devastating.  When I look at those actions in retrospect, I know that Jesus is weeping for me. 

When I became Catholic, many caring friends, Tim and others, cautioned me to take it easy, to accept a certain slowness to the learning process.  Sometimes I just don’t want to go slow.  But, I think they’re right.  It’s easy to put the cart before the horse, as the saying goes, and get ahead of myself in trying to understand Christianity and trying to live it like a saint.  I kind of feel like a newbie golfer who is just learning the game but gets frustrated because he can’t shoot par.  It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that even the pros don’t always shoot par.

During this exercise of examining my spirituality I’ve learned a few other things, too.  I’ve found that when I pray, when I read the scriptures, study the bible, and associate with other men and women who do the same, I begin to understand what was in Jesus’ mind and I think I’m starting to think more like he did.  My mind is becoming renewed.  Instead of just existing in the flesh like I did for years, I have begun existing in Spirit, too.  I think my mind has reached a higher level because of its connection with the Holy Spirit. 

So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away;  behold, new things have come. – 2 Corinthians 5:17

I am so very grateful to all the people who have gently pushed me, pulled me, guided me, offered insight along the way, and waited at each way-point with open arms and a knowing smile.  I appreciate friends like Tim, the guys in my bible study group, the men and women on the Christ Renews His Parish teams, and my family who care enough about me to ask about my spirituality, my walk with God.  It’s heartening to know that, as I move ahead, you will be there for me.  God bless you all.

(The post How’s Your Spirituality? appeared first on Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

Writing to Learn: The St. Augustine Way

22 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by in Faith

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When I posted On Second Thought, I Did Have a God-Moment, I discovered it was my twenty-fifth post on Reflections of a Lay Catholic.  I doubt my two friends who invited me to participate ever thought I would be quite this prolific.  It’s possible that, with each successive post, they shake their heads and utter, “There he goes again”.

I occasionally receive comments from readers who express their appreciation to me for writing the things I write.  But, I’m sure the reality of it all is that there are some who aren’t quite as enamored with my writing.  Even in my own opinion I know there are some posts that are just plain better than others.

Nevertheless, I do enjoy writing and posting. Rather, I enjoy the challenge of coming up with something about which to write – something that might be interesting and meaningful for others.  But, mostly, I enjoy coming up with something meaningful to me.

They say to be a successful blogger one has to post frequently, say several times a week.  Well, I’m sorry, I’m not that quick.  The thoughts I have take time to incubate.  They take time to develop into something that makes sense to me, and then I have to wordsmith those thoughts into something that makes sense to others.  This last piece is easy for me.  It’s the first part, the making sense to me, that is difficult.

The difficulty is a consequence of being new to the faith.  I haven’t even been Catholic a year yet and so much is still new.  I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do.  I have surrounded myself with holy people from whom I glean tidbits of insight, knowledge and, occasionally, wisdom.  It takes me time to process these.  In addition, I try to read as often as the exigencies of life will allow:  the Bible, devotionals, books by inspirational authors and Catholic apologists, all to try to increase my understanding of not only my Catholic faith but Christianity as a whole.  Sometimes I feel I am drowning in newness.  I have to sort through the minutiae to find what’s really important. There are a million dots that have to be connected.  Being an engineer and an analytical thinker, I find myself trying to arrange it all into some kind of elaborate and logical process flow chart, with a beginning and an end, and with “If/Then” statements throughout.

I know I am probably making my personal faith development much harder than it needs to be.  It’s like I’ve unleashed a previously undiscovered ADD part of me that wants to jump around from one new experience to another without first fully understanding the prior experience.  On the other hand, my real self is saying, “Whoa up, pardner, let’s understand this over here before we race off in that direction.”

In my writing I intentionally steer clear of “hot topics” that are in the news.  I tried once.  In my post God Bless Planned Parenthood (which was not, as it sounds, in favor of that organization and it’s beliefs) I found that I couldn’t yet adequately defend myself or my position in the face of disagreement from readers and, thus, decided to leave those kinds of issues to others more knowledgeable and braver than me.  Maybe someday I will get past the mere processing and understanding of ideas and into the synthesis of them such that I can organize what I have learned into an argument and feel comfortable enough to venture into that territory again.  Until then, I will stick with writing about simpler ideas, the little revelations which, through my process of reasoning, become clear to me.  I’ll stick to writing about those times when I find God has graced me in some particular way.  But, mostly, I will write for my own understanding and learning, with my posts being the end result of my internal process of breaking down information, asking questions and generating suitable answers.

