I returned home Monday night from what seemed like a twelve day road trip.  Actually, it was two 16 hour roundtrips nearly back to back.  Neither was one I looked forward to taking.  The first was to be with my mother and siblings at my father’s bedside as he lay dying, and the second was to return for his funeral.  

Dad was 91 going on 19.  His physical body was ravaged from too many years of dialysis after kidney failure, but his mind was still sharp as ever, and his sense of humor intact in spite of his suffering.  After being in a coma for most of a week, he awoke long enough to respond to a nurse when asked how he was feeling that morning,  “Okay, I guess, but I’m not ready to go dancing yet.”  I think those were the last words he said before passing two days later.

I had an eight hour return trip home after he passed, and on the way it occurred to me that, amidst the sadness of dad passing, we also received many graces that come only once in a lifetime. 

It’s a rare occurrence that my brother, two sisters and I get together.  We were all able to make it there and hold vigil before dad died.  We stayed with mom at the hospital, told stories and relived old memories of good times with dad.  There was a love present in that room that we probably hadn’t experienced in quite some time. 

I sensed an unsettling grace in my silent gratitude for all that dad did for his family, especially the sacrifices he made which were not always convenient or understood by us kids – gratitude that should have been expressed many times but never was.

Between us all, there were dozens and dozens of friends and a few remaining relatives praying for us and for dad.  Speaking for myself, I felt the outpouring of overwhelming love from each of them.  

There was grace in the realization that God is in control, not us, and that one day we, too, will pass away. This grace is a gift from God that gives me power and strengthens my desire to live a faith-filled virtuous life so that I will be ready for that day.

I found grace in knowing that my grieving was a result of the love I have for my dad, and that, with God, nothing is wasted – my grief, offered up with trust, is being put to good use.   

And, there was comfort and grace in the hope that dad is now with the only One in the universe Who loves him more than we do.

Returning to my home town for the funeral also brought more graces.  I saw a few relatives I hadn’t seen in decades who came to comfort mom, and old classmates of my sib’s and I, who stopped by to offer their condolences.  

Dad was a U.S. Air Force veteran from the early fifties, and he chose to be buried in the Missouri Veterans Cemetery.  He received an honor guard farewell complete with rifles fired, and taps played beautifully by a disabled vet.  Two Air Force airmen removed the flag covering dad’s casket and, after folding it perfectly, presented it to my mother with the words, “On behalf of the President of the United States….”.  There was a flash of humorous irony in this as dad was a life-long, die-hard Republican and was probably rolling over in his coffin at that moment thinking about the current President.  But, in the next moment I found some grace in the thought that he might be, at that very moment, being saluted by President Dwight Eisenhower under whom he served as a United States Air Force Technical Sergeant.

Off you go into the wild blue yonder…Rest in peace, Dad.  I will love you always.  Save me a place up there!

“Good and gracious, God, thank You for the gift of a loving father and for the virtuous example he demonstrated to his family.  Thank You for the graces that came from being with him in his final days, graces that came through family and friends, and from remembrances of loving moments shared together with him.  Amen.”

(Road Trip Reflections:  Once in a Lifetime Grace was first published on the blog Reflections of a Lay Catholic)

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