Category Archives: Bible Reflections

On Second Thought, I Did Have a God-Moment

14 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by in Bible Reflections, Faith, Love, Marriage, Prayer

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It’s been over a month since I sat down to write.  December found Melinda and I a little busy with preparing for Christmas and for my daughter Mary’s wedding the Saturday after Christmas, and driving to and from Lake Charles, Louisiana for both.

In spite of all that activity, I tried to stay focused on the “Reason for the Season”.  These were my first Advent and Christmas seasons as a Catholic and I wanted to make sure I experienced the difference between the two. 

Although I didn’t miss a Mass or Holy day of obligation during the almost two weeks we were down South, there was so much activity that my daily prayer routine was seriously interrupted.  By the time we returned home I desperately needed to get back into my faith.

Back at home, I made it to the New Year’s Eve vigil Mass but by the time Epiphany Sunday rolled around I came down with a case of bronchitis and was struck with fits of such violent coughing that I decided to stay home and not ruin other folks’ worship that morning.  It was a little disappointing to me because it was the first Mass I had missed since becoming Catholic last Easter and only the second time since my decision to convert in April 2012.

But, by the next Wednesday I was feeling well enough to get with the men’s bible study group I meet with every two weeks.  After the scripture discussion we went around the room and, as always, volunteered our “God-moments” – those times when God shows up in your life and graces you unexpectedly.  I told the guys that over the two weeks I was gone I really hadn’t noticed any God-moments – none had jumped out at me.  Then, as the others related their God-moments, I began to think back and I realized, again, that I didn’t see them because I wasn’t looking for them.  In fact, I wasn’t just not looking for them, I had instead been so occupied with other things that I had literally closed my mind and heart to them.  And, as I relived our trip, I came to see how there were many God moments that passed undetected right under my nose:

Jesus was with us in our car that first day of driving as we struggled through eight hours of torrential rain and storms between Ohio and Southeast Missouri where we spent Saturday night at my folks. 

Attending the only Sunday Mass at Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Dexter, Missouri would have put us in Lake Charles very late that night.  So, we skipped it and hoped to find someplace else along the way.  Looking ahead, I estimated we could be near Hammond, Louisiana around 5:00 p.m., so I checked masstimes.org to see if there were any Sunday evening masses in that neighborhood.  I don’t think it was dumb luck that there happened to be a Mass at the Holy Ghost Catholic Church in Hammond at 5:00 p.m.  I plugged the address into my GPS and nine hours later we arrived at 4:50 p.m.

God was speaking to me through Fr. Robert Merced, pastor at Holy Ghost Church, when he elaborated on the Gospel reading, Matthew 1:18 – 24, for this 4th Sunday of Advent.  In it, Matthew describes, “…how the birth of Jesus came about.”  I had already spent much time marveling at the caliber of man Joseph must have been to forgive his betrothed and marry her instead of “divorcing her quietly” or, worse, having her stoned.  But Fr. Merced opened my eyes to the fact that Mary’s faith was equally strong.  As a young woman, she knew that to be unmarried and be with child was an offense against the Jewish laws punishable by stoning until death.   Yet, through her faith, she still said, “Yes”.

On our first morning in town we met a friend for breakfast at a local café.  We briefly chatted over coffee about children, but then our friend moved right into a heartfelt discussion about preparing our hearts for Christmas and not getting caught up in the busyness and commercialization of the season.  With only two days to go until Christmas, and a wedding looming just three days later, she somehow knew what we needed to curb our mounting anxiety.

The next morning, Christmas Eve, found me, my soon to be son-in-law, Michael, his father, and a fishing guide skimming across the marsh hoping to slay some redfish.  It turned out to be one of the best fishing trips I had ever been on.  We limited out on reds, and caught several speckled trout and flounder as well.  I won’t be so bold as to say that Jesus helped us catch fish like he helped Peter, but His love was there in an unexpected way through the opportunity for Michael and I to get to know each other much better.  I caught a bunch of keepers that day but I also confirmed I was catching a keeper son-in-law.

We wrapped up Christmas Eve by enjoying a traditional Christmas Eve dinner with our close friends who were graciously putting us up in their home for the week, and then attending the Christmas Vigil Mass at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Lake Charles.  It was a beautiful Mass and celebration of the birth of our Lord, in a beautiful church, with an angelic A cappella choir.