Having long felt this way, I was thrilled yesterday to have found the following in my daily devotional of writings from my personal saint, St. Augustine, Bishop and Doctor of the Church:

“It is also necessary – may God grant it! – that in providing others with books to read I myself should make progress, and that in trying to answer their questions I myself should find what I am seeking.  Therefore, at the command of God our Lord and with His help, I have undertaken not so much to discourse with authority on matters known to me as to know them better by discoursing devoutly of them.”  – The Trinity 1,8

  

St. Augustine of Hippo

St. Augustine of Hippo

 Imagine what St. Augustine could have accomplished today with electronic media at his fingertips!

It is heartening for me to know that St. Augustine also found the real value of writing to be better personal understanding rather than simply a way of preaching to others.  And, like I’m sure St. Augustine did, I too find some satisfaction in the evangelizing aspect of writing.  For if, by organizing and compiling my muddled thoughts, I cause you, the reader, to think deeply about one of my personal experiences and relate it to yourself, or if I am instrumental in helping you understand and increase your faith, then I have compounded the singular value of my effort many times over.  And that makes it all the more worthwhile.

Please know that I appreciate you taking the time to read my monologues, and that I am very grateful for your comments and feedback.  So many of you have helped me see my faith in new light, you’ve shown me where I’ve put pieces of the puzzle in the wrong places, and all of you have been there patiently listening while I, with God’s grace, try out loud to figure things out for myself.

God Bless You.

Prayer to the Holy Spirit

 

Breathe into me, Holy Spirit

            That my thoughts may all be holy.

Move in me, Holy Spirit,

            That my work, too, may be holy.

Attract my heart, Holy Spirit,

            That I may love only what is holy.

Strengthen me, Holy Spirit,

            That I may defend all that is holy.

Protect me, Holy Spirit,

            That I always may be holy.

 –       St. Augustine

 

 

I Am New – Part 2: The Turning Point

10 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by in Renewal

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(In I Am New – Part 1:  A Product of Secularity, I gave you a brief tour of the first fifty-five years of my life.  I left you hanging at the point where, in order to get my life back on track, I decided to participate in a Christ Renews His Parish retreat weekend at St. Francis de Sales Catholic Church in Lebanon, Ohio, in April 2012.)

Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect when I arrived at church that Saturday morning ready to spend the day and night, and then most of Sunday on the retreat.  I found myself throughout the day thinking hard about what I was experiencing, and questioning my long established notions about religion.  As Saturday progressed, I felt a change coming over me.  What I was experiencing was coming from the heart of all these men who were from all walks of life – even scientists, and engineers like me.  They had such conviction.  They had a contagious faith like I had never seen before.   It was pure down to earth sharing on a personal level, witnessing to Christ and sharing their lives and their experiences that had brought them closer to God. 

On Saturday evening we were invited into the chapel for prayer.  I had been worried about this because I didn’t know how to pray.  But, I decided to participate because I had just returned the night before from a visit with my parents, my sister and her family in Missouri.  My sister has a daughter who was 13 at the time and who was born severely mentally and physically handicapped.  Every time I visited I would leave saddened from thinking about their struggles in life.  I was frustrated I didn’t know what to do about it, but yet grateful that my own children were normal.  And so, I asked for help in praying for my niece, my sister, and for myself.  I sat there and, as these men, led by our Deacon, prayed for me, I felt in my heart something happen.  I felt free of the guilt I’d had because my sister’s child was handicapped and mine were not, and I felt released to be able to show more compassion for them instead of hiding from it. 

When they had finished their prayer for my niece, my sister and me, I heard another man, whom I hardly knew, say to God, “I know Jerry is out of his comfort zone this weekend.  Please, Lord, help him to feel Your presence and fill his heart with Your love.  And, Lord, it would be wonderful if you could do it in the next five days.”  Little did I know that this man, who was so bold to give God a deadline, and who I now consider to be one of my dearest friends and confidants, had a direct pipeline to Him.  After they all wore themselves out praying for me I stuck around and participated in the prayers for the others.  It’s difficult to describe the feeling I had other than to say I found a tremendous sense of fulfillment in doing so. 

