It’s been almost thirteen years since my conversion experience that brought me to Christianity, that instant when I knew for certain there is a God, that Jesus is real, and the Holy Spirit filled me with more love than I’d ever known.  And, last month was the tenth anniversary of what I consider to be my second conversion experience, the event when I learned to trust in God’s mercy and providence, and which I recorded in Put Your Faith Where Your Prayer Is.  

My daughter had just given birth to my first grandson, Jack.  He appeared to be a healthy newborn but the day after he came home from the hospital we thought we’d lost him.  My wife was holding him and he quit breathing.  I truly believe his guardian angel was watching over him because, just hours before, my wife’s sister, a nurse, and her husband, a doctor, stopped by to visit as they were traveling across the country.  They had the knowledge and expertise to revive Jack until the EMTs arrived.  Jack spent the next two weeks in the NICU experiencing multiple epileptic seizures per day.

To say the least, I was consumed with fear for Jack and for the emotional health of my daughter and son-in-law.  Upon learning the news, I began praying continuously, including praying many Rosaries, imploring our Blessed Mother to intercede and make Jack well.  In the midst of my fear, there came a moment when I finally knew there was nothing I could personally do to help heal Jack, and that it was all in God’s hands.  I uttered the words, “Jesus, I trust in You!”, and I immediately broke into uncontrolled sobbing, crying tears of joy because in that instant I knew in my heart that Jack would be made well.  Two weeks later he came home from the hospital and for ten years did not have another seizure.  That is until this last Wednesday.

Wednesday evening, Jack was at basketball practice and went into convulsions.  Again, his guardian angel was watching over him because the father of a team mate, an emergency pediatric doctor, was present and he took control until the EMTs arrived.  Once again, I fell into a state of fear for Jack and for my daughter, and began praying unceasingly.

Mid-day Thursday, with Jack still on my heart, I needed to prepare for a men’s group meeting that night.  Our group reflects on and discusses the following Sunday’s Gospel, so I opened my Bible to the passage upon which our group leader instructed us to meditate.  However, through some error, the passage was not tomorrow’s Gospel reading, but, instead, today’s, Mark 4:35-41, the account of Jesus calming the storm at sea and alleviating the terrifying fear of his disciples.  As I read it and came to verse 40, I knew the error was no coincidence: “Why are you terrified?  Do you not yet have faith?”.  I heard Jesus say to me, “Son, have you forgotten I was there for Jack, his parents, and you ten years ago?  With faith you gave it up and trusted in Me then, trust again in Me now.”  Once again, my eyes sprung a serious leak and I knew I had nothing to worry about, that Jack was in good hands.

Today’s first reading is from Hebrews 11:1-2.  The author reminds us that, “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen.”  Through faith, I realized for a wonderful ten years that for which I hoped.  And through that experience, I received evidence that Jesus’ saving grace will make all things well again.

“Dear God, I wish Your method of grabbing my attention and drawing me closer to You through faith wasn’t quite so extreme!  But, Your ways are not my ways.  Once again, I thank You for this experience, for reminding me of Your love, and reinforcing my faith and trust in Your Son, Jesus. I may think He’s asleep in my boat in the middle of the storms in my life, but He is always with me.  Help me to recognize that moments like this are opportunities for faith to be the ballast in my boat when the storms of life rage. I know You will make all things well, even better than they were. I thank You in advance. Amen.”

(Fear and Faith, was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

©2013-2025 Reflections of a Lay Catholic. Reposting and sharing of material in its full and original content is permitted, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author(s) and Reflections of a Lay Catholic.