Christmas day was a relaxing one with the morning spent in the company of Mary and Michael, Michael’s parents and the three of us opening gifts and having fun, followed by a wonderful dinner in the afternoon with more relatives, and with plenty of time to contemplate why we were celebrating in the first place.

On Thursday, we were blessed with the safe arrival of our other two daughters and their husbands, my parents, my brother and sister and their families for another round of gift giving and a delicious fish fry from the fruits of our catch two days earlier.  We gave sincere thanks for everyone’s safe travel and “…these Thy gifts…which we… received, from Thy bounty”.

When Friday rolled around the wedding preparation activities picked up speed.  Since Mary is my third daughter to get married, I knew what I needed to do:  stay out of the way, do what I was told and be an efficient gopher.  I know some dads who have found the role of being the Father of the Bride daunting.  I have found it to be immensely pleasurable.  It gives me a chance to see the joy and hope in my daughters’ eyes and in their smiles, and one last chance to get comfortable with the idea that life is turning out like God intended – that they found someone to love and spend the rest of their lives with.  Did I get sentimental?  Yes, but my happiness for her far outweighed any last moment feelings of selfishness.

Friday also saw dozens of other relatives arrive safely into town from around the country.  When we finally assembled that evening for the rehearsal dinner, Mary and Michael had about sixty relatives surrounding them.  God was there in the hearts of everyone as there were many reunions that night.  And He was there in the smile on the face of my 15 month old, first and only, great-niece when I met her for the first time.

Saturday, the day of Mary’s “big event” arrived and it seemed to fly by without a hitch.  We arrived at the church at the appointed time, and before I knew it I was walking down the aisle, arm and arm with Mary looking as beautiful as I’d ever seen her.  My only thought as they opened the doors for us to process in was a prayer of thanks to God for blessing me with such a wonderful loving daughter and the opportunity to be her father and make this walk down the aisle with her arm in mine.

God was there with us as we reached the altar and I turned to Mary, hugged and kissed her, and told her I love her, and she replied with, “I love you, too, Dad”.  And, He was there with us when I turned to hug Michael and asked him to please take care of her, and he replied with a sincere, “Yes sir, it will be my pleasure.”  Lots of dreams came true in that moment, and not just for the bride and groom.

Unexpectedly, the priest revealed to us that that particular weekend was the celebration of the Feast of the Holy Family, a fitting time to become united in the first step to starting a new family.  It also struck me that both the bride and groom have good role models in their parents and grandparents.  Both sets of parents have been married for a total of about 65 years, and for Mary, at least, her grandparents for 110 years.

Following the wedding ceremony, everyone reconvened at the reception venue where the first order of business was the traditional first dance by the bride and groom.  God was here, too.  As they began to dance to the song, I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz, I looked up onto the DJ’s stage to see my youngest daughter, Grace, with microphone in hand and performing the song live, unassisted by any lyrics on a karaoke machine, singing her heart out in front of about 350 people.  I knew she had a pretty voice but I didn’t know how beautiful it really is because I had never heard her sing like this before.  This was her debut and she looked and sounded like an experienced professional.  I had earlier fought back tears when I entrusted Mary to Michael, but I couldn’t hold them back listening to Grace sing.  It was a beautiful moment.

I was able to curb the tears before honoring the next place on Mary’s dance card – the father/daughter dance.  For years Mary told me she wanted us to dance to Paul Simon’s Fathers and Daughters, and we did.  I think the only thing that kept me from losing it was that my happiness for her overcame my own sentimentality. Still, we both knew, “As long as one and one are two, there could never be a father who loved his daughter more than I love you”.  That kind of love can only be a gift from God.

So, to my bible study buddies, “Sorry, guys, I lied.  On second thought, I did have a God-moment….or two…or fifteen”.