Ezekiel 36:26 – I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.  I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

That night as I was getting ready for bed I found my friend Eric doing the same.  We fell into a conversation about the day.  He knew I wasn’t Catholic and that I had never been deeply religious.  I confessed to him what an impact the day had had upon me.  I said, “I’m trying, man, I really am.  But I don’t know how.  This is uncharted territory for me.”  I explained how I consciously live my life by trying to incorporate into it Christian principles like:  fidelity, compassion, integrity, self-discipline, respect, and service to others, but yet I’ve never felt the pull to make that leap of faith.  I had been so profoundly affected by what I had witnessed that day, I knew there must be something else – something more that I was missing.  He said, “My friend, you’re basically there already, you’re doing everything the Lord wants you to do and you’re doing it well.  Keep your heart and mind open and let the Lord come to you, don’t try to reason him out of the picture.” 

I headed downstairs to bed but I was on an emotional high.  I thought about what Eric had said.  Call it a revelation, or that the message had sunk in, but I finally accepted that I just needed to stop resisting and make the leap of faith and believe.  I needed to be like Nike and just do it.

Laying there on my cot, I got to thinking more about the praying done earlier in the chapel.  I asked, “What would I pray for if I was praying for myself?”  That answer was easy.  First, that my wife and daughters know how much I love them.  And second, that I get some reinforcement from them that they also love me. 

With my mind spinning out of control from all the emotional stimuli it was trying to digest, I couldn’t lie there any longer.  I then did something so out of the ordinary that I even surprised myself.  I tip-toed back upstairs and I walked through the doors into the church and I took a seat a few rows from the back on Joseph’s side.  I bowed my head and I prayed for those two things.  I asked to get better at expressing my love for my family, and I asked for help to see the signs of their love.  When I looked up I discovered there were two other people also in the church:  one was Eric and the other the wife of a new friend.  What I didn’t know was that they were both praying for me to accept the Holy Spirit’s Gift of Faith.

Matthew 7:7-8 – Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

That Christ Renews His Parish retreat weekend was just five days before my 55th birthday.  In the hours between my prayers that night and my birthday, I received letters from all four daughters and my wife telling me how much they love me, how much they’ve always loved me and, for the icing on the cake, how they have always known my love for them.  I’m telling you, as I read each letter I cried like a baby.  It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my heart.  I had been dreaming of this for years without uttering a word to anyone and all of a sudden I was receiving everything I had dreamed of.  This couldn’t have been coincidence.  Something else was going on, something else that I had never experienced before.  Although I didn’t understand it at the time, from what I had gleaned from the men on the retreat this something else was called the Holy Spirit.

We’ve all heard the saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”  I read somewhere that the definition of faith is having the attitude of, “I’ll see it when I believe it.”  All those arguments which, for three decades, had me conflicted just disappeared.  I see it now because I believe it.  I know now that with faith, I don’t need evidence. 

Romans 4:16 – …. it depends on faith, so that it may be a gift, and the promise may be guaranteed to all his descendants, not to those who only adhere to the law but to those who follow the faith of Abraham….

The weekend was also the catalyst I needed to make new friends.  And I made several friendships that I know will last my lifetime.  I needed this.  You know, Jesus had his twelve disciples but he had his three closest friends in Peter, James and John.  With them he shared a deeper and more personal relationship.  We all need this. 

I found the affirmation of love from my daughters for which I had prayed, and I found the new friendships I had been seeking.  But the most important things I found that weekend were not things I came looking for.  I found a relationship with Christ, and I found God’s love for me.  It was truly an awesome discovery!