The Parable of the Lost Son – Part One

25 Saturday May 2013

Posted by in Bible Reflections, Prayer, Scripture

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Well, it’s been awhile since my last post, one month ago today actually.  Business has picked up as well as being busy trying to stay caught up with Mother Nature.  Spring is my least favorite season mainly because it’s like a sneaky old cat that’s lurking out there waiting to pounce on you.  You know it’s going to happen but you’re not quite sure when, and when she does, you’re never quite ready for it.  I have a large yard with many trees and flower beds and trying to squeeze in a little gardening when I get home from work between the rains in the evening is a real crap shoot sometimes.  I’m struggling to keep up!

I’ve found that while my mind and actions are bent towards taking advantage of every break in the weather to take care of things around the house and at work, I’ve let my spiritual life get the short end of the stick.  I haven’t prayed quite as much as I ought to, I’ve been less optimistic than usual, I’m not quite as “at peace” with everything, and I seem to notice the negative things that happen instead of the good God moments which I know are there but I’m too wrapped up in other stuff to notice them for what they are.  I’ve also noticed when I get this way I have a tendency to do things sometimes which aren’t quite up to my moral or ethical standards, things that leave me shaking my head after I’ve done them because they are out of character for me, and things that I’ve been trying not to do but they just happen and I don’t yet know how to keep myself from doing them.  It drives me crazy.  I like to think of myself as a good boy who does the right things. Does this ever happen to you?  I was ruing about this to a friend the other day and he said, “Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’re not perfect, you’re a Christian.” 

I didn’t pay much attention to these kinds of frustrations before I became Catholic.  They happened and I didn’t think much of them.  It was part of life.  But, I now recognize them as being counter to the way God would prefer me to lead my life.  And, I feel a little guilty about it.  Not long ago a good friend of mine in Louisiana, who also converted to Catholicism, asked whether or not I had started feeling guilty yet.  I had to ask what she meant.  With tongue-in-cheek humor she explained that since I now have a more intimate understanding of right and wrong principles and behavior, and since I am more in-tune with myself as a sinner and not quite as perfect as I thought I was, I should begin feeling guilty about my behavior – not because it has become worse than it was but because my reality around that behavior has changed.  I’ve thought a lot about what she said and I think she’s almost right.  I think the word “guilty” needs to be changed to something like “enlightened awareness”.  “Guilty” has a negative connotation to it whereas “enlightened awareness” is a touch rosier and optimistic.  Like most people, I respond more favorably to positive stimuli than I do to the negative brand.  And if, as Christians, we constantly want to move closer to Christ by trying to become better people, then we can use all the positive affirmation we can get.  But, regardless if it’s guilt or enlightened awareness, I nevertheless kick myself when I fail to live up to my expectations.

I was pondering this the other evening while I was watching my grass grow after an afternoon rain and I became acutely aware of my recent sins and out of character transgressions in their various states of ugliness.  I realized that the more I get into my faith the more of them I see.  Not big things, thank goodness, but lots of little things.  I’m sure they have always been there, and, if the truth be told, probably a lot worse than they are now.  Sometimes they pop up one at a time but occasionally they seem to come in droves. I am starting to get used to it but for a while there I was in panic mode. I can see how, if not looked at in the right light, I could easily feel guilty about them. 

One thing that has helped me get through these bouts of self-inflicted mental beatings has been an understanding of Jesus’ Parable of the Lost Son (Luke 15:11-32).  I had read this scripture passage a couple times but I never really read it until January during Advent.  On January 10, 2013 the author of the Little Blue Book referenced this passage when he wrote about how Jesus came for everyone, all sinners, the rebellious and the spendthrifts, and even the “losers, nerds, and ….people with bad attitudes”.  As I recall those words I find I fall frequently into at least the last category.  The author finished by saying, “But, Jesus came for me. My job is to believe it.”  Well, as someone whose faith is still in its infancy, and who is still getting used to praying for the Lord’s mercy and forgiveness for his sins, that caught my attention.  

At the same time I was trying to comprehend all this back in January, I was also listening to a song on a new CD I had purchased.  The song is The Golden Boy and the Prodigal by Jason Gray (if you haven’t figured it out yet, I really like this guy’s music!)  The premise of the song is that there is a little of the Golden Boy who can do no wrong, as well as a little Prodigal Son who can do no right, in each of us, and our human nature tends to cause us to be proud of the former and ashamed of the latter.  The last verse of his song goes:

           So take a good look in the mirror, can you tell me who you see?

           The one who Jesus died for or the one you’d rather be? 

           Can you find it in your heart to show mercy to the one,

           The Father loved so much that he gave His only Son?

When I looked at the reflection from the Little Blue Book together with these powerful lyrics, I understood that no matter how down on myself I get, God is still there for me.   I understood it’s simply not good enough to pray for the Lord’s mercy and forgiveness; I need to also have faith that He will answer my prayers.  And, then, when I do believe, when I’ve shown true remorse and at the same time shown true gratitude for His divine mercy, I need to heed Jason Gray’s advice for complete healing and forgive and show mercy to myself, as well.  For me, that might be easier said than done.  If you have any hints on how to do this effectively, please let me know.

Good night and God bless.

The Anti-Beatitudes

25 Thursday Apr 2013

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Last Monday my wife and I took our high school daughter to St. Louis, Missouri, for a campus tour of St. Louis University, a Jesuit university.  The day began with all prospective students and parents meeting for an introduction in the student center.  Before the presentation began I noticed several paintings on the walls depicting various people in abstract form.  I was curious about them so, at a break, I looked at them more closely.  There were eight paintings in all and I found them all to be very interesting.  As I reached the end of the row there was a framed explanation of their subject matter and a blurb about the artist (unfortunately I do not remember the artist’s name)(* – See 4/28/13 note in comment below).  Each painting was of someone representing an “Anti-Beatitude”, or in other words, the opposite of one of the Beatitudes. 

I was intrigued by this because I have used a similar type of thought process to demonstrate the ridiculousness of various ideas to my children and to employees.  When teaching my children about principles and virtues I would often explain the goodness of a principle by examining the opposite of that principle.  For example, I would show them how honesty is a good principle because the opposite of honesty – lying, deceit, and thievery – is a bad thing.  Even crooks who may regularly practice these anti-principles know they are bad things because of their reactions when they are on the wrong end of them.  Likewise, I would use this method of looking at the opposite of that which is accepted ethical business practice to show employees the absurdity of unethical behavior.  But, I had never before seen this idea put into visual form.

I wondered, “What would ‘Anti-Beatitudes’ look like in written form?”  I thought this might be a good tool for teaching children about the real Beatitudes.  So, with a thesaurus in hand and using a little imagination, it wasn’t too hard to come up with something to show how ludicrous these appear compared to our Christian morals.  For comparison’s sake, I have listed below the actual Beatitudes first to help illustrate the preposterousness of their conjured-up opposites that follow:

 The Beatitudes (Matthew 5 : 3-11)

  • Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
  • Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
  • Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
  • Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
  • Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
  • Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God.
  • Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God.
  • Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
  • Blessed are you when men insult you, and persecute you, and, speaking falsely, say all manner of evil against you for my sake.

The Anti-Beatitudes

  • Blessed are the proud and self-sufficient who believe they are the center of the earth, for theirs are the kingdoms of the world.
  • Blessed are the content and those who fail to see the suffering of others, for they shall know not of their ignorance.
  • Blessed are the arrogant, and the harsh in attitude, for they shall control the happiness of the less fortunate.
  • Blessed are they who gather expensive things undeservedly and flaunt them in the face of others, for they shall be filled with feelings of superiority.
  • Blessed are the bullies, the unforgiving, and those who force grievance, for they shall cause destruction and keep score.
  • Blessed are the perverted, the adulterers, and the lustful, for they shall be esteemed by Satan for growing his kingdom.
  • Blessed are the warmongers, the agitators and the vengeful, for they shall be the children of Satan.
  • Blessed are they who do evil but fail to get caught, for they shall be considered heroes.
  • Blessed are the liars, the gossipers, and those who make fun of others to cause them harm and embarrassment, for they shall have confidence and be placed ahead of others.

I was certainly not prepared for my fright when I noticed upon completion of this list how I, and just about everyone else I know, at one point or another in our lives, fit perfectly into most of these descriptions.  Some of the trickery I’ve used on others to make a point backfired on me and hit me squarely in the side of the head.  To put it bluntly, it was a shameful and embarrassing, but honest, realization.  I think I will keep this list handy and, from this point forward, pull it out and dust it off from time to time and use it like a litmus paper to check my self-acidity, and as a tool to prepare for reconciliation.  I’m feeling fortunate that my sins were forgiven through my recent baptism or else I would probably be packing supper and a midnight snack for both Father and me when I make my first real trip to the confessional!