Near the closing of the weekend we talked about where we would go from there.  After the weekend and after receiving those letters I was on a high like you wouldn’t believe.  I had found the spiritual-ness I had been denying.  I couldn’t let it end there.  The first thing I did was volunteer for the next Giving Team.  I felt I needed to be a disciple and that I needed to give back.  And, then, I made an even bigger decision.  For thirty-one years I had been sitting on the sidelines observing my wife and children go to church.  I decided that what an old friend once told me, that I was “Catholic but just didn’t know it yet”, was true, and that it was time to get in the game.  I signed up for the next RCIA (Right of Christian Initiation for Adults) session as soon as I could.  I was baptized and confirmed into the Church at the Easter Vigil Mass this year.  Since that retreat weekend nineteen months ago I have missed only one Sunday Mass.  I pray every day, usually more than once.  I’m still not great at praying but I think I’m getting better.  I read scripture almost every day.  I can’t imagine not doing these things.  In addition to prayer, I have become active in our parish community.  I participate in the CRHP ministry, I am a member of two committees, and I regularly attend two bible study programs. I’m loving every minute of it!

Ephesians 4:22-24 – …that you should put away the old self of your former way of life, corrupted through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new self, created in God’s way in righteousness and holiness of truth.

I have had so many things happen to me in the last year and a half that continue to convince me that God is present in my life and that Christ is walking the path with me that there’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that “the juice has been worth the squeeze”.  Since that weekend, life is different.  It’s better.  Not just marginally, but by orders of magnitude.  I feel at peace more than ever before and it feels good to help other people.  It feels good to pray for them when they are hurting.  I count my blessings every day and I am amazed at what I used to call coincidences.  I now call them God moments and I discover them everywhere.   

I am still learning and growing in my faith.  I pay close attention to several men and women who seem to me to lead extraordinarily spiritual lives.  And, I try to find ways to put my new Christian principles into action.  One particular instance is, I think, worth sharing.  On August 21st of last year my Dad turned eighty years old.  My sibs and I were trying to figure out what to get a guy who has everything he needs.  Then I thought about my weekend experience and that he might like to know that his children love him and that they know he loves them.  I suggested we write him love letters such as I had received from my daughters.  Everyone agreed.  I wrote mine and I cried the whole time I was writing it.  There were a couple decades of saved up “I love you’s” in that three page letter.  He said it was the best birthday present he had ever received.  I didn’t realize, however, that I was giving myself a gift, too, in the realization that I desperately needed to write that letter for my own sake.  As Jesus intended, love isn’t worth much unless you give it away. 

There you have it.  Since I’ve left my old life behind, I sometimes wonder where my new life will take me.  I’m pretty sure I’m finally heading in the right direction.  One thing’s for sure, it feels good to have my family and many new friends helping me down that spiritual path.  And, although I am tremendously humbled by it, it feels good to be asked to help them as well.

Well, I know I accomplished at least the first part of my goal for this post.  I’m fired up even more than I thought I would be about preparing for the next CRHP weekend.  It’s my hope that I have been as successful with the second part of my goal – to bring you closer to God by letting you see how the Holy Spirit changed a non-believer like me, and how, as a result of His Grace and my acceptance of His Gift of Faith, I Am New.

If you have a personal story of conversion, of renewal in Christ, or of how God has touched you that you would like to share, please feel free to comment.  I would love to hear from you.

God Bless You All.

The Light of Hope in Christian Community

20 Tuesday Aug 2013

Posted by in Faith, Hope, Love, Prayer

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Light of Hope

Light of Hope

It’s been almost four weeks since my last post.  Much has transpired since then and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions at times.  In The Other Side of Prayer Requests, I left you hanging with the news that someone special to me had been diagnosed with a disease that would require surgery the next day, and that I had asked friends and family to pray for us.  I probably should not have been quite so vague but I suppose I was holding on to that last shred of privacy.  The rest of the story eventually came out when I replied to comments posted by friends.  In case you missed that thread, that special someone was my wife, Melinda, who was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have a lumpectomy on 24 July, our thirty-first wedding anniversary.

Ever since she was diagnosed on 31 May, I had been praying for her healing harder than I had ever prayed for anything in my short history of praying.  Although the lump was small, we didn’t know if the cancer may have spread or if it was localized.  My biggest fear was that cancer cells would be found in her lymph nodes, indicating a spread that would require chemotherapy.  So, when I asked others, or they offered, to pray for her, I asked specifically for prayers that no cancer would be found in her lymph nodes.  Personally, I prayed that when the final pathology report came back they would find no cancer at all and she would be pronounced “cancer-free”.