(The post The Anti-Beatitudes first appeared on Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

The Breath of God

20 Saturday Apr 2013

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A while back a friend and I were lamenting about how hard it is when you pray to concentrate on clearing your mind of all the thoughts that are itching to be silently said and, instead, listening to the voice of God.  And then, even when you’ve figured out how to turn off your internal voice, it’s difficult to maintain that concentration with the often disturbing ambient noise around you.  My friend said he sometimes puts his hands over his ears to muffle the sounds and it helps him concentrate on the sound of his breathing.

 “Whoa, wait a minute”, I thought, “The sound of his breathing?”  There were bells going off here!  At some point in the past year during my crash course in Catholicism and the formation of my faith, I had heard or read something that had to do with the voice of God or the name of God, and some connection with breathing or the wind blowing….or something along those lines.  I racked my brain to remember what it was.  I searched on-line to no avail and had about convinced myself I had dreamed it all when, with a smidgen of help from our good Deacon, I had a breakthrough.  What I had been trying to think of was the Hebrew word “Ruah” which is translated into English as “The Breath (or Whisper) of God”.  But, in Hebrew “The Breath of God” is synonymous with “The Holy Spirit”.  In other words, the Jews considered the Holy Spirit to be the Breath of God. 

 Then, at Easter, I was thumbing through the Gospel of John and I stumbled upon John 20:22, “And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit”.

 I am an engineer and, as such, I tend to be a linear thinker.  It wasn’t hard for me to connect the dots in this thought process.  Considering the fact that, as Catholics, we believe the Holy Trinity lives within us, the connection I was trying to make, and which I quite triumphantly suggested to my friend, was that while he is listening and concentrating on his own breathing as a focusing technique so as to better hear what the Holy Spirit is saying to him, maybe, just maybe, they are one and the same thing in that ultimate moment when true reverence is reached, and, perhaps, through that calmness, a translation occurs. 

 Think about it.  I, for one, am going to give it a try.

April 14th 2013 – 3rd Sunday in Easter

12 Friday Apr 2013

Posted by in Bible Reflections

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St. Paul Center For Biblical Theology.

Fire of Love

Readings:
Acts 5:27-32,40-41
Psalm 30:2,4-6,11-13
Revelation 5:11-14
John 21:1-19

There are two places in Scripture where the curious detail of a “charcoal fire” is mentioned.
One is in today’s Gospel, where the Apostles return from fishing to find bread and fish warming on the fire.

The other is in the scene in the High Priest’s courtyard on Holy Thursday, where Peter and some guards and slaves warm themselves while Jesus is being interrogated inside (see John 18:18).

At the first fire, Peter denied knowing Jesus three times, as Jesus had predicted (see John 13:38; 18:15-18, 25-27).

Today’s charcoal fire becomes the scene of Peter’s repentance, as three times Jesus asks him to make a profession of love. Jesus’  thrice repeated command “feed My sheep” shows that Peter is being appointed as the shepherd of the Lord’s entire flock, the head of His Church (see also Luke 22:32).

Jesus’ question: “Do you love me more than these?” is a pointed reminder of Peter’s pledge to lay down his life for Jesus, even if the other Apostles might weaken (see John 13:37; Matthew 26:33; Luke 22:33).

Jesus then explains just what Peter’s love and leadership will require, foretelling Peter’s death by crucifixion (“you will stretch out your hands”).

Before His own death, Jesus had warned the Apostles that they would be hated as He was hated, that they would suffer as He suffered (see Matthew 10:16-19,22; John 15:18-20; 16:2). We see the beginnings of that persecution in today’s First Reading. Flogged as Jesus was, the Apostles nonetheless leave “rejoicing that they have been found worthy to suffer.”

Their joy is based on their faith that God will change their “mourning into dancing,” as we sing in today’s Psalm. By their sufferings, they know they will be counted worthy to stand in heaven before “the Lamb that was slain,” a scene glimpsed in today’s Second Reading (see also Revelation 6:9-11).