In spite of my praying, both Melinda and I had an uncanny feeling of optimism, that everything was going to be alright, that all the prayers being registered on her behalf from a legion of experienced prayer warriors were being heard.  As I mentioned, we had “a confident assurance from an entire faith community who seemed to be saying they had inside information.”  I also took comfort in a passage from a book of daily reflections by St. Augustine: 

“Be assured that all your diseases will be healed.  Have no fear.  You may say that your diseases are powerful; but this physician is more powerful.  There is no disease that the Almighty Physician cannot cure.  Just allow yourself to be healed and do not reject His healing hands.  He knows what He is doing.” – Commentary on Psalm 72

So, cutting to the chase, Melinda had her surgery on Wednesday and the early report was there was no cancer found in the lymph nodes, nor in the marginal tissue around the tumor.  But, we had to wait until the following Monday before the official pathology report was completed.  That was a long and anxious five days.  On Monday we received the news that, indeed, no cancer was found in her lymph nodes, nor the marginal tissue around the tumor…. and none in the tumor itself!  This was precisely what I had been praying for.  Praise God!

My intention with this post is not for it to be a play by play of my wife’s surgery.  Rather, it is a testament to the power of Christian Community.   It is difficult for me to describe the way we felt about the tremendous support, caring and prayers we received during this ordeal.  There is no doubt in my mind we would have been unable to sustain such strong confidence, such unwavering faith in the healing power of prayer had we gone it alone and not reached out to our community of friends and family, people who care for and love us, and asked them for their prayers.  The outpouring of love and the demonstration of faith from everyone gave us something special – it gave us hope.  And, I believe, it was this powerful combination of practicing the three theological virtues that brought about the miracle of a clean and cancer-free diagnosis for Melinda.

I had heard witnesses about Christian Community from men on the Christ Renews retreats on which I had been.  But, especially for someone like me who is new to this life, you don’t know what you don’t know until your eyes are opened by a personal experience.  I witnessed so many examples of love and caring I feel compelled and obligated to mention some of them:

To all those who prayed with an intensity honed by years of practice that I can only hope to achieve one day; to those who went the extra mile and sacrificed and fasted on Melinda’s behalf, who prayed Rosaries and Novenas specifically for the two of us, I give you my utmost gratitude.

We had a promising indication that all would be well when the surgeon surprised us and asked us to pray with him for healing and for God to guide him during the procedure.

I was overwhelmed with the caring and love expressed by so many asking how Melinda’s surgery went and how she was recovering.  It was honest, look-you-straight-in-the-eye concern followed by sincere hugs borne of relief.  Your love was truly felt by both of us.

To Melinda’s sister, Carol, who traveled from Texas to be here for both moral and physical support for Melinda, our daughter Grace, and me, many thanks, you were a God-send.

A special group of people took it upon themselves to unselfishly prepare dinners for us during the two weeks between Melinda’s surgery and the completion of her two-a-day radiation treatments.  Thank you all for the plentiful and delicious meals, they were wonderful and so welcome!  I still plan to hit you up for the recipes.

For someone who is both unfamiliar and uncomfortable with receiving so much love and assistance from others I have been totally humbled by the overwhelming support and encouragement to open up and share my emotions instead of keeping them bottled up inside me.  Your prayers not only helped heal Melinda, they also healed me.

One thing that helped me open up and receive this kindness was understanding and acceptance of another bit of advice given by St. Augustine:

“For when we are harassed by poverty, saddened by bereavement, ill, or in pain, let good friends visit us.  Let them be persons who not only can rejoice with those who rejoice but can weep with those who weep.  Let them be persons who know how to give useful advice and how to win us to express our own feelings in conversation. – (Letter 130)

To close, please accept mine and Melinda’s gratitude for your gifts of prayer for her healing.  And, specifically from me, please know my appreciation for your example of Christian Community by showing this neophyte how to shine the Light of Hope as suggested by our Lord, Jesus Christ:

“You are the salt of the earth.  But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor?  Can you make it salty again?  It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.  You are the light of the world – like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket.  Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. – Matthew 5:13-16 

God Bless you and thank you for being our Light of Hope.